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  1. #51
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    another thing, saybrooke as m1000 and benderboy said, just because someone doesn't think you're attractive or rejects you doesn't give them the right to disrespect you. your two so called friends disrespected you. it's one thing for your friends to say that they like you as a friend and they wouldn't date you because they see you as a brother and don't want to damage your friendship with them. it's another thing when they're shitting on you where they're like "ill, i'd never date you. i'm too good for you. you're ugly." they're dissing you. i dunno how close you are with your friends but apparently, they are NOT your friends if they're treating you like that. i second the idea of you distancing yourself from them because they're not your friends if they're doing you in like that.
    Last edited by refujiunderground; March 27th, 2013 at 05:46 PM.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  2. #52
    Lions&Tigers&Bears Oh My!
    eastofeden's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Yeah...I am ridiculously optimistic about most everything and don't really have to try to be happy....and my source of self esteem comes from how I feel and how much I am true to myself and respect myself versus what I look like. If I do something underhanded or shitty to someone else my self esteem drops...as it should.

    Another thing that helps.....I can be a real bitch as I insist on seeing myself through my own eyes versus someone else's eyes..... and I don't bark much but I will bite if anyone tries to define me because it annoys the fuck out of me. Living life on my own terms and not letting other people/institutions/society/dogma,ect define me is one of the reasons I have sufficient self esteem.

  3. #53
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    If they were truly your good friends they wouldn't have said those things, if even teasingly. It is easier said than done, but you just have to ignore them and know that for every person that thinks you're "unattractive" there is another one who thinks you are. My self-esteem is okay but whenever I feel down about myself I surround myself with people who are caring, empathetic, and all around positive. I've learned that someone's opinion is just an asshole: everybody has one.

  4. #54

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    grindrpolice.com - I promise youll feel amazing after reading it and seeing how desperate some gay men are

  5. #55
    thatgirl
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    What I plan on doing to boost my self esteem (minus taking a shit ton of pills, running in traffic, and/or jumping off a high bridge) is getting surgery for my deviated septum to stop the snoring so that guys don't run for the hills whenever they sleep in my bed, penis widening so that I don't have the thinnest dick on the Eastern Hemisphere, and complete Facial Reconstruction so that I don't so accurately look like the worthless piece of shit that I am.

    I'll also shoot up on some testosterone seeing as though my miniscule balls don't really produce any
    ... complete facial reconstruction, too? Since when were you all about that?

    You are so fucking hard on yourself. It makes me so sad. I don't know what kind of crazy feedback you are getting IRL but those of us who have seen photos of you on here do not think you look like some kind of hideous monster like you think you do. I don't know man. And altering your entire face may only provide some temporary satisfaction--there is no guarantee that your deep-rooted body image issues will not creep up on you again after cosmetic surgery. The only way to sort those out is through proper therapy.

    Anyway, whatever you decide to do, I really hope that one day you do overcome these issues that bring you down. Sucks.


  6. #56
    Ruminating
    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    Two of my gay friends tonight, told me there is no chance in Hell they'd ever date/sleep with me... Kinda brought me down the way they put it :/

    What are some good things you do to make yourself feel better?
    If others can give you self esteem that means they can take it away, too. Don't give them that power.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  7. #57
    On the Prowl shane82's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    I've learned just not to give a shit what people think of me. I'm me. I can't be anything else. If you don't like who I am, fine. Go like someone else. I'm not going to make myself miserable trying to be someone I'm not for somebody else. Life is too damn short for that.

  8. #58
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    When my self-esteem needs a boost, I avoid the gay scene and dating sites, and focus on enjoying my everyday life with family friends, pets and hobbies.

  9. #59
    Huntneo(PT)
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shane82 View Post
    I've learned just not to give a shit what people think of me. I'm me. I can't be anything else. If you don't like who I am, fine. Go like someone else. I'm not going to make myself miserable trying to be someone I'm not for somebody else. Life is too damn short for that.
    You better preach that shit!

  10. #60
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    The only way to sort those out is through proper therapy.

    Anyway, whatever you decide to do, I really hope that one day you do overcome these issues that bring you down. Sucks.
    Therapy ain't for me. And it won't give me a better looking face, so what's the point?

    The "complete facial reconstruction" was hyperbole, though I can't say I wouldn't take a new face if given the option to have one. I can't say I like the one I have.

