How do I find myself a boyfriend?

[troncat]

So, I'm 18 and I am 100% sure I'm only really into bear types. I don't care about age difference when it comes to dating, but I'm sure if I went to a bear event some people would feel uncomfortable. What should I do to find a man? My friends tell me to go to bear events, but aren't bear events made for bears and bears only? After all, the description of this board is "No twinks in here please, by popular demand." What should I do?

(I don't necessarily think I'm a twink, but I am slim and the opposite of a bear, and can't grow a beard.)

[WestCoastWilson]

Troncat, you are only 18 years old. Why do you feel the need to have a boyfriend at such a young age? If I were you, I would just go to the bear events and make new friends and see how that goes first. I’m not sure what your legal drinking age is in Australia, however I know that some of our bear and cubs events (here in the states) take place in bars, and you have to be at least 21 years old (our legal drinking age in the states) in order to enter a bar in most places.

I’m not sure how it is there in Australia, however here in the states, “usually” the bear events are “bear AND cub” events that are open to bears, cubs, and their admirers. So if you were here, you could get in as an “admirer”. I’m 49 years old and based on my experiences with the bear community here in Los Angeles, it seems that bears generally like to be with other bears and cubs, yet there are bears and cubs that seek non-bear and non-cubs for friendship, sex, and relationships. With you just being 18 years old, don't be surprised if it takes you a long time to find a bear boyfriend, because I think a lot of older guys will not take you seriously due to your young age and many will question your boyfriend and relationship experience. Yet if you find a bear around your own age, I'm sure finding a boyfriend will be much easier.

Yet you could try your luck with online dating, basically stating that you are a bear and cub “admirer’, seeking love and a relationship and see how that works out. Though you may not care about the age difference, I am sure that there are plenty of men that will care, IF there is a 20+ age difference. Then there are plenty older men out there that only like men with a 20+ age difference, how seek younger men.

However if I were you, I would just take my time to see what my new adult life has to offer, yet I would not be looking for a boyfriend at such a young age. I’m not saying that you should go out and party all the time and be promiscuous or anything, yet just take your time and enjoy your new adult life for awhile. There is plenty of time to find a boyfriend, love, and a relationship. If I were you, I would concentrate on going to college and concentrate on my career. Then once I got my career going and on solid ground, then I would look for a boyfriend. Yet that is just me.

I hope this information helps. Good luck to you.

Wilson

[mt2286]

Enjoy being 18. Don't worry about getting into a relationship just yet. Besides from personal experience finding someone you would like to date usually happens when you least expect it.

[WestCoastWilson]

Enjoy being 18. Don't worry about getting into a relationship just yet. Besides from personal experience finding someone you would like to date usually happens when you least expect it.

Well said, Mt2286!

Wilson

[mt2286]

Well said, Mt2286!

Wilson

Thanks WestCoastWilson

[Skills90]

Wilson is the man to go to for all things bear related

[troncat]

Troncat, you are only 18 years old. Why do you feel the need to have a boyfriend at such a young age? If I were you, I would just go to the bear events and make new friends and see how that goes first. I’m not sure what your legal drinking age is in Australia, however I know that some of our bear and cubs events (here in the states) take place in bars, and you have to be at least 21 years old (our legal drinking age in the states) in order to enter a bar in most places.

I’m not sure how it is there in Australia, however here in the states, “usually” the bear events are “bear AND cub” events that are open to bears, cubs, and their admirers. So if you were here, you could get in as an “admirer”. I’m 49 years old and based on my experiences with the bear community here in Los Angeles, it seems that bears generally like to be with other bears and cubs, yet there are bears and cubs that seek non-bear and non-cubs for friendship, sex, and relationships. With you just being 18 years old, don't be surprised if it takes you a long time to find a bear boyfriend, because I think a lot of older guys will not take you seriously due to your young age and many will question your boyfriend and relationship experience. Yet if you find a bear around your own age, I'm sure finding a boyfriend will be much easier.

Yet you could try your luck with online dating, basically stating that you are a bear and cub “admirer’, seeking love and a relationship and see how that works out. Though you may not care about the age difference, I am sure that there are plenty of men that will care, IF there is a 20+ age difference. Then there are plenty older men out there that only like men with a 20+ age difference, how seek younger men.

