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  1. #1
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    I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I've fallen in love with the best friend I've ever had and the worst part is knowing nothing will ever happen. Now, I consider myself interested in whatever gender is most interested in me. I'd entertain the possibility of being with a guy, but that situation has never come up until recently.

    My friend is the most amazing person I've ever met. He and I get along so well. The problem is, he's got a girlfriend and I'm about 90% sure he's 100% straight. He's said/done things in the past, to me, to make me seriously question his sexuality. That's just confused me even more. I'd love nothing else than to be with him, but I don't even know how to approach the subject with him.

    I'm afraid of damaging our friendship more than anything. Now, I'll be visiting with him in his hometown in a few weeks, (possibly) away from his girlfriend. That would be the best time to either approach the subject with him, or else see what he does when not being judged by his friends.

    That's another thing, when we are alone, he is so much more open around me. He's a different person completely when the two of us are with more friends. He'll be very jokey around friends, but seem serious when we're alone.

    Recently, on a trip, he and I ended up being the only people to sleep in at the hotel. I was feeling very depressed when I woke up, so I went straight out onto the balcony. He came right out and somberly, asked me what was wrong. Now, I don't know if it's because I've never really had close friends, but having him come outside just to check on me almost made me choke up. I wanted to tell him, "Flirting with that girl (now his girlfriend) makes me a little jealous. I just want to know if you've ever thought of me the way you think about her", but I just shrugged him off with the old, "I'm just tired" story.

    He genuinely cares about me and gets defensive when I mention anything negative about myself. All of these things have made me want to be with him. He makes me a happier person, yet I can't approach the idea of us getting together. He's in a relationship now. I was just wondering if you guys could help me overcome this, possibly pointless, romance.

    Another thing, in a month I'll be moving away. I don't want to leave with questions unanswered. What can I do to get him to just come out and say whether he likes guys/me or not? I'd feel so much better if it came from him with little/no prompting from me. Like I said earlier, I'd entertain the possibility of being with a guy, as long as they're interested in me. I'm just confused and dealing with too many demons.

  2. #2
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    thats really sweet but crashing on a straight guy can be really hurtful sometimes, i think the best thing to do in your situation is to at least let him know how u feel about him maybe via a text or chats when ur close to leave. Ur moving away and life probably will move on and u dont wanna live with regrets and whatever happens u can have a closure at least. This kinda reminds me of high school graduation, i was crashing on this straight guy, at the end i told him how i felt, he freaked out a bit but still he hugged me on the last day and it was a good memory, although i was sad for like a month....anyways WISH YOU LUCK!

  3. #3

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I really don't think you should confess having any feelings for him. He has a girlfriend and is likely straight, so telling him how you feel about him will likely complicate your friendship with him...make things awkward.

    I do think, if the opportunity arises, that you could let him know that you've been questioning your own sexuality...that you are "curious" and kind of struggling with it. You should be able to do this without bringing anything up about your feelings for him, and without fishing for info on his orientation. If he wants to share anything about himself, he will.

    Talking to a person that has always been supportive of you, and sensitive to your feelings, will likely help you sort things out for yourself, and with his support, perhaps give you the confidence to go out and explore/learn who you really are.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  4. #4

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Jake you say you are curious? What does that mean exactly? I mean do you now have or for that fact have you ever had a girlfriend. A lot of guys say they are "curious" simply because they don't like the gay designation. You said you wanted to be with him. What does that mean? I mean do you want to be with him sexually.

    I'm not really around a lot of women on a personal level. I mean I have to work with them but I don't really socialize with them other than the absolute necessary minimum. So I really can't speak to them.

    I will say guys, especially those that have developed strong bonds of friendship, tend to be very possessive. I work with young straight guys all day long. Many, not all, that are friends are very physically affectionate with one another. Sometimes it can be very aggressive but playful. Sometimes it can be very soft and more sensual. The less demonstrative of them can mean the same thing as a hug with a shoulder bump.

    Guys I think demonstrate affection depending on they way they were reared. My family is not very physically affectionate. I find myself having trouble with PDA, well really any display of affection. I'm not a cold or frigid person. It is just it is sometimes very difficult to overcome childhood indoctrination.

    I say all this to make a point. You have your feelings. I cannot speak to that. Only you can. What I am saying is are you possibly reading more into this than is there. Ii might be he may really just love you as a friend and doesn't mind expressing that to you, especially when the two of you are alone.

    He has a girlfriend. That says something. I'll tell you from personal experience that I ruined many friendships by pushing my feelings on straight guys that just did not return those feelings. In every single case I was misinterpreting the other guy totally, because I wanted to see what I wanted to see.

    I'd say enjoy the friendship. True friends are hard to come by. I've had a scads of boyfriends and only a handful of true friends.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  5. #5
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I think you shouldn't read too much into it. I'm guessing you do have feelings for him, but I'm not sure if he has for you. He has a girlfriend after all. And he's probably concerned for you because you're both best friends. I care for my best friend's feelings and stuff, but I'm not attracted to her.

    Like what jaysizzles said, you should probably let him know about YOUR confusion in liking guys or not, and see how he respond from there. I wouldn't really advise you to tell him you have feelings for him, but it depends on what you feel that you should do before you move. If you want things out in the open before you regret anything, then go for it. There's not really much of a point to keep wondering whether it would work out or if he's gonna fall for you and etc.

  6. #6

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I think he genuinely cares about you as a good friend, but it stops there.

    Often times when we crush on someone, and infatuation/obsession builds, we grasp at straws thinking we see what we WANT to.
    Nothing is as painful as unrequited love.

    What you're looking for - someone who cares about you, checks up on you... is a wonderful thing, but he's not the one who is capable of giving it to you in the way you're hoping. Be thankful you have such a good friend, but don't ruin that friendship by trying to make it something it's not, and can never be.

    There IS someone out there for you... but he's not it.
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  7. #7
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    If a person is closeted, shy or introverted he is probably more likely to develop debilitating crushes. I'd guess that what happens is that fantasy sets in. The idea that the "perfect" guy is already at hand is the best scenario for the closeted or shy guy. This phenomenon goes on in the straight world as well. It's neither realistic, nor healthy.

    It's best to keep him as a friend while staying social, meeting people who could potentially offer you what you need and want.

