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  1. #1

    When you hit 30?

    Most of us want someone to love us but many people go through many relationships then after 30 there is every chance that you would miss out. I think the older you get, the harder it would be to find a partner. May be 50% would still be single, would you be happy still cruising the gay bars at 30 plus? It would be a sad life I think

  2. #2
    M10000
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    I would say that at 40 (and over) it is harder to find someone

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    I've never cruised bars. I'm 51, and being alone, and lonely is a sad life, at any age. Life sucks, and is meaningless without someone to share it with. Knowing that I'm all alone in the world, and nobody cares about me at all is hard to deal with every day. I'm just here, there is no purpose, no enjoyment...

  4. #4
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    not really worried about that right now. i just hope that my life is not like this at 30 because i would be better off dead.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    not really worried about that right now. i just hope that my life is not like this at 30 because i would be better off dead.
    I know how that feels, been thinking that a lot lately...

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    you cant be the only lonely older gay guy in the world. find another one. if you dont like each other, find a second and so on. change wont happen until you initiate it.
    if you lack the motivation to do so, then you are likely depressed. which sucks, i know. but even then, you can fight through it, and still be content in life.

  7. #7
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by lacrayfish View Post
    Most of us want someone to love us but many people go through many relationships then after 30 there is every chance that you would miss out. I think the older you get, the harder it would be to find a partner. May be 50% would still be single, would you be happy still cruising the gay bars at 30 plus? It would be a sad life I think
    Another uplifting trollathon.

  8. #8
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Whether you're 23, 33 or 43, you just have to accept the reality that traditional, stable relationship model does not work for many in gay populations because of many factors. Are there gays that are happily hitched--yes but based on personal observation it is not the common norm. What I also observe is that older gay men tend to have "higher" success in settling down and having functional stable relationships. So just because you missed out on discovering your soul-mate at 23 or 33, it doesn't mean your chances are cut down by 50% when you hit 53.
    The problem that many guys have is that when they age, they still fantasize about finding some hot stud that they missed out on in their 20s and 30s, so they reject dating or settling down with their peers. And by the way, mid 30s is still young enough to enjoy going out clubbing. We just have to naturally accept our aging process and not act and dress like twinks forever.

  9. #9
    Porn Star nafhoosier's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by lacrayfish View Post
    Most of us want someone to love us but many people go through many relationships then after 30 there is every chance that you would miss out. I think the older you get, the harder it would be to find a partner. May be 50% would still be single, would you be happy still cruising the gay bars at 30 plus? It would be a sad life I think
    April Fools Day is tomorrow..... so the joke's apparently on you!

  10. #10
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Why put numbers to it and worry your life away?
    The second great love of my life came into my life when I was age 32.
    While we are no longer together, there's still a part of me that is head-over-heels in love with the guy.
    Life gets more complex as you age, and lines aren't as sharp and clear as they seem when we are young.
    Love is going to happen if it's going to happen. Age has nothing to do with it...


    The Three Musketeers... Bashful, Chrisglass, and Ronboy!

  11. #11
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Oh it ain't that hard to find love after 30, 40 or 50...when people know you're a sugar daddy.


    Last edited by HunterM; March 31st, 2013 at 03:24 PM.

  12. #12
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by birddog7 View Post
    I know how that feels, been thinking that a lot lately...
    it's hard to be optimistic when time goes by fast. you think that at such age that you're finally going to get things done, experience whatever, grow up and etc like how the people around you are. you try to catch up to them but they're way ahead of you and before you know it a whole decade passes by.

    even though i graduated high school 9 years ago, i feel no different than i did back then. in fact, i feel worse. to make a long essay short. i think the hope that i had for a better life is dead. even if shit changes tomorrow for the up, i would still be angry because it's taken so long to the point where i gave up where i've resigned my fate. i don't think that how i feel could be solved by sex or a boyfriend. it goes BEYOND that at this point. life has made me angry and bitter where it really doesn't matter anymore to me. i'm that angry.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  13. #13
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by njcollegekid View Post
    you cant be the only lonely older gay guy in the world. find another one. if you dont like each other, find a second and so on. change wont happen until you initiate it.
    if you lack the motivation to do so, then you are likely depressed. which sucks, i know. but even then, you can fight through it, and still be content in life.
    funny thing is that even on meds, i still lack the motivation to do anything. i'm completely content in slacking off and sleeping all day and i wouldn't give a fuck either because i don't expect anything nor do i feel like doing anything for that matter. what a worthless existence. i know.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  14. #14
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    Oh it ain't that hard to find love after 30, 40 or 50...when you're a sugar daddy
    You have to have a good paying career at that point to attempt the "sugar daddy" love route. And depending where you live, sugar-daddy life can get very costly!

