I've fallen in love with the best friend I've ever had and the worst part is knowing nothing will ever happen. Now, I consider myself interested in whatever gender is most interested in me. I'd entertain the possibility of being with a guy, but that situation has never come up until recently.
My friend is the most amazing person I've ever met. He and I get along so well. The problem is, he's got a girlfriend and I'm about 90% sure he's 100% straight. He's said/done things in the past, to me, to make me seriously question his sexuality. That's just confused me even more. I'd love nothing else than to be with him, but I don't even know how to approach the subject with him.
I'm afraid of damaging our friendship more than anything. Now, I'll be visiting with him in his hometown in a few weeks, (possibly) away from his girlfriend. That would be the best time to either approach the subject with him, or else see what he does when not being judged by his friends.
That's another thing, when we are alone, he is so much more open around me. He's a different person completely when the two of us are with more friends. He'll be very jokey around friends, but seem serious when we're alone.
Recently, on a trip, he and I ended up being the only people to sleep in at the hotel. I was feeling very depressed when I woke up, so I went straight out onto the balcony. He came right out and somberly, asked me what was wrong. Now, I don't know if it's because I've never really had close friends, but having him come outside just to check on me almost made me choke up. I wanted to tell him, "Flirting with that girl (now his girlfriend) makes me a little jealous. I just want to know if you've ever thought of me the way you think about her", but I just shrugged him off with the old, "I'm just tired" story.
He genuinely cares about me and gets defensive when I mention anything negative about myself. All of these things have made me want to be with him. He makes me a happier person, yet I can't approach the idea of us getting together. He's in a relationship now. I was just wondering if you guys could help me overcome this, possibly pointless, romance.
Another thing, in a month I'll be moving away. I don't want to leave with questions unanswered. What can I do to get him to just come out and say whether he likes guys/me or not? I'd feel so much better if it came from him with little/no prompting from me. Like I said earlier, I'd entertain the possibility of being with a guy, as long as they're interested in me. I'm just confused and dealing with too many demons.