    If I knew you and could be blunt I'd simply say, "snap out of it." Of course, that's a lot easier said than done. I hope you're able to transition to a realistic view of your relationship with him. Good luck.
    Last edited by Seasoned; April 24th, 2013 at 08:33 PM.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  8. #8

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    This is actually how I started my best and deepest platonic friendships -- I fall into obsessive, all-consuming crushes for some straight guy, all the while envisioning all sorts of intense, intimate connections and interactions, that, of course, never materialize.
    I eventually, to use 19th Century cutting edge terminology, sublimate my lust and passions, shred away the fantasies, and find a straight and noble best friend, with whom sex would be unthinkable.

  9. #9
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    You guys are all making wonderful points. I'd never want to do anyone say anything detrimental to our friendship. It means so much to me. He trusts me so much and that makes me happy.

    I'm leaving college this month an moving away and he was the most upset by it. When we were relatively alone he mentioned how much he would miss me an now great he felt when I was the only one to accept him (in our now larger friend group).

    Can I jus mention that he gives the greatest hugs. They're never the bro hugs he gives his other friends. He buries his face in my shoulders and just squeezes me so tightly. I feel very loved, whether platonically or not, in his arms. I was leaving his place earlier after a few people were over to watch movies. I gave everyone a goodbye hug just because it's what my friends do. He hugged me for a long time, swaying back and forth with it too. I just can't imagine any of my other friends going that far with a hug.

    I do understand, now especially, how much more I read into the things he does. I see what I want to see, mostly. But, I swear on everything he's different. At least, I think he is. He's mentioned his parents are okay with him bringing a guy home and I'm all but certain he'd entertain the idea, but I'd rather not ruin our friendship finding out. We're goin on a trip together, to his hometown, just the two of us as far as I know, in a couple weeks. That should be interesting.

  10. #10

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I'll make one more point about this. My best friend is straight. We have been best friends since we were 8 and his family moved in across the street from my parent's old house. He knows I'm gay. He said he knew before I told him but that is another story.I love this guy more than anything. He has stood by me when I was acting like a total jerk and really didn't deserve it. He is a very physically affectionate guy. When we were young we were very familiar with each other. We shared an apartment for a few years at separate times. We slept together. We showered together. We would eat off the same sandwich. We even used the same toothbrush a time or two. He was really into bodybuilding and I used to shave him for shows. There was a level of complete openness between us. We never did anything sexual, ever. Was I in love with him? Sure. I never forced it. I just accepted that he loved me, very deeply to be sure, but not the same way I loved him. When I think of how close I came a few times to ruining it with my selfishness, I cringe. If I didn't have him in my life, I'd be lost.
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I had and perhaps still have a crush on my best friend. We were very close and got along perfectly. He treated me differently in a good way, always looking after each other. After I came out to him, and after he found out that I had a crush on him, we slowly drifted apart. He's barely a friend now. Extremely devastated at first but quite fine now. Just be careful I guess.. I hope things go well for you.

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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    wait i have a crush on a boy at the moment hes a little older than me but we have alot of the same interests as me like music clothes were both stoners and i love getting baked with him cause hes so funny but i also love just being near him hes so sweet and cute but i get so nervous around him, i think i hide it well but im not sure and he always smiles when he looks at me. am i being crazy? is this all in my head or might i actually stand a chance?

  13. #13

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    ^Everything sounds like a good idea when you're high or drunk.

    You say you're curious. I still don't get that. Does that mean you are gay and have just not acted on it? Same gender crushes are common especially with guys. I've had tons of crushes on guys in nonsexual ways, of course being gay tends to cloud my judgement sometimes. You didn't say anything about sex in your post. Is that what you are wanting? If that is it, I'd say you've gone a little beyond curious. You can want a deeper connection with a guy and it not be related to sex. It does happen.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    i say im curious because im not too sure, i dont really know how to describe it. i guess i like boys more than girls but not as often, if that makes any sense.
    and it doesnt say anything about sex because i dont know about any of that stuff. ive naver actually done it.

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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I suppose I'm saying that I'm okay with being intimate no matter the gender. Right now, it's a guy. In years past I've pursued girls too. This is really the first guy I've felt close with and he and I really click. He's very affectionate with his girlfriend (almost to the point of too much PDA). It really bothers me too and he notices. The other night when we were watching a movie, he and his girlfriend were on the couch, him laying beside her rubbing her leg. I had to sit with my hand blocking that view the whole time because I suppose I was a bit jealous. At lunch the next day he asked me why I was sitting like that. I gave him the "I was just tired" excuse (that I've used twice now after being a little jealous). I'm just so scared to try something or ask/tell him anything. I love our friendship more than anything. He's one of the few friends I have and he's certainly the closest one I've ever had.

  16. #16

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Been there, Done that. Its very hard for me till NOW.

  17. #17

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by jakeup View Post
    I suppose I'm saying that I'm okay with being intimate no matter the gender. Right now, it's a guy. In years past I've pursued girls too. This is really the first guy I've felt close with and he and I really click. He's very affectionate with his girlfriend (almost to the point of too much PDA). It really bothers me too and he notices. The other night when we were watching a movie, he and his girlfriend were on the couch, him laying beside her rubbing her leg. I had to sit with my hand blocking that view the whole time because I suppose I was a bit jealous. At lunch the next day he asked me why I was sitting like that. I gave him the "I was just tired" excuse (that I've used twice now after being a little jealous). I'm just so scared to try something or ask/tell him anything. I love our friendship more than anything. He's one of the few friends I have and he's certainly the closest one I've ever had.
    You are not weird or strange. Like I said in a prior post, guys, no matter what the sexual orientation, are very possessive about their friends, whether it is girlfriend or guy friend. Many times they are far more possessive of their bromance dudes.

    Don't misread this. I observe that young guys really get off on the guy guy love affair. They like the idea of the sexual tension. The intrigue and almost dangerous aspect of the almost gayness of it. Like I said, do not misinterpret this as any sort of homosexual overture. More times than not, it is emphatically not.

    The thing you have to ask yourself is, do you want this relationship to be sexual. You have to answer that question honestly. No one can answer that but you. If the answer is yes then you have some real thinking to do. Do you chance ruining the friendship for the possibility of sex? Do you come to grips with it yourself? Do you tell him? Do you not?

