OP, from reading your posts in this thread, I suspect you have other problems for which your parents are not to blame.
OP, from reading your posts in this thread, I suspect you have other problems for which your parents are not to blame.
Eh, just sounds like you need to boost your confidence. And you didn't say anything negative about your mom, so I'm assuming you at least don't really have any major issues with her.
My parents were not nice people. There were 13 kids which is very irresponsible for people who do not have the means or skills to raise such a large family. My Dad, and at this point in my life I am pretty sure he was not my biological father, was an alcoholic, crazy and very mean person. My mother was a crazy, manipulative, abusive iceberg of a woman. They each had their favorite children who could do no wrong and the rest were nothing but a bother to them and we were treated like slaves. The beatings were brutal and they would take some kind of pride with the new ways of delivering them, broom handles, belt buckles and one day my Dad brought home a whip made of sewing machine belts, which he quickly used on two of my sisters and of course my older brothers got many whippings with it too. My Mom was also a psychological abuser, the threats and verbal abuse could go on for days, she was also very skilled at beating on two of my older sisters, the vicious attacks that I witnessed on those two girls left me forever scarred. To this day I still remember it vividly. I learned from a very early age to make myself invisible and would spend my days in my room that I shared with my little brother, the spawn of Satan. From the day he was born I was tossed aside like an used old toy that nobody wanted anymore. I was physically, verbally and sexually abused by brothers and sisters alike.
Sometimes I cannot believe that I survived and made a good life for myself. My parents were oblivious to all that did not have to do with their favorites, I was sent to school with no lunch or lunch money and was never able to participate in any school activities because if I ask for money for a school project or anything else the answer was always no, because we are poor. My parents never went to my schools for any reason at all either, so school became my escape. I would make sure that I was ready to go to school early and stayed as late as possible until usually one of my siblings would rat me out and tell my Mom my real schedule, then I would usually get a smacking and my time outside of the prison would be closely monitored. Summer vacations were hell, we live in a small house and had nothing to do or anywhere to go, yet we were made to get up early and just seat around the house, we could not play outside or go anywhere, no television and if we played any type of games, there were quickly taken away because my mother did not want us to learn bad habits. So you get my story!
I devoted myself to school and would interact very little with my siblings or my parents to avoid trouble, though it always found me, because my younger brother would always make sure to tell my parents everything I did and if it was not him then it was my younger sister, who was actually a year older than me. I made a plan and stuck with it. I graduated early and the happiest day of my life was when I got accepted to the best college possible and the most satisfying day was when I got to pack and leave for the university because I knew that even though I would have to come home every other weekend and for holidays, I would never be back for good and I never did.
Eventually I left my studies and went on to something else, I left my state without telling anyone in my family. I visited many times but I came to realize that there had never been anything there for me, I was and would always be a stranger to those people. I educated myself, went to counseling and officially divorced my whole family. The last time I saw my parents was for their supposedly 50th wedding anniversary, I thought it would be a good way to say goodbye. Once more it was a surreal experience, I felt so unwelcome and out of place, but I took it like a champ. When I said goodbye to my parents I knew it would be the last time I would ever see them. My Dad said a quick goodbye with a disconnected hug and my Mom said some well rehearsed words and told me she loved me, but when I looked into her eyes I saw nothing that could make me believe she ever did. I never saw them again. I talked to my Mom on the phone when my Dad died as a mere formality and never again. My Mom died 5 years after my Dad, she ended buying a house with my Dad's life insurance money and quickly moved her favorite son in with her and he took over her house and her life. She died a miserable and bitter person and became a bother to those whom she gave her misguided trust and love.
In closing, I would never tell them "Fuck You" because it goes without saying, they were terrible parents and in the end they got fucked by the ones they thought would take care of them. I have a very nice life, a partner of almost 30 years that loves me unconditionally and have more peace of mind than I ever thought possible and have everything I could possible want. I only keep in touch with one of my sisters and only do it only own terms. Yes it is possible to survive and move on.
^ ditto! Elroy will be pleased.
I said a big 'Fuck You' to my fathers face last month. He's such a selfish piece of shit and I hope he realizes it before he dies so that he can attempt to make things right with his family.