  15. #15
    M10000
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    funny thing is that even on meds, i still lack the motivation to do anything. i'm completely content in slacking off and sleeping all day and i wouldn't give a fuck either because i don't expect anything nor do i feel like doing anything for that matter. what a worthless existence. i know.
    When you are depressed, you don't have ambition, goals, drive, motivation

  16. #16
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Oh puh-leese

    I am 55...and happily partnered...and I STILL get hit on by guys. It always surprises me...not because of my age...but because I am happy and secure and not at all interested.

    The answer to your question is in my last sentence BTW.

  17. #17
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by RaKroma View Post
    You have to have a good paying career at that point to attempt the "sugar daddy" love route. And depending where you live, sugar-daddy life can get very costly!
    I rob casinos for a living. Does that answer your question?

  18. #18
    On the Prowl Phantas33's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Hun, I'm 33 and have never had sex nor dated anyone. I'm only getting started. And my life isn't perfect right now, but I make my way, bit by bit. Personally I don't think having had several [sex]-partners is a thing to be extremely proud about, and I think that at 33, despite me not having experienced a lot of things, I'm more certain of who I am than I was during my twink years.

    What I'm trying to say is that life is what you make of it. You can either look at it through tears or through a smile, but in the end it's you who decide which it is gonna be. And don't think I have moments or days when I don't think that I'd love someone to be with - but then there are days where I realize having a bf isn't going to solve problems either.

    Carpe Diem, mon freres, Carpe Diem.
    Last edited by Phantas33; March 31st, 2013 at 03:37 PM.

  19. #19
    Vannie
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    30? God damned kids! Get the hell off my lawn! And lower the God damned devil worship music!

  20. #20
    JockBoy87
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    I don't know from being over 30 yet, but I have found it easier to get a stable partner as time goes on. I'm 26, and I've been with my guy for four years. That is three times longer than any previous relationship.

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by RaKroma View Post
    Whether you're 23, 33 or 43, you just have to accept the reality that traditional, stable relationship model does not work for many in gay populations because of many factors.
    Agree, and that's kind of a sad realization about gay life. It's also harder for gay men to find a potential partner, for many different reasons. There's also the sexual incompatibility factor: you might meet a guy who has a lot of good qualities but he might be strictly a bottom and you just happen to be strictly a bottom too.

  22. #22
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by M10000 View Post
    When you are depressed, you don't have ambition, goals, drive, motivation
    well, i guess i'm still depressed being on meds. i just wonder IF them giving me a higher dosage would even do shit. maybe i really am lost beyond reach and just accept that i'm broken. can't say that i tried though. what i can say though is if i do make it past 30 and am still feel like this, then someone's fucked and it's not just going to be me.
    Last edited by refujiunderground; March 31st, 2013 at 04:06 PM.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  23. #23
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Yes, the barn door starts to close after 35 or so, if you want to look at it that way. I'm 54, single, and enjoy being single. It sickens me to read posts on here about being single means a worthless life. Suicide? Really?

  24. #24
    M10000
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Refuji,
    I don't think a higher dose makes you worse. it just means that it does not work for you. Try something else.
    I have been on about 30- 50? anti depressants since 1980. I have been on Prozac 5 times (circa 1990's)
    The 'last straw' is electric shock therapy. I had 7? treatments but it didn't work. In retrospect, I might have needed more sessions. ECT is the final thing to try if medication does not work for you. I think I am medication resistant but I still take anti depressants. I started Cymbalta 4 months ago. I don't think it is helping. I'll wait til so etching else comes along or try a previous medication

  25. #25
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by M10000 View Post
    Refuji,
    I don't think a higher dose makes you worse. it just means that it does not work for you. Try something else.
    I have been on about 30- 50? anti depressants since 1980. I have been on Prozac 5 times (circa 1990's)
    The 'last straw' is electric shock therapy. I had 7? treatments but it didn't work. In retrospect, I might have needed more sessions. ECT is the final thing to try if medication does not work for you. I think I am medication resistant but I still take anti depressants. I started Cymbalta 4 months ago. I don't think it is helping. I'll wait til so etching else comes along or try a previous medication
    but wouldn't taking all those meds affect your brain chemistry where you'll start becoming worse with something else? that's one fear that i have with the zoloft. i don't want to end up going from depressed to winding up with schizophenia or bipolar disorder.

    sometimes, i just wonder why people end up going mental. it makes no sense.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  26. #26
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vannie View Post
    30? God damned kids! Get the hell off my lawn! And lower the God damned devil worship music!
    You forgot to tell them to pull their pants up, stop wearing makeup, and get a haircut.