    If you want the relationship to be deeper but not sexual, then it just has to develop that way. You already said he was physically affectionate with you when you are alone. It won't be that hard. Like I also said my best friend is straight and when we were young we were very physically familiar with each other. Do we do that now? No. If he came over today and I said hey let's jump in the shower, he'd look at me like I just had a stroke and call the guys in white coats.

    He knew I was gay and he didn't mind. We slept together naked quite often. We showered together just about every day. We had a shower only in the first apartment we had and the water heater was tiny. If we both wanted warm water we had to shower together out of necessity. We were both jocks and had been on sports teams together our whole lives so it wasn't a huge leap.

    Did he allow me more access to his personal space knowing I was gay? Probably. I never had a boyfriend the times we lived together. It made him uncomfortable. So was he in essence being my surrogate boyfriend...probably so. He had girlfriends but never brought them over to our place and he never really talked about them in front of me.

    I'll tell you this. When we were 12 and we were going to our first boy/girl dance, we both wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a person and not like your mom or mamaw. We practiced on each other. We even practiced french kissing on each other a few months later. It wasn't weird. It wasn't sexual. It is just what a couple of kids do in a small hick town back a million years ago.

    There is a time and season for all things. That closeness we had years ago is the basis of our profoundly deep relationship now. We have been friends for over 4 decades.
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I mean, I wouldn't mind if the relationship became sexual, but I'm fairly certain he doesn't want to take it there. Again, I can't know 100%, really. I suppose it's been bugging me more recently because I'm finishing up college and will be moving about two hours away in a month and I'd really like to know whether or not he would have gone for me had I not been so apprehensive in the beginning.

    He was very flirty with me before he had a girlfriend and, actually, before we were really close friends. I had only known him a couple months when he was his most affectionate toward me. Part of me knows it's just the way he acts because I know him very personally now. I know he doesn't get serious with anyone ever, as far as personal matters go, and knowing he's been serious with me a couple times is good. He makes it a point to say that he never gets serious and he's a very joke-y person. When we had a little going away party for our friends that were leaving he took me aside and, very seriously, told me he'd miss me more than anyone. I've also never gotten a better hug from anyone (sorry mom) after that. We're very close and I like that.

    So, I suppose on days where its windy and he brushes my hair back down, or cups my face at a concert during the lyrics "you're just so beautiful", or saying "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look really nice." then turning around later that night and saying "I hate it when people say 'don't take this the wrong way', because how else should you take it...", that I'm just seeing the things that I want to see. But there's a small part of me, when he's awkward and shy around me when he's not like that around anyone else, makes me think there's possibly something more and all it would take would be me being forward about it.

    I'm so happy with having him as a close friend though. I know that he is perfectly okay with people being gay, bi, etc, even going so far as to tell me once that his dad mentioned he'd be okay if his son brought home a guy, but I digress. The subject is in the open, but I'm relatively content. Jealous (of the girlfriend he spends so much time with, taking away time from me). But content.

  19. #19

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Ok Jake I'll ask this. Have you told him you love him? I mean not in a gay way but just that you love him. You say you wouldn't mind if the relationship went sexual. Does that mean you have decided you're gay? Or is it just him specifically that provokes these feelings in you. I mean I have seen it before. So it isn't completely unheard of.

    I am gay. I had a long hard time dealing with it. I messed up a lot of friendships trying to prove something. What I am not particularly sure. Guys that are overtly gay have never been sexually attractive to me. I mean a flit here and there is one thing but a total swish just wasn't doing it for me. So I was always around straight guys. I was relentless in pursuing straight guys and getting into their pants. It can happen. It did happen. I ruined a lot of friendships doing it.

    That being said, I'll tell you of one that sort of worked. It was when my BFF and I had moved into separate places after living together for 4 years. We were both 22. We lived together going to college. I had a pretty bad reputation and I had cast doubts on my BFF's sexuality. He thought it would be better if we moved away separately. I agreed. Our friendship wasn't over it just needed a break.

    I had a year and a half left in school for undergrad. My buddy had gone straight through because his family help him financially. My family had disowned me so the only financial help I got was from my grandmother which wasn't much. The new school was in a small college town in a pretty rural area in TX. I guess the nearest gay bar was probably 80 miles away.

    I had to work my way through school, so I worked in a "mom and pop" convenience store not far from school. I couldn't afford the dorm. I had a one room efficiency garage apartment pretty close by. This was early 80s so the rent was only 100 a month total. I made a deal with the couple that owned the house to reduce the rent if I kept the yard up. They were older and real nice. They didn't have any kids.

    I had no car. I had to either ride my bike or walk wherever I went. Sometimes I hitched. In this new school I was kind of a loner, seeing how things had gotten so way out of hand before. I had to ride by the practice field every day going to work. The time of day I was passing by there, the field was being used for ROTC drills. Sometimes I'd stop and watch for a while. One day I spotted a guy in his uniform. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I recognized him. He had a gorgeous GF. He was Mr. Perfect. We had nothing in common. We didn't even have any classes together.

    We met when he came into the store one night. Then he started coming in pretty often after that day. He hadn't prior to that night. The store was on the "poor" side of town. He just didn't fit in. One day I was taking my laundry to the washateria, he stopped and offered me a ride. We actually started hanging out together. Just the two of us. He never introduced me to any of his friends. It was always just us. We had a blast. There was lake not far away, we'd go and swim or fish or mud riding. He had a dirt bike. We got really close for the next several months. He wasn't from the area.

    When summer came around, he elected to go to summer school. He could. His family was quite wealthy so tuition was not a problem. He was then pretty much alone. His girlfriend wasn't around. Most of his buds were not around. We spent every free minute together. He was over at my place constantly. I bought a lawnmower and started doing yards for extra cash. I was saving for a car or motorcycle. He had a truck and would haul it around and help me. He didn't have to. He just wanted to spend the time with me. He told me that. We talked about everything. I was in love with him and I knew it.

    I'm not a bad looking guy, I mean I did do the modeling thing for a while, but he was stunning. His mother was Colombian. He had black hair and eyes, the body of a god. He had the most beautiful full thighs and a big boy bubble butt. He had a great deep voice with the cutest west TX twang.