    I was having a horrible day when I wrote it all, though. Whatever.

    And I don't feel particularly wrong for placing heavy value on my looks. It's fun to not be liked for your personality. It's fun to turn a head or two when you walk down a street and it isn't because you wore something that grabbed attention, you're just fucking sexy.

    It would be awesome when I'm working with my camera if I could be a half-decent subject. I'd feel like I could accomplish more artistically as I don't like working with models.

    But eh, instead I'm fucking ugly. Always the "ugly friend" in any group. Whatever, shit happens.

  11. #61
    Huntneo(PT)
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    ^ So, basically it doesn't matter how many people (including many of us on JUB) tell you that you ARE attractive it won't matter...because in your eyes you're a hideous sight? No changing that viewpoint at all?

  12. #62
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Well the last thing I want is people thinking I'm here to solicit some sort of assurance. I was just venting because at the time the question was asked, I was having one of those days where I felt awful and wretched about myself.

    But honestly, I find those kind of comments as biased when friends rush to say "you're not ugly," after you vent about feeling such.

  13. #63
    Huntneo(PT)
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    I understand...I just wanted you to know that you are attractive to people. Myself included...

    I knew you weren't trying to get any assurance, pity or anything. Wish you could see yourself the way some of us do.

  14. #64
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    I go buy a new pair of shoes. I have over 60 pairs. That's how my self esteem is.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  15. #65

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    My self esteem is 10 out of 10 and has been consistently high since I was a kid, which is not to say that I'm always happy and never sad, or that I'm not disappointed or angry with myself, others or the situations I create for myself or stumble into.

    As for your friends' comments: I can understand that it might hurt to be told that they didn't desire you, but BFD. Besides, you didn't tell us whether or not you desired them. I've fallen for guys who didn't fall for me, and vice versa, but again, BFD. You move on.

    Not sure this is germane, but I have a friend, a guy with many virtues and a guy I'd consider dating if I were single, but I never would, because he has such low self esteem--with no good reason--and then talks about it. He starts relationships with really estimable guys but he's never been able to sustain those relationships beyond a few months, and I think the problem is his lack of self esteem, and that his boyfriends get tired of hearing about it. I certainly do, and wish he'd keep it to himself.

    As I've written before, it's been my experience that there's nothing that a good workout can't improve.
    Last edited by LatimerRd; March 29th, 2013 at 06:32 PM.

  16. #66
    thatgirl
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Well the last thing I want is people thinking I'm here to solicit some sort of assurance. I was just venting because at the time the question was asked, I was having one of those days where I felt awful and wretched about myself.

    But honestly, I find those kind of comments as biased when friends rush to say "you're not ugly," after you vent about feeling such.

    What I find puzzling is that you present yourself as someone who is willing to look beyond whatever society considers conventionally attractive. You say you like to think outside the box on most things. You are all about embracing unconventional beauty standards, being open-minded to whatever doesn't cater to mainstream standards. You say you gravitate towards types of looks that most would probably judge negatively or find unattractive. You say you can't stand superficial people who are obsessed with appearances. But you keep beating yourself up over the fact that you feel you aren't conventionally attractive enough or turning enough heads based on your looks. Huh?

    I remember you once telling me in another thread that you just wish you could be your type (I'm not sure what that is, tbh). Why do you have to be your type? Just keep on going after your own type. The people who see YOU as their type will go after you. That's how it generally works. Imagine if some guy who is your type was like "ugh, I can't stand how I look, I want to look more like you, TheSpectatingLoner." Wouldn't you be like "WTF, no, I like you for you!"?

    What's attractive is pretty subjective. Are there people who have a broader appeal than most? Yes, the people who are exceptionally beautiful-- most people do not fall in to this category and yet we manage to keep it moving and find people who appreciate our looks. Do average folk vary in terms of how broad their limited appeal is? Yes. But it doesn't really change much in the grand scheme of things. At the end of the day, simply having a bunch of strangers admiring your looks isn't something to make a major priority in ones life or something to be preoccupied with. It's just not worthwhile.

    All of that aside, when you are depending too much on other people to make you feel good about your self or your physical appearance, you'll always have this need/desperation for outside validation because you keep rejecting yourself. It will never be as satisfying as making peace with who you are and appreciating how you look on your own terms. And appreciating those who are on the same page as you about it instead of trying to appease those who aren't.

    Last edited by thatgirl; March 29th, 2013 at 09:43 PM.