  27. #27
    Pianist
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    well, i guess i'm still depressed being on meds. i just wonder IF them giving me a higher dosage would even do shit. maybe i really am lost beyond reach and just accept that i'm broken. can't say that i tried though. what i can say though is if i do make it past 30 and am still feel like this, then someone's fucked and it's not just going to be me.
    The med route can somtimes be a bit of a crap shoot. I found some just didn't work for me at all, and others did for a while, but then lost their efficacy.

    I've been med free for about three years now, but I got a definite diagnosis about the same time, and know that I know what I'm dealing with, I attempt to do so med free. For the most part I've been able to deal, but there are times it's a real battle.

    That said, you need to find out what works best for you; a change of dosage, a different med, or combination thereof, and sometimes, that even includes a change of doctor. Keep slogging.

  28. #28
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by lacrayfish View Post
    Most of us want someone to love us but many people go through many relationships then after 30 there is every chance that you would miss out. I think the older you get, the harder it would be to find a partner. May be 50% would still be single, would you be happy still cruising the gay bars at 30 plus? It would be a sad life I think
    It's only a sad life if you make it out to be one. Life is what you make of it. In a way it is sort of like racial slurs (it is only offensive if the receiving end decides or feels like it is something offensive). Some people enjoy being single even if they have all the opportunities in the world to get hitched or attached. As for the getting older part: your peers are getting older too. If you reach out to them, you may find you have a soul-mate sitting there all along, sharing the same dreams/aspirations/interests. You don't have to cruise gay bars (if you don't want to).

  29. #29
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by bendted View Post
    Yes, the barn door starts to close after 35 or so, if you want to look at it that way. I'm 54, single, and enjoy being single. It sickens me to read posts on here about being single means a worthless life. Suicide? Really?
    OK barn door "closes at 35" but do you become just single or single and sexless?--two different things.

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by bendted View Post
    Yes, the barn door starts to close after 35 or so, if you want to look at it that way. I'm 54, single, and enjoy being single. It sickens me to read posts on here about being single means a worthless life. Suicide? Really?
    It's not being single that makes life worthless. At least not in and of itself. It's being lonely all the time, and having nobody to share life with, or even relate to that makes it worthless for me. I feel I have little or no reason to get up, go to work, come home from work, or even prepare meals. I just don't enjoy life much at all. I really never have, and the older I get, the worse this seems to become.

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by njcollegekid View Post
    you cant be the only lonely older gay guy in the world. find another one. if you dont like each other, find a second and so on. change wont happen until you initiate it.
    if you lack the motivation to do so, then you are likely depressed. which sucks, i know. but even then, you can fight through it, and still be content in life.
    Agree with this---find a friend who you can live with and share life with--it doesn't have to be a boyfriend per se---can just be a very close friend you enjoy spending time with.

  32. #32
    M10000
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Refuji,
    Pills can't make you sczinophenic or bi polar. Your are that way because the nerves are misfiring in your brain. Look up serotonin and depression on Youtube
    It's explained here how the brain misfires. Anti depressants are meant to fire that




    Birddog,
    You work. I don't have a job and feel useless as a result. I can't get a job because of anxiety and excessive facial sweating.
    You have to look at the glass as somewhat full because you work. Im 48 and my mom gave me money so I could buy a portable washer. It's not fun being 48 and needing money from your mom. You're financially dependant and that is something that to check off in your pros and cons list (on the pro side obviously)

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    but wouldn't taking all those meds affect your brain chemistry where you'll start becoming worse with something else? that's one fear that i have with the zoloft. i don't want to end up going from depressed to winding up with schizophenia or bipolar disorder.

    sometimes, i just wonder why people end up going mental. it makes no sense.
    That's why I no longer bother with meds, or therapists. I've been through both years ago, and neither amounted to a pinch of snuff. There is no cure for a shitty life. Meds just make you numb, not happy, or enthusiastic about life.