I blame the Christian church for what's happened to him. He became 'born again', whatever the fuck that's supposed to prove, and since then he's become an unexcepting and judgmental old bastard who only cares about himself. I absolutely hate the way he prances around on eggshells when he's with my mother. Like she's ever going to take his ass back after the years and years of alcohol abuse that she divorced him over. It's really pathetic. And the mother fucker is always sick. There's something wrong with him constantly. He complains and whines and tries to gather sympathy instead of being a man and toughing it out. But noooo, he wants every one to suffer with him. God it is PATHETIC!!
I really hate him if you can't tell. And it didn't used to be this way. 10 years ago, yeah he was an alcoholic, but he was a better person. Christianity hadnt poisoned his mind, he was accepting of my sexuality, and he was a good provider and decent father. Today, he's just a sickly old Jesus freak who leaches time, money, and sympathy out of those who can stand, or have to, be around him.
FUCK YOU DAD!!
Last edited by Daximus; April 10th, 2013 at 01:37 PM.
you know, i acknowledge that i have my own problems and faults that i'm responsible for such as my mental and physical health, my finances and etc. i'm not blaming my parents for how i am right now. i'm a bit upset with both of them for not thinking about how their actions in the past would have an impact on my life in the past which helped build up the present.
i'm angry with my father for not being a father when he was present in my life. he wasn't a deadbeat father where he just up and left. he always lived with me and was there BUT he was far from an active participant. up until i was 14 years old, what he would do is the following; he would get up and go to work whenever he felt like it, he might push my mom the responsibility of helping him get to work where she would rush over to penn station down in newark driving like a maniac to get his ass to the path train at 11 o clock in the daytime. he would take the train, get to work whenever, and come home in the wee hours of the morning. i remember being up all night worried if my father got killed or something because he didn't turn up home. he didn't call us to say "i'm okay" or whatever. he just didn't care. when he was home, he would either sleep on the couch watching tv all day. i would go like "dad, can we go somewhere? can we hang out with you?" he would say "i'll go out with you guys later" but when the time came for it, he would say "maybe next weekend" because his ass was too lazy to get off the couch and play with us. there were a couple of times when he did decide to be a father where he would put baby wheels in the back of the bicycle. he would take us to the video game store. he would take us to coney island. now, i'm finding out from my mother that my father only did that shit because my mom basically begged his ass to hang around us. so i have to wonder if what he did was him being geniune. those are only a handful of memories though. i have more negative memories than positive ones though of him. besides, him not showing up at home and being too lazy to be a father and chosing to do it when he felt like it. he also would steal the pocket money that my mom would give my brother and me when we were kids simply to either help his ass get to work, support his lottery habit which he still has or who knows what else. his ass would also ask to borrow money from us as kids and he would never pay us back. he was also a liar too and he was extremely manipulative. he didn't treat my mother right and there were times when he used us to manipulate her to stay with him. one time his bitch ass after doing some trifling shit to my mother where he threw something at her or the tape, got all upset when my mom was about to divorce his sorry ass. so he takes my brother and me which are in the living room saying that "your father is leaving" and my brother and me were all crying and shit. he decides to take out a tape and have us and him crying begging her to not divorce him. there were other things that his bitch ass did which i'm still heated at besides what i mentioned because it shows how much he really gave a fuck and i can say he didn't give any. he didn't. i just don't understand how someone could do that to someone else even their own kids then smile in their face like everything is cool or that they don't owe an apology then STILL demand respect. that's why i don't like his ass. when he decided to enter into my life at 14 as in actually coming home in the nighttime and actually trying to get involved with our lives, his punk ass was trying to bully me around. he was like "you do this. you do that". at times, he tried to get aggressive with me even to the point where it almost got physical over the simplest shit. i would say the word "damn" and he would get mad with me where he would grab me by my wrist and throw me in the couch on some anger management shit. i felt that he only did that shit to fucking show how much "power" he had despite not handling his business. i just want to say FUCK YOU to him for that and all those other things.