  17. #67
    JUB Addict EuroSoccer's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Well the last thing I want is people thinking I'm here to solicit some sort of assurance. I was just venting because at the time the question was asked, I was having one of those days where I felt awful and wretched about myself.

    But honestly, I find those kind of comments as biased when friends rush to say "you're not ugly," after you vent about feeling such.
    Well... then just stop saying you feel ugly so our comments will look more genuine.........

  18. #68
    The gay gargoyle
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    My self-esteem is awesome, but I don't think I'm anything I'm not. I consider myself pretty unattractive, very overweight, pretty dumb, and very uncoordinated. But see, I'm fine with all that. I know that all of that won't prevent me from making friends, getting laid, and having a good tie. Would I have more friends, more sex, and more good tines if I were hotter, slimmer, smarter, and smoother? Probably. But I'm too busy enjoying the stuff I have to care about what I don't.

    Lex

  19. #69
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    But you keep beating yourself up over the fact that you feel you aren't conventionally attractive enough or turning enough heads based on your looks. Huh?
    That's not true. It's not "conventionally" attractive that I want to be. I'd love to be attractive in an unconventional way. I'm not even that. I'm just plain.

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    I remember you once telling me in another thread that you just wish you could be your type (I'm not sure what that is, tbh). Why do you have to be your type? Just keep on going after your own type. The people who see YOU as their type will go after you. That's how it generally works. Imagine if some guy who is your type was like "ugh, I can't stand how I look, I want to look more like you, TheSpectatingLoner." Wouldn't you be like "WTF, no, I like you for you!"?
    I know the thread you are talking about. It's not that I want to be my type, it's that what I am attracted to and what I want to be happen to be the same thing. And given that I am the loner I am, the eternally single person with no desire for relationships, it's much more important that I like the man in the mirror than for someone else to like me.

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    At the end of the day, simply having a bunch of strangers admiring your looks isn't something to make a major priority in ones life or something to be preoccupied with. It's just not worthwhile.
    This is simply untrue. I work in the hospitality industry. There are so many more jobs I'd had a shot at with a prettier face. I can't even begin with how much better I'd be financially if I had a handsome headshot to go with my skills.

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    All of that aside, when you are depending too much on other people to make you feel good about your self or your physical appearance
    For what it's worth, "other people" actually seem to see me higher than how I see myself.

  20. #70

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Oh my god, if you keep seeing yourself as ugly, you are going to project that to other people. You're not ugly at all. I've seen many guys who are objectively "conventionally unattractive" (whatever that means) and they bag attention and "hot" guys because of their confidence.

    Finally realizing that beauty is subjective is an epiphany I wish everyone could have. Whatever you were born with, OWN IT. There is nothing more unattractive than someone who is depressed about his looks. There is nothing sexier than someone thinking and living independently and not giving a fuck what anyone thinks about it.

  21. #71
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    ^There is nothing more annoying than being expected to be confident when you have no reason to be.

  22. #72

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    ^There is nothing more annoying than being expected to be confident when you have no reason to be.
    Be confident because you are YOU. There is no one else in the world exactly like you and that is what makes you and each one of us amazing. It is when you want so hard to be like other people that you have nothing to be confident. Beauty is subjective. Who you are is not subjective.

  23. #73
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    ^There is nothing more annoying than being expected to be confident when you have no reason to be.
    You have no reason to not be confident when you yourself are projecting all the negativity. Everyone else here thinks you look fine and/or attractive. You seem accustomed to placing up a wall and rejecting any and all compliments toward you.

  24. #74
    CupidBoy
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    But wait.......

    I thought we were offering support to the OP tho.

  25. #75
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by FlimFlam View Post
    Be confident because you are YOU. There is no one else in the world exactly like you and that is what makes you and each one of us amazing. It is when you want so hard to be like other people that you have nothing to be confident. Beauty is subjective. Who you are is not subjective.
    Quote Originally Posted by dereperez View Post
    You have no reason to not be confident when you yourself are projecting all the negativity. Everyone else here thinks you look fine and/or attractive. You seem accustomed to placing up a wall and rejecting any and all compliments toward you.
    You guys misunderstand me. I wrote about it before in the rants section but I just find it funny when the world tells you that you are this horrible person your entire life and then suddenly that same world tells you how wrong you are for not having confidence. Like let me just snap my fingers and summon up false confidence out of nowhere. It doesn't work that way. I've never once been given a reason to believe in myself, and yet now I'm expected to do just that.