    We got things started one Sunday when he came over after church, yea after church, to help on a big lot. It was a walking mower so he was going to relieve me so we could get it done in one day. We got back to my place and took a shower together. It was no big. We were walking around naked. Again no big. We put on our boxers and were watching TV. I had just gotten cable. He just said out of the blue that I was his best friend. He said I knew more about him than his GF. He also said he was probably going to marry her. I was crushed.

    We were not drinking. We were not toking. We were sober as judges. I told him I really appreciated him telling me that I was his best friend and I just blurted out...I love you, you know, like a whole lot. We were not even looking at each other. We were just sort of staring ahead. He told me that he loved me too. We changed the subject. A few days went by. Everything was normal. No weirdness. I was at the store one night and one of those horrible TX summer storms blew up. I had to close. I called him to see if he could pick me up so I wouldn't have to ride the bike home in the rain storm. He did of course. We got to my place. We were soaking wet. We dried each other off. He asked me why I didn't have a GF. I told him I didn't want one, besides I couldn't afford one.

    He brought the subject up again a few days later. He asked if I liked girls. I told him...not so much. I told him I was just more comfortable with guys. He said he was sort of like that too, but especially with me. He told me he had feelings about me he didn't know what to do with. He then told me he loved me a lot, a whole lot, and I was very important to him. He then told me he loved me more than his GF. He said he was having gay feelings but he really wasn't gay. He said "I don't look at other guys, just you."

    We kissed. We got naked. We jacked each other. He was pretty hesitant all the way through. We got in bed. I let him get on top of me and we were really playing tonsil hockey. He wanted to stop. I didn't. We were rubbing all over each other. He came. I came. I was so scared I'd screwed this up. He was driving it at first but I got it going red hot. When we got up I told him I didn't want this to be weird. We hung out for a while and then he left. I thought I'd never see him again.

    He came by the store the next day. We talked about everything. We kept up our thing the whole time I was in that school for two years. We had ground rules for our deal. I never met his GF. I never hung out with him in public. (I never actually told him I was gay. I didn't see the point.)

    We tried BJs. He didn't go for that at all. He was ok with my sucking his nipples. He never returned the favor. We did kiss an awful lot though. He liked kissing. He said I was a better kisser than his GF. We would lick all over each other. He liked that a lot too. It took everything in me to not go down on him every day. His boys were just so beautiful. I would tell him that I loved his boys and he'd just smile. We showered together and would wash each other. He really liked that as well. We'd do it very often. Eventually we got to where I ate his cum and he'd eat mine. He had no problem with it. The whole time I'd scratch my head trying to figure him out. There really was no weirdness.

    Some days were just hanging out and some days were all about our thing. That's what we called it....our thing. It was about 50/50. I always wanted more. I would have been happy with it all the time but he said that would be weird. Go figure. I was glad for what I got. Honestly, I didn't really know what to think of it for the whole two years.
    Last edited by Durango95; May 9th, 2013 at 05:27 PM.
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  20. #20

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    ^^^^ God... that would kill me to give him up.
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  21. #21
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    ^^^^ Yeah, me too!!

  22. #22

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Well guys let me tell you how it ended. It did end as these things do. Graduation was around the corner. I wasn't going to do the whole cap and gown thing. The graduation fee was a couple of hundred bucks which I didn't have to spare. His family came to watch him graduate. His Dad was pretty high up in a oil company out in Midland. His mom was the typical socialite type. He had only one younger brother. Things were just normal right up until they got in town. He couldn't get away for a second. They kind of all were control freaks. I then understood why he was like he was. You have to remember this was before everyone having cell phones. You had to have a land line to call.

    I was ready to get out of town. I didn't have anything but my clothes. The few things I'd bought for the apartment I sold to a guy that worked in a garage down the way from the store. I was traveling light. I sold my lawnmower to a kid down the street and gave him my client list. I had bought a 68 Triumph trumpet. Man I loved that bike. I miss that bike.

    I knew where I was going. I had finally gotten a break and had a fellowship for grad school. The money wasn't great but it was money and the tuition was paid....finally.

    I wanted something...closure maybe...an explanation maybe. I wanted something. I didn't get it. The day after graduation I got a phone call and this is what I hear.....Hey, I just wanted to tell you......you're the love of my life.........I'll never love anyone the way I love you......don't forget me...I'll never forget you.....................and hey, don't ever try and contact me...things are different now....I'm really sorry....but that's the way it's gotta be....don't make me hate you for ruining my life......that's what will happen.....you know that right.......I really mean it, I don't ever want to see you ever...I'm not that way....you know how I can be. The phone clicked.

    Maybe the conversation isn't exact but it's close enough. All the oxygen was sucked out of my lungs. I'm not an emotional guy but I was wanting to die. I've been in fights before. I was sort of prone to them. If you've ever been kicked in the chest where your heart stopped...that's what it felt like. I was so excited to hear his voice. I wrote it down the best way I could but I'll try and explain how it sounded. The first few lines were in his normal voice. He really did have a sort of sweet way of talking to me, not girly but sweet. The last part of the convo, his voice was hard and cold like it was someone else. It was creepy.

    I didn't get to say a word. I wanted to. I wanted to do all the drama and everything. I was listening to the guy I really truly loved telling me he never wanted to see me again.

    This is the part that gets weird. I started having all these fantasy thoughts that maybe his dad had found out and he was having to say it. I mean I was spinning some tall tales to myself. I had a few days. I was making plans to go to him and tell his family and his now fiance'. I was on a mission. I wanted him and he was just going to have to deal with it. He told me he loved me and that's that. I don't let people kick me aside. He'll thank me in the long run. He really doesn't mean any of this....yada yada yada.

    There was only one hotel near by. This was in the middle of BFE TX remember. I did go. I sat out int he lot for hours. I even went up to the window like a crazy stalker. I watched them in the restaurant. I was nuts. Then I realized I was nuts. I got on my bike and just drove....yeah very cliche....drivin and cryin. Me crying. I never cried about anything. I realized I was acting like a spoiled brat that wasn't getting his way. I was mad he didn't want me any more.

    The thing is it was what it was. I never saw him again. Periodically I'd get the itch to track him down. I did a few times. He got married. He had kids. He made a lot of money. He did held political office. He lost a son in Iraq a few years back. I felt creepy like I was a voyeur of his life. I often wondered if he ever thought of me or tried to find me. It would have been a more difficult. I went through several periods of disappearing for very good reasons.

