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  1. #1
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Does where you live make you who you are?

    I live in a small town in Indiana. I feel I am a pretty kind and loving individual, but when I go to big cities, I feel people are really rude or out for themselves. I don't get it. So, I am wondering what kind of effect of where you live has on you.

  2. #2
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Yes but only somewhat, not as much as how you were raised by your parents.
    Never cease to find it strange
    How at midnight things seem hopeless
    But by dawn they've changed

  3. #3
    Dejavudoo
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    When I was your age and younger, I felt that way too.

    As I grew older, I visited cities more often and felt myself more acclimated to them. As you, I grew up in a small town, and cherished the close sense of community.

    Whereas I don't agree that living in a city inherently makes you rude or selfish, I think it makes it more acceptable as fewer of your interactions at large could come back to haunt you or stick to your reputation when among so many strangers. For some, this allows them to act loutish with no real price to pay. But, I have met very nice people when visiting complete strangers in big cities on the right and left coasts, as well as England.

    To be fair, I needed the security and love I experienced in my small town before I could stand up and step out into an urban setting.

    It will be interesting how you feel about this in 10 years or 20.

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    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I am not very much like either of my parents.

  5. #5
    JWaggy
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    It only makes you who you are if that's how you decide to define yourself. Some people define themselves by where they grew up, where they live, where they've traveled, etc. Others define themselves by some other means. But in the end it's the person themselves that are drawing their constraints, if they're rude--it's not the city, it's the person who is rude.

    Keeping up appearances means a lot anywhere. I grew up in rural Minnesota, where you waved at anyone who drove by be it on tractor, truck, four-wheeler or horse. I have that instinct now, living in the city but you can bet you'd get an odd look. However, I could be walking down the road outside my parents farm, holding hands with a boyfriend and you can bet those waves wouldn't come so freely. Where in the city, on a good day a second glance wouldn't come our way.

    I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. You are who you are, not where you are?

  6. #6

    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    As a kid I grew up in different places; Sweden, Spain and California, and I'm currently living in Denmark. Because of this I have always felt sort of rootless, but it also means that I don't feel as defined by my surroundings as someone who grew up and stayed in the same place. I feel like a big city person though, in the way that I'm comfortable with anonymity and not too dependent on social familiarity.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    It influences the way you behave in that environment. Your core values may not change much. When you move to another city, you will adapt to that city's environment...for survival.

  8. #8
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I've been fortunate enough to have traveled, and lived in different places, quite a bit. And, Yes!, I do think that your location does have personal influences.

    For example, New York City is an Awesome place to experience! However, I'll gladly drive WAY out my way to avoid it! The people there generally seem to be quite Rude! However, as it was explained to me, it's not that they aren't friendly, it's that it takes so long to get anywhere that they simply don't have the Time to be "civil"!

    On the other hand, those in Chicago, our third largest city, are far more considerate, as far as "city folks" go.

    Small towns have their own aura, and also the short comings of everyone knowing your own business, without the anonymity that the bigger cities afford. Depending on where you live, and who/what you Truly are, there are varying forms of "kindness".

    I was raised around N.E. Ohio. "My" Kev is from Indiana, like You. And, both of us find Milwaukee an ideal place for both of us. It has everything that Chicago does, but it feels more like a small town, which it's Not. In general, the Midwest tends to raise the most Friendly folks, who may even KNOW all about You, but are willing to overlook/accept certain things that others might not be willing to. And, Milwaukee even affords that certain degree of anonymity, if you wish, as big as it is.

    Our perceptions of who we are, where we fit in, or not, are directly related to those around us, and what their ideas of "proper" might be. And, those expectations can vary depending on Where we're living in the diverse parts of our own Country. (The further south you are in Indiana, the closer you are to "The Bible Belt"!)

    The main question should be, "Are you Comfortable where You are?"

    And, if not, perhaps you should think about moving as soon as you possibly can.