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    But wait.......

    I thought we were offering support to the OP tho.
    I thought the thread was about self esteem in general. I answered the questions the OP put out there and people reacted accordingly.

  26. #76
    CupidBoy
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    It's ok SpectatingLoner, actually you probably have helped a lot of people here with your posts. I'm not being sarcastic either.

  27. #77
    ( ̄(エ) ̄) GamerBear's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    My self esteem is shit! I try not to project it to other people instead I give other people compliments so it makes me feel good on the inside. I've never received a compliment in person only online from people who have seen my FB picture. I don't think I'm all that of a good looker to be honest. I usually go on tumblr and wish I was half was good looking as the people I follow.

    What usually helps is playing video games.
    Last edited by GamerBear; March 31st, 2013 at 02:14 AM.

  28. #78
    Huntneo(PT)
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Perhaps I'm very late in understanding this, but I guess that if someone really doesn't see themselves as attractive in any shape, form, or fashion...nothing anyone says is going to convince them otherwise. Not even if the hottest guy fucks them, they'll still think it was just a pity fuck.



    I just can't with the mentality.

    Maybe it's selfish or immature of me, but it pisses me off when I see people who are (at least) attractive in a basic sense talk about how ugly they are. Like seriously...it gets under my skin for some reason.
    I'm going to stop complimenting such people, because apparently they think you're just talking to hear yourself speak.

  29. #79
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    Perhaps I'm very late in understanding this, but I guess that if someone really doesn't see themselves as attractive in any shape, form, or fashion...nothing anyone says is going to convince them otherwise. Not even if the hottest guy fucks them, they'll still think it was just a pity fuck.

    Uh...How do you think I get laid easily? I take pity fuck over no fuck any day
    "Are you sure you want to fuck an ugly guy like me? Go ahead. Do me. Do me NOW, damn it!!!"
    Last edited by HunterM; March 31st, 2013 at 07:06 AM.

  30. #80
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post


    I just can't with the mentality.

    Maybe it's selfish or immature of me, but it pisses me off when I see people who are (at least) attractive in a basic sense talk about how ugly they are. Like seriously...it gets under my skin for some reason.
    I'm going to stop complimenting such people, because apparently they think you're just talking to hear yourself speak.
    The person with the low self esteem isn't trying to be malicious in ignoring their friends cries. It's simply that hearing something and believing something are two different things--especially when you've been so deeply programmed to believe the opposite during your formative years. Plenty of times my friends say positive things about me that I wish I could believe, and I really try to, but it just doesn't happen. You don't just wake up one day with no attachment to what you've known your entire life.

    And then I see the way others' are talked about, the way they are desired the way I wish to be. Whilst I have friends who vouch for my attractiveness, and yet I never attract anything. In the end, it feels like nice people being nice, saying the right things for a friend. It just feels like words.
    Last edited by TheSpectatingLoner; March 31st, 2013 at 10:08 AM.

  31. #81
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    Perhaps I'm very late in understanding this, but I guess that if someone really doesn't see themselves as attractive in any shape, form, or fashion...nothing anyone says is going to convince them otherwise. Not even if the hottest guy fucks them, they'll still think it was just a pity fuck.



    I just can't with the mentality.

    Maybe it's selfish or immature of me, but it pisses me off when I see people who are (at least) attractive in a basic sense talk about how ugly they are. Like seriously...it gets under my skin for some reason.
    I'm going to stop complimenting such people, because apparently they think you're just talking to hear yourself speak.
    that's very true. it has to do with how someone views themselves, i guess. if someone isn't happy with themselves, it's a lost cause to bring them up. if someone is really happy with themselves, it's a lost cause to put them down.

    how does someone become that way towards themselves is a mystery but i think it has to do with someone's environment, how they were raised, the people they were around, their experiences with others, as well as if they have mental issues as well such as depression or anxiety.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  32. #82
    thatgirl
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    That's not true. It's not "conventionally" attractive that I want to be. I'd love to be attractive in an unconventional way. I'm not even that. I'm just plain.
    Ngl, I'm not sure I believe you when you say this...

    You say you want to get ahead professionally based on your appearance and you want to turn heads (as in "wow he's hot") in public based on your looks. It's much easier to achieve these things by being conventionally attractive. I'm still not sure why you want to feed in to all this superficiality which you say you abhor so much.

