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  1. #1

    Complicated breakup

    I am so confused:-/ three weeks ago me and my
    Boyfriend of two years broke up... It was messy and emotional and was complicated because we live together. Now We ended up saying we are getting back together.... At first it seemed great but now it seems like he is forcing himself sometimes to stay.... Even having a hard time with saying I love you. I think he is also talking to the guy who he was seeing the one week we were separated. And I know he really liked this guy.... My question to myself is why am I staying? He has cheated on me 5 times and makes me feel like crap sometimes. Why can't I just let go? I know it's best... I'm even afraid to tell my friends that I got back with him because I know they won't approve. I'm just confused with myself and the situation... I don't know what to do???

  2. #2

    Re: Complicated breakup

    trust your gut on this one (and gut is saying that this is over)

    The trust is gone. If there is any chance of gaining it back, it isn't going to be overnight, and all the apologies and I love yous ain't going to satisfy you anytime soon either. Actions will, along with time...but his actions have proven time and again that he's a serial cheater...you're a doormat for taking him back. I suggest you and he separate. It will hurt, but you will be so much better off without all the pain he subjects you to. He needs to figure out what he wants, and you need to get some backbone. sorry.
    Last edited by jaysizzles; April 19th, 2013 at 05:45 PM.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    I'm wondering why you're referring to your breakup as complicated. What seems to be complicated is your standing with your friends and family and your own self esteem. Repeatedly taking someone back without a resolution or any sort of a renewed commitment is giving him license to continue this behavior. You are exhibiting co-dependent behavior and I'd say you need some type of intervention to improve your life. You deserve better.

    Feel free to pm me.
    Last edited by Seasoned; April 21st, 2013 at 01:36 AM.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Breaking up with someone is always complicated, confusing and way difficult. Sounds to me like you know it's over but can't seem to move on. Follow your instincts, I'm sure you will come up with what you need to do. My advice, let it go and move on with your life you do not need this drama. Best of luck to you.

  5. #5
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Well, i think you have your answer m8 , nobody deserves to be treated like that , especially if they are still saying i love you .
    As always Seasoned has summed the problem up so-so well as well as jaysizzles , you deserve so much more from a lover than
    being used for his own needs .

    Wishing you the best . Adam.

  6. #6
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    not sure i can add to the above other than to support their words

    staying with him I think will get worse and worse as it will not allow you to move onto something new AND BETTER

    sorry for your pain but sticking with him (in the apt.) i think is lengthening the hurt

    best wishes

  7. #7

    Re: Complicated breakup

    Thank you guys for all of the advice. I know what I need to do I just need to do it.

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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by unmboi2012 View Post
    Thank you guys for all of the advice. I know what I need to do I just need to do it.
    Good luck , though be prepared for some sort of emotional blackmail , remember the guy knows you and knows which buttons to push
    to get a reaction .
    For what it is worth.............. . Adam .

  9. #9
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    I'm glad you've realized you need to end this. What you need to do now is follow through on it. Adam is spot on. He's going to try his old tricks. He's convinced you to forgive him at least five times in the past. This guy sounds like a piece of work. You were separated for a WEEK and he was talking to someone. I suspect he's been talking with this guy a lot longer than a week.

    I know it's hard and it hurts but you deserve better. He's walking all over you and knows he can convince you to stay. He's done it many times. You have to stand up to him and be firm. He's going to pull all his old tricks out of the bag. Don't give in. Instead of hiding this from your friends, talk to them. Tell them you're going to break up and need their support. A true friend will be there for you. There's no doubt in my mind he's cheating on you again. Kick his ass to the curb. Being alone is better than having your heart torn to pieces over and over. Get over him and then find someone that will treat you right.

    Steven.

  10. #10
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    It's not complicated. You just haven't acted on the breakup yet. Do so.

  11. #11

    Re: Complicated breakup

    Thanks guys!!! A little update I ended it... He was still talking to the guy and just calling me his crazy ex, so I said its over. I feel good about it and everyone is supportive of my decisions. The hard part now is living together. I'm trying to find a way out, but no one has room for me right now. So I'm trying to just give him the last two months of rent and find somewhere else to live. The problem is money doesn't grow on trees so I may have to just live here for two months and try and stay out of his way... Easier said than done. But I am sticking to my guns. I refuse to be a doormat any longer. I think I'm too young for this anyways. Also, I am talking to a counsler now so it's helping stay strong.

  12. #12
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Great news. You will get through this. Focus on finishing the semester with good grades. Rely on friends and anyone here to help give you a needed boost. Stay strong! You're among people who have been through similar things.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  13. #13
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Glad to hear that you went thru with it and that the resolution was peaceful. Focus on the positives and the strength that you had to not play second fiddle for someone else's feelings. Wish you all the best, buddy.

  14. #14
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Congratulations! You sound very positive and knowledgeable about what you need to do. Stay strong and focus, there is nothing that you cannot accomplish. Hugs and good for you.

  15. #15
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    So sorry to hear this hope it pulss through for you and get well soon Please keep us updated on how you are doing

  16. #16
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    Re: Complicated breakup

    Great for you. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and gave him the boot. You deserve so much better. I know money is tight but get out as soon as you can. Be sure to take any important papers and secure important belongings when you're not there. Vindictive people are capable of doing things you wouldn't think they would do. Trust me on that one. I was happy to hear you are seeing a therapist. That sounds like a great step in the right direction. Your self esteem has taken a pounding . I'm glad you're working on it. Keep us updated.

    Steven.

  17. #17

    Re: Complicated breakup

    Hey guys!!!! I finally move out on the 18th! I'm glad I have an awesome support network that has helped me!!! I finally have let go of the situation and am trying to push forward with my life and so far it has been great on the other side! I think I am realizing that it hasn't been a healthy relationship for awhile and I was fooling myself as well as exhibiting codependent behaviors. I just can't wait to be out of the apartment and back on my own seeing the counselor has been really awesome for me as well! Just wanted to say thanks guys for listening! I had no idea so much support would come in!

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