    In any case, Major Cutie ... and no matter what ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
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  9. #9
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I'm a born and bred Masshole and we can always tell who isn't from the area. We are a unique lot and we tend to shun outsiders because well, we assume they are transients especially with our massive college population.

    To quote Robin Williams: "Have a nice day, asshole!" about sums up the Northeast part of the US.

  10. #10
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Not that Indiana is the most exciting place ever, but I like it. Maybe because it is not too exciting. AKA scary and crime-filled. I guess I just feel so different from anyone else. And not in an unique-is-good sort of way. When I meet people from other places, they tend to run the other way quickly and always for a different reason, but mostly because I do not live life in a rush. Small town thing. But, you know what small towns don't have?

  11. #11
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Gay communities or other outward gay folks in abundance...


    p.s. you are more like one of your parents than you think...
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  12. #12
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    O.K. ... I'm eagerly awaiting what your perceptions/answers might be ...
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  13. #13

    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryLovesCompany View Post
    As a kid I grew up in different places; Sweden, Spain and California, and I'm currently living in Denmark. Because of this I have always felt sort of rootless, but it also means that I don't feel as defined by my surroundings as someone who grew up and stayed in the same place. I feel like a big city person though, in the way that I'm comfortable with anonymity and not too dependent on social familiarity.
    California is pretty foreign. However did you survive?
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  14. #14
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I am more like my mom.

    Gays is the answer.

  15. #15
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Well you should try a smaller large town first like Kansas City... ever considered being a houseboy.. ^.^
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  16. #16
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JayHawk View Post
    Well you should try a smaller large town first like Kansas City... ever considered being a houseboy.. ^.^
    This is Jayhawk...



    No, he is not River Phoenix either lol!
    Last edited by maxpowr9; April 5th, 2013 at 07:47 PM.

  17. #17

    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    California is pretty foreign. However did you survive?
    I don't get it

  18. #18
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I am not a bottom.

  19. #19
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Max... you think i resemble River Phoenix... oh my... I had such a crush...

    GayStorm... you need not be a bottom to be a houseboi??? Just wear little, clean much and occasionally please daddy....lol watch Max's video.... and SCRUB....
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  20. #20
    JUB Addict jensu846's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    i live in a small town in South Dakota, and seem fairly genuine.. when I go to Vegas, or Reno, or anywhere with a large population, they tell me how respectful I am. I am acting like I always would, but i guess living a slower paced life, means I am friendlier, not so quick to judge. basically easy to get along with.. So ya, I think SD makes me this way. The world would be better with more "please" and ''Thank Yous"

  21. #21
    HA! ;-)
    Kyanimal's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by gaystorm View Post
    I am more like my mom.

    Gays is the answer.
    That may be, butt I'm still wondering what you think small towns don't have.

    "My" Kev, from Indiana, is 4 of 8, from a noted Irish/Catholic Family. Second of three males. His older brother is also gay, butt his younger brother is definitely Str8.

    And, now I've lost what my initial point was!

    Small towns being invasive of personal space? Bigger cities being more anonymous?
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  22. #22
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I grew up in the San Jose (Silicon Valley)...

    I have no idea what kind of effect that had on me. Steve Jobs went to a neighboring High School and I didn't turn out to be a Tech Genius.

    I do live in deep blue country though and I am an extremely liberal tree hugger.

    I dunno about that small town friendly stuff. I'll take decent and kind over friendly. I am decent to other people but friendly? Only if I like them.

    I just found out Mississippi was the "hospitality state" a few weeks ago. OMG LMAO...I thought it was a typo and I had to google it to make sure I read it right. Hospitality my ass......

  23. #23
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Like most behavioral traits, I feel this has to do with both nature and nurture...with the emphasis on the nurture with regards to this specific topic. Unless one actively and consciously maintains their original behavior...I believe one eventually (and subconsciously) begins to blend into their surrounding. He/she picks up the local slang, linguistic styles, and other modes of communication.

  24. #24
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I cant speak for sex... or rather I will take the fifth...