    Besides, unlike conventional beauty ideals, there isn't a strict standard for what qualifies as unconventionally attractive. But if you consider yourself "too plain" to be unconventional, then aren't you admitting that your looks fall in to the conventional category? I believe so.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    ...I just find it funny when the world tells you that you are this horrible person your entire life and then suddenly that same world tells you how wrong you are for not having confidence. Like let me just snap my fingers and summon up false confidence out of nowhere. It doesn't work that way. I've never once been given a reason to believe in myself, and yet now I'm expected to do just that.
    So you're going to basically ignore the positive feedback you get because you'd rather be dwelling on shitty things that were said to you by shitty people in your past? You're going to let those people define your self-worth for the rest of your life? No?

    So at what point will you take responsibility for building your self-esteem? Nobody is saying it's easy or that you need to snap your fingers and summon up false confidence. We're saying that you need to work harder on trying to change your mindset. Start by reducing the constant negative self-talk, it's counterproductive. You need to deal with your body image issues in a realistic and healthy way. Whether it's through therapy, reading self-help books, complimenting your body via those mirror exercises or saying daily affirmations etc. Experiment until you find something that works for you.

    You can choose to overcome these issues or you can keep ruminating about your negative experiences in the past and stay stuck in a rut, pitying yourself or hiding behind excuses (even if they are understandable). It's up to you. But you deserve to be confident and happy and at peace with yourself-- believe it. Do whatever you can to make it happen. Gradually, you will get to a good place if you really put your mind to it.
    Last edited by thatgirl; March 31st, 2013 at 11:05 AM.

  33. #83
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    Ngl, I'm not sure I believe you when you say this...

    You say you want to get ahead professionally based on your appearance and you want to turn heads (as in "wow he's hot") in public based on your looks. It's much easier to achieve these things by being conventionally attractive. I'm still not sure why you want to feed in to all this superficiality which you say you abhor so much.

    Besides, unlike conventional beauty ideals, there isn't a strict standard for what qualifies as unconventionally attractive. But if you consider yourself "too plain" to be unconventional, then aren't you admitting that your looks fall in to the conventional category? I believe so.
    Basically, even if I had one feature that stood out, I'd be happy. Even if it weren't the most attractive. But I'm ugly and not even ugly in a way that captures the eye. Just boring and ninteresting on top of ugly. I can't describe it. I spend all day photographing others and I fall short of everyone else. I simply don't like my face.

    I've done workshops, therapy, whatever. But after all the work, it's generally this: a consolation prize for actually being attractive. Spending time on brainwashing techniques to convince myself of what I know isn't really true.

    Whatever, though. I posted what I did on a horrible day and (in typical fashion) accidentally took over the thread. Gonna drop it. and hand it back to the OP now.

  34. #84
    CupidBoy
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Dedicated to anyone who feels insecure:


  35. #85
    JUB Addict EuroSoccer's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    ^ Nice one Jason

  36. #86
    CupidBoy
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by EuroSoccer View Post
    ^ Nice one Jason
    Now available on iTunes.

  37. #87
    thatgirl
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Basically, even if I had one feature that stood out, I'd be happy. Even if it weren't the most attractive. But I'm ugly and not even ugly in a way that captures the eye. Just boring and ninteresting on top of ugly. I can't describe it. I spend all day photographing others and I fall short of everyone else. I simply don't like my face.

    I've done workshops, therapy, whatever. But after all the work, it's generally this: a consolation prize for actually being attractive. Spending time on brainwashing techniques to convince myself of what I know isn't really true.

    Whatever, though. I posted what I did on a horrible day and (in typical fashion) accidentally took over the thread. Gonna drop it. and hand it back to the OP now.
    ^ Ok, do you.

    I'm still curious though, about how you'd like to look. I would be interested in you posting a photo of someone you'd like to resemble in the looks department.


    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    Maybe it's selfish or immature of me, but it pisses me off when I see people who are (at least) attractive in a basic sense talk about how ugly they are. Like seriously...it gets under my skin for some reason.
    I'm going to stop complimenting such people, because apparently they think you're just talking to hear yourself speak.
    It seems almost masochistic.