    The thing is when you get into these"hybrid" relationships they never turn out the way you want them to or even the way you expect them to. I don't regret it. I do wish I understood it, though. The feelings were real. I have yet to figure it out. That has been 30 years ago. Writing about this has open old wounds. It hurts as bad today as it did on that day in May in 1982.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  23. #23

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Thank you for sharing that.

    While not exact, I've had situations similar. I've tried to track mine down, but their names are common enough I have no idea out of the thousands of entries which one might be them. I would never contact them, but I'd like to know they're ok, and what they've been up to.

    It's odd to think that they probably have forgotten all about me, while I still love them deeply, just as strongly as I did all those years ago.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  24. #24

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    This is actually a catharsis. I really haven't dealt with this in years, actually ever. I just hope maybe some of you younger guys can learn from this. Just go in with your eyes open if you find yourself in something like this.

    My problem all along with this was, for me, if you go this far...which we were going pretty frigging far, why not go all the way. It was very frustrating for me. The whole time everything was a give and take. He would have been happy with the kissing and the fooling around in the shower...and an occasional handjob. I wanted the whole enchilada.

    I came to know I wasn't going to get it. I tried though. I don't know what he was. I mean as far as how he self-identified. Frankly it is irrelevant. We were in a relationship. We were very intimately involved.

    Here are some things that might clear some stuff up. He and his GF had taken a vow in church, yes I did say church again, to remain virgins until marriage. So here is my take on that. He wouldn't go too far, in his own words, because he considered what we DID do to not really be actual sex. He considered it sexplay. I suppose it was in a way but the fact we were adults kind of negates the whole innocent sexplay thing.

    Like I said before, there were rules, mostly his rules. He was driving this bus for the most part. I'd stand my ground when I could. The thing is I never really understood who had the greater power here. I was afraid of losing him. That I know. He may have been afraid of losing me. He may have been afraid of my exposing him. He wanted everything to be very separate from his "other" life. So if I wanted to say something I really didn't have any proof. It would have been he said/he said. I think I know who "they" would have believed.

    He loved the kissing part. Most other straight guys I got with couldn't stand the idea of kissing a guy. They would have screwed a guy in the ass before kissing the same guy. So that was odd. I'm not a big kissing kind of guy. My family really didn't kiss all that much. So I was not used to it. He wanted to do that all the time. He would say this one thing that at first kind of grossed me out...he'd say he loved the taste of my mouth. I'm sorry...yuck. It grew on me though and became a term of endearment. I expected him to say it after a while. Every time he left he'd come back and kiss me a few times...then he'd say that going out the door.

    To condense things a little, here is a rundown. I would have done anything for him. Whatever he wanted I would have gladly done. I am not a submissive person at all. So this is a huge statement.

    Here is the list of things he liked...kissing...putting his hands down my pants and playing with my boys.....bathing...massages-especially foot massages...me giving him a handjob and eating his load off his body. Here is the list of things he would not do...blowjob, receive or give....anal of any kind. He didn't even know what rimming was so that is a moot point. He would have never gone to a gay bar. I would have never asked him.

    I gave in on the kissing and got to really enjoy it with him. Oddly enough with other guys it went back to not so much. Everything else I was all up for. I wanted more of course. I got what I could. This guy had a will of iron. When he dug in, he could not be moved...period.

    This is what happened. We did everything he wanted. I got him to try a BJ once. That was it. It wasn't happening. I told him I'd just give him BJs. That wasn't going to happen either. I did eventually over a few months talk him into letting me lick him down there....not like all the time but often enough. He never really liked the idea of getting in my bed. He eventually accepted it. We did a dry hump sex type thing which involved of course a profound amount of kissing. He would cum. I would cum. I just ate it off one day. He was pretty freaked. I didn't make a big deal about it. He got used to that. He tried one day and gagged. He did do it sometimes but he had to be in a certain type mood. I loved to lick and bite his nipples. He really didn't like it too much at first. He did let me do it. He got into it after a while. It grew into licking and kissing and biting all over. He would return the favor sometimes but not often. I pushed when I could and would let it slide when he gave me "the look".

    I hated the idea of that GF putting her hands on him. It drove me crazy. To his credit he never threw it in my face. He never teased me about it. He wouldn't back down about it either. If he had things to do with her that was that...period...no discussion. His"best" friend was a total jerk. I hated the idea of him having a second of time with him. There again, he was intransigent. He did what he wanted. Now here's the kicker, I didn't have a BF during this whole time. I had a few hookups which of course were called one night stands back then. It wasn't that he told me not to but I was afraid of his finding out and walking away. He was my BF. I don't know if he ever thought of it that way.

    There was a lot of tenderness between us. I think he really was attracted to my body. I was definitely attracted to his. We were both jock type guys. I have to admit I was built like a brick shithouse back then. I worked out only a couple of times a week but everything I did as far a work was physical labor, plus the constant walking and biking. Plus thee was no extra income to overeat.

    I loved this guy totally. I really thought I'd win in the end. I really did. I thought he'd think twice about it and he'd throw the GF over and be mine forever. I am telling you guys...I really thought that was going to happened. I was stunned when it ended the way it did. I was bitter for a very very long time.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  25. #25
    Sex God silentalk's Avatar
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by Durango95 View Post
    This is actually a catharsis. I really haven't dealt with this in years, actually ever. I just hope maybe some of you younger guys can learn from this. Just go in with your eyes open if you find yourself in something like this.

    My problem all along with this was, for me, if you go this far...which we were going pretty frigging far, why not go all the way. It was very frustrating for me. The whole time everything was a give and take. He would have been happy with the kissing and the fooling around in the shower...and an occasional handjob. I wanted the whole enchilada.

    I came to know I wasn't going to get it. I tried though. I don't know what he was. I mean as far as how he self-identified. Frankly it is irrelevant. We were in a relationship. We were very intimately involved.

    Here are some things that might clear some stuff up. He and his GF had taken a vow in church, yes I did say church again, to remain virgins until marriage. So here is my take on that. He wouldn't go too far, in his own words, because he considered what we DID do to not really be actual sex. He considered it sexplay. I suppose it was in a way but the fact we were adults kind of negates the whole innocent sexplay thing.