    I know there are billions of people on Earth worse off than I am, but that doesn't make my life any different. I'm thankful that I can see, hear, work, have a job, a roof overhead, heat, food, clothing, medical care, clean water, decent health, etc. That doesn't give my life any purpose, or make me less lonely.

    Volunteering doesn't help, I used to do that. Visiting nursing homes doesn't help. My mother (what's left of her) is in one, and I just end up crying while driving home from there. I tried to work all the time while I was younger to keep my mind off myself, and I nearly ruined my health. I have pain most days from the abuse of over working my body. I go so burned out, that most days I don't care if I do anything now, and the place is starting to look it too.

    None of this stuff people tell you to do changes anything. I'm still old, worn out, not good looking, poor, uneducated, talentless, bad personality, etc.
    I'm still living a sexless life at 51, I'm still lonely, still never been in a relationship, still have a small cock, still know most of this cannot be changed, by me or anyone else. For what it's woth, that's really how I feel...

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by M10000 View Post
    Refuji,
    Pills can't make you sczinophenic or bi polar. Your are that way because the nerves are misfiring in your brain. Look up serotonin and depression on Youtube
    It's explained here how the brain misfires. Anti depressants are meant to fire that)
    These are only accepted theories. Nobody knows any of this for sure. Not even the chemical engineers, and researchers who formulated these meds. That's why these meds have the disclaimer: "depression may be caused by chemical imbalance in the brain". Might help them in case of legal action.
    Just ask some pharmaceutical companies who didn't include certain warnings, and or disclaimers, and got sued out of producing certain drugs.

    Not trying to discourage anyone, by all means try meds, and or therapy, maybe one, or both will help you. Didn't help me, but you are different. I've just heard too many people say this stuff just made them numb. You might not have the extreme lows, but there will be no highs either, and they damned sure don't make you happy. Numb isn't much of an existance as far as I'm concerned. These meds can also increase suicidal tendancies.

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Birddog,
    You work. I don't have a job and feel useless as a result. I can't get a job because of anxiety and excessive facial sweating.
    You have to look at the glass as somewhat full because you work. Im 48 and my mom gave me money so I could buy a portable washer. It's not fun being 48 and needing money from your mom. You're financially dependant and that is something that to check off in your pros and cons list (on the pro side obviously)
    I'll have to agree with that. Being able to work, and actually having a job that pays enough to live on is a good thing. Although, I have little more at this time, than enough to get by on. I had a better paying job, but the place closed done after 70 years in business after the economic crash in 2008. I do really consider myself fortunate to have any job the way things are in this hole in the boonies...

  36. #36
    Young at Heart ravenstar's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    The used by date just keeps getting younger and younger on here. It's kind of funny in a sad hearted way.

    So much negativity in this thread. I thought I'd give an uplift in here but I can't really be bothered. What's the saying "Haters gonna hate" well it works the same whether the person you hate on is you or someone else.

    I'm nearly 40 and frankly my life hasn't slowed down a bit. You get out of life only what you put into it. No one owes you anything. If you sit and mope about not being pretty enough, or young enough you'll get exactly that, more reasons to complain. If you ignore your "age" and just get out there and amongst it all, life gives you more joy, adventure and excitement than you expect.

  37. #37
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    This is a pseudo-confession but quasi-relevant. If I live till 40, my mom will give me $500k.

  38. #38
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by RaKroma View Post
    OK barn door "closes at 35" but do you become just single or single and sexless?--two different things.
    We can call it being celibate.

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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by birddog7 View Post
    It's not being single that makes life worthless. At least not in and of itself. It's being lonely all the time, and having nobody to share life with, or even relate to that makes it worthless for me. I feel I have little or no reason to get up, go to work, come home from work, or even prepare meals. I just don't enjoy life much at all. I really never have, and the older I get, the worse this seems to become.
    Yeah, I get that some have a want for a "companion." I don't and I'm ok with that, but I do understand others aren't ok with being alone.

  40. #40

    Re: When you hit 30?