    But in my job i have all walks of life... I will take one small town person over ten city kids, all day any day. Work harder and act right. Just my anecdotal experience.
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  25. #25
    JockBoy87
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    If you were born and raised in Pakistan, would you not be a Muslim? In Tel Aviv, would you not be a Jew? In Hanoi, a Buddhist? and so on.

  26. #26
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Religion is somewhat a family thing too.

  27. #27
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JockBoy87 View Post
    If you were born and raised in Pakistan, would you not be a Muslim? In Tel Aviv, would you not be a Jew? In Hanoi, a Buddhist? and so on.
    Not necessarily
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  28. #28
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by gaystorm View Post
    Religion is somewhat a family thing too.
    It can be a community thing too but not really relative to a whole country. My hometown in particular has a huge Catholic population [like much of MA]. I heard during the Easter homily that about 160 high schoolers were getting confirmed and about 150 children were getting First Communion. My hometown has about 15k people so that is a large chunk of students for a particular grade for both.

  29. #29
    JockBoy87
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JayHawk View Post
    Not necessarily
    Really? So you are saying spontaneously generated Greek Orthodox Christians spring forth from Hanoi, Vietnam?

  30. #30
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JayHawk View Post
    Not necessarily
    ^ Exactly. There are Chinese born and raised in India. They're not Hindis or Muslims. They're atheist Chinese. Indians born and raised in Israel...they did not become Jews.
    Last edited by HunterM; April 5th, 2013 at 08:21 PM.

  31. #31
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by gaystorm View Post
    I live in a small town in Indiana. I feel I am a pretty kind and loving individual, but when I go to big cities, I feel people are really rude or out for themselves. I don't get it. So, I am wondering what kind of effect of where you live has on you.
    I've lived in small cities / large towns to medium sized cities. I've travelled to very large cities.

    My impression is that the way of being polite is different in very large cities.

    In a small town, you say hello to your neighbours. In a large, cramped, noisy, overcrowded city, the most courteous thing you can do for your neighbours is to be invisible. Go about your business without intruding on their day. It might come across as indifference, but really it is the most polite thing you can do. When your neighbour commutes for an hour each day each way, and is crushed by a river of people day in day out, ignoring them is actually a great gift.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  32. #32
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    I've lived in small cities / large towns to medium sized cities. I've travelled to very large cities.

    Go about your business without intruding on their day. It might come across as indifference, but really it is the most polite thing you can do. When your neighbour commutes for an hour each day each way, and is crushed by a river of people day in day out, ignoring them is actually a great gift.
    That is a perfect explanation. I am "friendly" with all of my neighbors but never been in their houses for a social visit nor vice versa. I have been in to get a key. My idea of being a good neighbor is to mind my own business and leave them alone but when you need someone to keep an eye on your house or collect the mail while you are away...cool. I would be annoyed if any of my neighbors decided to be too "friendly" with me. Decent and kind is so much better in my world.

  33. #33
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I am not just talking about in the street. I mean places where people are supposed to be bothered.

  34. #34

    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    wonder that time culturally is not as much or more effect than where . Fourty-fifty years ago everyone here would be a jailable criminal so the discussion would be more along the lines of comparing different prison systems and avoiding getting arrested .
    Last edited by csb999; April 5th, 2013 at 09:17 PM.

  35. #35

    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    thinking everyone then and most now would have to be big-city . Living in rural places would just not be possible .

  36. #36
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    grew up in jersey and yeah, it made me into the nutjob that i am today. i've came across some REAL assholes at an early age which have damaged my perception of people and to this day, i cannot shake that mindstate out. people around here really don't have anything better to do for the most part plus we're in the shadow of new york. there's no form of identity out here where everything is basically new york related from the news to the sports team. i would say that along with who i am may have led to me becoming paranoid and fearful of others and anti social. as for the physical enviroments, i pretty much spent half of my life living in apartments and the other half living in my own house.