However if I were you, I would just take my time to see what my new adult life has to offer, yet I would not be looking for a boyfriend at such a young age. I’m not saying that you should go out and party all the time and be promiscuous or anything, yet just take your time and enjoy your new adult life for awhile. There is plenty of time to find a boyfriend, love, and a relationship. If I were you, I would concentrate on going to college and concentrate on my career. Then once I got my career going and on solid ground, then I would look for a boyfriend. Yet that is just me.

I hope this information helps. Good luck to you.

Wilson

Thanks, Wilson! The age for drinking here is 18, and sex is 16. It's not that I necessarily *need* a boyfriend right now at this moment, but I feel like I would like to be in a position where that could possibly occur. Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try going to a bear thing.

[GamerBear]

Make friends and just have a good time getting to know bears. Beware of assholes in the bear community a lot of them give a ton of shit to twink / chasers. I've had a hard time trying to be apart of the bear community in California and Oregon. Stay away from b411.

[troncat]

Make friends and just have a good time getting to know bears. Beware of assholes in the bear community a lot of them give a ton of shit to twink / chasers. I've had a hard time trying to be apart of the bear community in California and Oregon. Stay away from b411.

I did try to get a profile on ******* once, and it got rejected. Pfft. To be honest, bears like that come across as just being bitter at the fact that twinks are considered mainstream, when really it shouldn't matter who is mainstream. They gloat about having created a scene independent of beauty ideals and judgement when they've really done the opposite: it's exactly like the twink world except with more hair. Whatever though, I accept that it's only useless people who think like that. I have been to a bear event once, and I met some really nice, warm people. Hopefully the bully:actual human being ratio isn't too tough when I go soon.

[Naughty_Monkey]

the no twinks rule in the subforum means topics and pictures, not members

if you're young and/or not a bear type you'd be called an admirer or chaser. i think it tends to depend on how uptight the crowds are, but most bear events and nights are welcoming to admirers in varying degrees. and not all mature men and bear types are looking for their mirror image, so there's someone for everyone.

if you want a boyfriend, good luck - you can enjoy your youth being monogamous and having relationships - short or long term just as much as you can enjoy it being single and/or sleeping around. have fun!

[troncat]

the no twinks rule in the subforum means topics and pictures, not members

if you're young and/or not a bear type you'd be called an admirer or chaser. i think it tends to depend on how uptight the crowds are, but most bear events and nights are welcoming to admirers in varying degrees. and not all mature men and bear types are looking for their mirror image, so there's someone for everyone.

if you want a boyfriend, good luck - you can enjoy your youth being monogamous and having relationships - short or long term just as much as you can enjoy it being single and/or sleeping around. have fun!

oh, okay! cool. if I want to post pics of myself but get attention from bears daddies etc., where should I do that? (another website?)

[Naughty_Monkey]

I don't really know! there is a post your picture thread. or maybe start a post your picture (chasers/admirers) thread?

[WestCoastWilson]

Wilson is the man to go to for all things bear related

Well golly gee Skills90, thank you for that vote of confidence in me , but nothing could be further from the truth. LOL!!! I'm just an Average Joe bear and cub admirer.

Wilson

[WestCoastWilson]

Thanks, Wilson! The age for drinking here is 18, and sex is 16. It's not that I necessarily *need* a boyfriend right now at this moment, but I feel like I would like to be in a position where that could possibly occur. Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try going to a bear thing.

You are very welcome, Troncat. Yet again, if I were you, I would just concentrate on school and a career. There is always plenty of time for love and relationships later. Yet like Mt2286 said ". . .from personal experience finding someone you would like to date usually happens when you least expect it." Trust me Troncat, men are like buses, if you miss one, another one will be arriving soon. LOL!!! Last time I looked, there is no shortage of single gay available men of "all" ages and sizes. LOL!!! Even with my plain and ordinary looks, I never had much trouble finding men to be my boyfriend, however I opted for "quality" vs. "quantity". So I had to kiss a lot of fucking frogs before I found a few princes. LOL!!! I'm 49 and I will say that through my life's journey thus far, trying to find "real" friends is much harder than finding a boyfriend or relationship . . . at least in my case.

Good luck with whatever you decided to do Troncat, yet please keep in mind about going to school and focusing on your career.