    Like I said before, there were rules, mostly his rules. He was driving this bus for the most part. I'd stand my ground when I could. The thing is I never really understood who had the greater power here. I was afraid of losing him. That I know. He may have been afraid of losing me. He may have been afraid of my exposing him. He wanted everything to be very separate from his "other" life. So if I wanted to say something I really didn't have any proof. It would have been he said/he said. I think I know who "they" would have believed.

    He loved the kissing part. Most other straight guys I got with couldn't stand the idea of kissing a guy. They would have screwed a guy in the ass before kissing the same guy. So that was odd. I'm not a big kissing kind of guy. My family really didn't kiss all that much. So I was not used to it. He wanted to do that all the time. He would say this one thing that at first kind of grossed me out...he'd say he loved the taste of my mouth. I'm sorry...yuck. It grew on me though and became a term of endearment. I expected him to say it after a while. Every time he left he'd come back and kiss me a few times...then he'd say that going out the door.

    To condense things a little, here is a rundown. I would have done anything for him. Whatever he wanted I would have gladly done. I am not a submissive person at all. So this is a huge statement.

    Here is the list of things he liked...kissing...putting his hands down my pants and playing with my boys.....bathing...massages-especially foot massages...me giving him a handjob and eating his load off his body. Here is the list of things he would not do...blowjob, receive or give....anal of any kind. He didn't even know what rimming was so that is a moot point. He would have never gone to a gay bar. I would have never asked him.

    I gave in on the kissing and got to really enjoy it with him. Oddly enough with other guys it went back to not so much. Everything else I was all up for. I wanted more of course. I got what I could. This guy had a will of iron. When he dug in, he could not be moved...period.

    This is what happened. We did everything he wanted. I got him to try a BJ once. That was it. It wasn't happening. I told him I'd just give him BJs. That wasn't going to happen either. I did eventually over a few months talk him into letting me lick him down there....not like all the time but often enough. He never really liked the idea of getting in my bed. He eventually accepted it. We did a dry hump sex type thing which involved of course a profound amount of kissing. He would cum. I would cum. I just ate it off one day. He was pretty freaked. I didn't make a big deal about it. He got used to that. He tried one day and gagged. He did do it sometimes but he had to be in a certain type mood. I loved to lick and bite his nipples. He really didn't like it too much at first. He did let me do it. He got into it after a while. It grew into licking and kissing and biting all over. He would return the favor sometimes but not often. I pushed when I could and would let it slide when he gave me "the look".

    I hated the idea of that GF putting her hands on him. It drove me crazy. To his credit he never threw it in my face. He never teased me about it. He wouldn't back down about it either. If he had things to do with her that was that...period...no discussion. His"best" friend was a total jerk. I hated the idea of him having a second of time with him. There again, he was intransigent. He did what he wanted. Now here's the kicker, I didn't have a BF during this whole time. I had a few hookups which of course were called one night stands back then. It wasn't that he told me not to but I was afraid of his finding out and walking away. He was my BF. I don't know if he ever thought of it that way.

    There was a lot of tenderness between us. I think he really was attracted to my body. I was definitely attracted to his. We were both jock type guys. I have to admit I was built like a brick shithouse back then. I worked out only a couple of times a week but everything I did as far a work was physical labor, plus the constant walking and biking. Plus thee was no extra income to overeat.

    I loved this guy totally. I really thought I'd win in the end. I really did. I thought he'd think twice about it and he'd throw the GF over and be mine forever. I am telling you guys...I really thought that was going to happened. I was stunned when it ended the way it did. I was bitter for a very very long time.
    Wow! I'm really sorry about this. If he was that selfish, he doesn't deserve to be loved. No offence to you Durango.

    This story kind of creeps me out. I'm afraid that if I try to have a relationship with anyone, I'll end up like this, because I've been through similar relationships, twice: I mean the control part! Although I'm still friends with them now.

    I always thought that love wasn't about control, but about compromise and sacrifice. About focusing on the significant other instead of oneself. About selflessness and caring, instead of selfishness and control. Maybe he thought he loved you, but did he LOVE you? Or did he love HAVING you? I'm sorry about this but I'm just trying to figure it out.

    Although heartwarming at first, the last part is kind of disturbing.

    I'm sorry you went through such a heartbreak Durango, and thanks for sharing!
    Last edited by silentalk; May 10th, 2013 at 11:29 AM.

  26. #26

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by silentalk View Post
    Wow! I'm really sorry about this. If he was that selfish, he doesn't deserve to be loved. No offence to you Durango.

    This story kind of creeps me out. I'm afraid that if I try to have a relationship with anyone, I'll end up like this, because I've been through similar relationships, twice: I mean the control part! Although I'm still friends with them now.

    I always thought that love wasn't about control, but about compromise and sacrifice. About focusing on the significant other instead of oneself. About selflessness and caring, instead of selfishness and control. Maybe he thought he loved you, but did he LOVE you? Or did he love HAVING you? I'm sorry about this but I'm just trying to figure it out.

    Although heartwarming at first, the last part is kind of disturbing.

    I'm sorry you went through such a heartbreak Durango, and thanks for sharing!
    There is no need to be afraid to get into a relationship. I knew when I got into a relationship with a guy like this I was walking into a potentially problematic situation. I had been there before, actually many times. I was sort of a masochist about relationships back then. I just had one bad one after another. I also have to remind you I was 22 when it started. So I was thinking more with my little head than the big one.

    I will say this particular relationship did alter every one after that for many years. I was much less giving and much more cautious. Some would say I was more callous. Perhaps I was.

    I have to confess. Even after all this time, it's been almost 31 years, to hear you call him selfish raises my ire. Even after all these years, I still hold the fantasy very close. I want to believe he loved me. Otherwise what would be the point.

    When your in the middle of something like this, your judgement gets very skewed. You see what you want to see. You believe what you want to believe.

    I have only the one picture of him. I know exactly where it is. I never look at it. It would hurt me too much.

    In the words of Fuel.....

    love don't call on me again
    I never want to cry like this
    Die like this
    No more favors my old friend
    I never want to cry like this
    Die like this

    I felt like that for a very long time.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  27. #27

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by silentalk View Post
    Wow! I'm really sorry about this. If he was that selfish, he doesn't deserve to be loved. No offence to you Durango.