    i also grew up in towns which many people look down on simply because the population is mostly black. i grew up around black people where it was rare to see someone who wasn't black. we had one neighbor on our block that was an old white woman but we rarely saw her. my school was mostly black as where but there were no black teachers. all of them were women and they were white or asian. you will hear a lot of people who never spent a day in their life in irvington, nj talk about how that place has always been run down and the truth of the matter is, it wasn't like that back in the day at least where i lived. it was safe to walk around where you didn't have to worry about getting shot at or whatever. it was a safe community and YET you'll have some racist ass fuckers talk about how bad irvington was in the 90s because it was filled with black people. hell, even the projects down on union ave wasn't so bad. my mom used to take care of a woman there while she was working patient care and we used to have fun playing in the hallway, going outside and etc. playing in the back of the jects and etc. this was back in 95. NOW, it's a completely different story as the town for the most part even where i used to live isn't safe anymore to simply just venture or walk around. somehow you have guys that grew up in maplewood that seem eager to go to down to irvington because they think it's cool to be in the ghetto. maplewood to me was a complete culture shock especially the high school. i never had really had any interaction with people besides blacks so going to a high school which was mixed with everybody and everyone grew up from way back made me feel out of place.
    Last edited by refujiunderground; April 5th, 2013 at 09:49 PM.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  37. #37
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    I grew up in a small town, but tend to like cities better. I think being in a small town reinforced the friendlier aspects of my personality, but I've always been more open-minded than a lot of the people I grew up with. I think it boils down to nature vs. nuture and how that affects us.

  38. #38
    JockBoy87
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    WoT.DnR...

  39. #39
    A Total Bottom mbamike's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Where I live makes me tone down my behavior, but it doesn't make me who I am.

    Homophobia kills!

  40. #40
    Sex God gaystorm's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    grew up in jersey and yeah, it made me into the nutjob that i am today. i've came across some REAL assholes at an early age which have damaged my perception of people and to this day, i cannot shake that mindstate out. people around here really don't have anything better to do for the most part plus we're in the shadow of new york. there's no form of identity out here where everything is basically new york related from the news to the sports team. i would say that along with who i am may have led to me becoming paranoid and fearful of others and anti social. as for the physical enviroments, i pretty much spent half of my life living in apartments and the other half living in my own house.

    i also grew up in towns which many people look down on simply because the population is mostly black. i grew up around black people where it was rare to see someone who wasn't black. we had one neighbor on our block that was an old white woman but we rarely saw her. my school was mostly black as where but there were no black teachers. all of them were women and they were white or asian. you will hear a lot of people who never spent a day in their life in irvington, nj talk about how that place has always been run down and the truth of the matter is, it wasn't like that back in the day at least where i lived. it was safe to walk around where you didn't have to worry about getting shot at or whatever. it was a safe community and YET you'll have some racist ass fuckers talk about how bad irvington was in the 90s because it was filled with black people. hell, even the projects down on union ave wasn't so bad. my mom used to take care of a woman there while she was working patient care and we used to have fun playing in the hallway, going outside and etc. playing in the back of the jects and etc. this was back in 95. NOW, it's a completely different story as the town for the most part even where i used to live isn't safe anymore to simply just venture or walk around. somehow you have guys that grew up in maplewood that seem eager to go to down to irvington because they think it's cool to be in the ghetto. maplewood to me was a complete culture shock especially the high school. i never had really had any interaction with people besides blacks so going to a high school which was mixed with everybody and everyone grew up from way back made me feel out of place.
    Amazing answer. Thank you.

  41. #41
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JockBoy87 View Post
    Really? So you are saying spontaneously generated Greek Orthodox Christians spring forth from Hanoi, Vietnam?
    No I am saying the way you put that wasn't "you would be more likely" it was "you will be " I am pretty sure in each example you offer 100% of the population is not the majority religion.
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  42. #42
    JockBoy87
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    Re: Does where you live make you who you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by JayHawk View Post
    No I am saying the way you put that wasn't "you would be more likely" it was "you will be " I am pretty sure in each example you offer 100% of the population is not the majority religion.
    Doesn't it strike you that very nearly 100% of native people in a community are?

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