    Isn't 30 supposed to be the new 20? Relax.
    I think that some guys are relationship-oriented and good at sustaining a relationship, and will be successful in creating one whether at 25 or 65, if living in a place where there is a large enough pool of like-oriented guys, and put the effort into finding and meeting them. (Talk about run-on sentences!) My partner and I met at 24, and have been together for 14+ years, after both of us had been in serious relationships with men and women (for me) and women (for him). I believe that if we found ourselves single again, both of us would be in a new relationship within a few years. I should add that neither of us has demanded perfection of ourselves or each other in any possible way, and put no time into analyzing and improving our relationship or trying to remake each other into our imagined ideal partner. With only one exception, our friends who have embarked on that path never manage to keep a relationship going for more than a few years. Love, respect, and some common interests are important, and patience, compromise and a sense of humor go a long way for the long haul.
    Last edited by LatimerRd; March 31st, 2013 at 06:03 PM.

  41. #41

    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by birddog7 View Post
    I've never cruised bars. I'm 51, and being alone, and lonely is a sad life, at any age. Life sucks, and is meaningless without someone to share it with. Knowing that I'm all alone in the world, and nobody cares about me at all is hard to deal with every day. I'm just here, there is no purpose, no enjoyment...
    Pretty much how I feel
    Eternal youth and endless life. I'll sacrifice everything and everyone to obtain it

  42. #42

    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    Oh it ain't that hard to find love after 30, 40 or 50...when people know you're a sugar daddy.

    Is this a confession?

  43. #43
    I need water Kabluey's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    ^ Anything you'd like to confess to, sugar Elmo???
    Blah blah blah, something enigmatic sounding...

  44. #44
    veni, vidi, reliqui
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Quote Originally Posted by lacrayfish View Post
    Most of us want someone to love us but many people go through many relationships then after 30 there is every chance that you would miss out. I think the older you get, the harder it would be to find a partner. May be 50% would still be single, would you be happy still cruising the gay bars at 30 plus? It would be a sad life I think
    I know a number of guys over 50 who are still single and SURPRISE!!!...they aren't suicidal. They have a circle of good friends and a wide circle of good acquaintances because they are free to socialize.

    I also know several people including women (surprised???) who have found their perfect companion after the age of 50.

    Age is not a precipice, you know.

  45. #45
    JP.
    Guest

    Re: When you hit 30?

    I dont worry over this thing..I worry more abouth death..because life is too exciting ^^

  46. #46
    Booyah! Callum's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Damn, y'all are full of doom and gloom. I did the antidepressant thing for quite some time. Did the whole suicide bit without even consciously thinking about doing it (Celexa mixed with Paxil caused a suicide attempt - had to be institutionalized in October '11 until it was out of my system). And, well, I ended up being better OFF the medication than I was on it! Sure, I'm quirky, which doesn't bother me. Can sometimes make relationships awkward. I have OCD flare-ups. But I move on. Hoping for a stable, long-term relationship in the next several years. I hope to be married by 40!

    Mental illness is just a side effect of being utterly brilliant, guys! No stress!
    blacksyringe

  47. #47
    The Journey of a Lifetime Adrock-JD's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    1. 30 is not old. Only 29 year olds and pedophiles say that shit.

    B. Cruising has nothing to do with age or romance. It has everything to do with sex.

    3. Looking for a life partner in a gay bar is like looking for a healthy person in a Walmart. Happens, but rarely.

    Bottom (no pun intended) line: Fucking your way to retirement isn't such a bad life.

  48. #48
    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    Sometimes I am kinda worried too but honestly 30 is not old. To me 70 is old! People keep saying that because they are afraid to turn old and most of these people are probably ageists or wants to stay 18 forever. Also most kids thinks after 20 is old. Growing old is a natural process to me. I remember when I was 19 and a lil girl in the rink was so shocked when she know my age. I was like 19 is not old mkay?! Gotta say I loved being 18. And throughout my teens I wanted to turn 18 so bad that I wish I could trade off my growing up years. I just feel like my year being 18 passed by so quickly!!!

  49. #49
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    I agree that if you find someone you love a lot when you are younger, don't let them go.

    Once you hit 40 it's hard to meet a good guy and then all the 40 year olds want younger guys.

    and guys in their mid 50s (6's at best) think they are hot and don't realize they are making a fool out of themselves hitting on young guys.

    But 30 is not old but you won't know that until you are past it.
    Last edited by Beachguyj; April 1st, 2013 at 12:11 PM.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  50. #50
    I Run S.C. BFizzle's Avatar
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    Re: When you hit 30?

    If I'm still single when I'm 30 I'll kill myself.

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