    This story kind of creeps me out. I'm afraid that if I try to have a relationship with anyone, I'll end up like this, because I've been through similar relationships, twice: I mean the control part! Although I'm still friends with them now.

    I always thought that love wasn't about control, but about compromise and sacrifice. About focusing on the significant other instead of oneself. About selflessness and caring, instead of selfishness and control. Maybe he thought he loved you, but did he LOVE you? Or did he love HAVING you? I'm sorry about this but I'm just trying to figure it out.

    Although heartwarming at first, the last part is kind of disturbing.

    I'm sorry you went through such a heartbreak Durango, and thanks for sharing!

    I just had kind of an epiphany reading the last two posts here and reflecting.

    Did you ever see the movie "Titanic" ?

    That's what this is like. You have your whole life planned out ahead of you... often times it feels like never ending boredom. And then, out of nowhere this guy comes into your life, and turns it upside down. Everything feels new, and exciting, and he can get you to do stuff you've never thought you'd like and makes you feel like you can fly!!! When you kiss, or touch, it feels like you're everywhere in the universe at the same time... invulnerable... bigger than life...

    You may have only been together for a few days, weeks, months... yet it felt like forever - in the good way. Like you've always known him, and always will... Then... he's gone.

    Like Rose, in Titanic, when we lose our 'Jack', we learn to move on, carrying his memory with us through out our lives. We date other people, and live happy enough lives, but HE is the one who will always hold that one special place in our hearts above all others.

    Love should be about compromise and sacrifice, but it's been my experience where love is never very equal. Someone ultimately ends up loving the other more. And while these special few guys are able to turn our worlds upside down and get us willing to do anything for the other partner, it unfortunately doesn't always work both ways.

    I think in hind sight, Durango can see where his guy was a closeted gay/bi, and not willing to do whatever it took to break out of the closet. He chose to stay in, and lead a life other people expected him to. It was too terrifying for him, for whatever reasons. What he had to lose at the time seemed more important to him then what he had to gain with Durango.
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  28. #28
    Sex God silentalk's Avatar
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by Durango95 View Post
    There is no need to be afraid to get into a relationship. I knew when I got into a relationship with a guy like this I was walking into a potentially problematic situation. I had been there before, actually many times. I was sort of a masochist about relationships back then. I just had one bad one after another. I also have to remind you I was 22 when it started. So I was thinking more with my little head than the big one.

    I will say this particular relationship did alter every one after that for many years. I was much less giving and much more cautious. Some would say I was more callous. Perhaps I was.

    I have to confess. Even after all this time, it's been almost 31 years, to hear you call him selfish raises my ire. Even after all these years, I still hold the fantasy very close. I want to believe he loved me. Otherwise what would be the point.

    When your in the middle of something like this, your judgement gets very skewed. You see what you want to see. You believe what you want to believe.

    I have only the one picture of him. I know exactly where it is. I never look at it. It would hurt me too much.

    In the words of Fuel.....

    love don't call on me again
    I never want to cry like this
    Die like this
    No more favors my old friend
    I never want to cry like this
    Die like this

    I felt like that for a very long time.
    Sorry for calling him Selfish. No offence intended. I connected with your story on a very deep level.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    I just had kind of an epiphany reading the last two posts here and reflecting.

    Did you ever see the movie "Titanic" ?

    That's what this is like. You have your whole life planned out ahead of you... often times it feels like never ending boredom. And then, out of nowhere this guy comes into your life, and turns it upside down. Everything feels new, and exciting, and he can get you to do stuff you've never thought you'd like and makes you feel like you can fly!!! When you kiss, or touch, it feels like you're everywhere in the universe at the same time... invulnerable... bigger than life...

    You may have only been together for a few days, weeks, months... yet it felt like forever - in the good way. Like you've always known him, and always will... Then... he's gone.

    Like Rose, in Titanic, when we lose our 'Jack', we learn to move on, carrying his memory with us through out our lives. We date other people, and live happy enough lives, but HE is the one who will always hold that one special place in our hearts above all others.

    Love should be about compromise and sacrifice, but it's been my experience where love is never very equal. Someone ultimately ends up loving the other more. And while these special few guys are able to turn our worlds upside down and get us willing to do anything for the other partner, it unfortunately doesn't always work both ways.

    I think in hind sight, Durango can see where his guy was a closeted gay/bi, and not willing to do whatever it took to break out of the closet. He chose to stay in, and lead a life other people expected him to. It was too terrifying for him, for whatever reasons. What he had to lose at the time seemed more important to him then what he had to gain with Durango.
    Thanks for your thoughts. Got me thinking a bit.

  29. #29

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    I just had kind of an epiphany reading the last two posts here and reflecting.

    Did you ever see the movie "Titanic" ?

    That's what this is like. You have your whole life planned out ahead of you... often times it feels like never ending boredom. And then, out of nowhere this guy comes into your life, and turns it upside down. Everything feels new, and exciting, and he can get you to do stuff you've never thought you'd like and makes you feel like you can fly!!! When you kiss, or touch, it feels like you're everywhere in the universe at the same time... invulnerable... bigger than life...

    You may have only been together for a few days, weeks, months... yet it felt like forever - in the good way. Like you've always known him, and always will... Then... he's gone.

    Like Rose, in Titanic, when we lose our 'Jack', we learn to move on, carrying his memory with us through out our lives. We date other people, and live happy enough lives, but HE is the one who will always hold that one special place in our hearts above all others.

    Love should be about compromise and sacrifice, but it's been my experience where love is never very equal. Someone ultimately ends up loving the other more. And while these special few guys are able to turn our worlds upside down and get us willing to do anything for the other partner, it unfortunately doesn't always work both ways.

    I think in hind sight, Durango can see where his guy was a closeted gay/bi, and not willing to do whatever it took to break out of the closet. He chose to stay in, and lead a life other people expected him to. It was too terrifying for him, for whatever reasons. What he had to lose at the time seemed more important to him then what he had to gain with Durango.
    I suppose I see your point. After all this I had a real problem with connecting on a personal level with partners. I was a sex addict for years. I got into drugs and alcohol big time. It wasn't pretty for quite some time.