Wilson

[WestCoastWilson]

Make friends and just have a good time getting to know bears. Beware of assholes in the bear community a lot of them give a ton of shit to twink / chasers. I've had a hard time trying to be apart of the bear community in California and Oregon. Stay away from b411.

Sooooo very true GameBear! I'm a minority, so I ALWAYS stuck out like a sore thumb at the few bear events that I went to in Los Angeles. Yet since I was not a "bear" or "cub", I was even less noticed at the handful of events that I went to. I'm not sure how the bear and cub culture is here in Los Angeles nowadays, but it seemed very clique-ish when I was exploring the bear and cub community here between 1996 - 1998. However since I did not feel very welcomed at the bar events, I stopped going. As far as the local bear organization we had in Los Angeles at the time, the guys were nice and friendly to me . . . yet it just seemed that none of the guys in the organization wanted to be friends with me, so I pretty much gave totally up on that organization. Now with that being said, I had a drop-dead handsome cub friend that I told about the bear events at some of our local bars (back in 1996) since he was interested in "bear" and "cub" men, and for some reason the guys ignored my poor friend. My friend went to a few of the events, trying to give it a chance, but he had the same negative results, so he stopped going. So I'm guessing again, it is the clique thing going on in both that organization and at the bar events. Yet feel that if a person is a perfect model of a "bear" or "cub" and such a group ignores them and prefers to be standoffish, then who needs to flock with such a discriminating group? Now lucky for me, my taste in men ranges in all races, colors, and sizes. So I can easily and happily live without having a bear or cub for a boyfriend or partner. Yet I will say, back when I was exploring the bear and cub community, they really did not seem to be very open and welcoming to "chasers" or "admirers", yet that was back in the mid to late 90's (here in Los Angeles), so hopefully things have improved since then.

[WestCoastWilson]

I did try to get a profile on ******* once, and it got rejected. Pfft. To be honest, bears like that come across as just being bitter at the fact that twinks are considered mainstream, when really it shouldn't matter who is mainstream. They gloat about having created a scene independent of beauty ideals and judgement when they've really done the opposite: it's exactly like the twink world except with more hair. Whatever though, I accept that it's only useless people who think like that. I have been to a bear event once, and I met some really nice, warm people. Hopefully the bully:actual human being ratio isn't too tough when I go soon.

Troncat, in that case, since you have met some really nice, warm people from that one bear event you went to already, then if I were you, I would keep going and see how it unfolds . . . at least you have met some people thus far and it is all positive. I think that once you become a known regular at these events and you continue to meet nice, warm people, then I think it sounds like you are on your way to something very good and worthwhile. The main thing is, you had overall positive experiences thus far, so that makes it worth it to keep exploring to see what happens. Whereas in my case, I have overall negatives experiences with the bear and cub community.

Wilson

[WestCoastWilson]

oh, okay! cool. if I want to post pics of myself but get attention from bears daddies etc., where should I do that? (another website?)

If I were you Troncat, I would just post various online personal ads on bear/cub and non-bear/cub websites, but always state in your ad/profile that you are an admirer/chaser seeking a "bear" or "cub". You may not get many responses, however when you do, hopefully they will be from "bears" and "cubs". Yet I'm not sure if you are looking for 1 bear or cub or are you looking for a stable full of bears and cubs. LOL!!! Good luck to you! I have to go, because it is my dinner time, and my fingers are tired of typing. Yet you do have a very intriguing thread here.

Wilson

[Skills90]

Well golly gee Skills90, thank you for that vote of confidence in me , but nothing could be further from the truth. LOL!!! I'm just an Average Joe bear and cub admirer.

Wilson

Our preference in bears often overlap

[troncat]

Thanks for the advice, everyone! If you're still following this thread, I would like one more bit of advice. I happen to know that a bear in the bear community in Sydney is going around and spreading bad words about me, because he deems me to be a "whore". How should I handle this? I haven't even met most of these people he's gossiping to, but they go to bear events all the time.

[vladislav111]

He's probably a jealous ugly whore himself.

[WestCoastWilson]

Troncat, too bad that you are in Australia , because there is a member (scooter63) on JUB, who is currently looking for a young guy. See his posts via the links below. Yet who knows, maybe you two can connect and or maybe become penpals or Skype friends. Good luck to you.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...er-for-Younger

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...s-into-younger

Wilson