he wasn't a positive male figure. he never taught me how to be responsible, how to look out for other people, how to show that you care and etc. he was a very negative figure that is to this day still fucked up and clearly out for himself. he doesn't pay his bills on time and relies on other people to do that shit despite working the same job for damn near 30 years. he sure likes to take the credit though and he'll put down other people as well to overexaggerate his importance. he likes putting down my mother and telling her what to do. my mom pretty much pays all the fucking bills in the house even the mortgage which is supposed to be my father's responsibility. he pays part of it because he can't pay the whole goddamn thing BUT yet he talks and acts like he pays for the whole goddamn mortgage where he'll insult my mom and talk about how she doesn't work as hard as he does. he also has manipulated my mother into putting his name on the bills that he doesn't pay for such as the phone bill and the light bill. he claims it's for "proof of address". you know, i'm just angry with my father for being an asshole where he basically takes advantage of other people, uses them, abuses them for his gain and then tries to take the credit for other people's work then act like he's contributing something. he has no respect for other people around him and tries to make them feel stupid as well. it annoys me to see how he treats my mother like that and she let him do it too because she wanted to keep his sorry ass around. i'm happy that i know who my father is but i would be lying to you if i wasn't pissed off with him to the point where i wouldn't want anything to do with him.
i'm a bit upset with my mother for not understanding me and not some of the choices she made which seemed to be focused on pleasing herself and her nerves even though they were bad decisions that would come to haunt herself and her sons. such as chosing to stay married to my piece of shit father. my mom could do better and it annoys me to see how she basically put herself in bad situations even putting her health at risk to help someone who has no interest in helping themselves or the people around them. she is an inspiration figure and i love her to death because she basically played the role of mother and father BUT damn, mom, you kind of screwed up your efforts for yourself and us by some of the choices you made. you worked hard to make a better life for your sons but you also did that shit to help an asshole that was taking advantage of you and abusing you. what pisses me off is that you were warned by various people and you brushed them off listening to yourself and being stubborn minded. like people are trying to help you out for your own good and your sons good and you basically turn around do whatever to please your nerves even if it was hurting you. i just don't get it.
the situation could be worse but i feel that a lot of that shit that happened in the past has come back to fuck me up today because now i have a lot of pressure on my head where my mom basically is relying on us to basically save her indirectly. then i have to worry about my father being a parasite to me. when i'm able to get a spot of my own, i DO NOT want my father living with me period. that's my biggest fear having to take care of my father as if he's a child or something. he wants other people to take care of him and worst off, he knows how to take care of himself when it's time to. he won't buy groceries for the house but he'll buy food for himself and eat everyone elses food. i plan on distancing myself away from him because he just drains me whenever i'm around him. on the other hand, i will be glad to help my mom.
one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
When I still cared about my father I could say that to his face, and did. Later, I realised that in his case it was stupid to do so. It would be like yelling at a brick falling on you from a building, or the potatoes falling out of a truck in front of you on the road, or a crocodile in Australia's northern reaches trying to eat you.
You just can't blame the dumb brick, the brainless potato, or the dumb beast. It's just up to me to keep a safe distance and not worry about it because there is nothing there to bother making the effort to say "fuck you" to.
Love my mom dearly. Annoying at times, but who isn't. Been cool with my dad for the past couple or years and I care for him greatly "as a father". However he wants me to accomplish more in life and any accomplishment I have done are minor in his eyes. I have a very my pace attitude and I don't like being told to do things that I don't want to do in my heart. We recently got into an argument about my leaving the religion behind. I respect my dad, but he has to realize I'm not 10 anymore. The years we spent away from one another, I changed... A LOT!
Eternal youth and endless life. I'll sacrifice everything and everyone to obtain it
This Be the Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
First I would like to say that our issues are our issues, no one can understand them like we can, hence, no one can just say "move on"
Healing (if we choose that route) is a process, it does not erase wrongs or the memories of them, tbh, I don't think that we truly ever
recover from the damage done, we learn to live with it, we are the product of our childhood, childhood only happens one time.
As to what to say to dear old mom dad or others, well, that's our choice, most of my family is dead, dad in 1961, mom in 1995.
I have an older brother, he was told fuck you after 50 plus years of listening to the asshole. Do I hate him? I don't want to, but yes, I do.
He was being harassed at work sexually by a male predator, my bro. was 18, I was 15, my so called brother tried to get him to go after me to get the guy away from him, what a fucking hero.
As for mom, well what mother tells her 12 yr. old son to go suck himself, or makes him sleep with her so he can't play with him self or undresses in front of him?
Well, mom is dead, I don't miss her, I cared for her in her last few years, that was my way of getting even, to prove to her that she did not win, she did not ruin me.
I hope that things go well for you as you deal with your issues, peace.
I am so sad for all those who have had bad parents.
I still yearn for mine, in spite of their foibles and failings.