    I don't really blame him though. I went in eyes open. It was a gamble and I lost. He told me all along that this was just a temporary fling thing for school. I knew where his head was. I chose not to believe him. I wanted what I wanted. I was acting like a brat. I wanted my way.

    I guess the thing I thought was that I could love him enough for the two of us and that never works. I've tried this same MO a few times. It just doesn't work. If the other guy has no skin in the game you both lose.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  30. #30

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    ^I will make an addendum. I do think he loved me. I'm not implying that. I think he love me a lot. So it doesn't have anything to do with quantity. I don't think he loved me the same way. It was apples and oranges. How he looked at the relationship was completely different from how I saw it. I either couldn't recognize that or chose not to recognize that.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  31. #31
    Sex God silentalk's Avatar
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by Durango95 View Post
    I suppose I see your point. After all this I had a real problem with connecting on a personal level with partners. I was a sex addict for years. I got into drugs and alcohol big time. It wasn't pretty for quite some time.

    I don't really blame him though. I went in eyes open. It was a gamble and I lost. He told me all along that this was just a temporary fling thing for school. I knew where his head was. I chose not to believe him. I wanted what I wanted. I was acting like a brat. I wanted my way.

    I guess the thing I thought was that I could love him enough for the two of us and that never works. I've tried this same MO a few times. It just doesn't work. If the other guy has no skin in the game you both lose.
    That's what I don't get. You said earlier that he said that you were the "love of his life"! To me, this means you were to source of his happiness (unless love doesn't mean much to some people). How can anyone let the source of their happiness go away, let alone drive it away, whatever the reason???? Maybe he had some other thing in his head he thought would bring him more happiness??? Could that be it??

    I'm trying to wrap my head around this, but I think the reason I can't is because I don't really know who he was.

    To me, if you're someone's "love of his life", and they're "the love of your life", then it's not even a gamble. It's total bliss. But I might be too naive.

  32. #32

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by silentalk View Post
    That's what I don't get. You said earlier that he said that you were the "love of his life"! To me, this means you were to source of his happiness (unless love doesn't mean much to some people). How can anyone let the source of their happiness go away, let alone drive it away, whatever the reason???? Maybe he had some other thing in his head he thought would bring him more happiness??? Could that be it??

    I'm trying to wrap my head around this, but I think the reason I can't is because I don't really know who he was.

    To me, if you're someone's "love of his life", and they're "the love of your life", then it's not even a gamble. It's total bliss. But I might be too naive.

    There are people that compartmentalize everything. I am thinking that is what he did.

    Maybe he really didn't mean what he said. I've often thought that. Maybe it was his way of throwing me a bone before smacking me with the hammer. He knew he was the love of my life. Maybe in his ham-handed way he was returning the sentiment, however ill conceived that idea may be.

    I do know I was looking for what I wanted. He never lead me to believe that what we were doing was anything more than the right now sort of thing. I mean he never even suggested that it was going to have any long term future. I just wanted that so badly. I believed what I wanted to believe. Was there deception on his part? Not so much I think. Was there manipulation? Definitely.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  33. #33
    Sex God silentalk's Avatar
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Quote Originally Posted by Durango95 View Post
    There are people that compartmentalize everything. I am thinking that is what he did.

    Maybe he really didn't mean what he said. I've often thought that. Maybe it was his way of throwing me a bone before smacking me with the hammer. He knew he was the love of my life. Maybe in his ham-handed way he was returning the sentiment, however ill conceived that idea may be.

    I do know I was looking for what I wanted. He never lead me to believe that what we were doing was anything more than the right now sort of thing. I mean he never even suggested that it was going to have any long term future. I just wanted that so badly. I believed what I wanted to believe. Was there deception on his part? Not so much I think. Was there manipulation? Definitely.
    That makes sense, thanks!

  34. #34
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    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    I understand that I may be seeing what I want to see with him, but I wanted to share this little tidbit that happened yesterday.

    I owed this guy a gift, that's a little hard to get, for his birthday. We decided last night that we'd both go together and get it. Well, he's never been to my apartment before an always mentions that around me. Sure he's driven my drunken self home plenty of times, but never been inside my apartment.

    I needed to change clothes so I decided to invite him over so he could finally come inside. When he came in, he pretty much inspected every inch of the place. It was rather weird, but it's no big deal. We sat down and were talking when I said something a little sarcastic, pretending it was him saying it, trying to mimick him. I then said and I quote, "Now let me put words in your mouth..." to which he replied, and again I quote, "What else can you put in my mouth?".

    Now, normally we'd be around friends who we could joke like this around. No, we were in my apartment, alone, just talking. I would give anything to go back and say "Well, my bedroom is right there.", but I just froze. That's the third time I've frozen after he said something like that.

    How should I approach doing more things with him to get him alone like that again and see if he does it again? I'm getting really tired of not capitalizing on all of these innuendos he says (or the things he does). I know what I want with/from him, but I'm too chicken. He throws me a rope, I just end up hangin myself with it instead of reeling it in.

  35. #35

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    Invite him over more often.
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  36. #36

    Re: I'm falling for my best friend: slightly long

    If somehow you did actually confront him with any of your feelings, where do you think it could possibly lead? Are you still moving away? According to your 1st post of this thread, it should be within a few weeks that you're moving...? Does he still have a girlfriend? Maybe the reason you're being a "chicken" is because you really do know that you'd "hang [your]self", and that revealing any feelings or inviting him into your bedroom when he makes a sexual innuendo would lead nowhere...except to make things awkward between the two of you.

    I was trying to read thru some of the above, and saw nowhere where you mention that he knows you are "curious" about your sexuality. Maybe he senses it...maybe not. I'm thinking that when he makes these sexual innuendos, he's likely thinking he's making a joke with his straight buddy...kind of like the common off the cuff joke "that's what she said" that a guy will say when someone says something that could be interpreted as sexual. I've got straight friends that will joke like that...each of us know it's just a joke tho.

    Idk...it seems like a lot of this is wishful thinking on your part, but if you do decide you want to see if the friendship could go into something sexual, you have to take a risk. Maybe test the waters first...next time he throws out a sexual innuendo, respond back in a joking manner with something sexual like..."yeah, I know you want this" or "anytime anywhere", etc... and laugh it off. See what happens...
    Last edited by jaysizzles; May 18th, 2013 at 05:10 AM.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

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