After nearly eight years of lurking in the background I find myself in need of some serious soul searching advise. Whatever anyone has to offer I appreciate, good or bad...and I thank you now for offering your insights.
First off, I am married; so is he. I have a child, he doesn't have any. I do love my wife, and according to him, his is more of an annoyance than anything else.
We met online at Adult Friend Finder, and hit it off immediately! Met in person for coffee, and decided to pursue a relationship. OMG, it was wonderful! Everything meshed together well; from our beliefs, our thoughts, our politics, our consideration for others, our attraction to each other both physically and mentally.....it WAS wonderful! So much so, that in my mind I was having the "I'm in love with someone" conversation with my wife. I have NEVER felt this was about another man, but it just felt so right. During the month of January we emailed nearly 400 times (I have all of those emails!) and texted over 1000 messages back and forth.
His next to last email to me was this:
"G'Morning MY special man, YES MINE.....MINE.....MINE!!!
Just getting a chance to email you, as I got home and did a few brief things to prepare for today, then I laid down and fell asleep around 1900 and just woke up about 45 minutes ago, must be one of those moments, that the body says........ AH, time for some catch up rest!!!
I MISS YOU more than you can imagine.................... YES, more than you know! I'm not sure, what or when, but something I say or do, is going to finally prove to you, that you are NOT some charity case to me, that I want to spend time with you, and enjoy every minute I do get to spend with you. So yesterday. was as I told you, a selfish but necessary request from me, cause I needed to spend time with you alone, especially not knowing when I'm back home and when we may get to see each other again..
Now, as for me allowing you to hold me.................. Um, are you fucking hilarious (just to help break up the "mushiness"), I'm the one that is HONORED and privileged that you not only want to, but will hold me, as it does...... Yes, does allow me to let my guard down a bit, and feel comfortable and relaxed. That is why, I made the statement, that I could probably actually fall asleep and sleep for a while, knowing that you're next to me, or even if I was in your arms. SO THANK YOU for all of that!!!
I hope you slept well, and your night was uneventful.
Have a great day/a.m., and stay warm, SMILE, and be SAFE.
Remember you're my special man, and important to someone.................. Um, ME!!!
I will think of you.................... Um, cause you're always on my mind (isn't that like a song..... from your era (HeHe)?)
I will also check in and let you know, all is good and I'm OK. You can as well, and I will reply ASAP.
HUGSSSSSS and KISSESSSSSS
Sal has had back issues since he was quite injured in the Army in Afghanistan, and the migraines and back pain began that night. Over the next couple of days, via texts, he told me he was going to see his specialist in Boston - we live in upstate NY - and would be following the doctor's advice. He returned, told me the doctor would be talking with the doctor who performed his operations in California and was waiting to hear their recommendations.
Then, nothing! For three weeks, I texted, called, emailed, read the obituaries, called ALL of the hospitals from Boston to Albany, Saratoga to Westchester....no record of admission! My head was so screwed up I couldn't think, couldn't work out at the gym, I was taking time of from work to drive past the home we would meet at - he has his main home and his home still from before his marriage - and nothing! No signs of him, I was going out of my mind for fear that something terrible happened to him.
Then, on the 19th day, I drove out to the house, passed it to turn around at the little post office.......and there he was!!! He looked happy to see me, but at that very moment I don't think joy or relief shown on my face. We talked for a few minutes vehicle to vehicle, then went back to the house so he could fill me in.
He told me he texted me before he left for California for consultation and minor surgery out there.......but I never got a text! I asked why he wouldn't call me with that kind of news, but the answer sort of got lost in the barrage of questions I was throwing at him. We sat for an hour, I cried just from the relief of finally seeing him, he held me, we kissed and made plans to spend the next day together.
What follows now was our last email exchange:
"How's noon today work for you? I was thinking you could take me..............for that burger!! pig!lol
If you're not up for that I can bring lunch with me.
Let me know what's best for you.
Did I tell you I'm glad you're home? )"
"Unfortunately noon is not going to work for me. The evening/night was, for lack of a better word, a fucking circus!!!
Found out what was wrong, per se, cause she has not eluded to why she did what she did and anything else..............
When I signed on to this account, I found out that my emails, well any and all that were received since I was away were opened (read). When I approached this issue, as I was pissed beyond all belief, nothing was denied, but also nothing was explained WHY!
So, I am not sure how much more she knows, with regards to who you are, cause she also had access to the duplex and when you told me you were there on the premises, your vehicle was as well. So needless to say, this is just more BS for me to deal with and I am unable to tell you, what is next.
What I can tell you, although you are NOT going to be happy or content, but this can NOT continue. Any more communications, as I don't need it used against me, nor do I need it to get to your family and fuck anything else up.
I will be deleting my account on-line (AFF), so there is no other info, as well as I am having a friend of mine look at my computer and give me a full update on anything that was tracked or etc.
I wish you luck, and can only advise you to keep low with anything else you choose to do or not do with AFF.
I should mention at this point the he is in federal law enforcement - formerly a nurse - and she is a state trooper.
I have reached out on many occasions since, with no reply. I sent him a message on Facebook - he blocked me. I created a secondary profile on Facebook, sent an email in the third person (he had to know it was me based on the name) - he blocked me.
I am still sending emails from gmail to gmail and they are not being bounced back as rejected so I have to assume he's getting them, and I have only called his phone once to inquire about his health; no response.
I am beside myself! My chest constantly feels as thought it's caving in, I hurt, I ache, and when I think of him, if I don't reach out in some manner I start to shake and occasionally sob uncontrollably.
I should also mention that I am 49; he is 38. The time we spent together was magical, so comfortable, so easy. I don't remember smiling that much ever! Now, I don't remember hurting so much ever!
We never did discuss what would take place if this scenario played out. I've pleaded with him to either tell me to wait, or to go away....nothing. I've told him that no response gives me hope to hold on, still nothing (so I should have hope, right?!?)
I've implored him to give me the respect and courtesy we always talked about, to treat me like a gentleman, to tell me to go away and I would.....nothing.
I just don't know what to do. My head is all over the place, my heart hurts so much, my mind wanders to terrible thoughts of what's happening to/with him, then I wonder if it was all a game and he's sitting there laughing at me for my angst! I don't believe that part, but I'm everywhere in my thoughts!
So, gentlemen, let me have it.....give me all your thoughts please, because I've run out of thoughts and ideas.
All I know is.....I would drop everything in a heartbeat for this man....that's how much I believe I love him............................