    But, honestly, some people seem irrational about their looks because they may have body dysmorphic disorder and not even be aware. So, it may be frustrating to hear them go on and on about being ugly but their struggle is real. Whereas others complain just to fish for compliments but usually it's pretty easy to spot these types and, yeah, they are annoying. lol

  38. #88
    CupidBoy
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    Whereas others complain just to fish for compliments but usually it's pretty easy to spot these types and, yeah, they are annoying. lol
    I just posted recent pictures of myself, I don't like them tho, I look totes uglee.

  39. #89
    thatgirl
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Dedicated to anyone who feels insecure:
    This song is a bit funny to me. You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful.

    It's basically like they're saying they love girls with low self-esteem. IDEK.

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    I just posted recent pictures of myself, I don't like them tho, I look totes uglee.
    Oh.

    I basically just imagine you as Liam from One Direction, now.
    Last edited by thatgirl; March 31st, 2013 at 11:55 AM.

  40. #90
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    I think some people will suffer from poor self esteem if they fail to realise that looks are subjective. There really isn't a right way to look in order to be on top. It is obvious that nothing guarantees someone will be found attractive by another person they are interested in, even if their look is trendy or popular. The reality is 7 billion people will not have a consensus on what is attractive, often they will come to opposing conclusions. To point this out to someone is not humouring someone or pitying them, but just inviting them to deal with reality: we're all good looking to someone. And with enough patience, we're all good looking to someone we find just as attractive.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  41. #91
    CupidBoy
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    This song is a bit funny to me. You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful.

    It's basically like they're saying they love girls with low self-esteem. IDEK.
    But did you buy it on iTunes tho?


    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    Oh.

    I basically just imagine you as Liam from One Direction, now.
    So, you imagine me as free of flaws then?

  42. #92

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    I think some people will suffer from poor self esteem if they fail to realise that looks are subjective. There really isn't a right way to look in order to be on top. It is obvious that nothing guarantees someone will be found attractive by another person they are interested in, even if their look is trendy or popular. The reality is 7 billion people will not have a consensus on what is attractive, often they will come to opposing conclusions. To point this out to someone is not humouring someone or pitying them, but just inviting them to deal with reality: we're all good looking to someone. And with enough patience, we're all good looking to someone we find just as attractive.
    This is plain fact. Very well put.

  43. #93
    thatgirl
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    But did you buy it on iTunes tho?
    No comment.


    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    So, you imagine me as free of flaws then?
    LMAO. Stahp.

    I remember the last time I mentioned 1 thing about Liam's hair on here, the good sis BFizzle left me a message saying "I didn't know you were about the 1D lyfe." How did I give this impression.

  44. #94
    CupidBoy
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    I remember the last time I mentioned 1 thing about Liam's hair on here, the good sis BFizzle left me a message saying "I didn't know you were about the 1D lyfe." How did I give this impression.
    Everyone is bout dat 1D lyfe, some of y'all just don't know it yet tbqh.


  45. #95
    TheSpectatingLoner
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    I think some people will suffer from poor self esteem if they fail to realise that looks are subjective. There really isn't a right way to look in order to be on top. It is obvious that nothing guarantees someone will be found attractive by another person they are interested in, even if their look is trendy or popular. The reality is 7 billion people will not have a consensus on what is attractive, often they will come to opposing conclusions. To point this out to someone is not humouring someone or pitying them, but just inviting them to deal with reality: we're all good looking to someone. And with enough patience, we're all good looking to someone we find just as attractive.
    Lectures like these incorrectly make the assumption that someone's sole purpose in wanting to be attractive is to find a significant other. That isn't always the case. Be mindful of that.
    Last edited by TheSpectatingLoner; March 31st, 2013 at 01:10 PM.

  46. #96
    Huntneo(PT)
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    You can choose to overcome these issues or you can keep ruminating about your negative experiences in the past and stay stuck in a rut, pitying yourself or hiding behind excuses (even if they are understandable). It's up to you.
    Just wanted to point out that you're so right about this bit. I don't necessarily know how definite a fit it is to SpectatingLoner's thought processes, but it definitely resonates with me.

    When I was growing up, I had relatives, friends, and random people say some of the nastiest things to me regarding my appearance. For some reason, people seemed to take pleasure in making a big deal about my mother being so much lighter-skinned than me. I was always very dark-skinned, so you can imagine what kinds of crazy things I must have heard. I also got made fun of because of my weight (but then again, a lot of us have been there before).

    I guess the biggest hurdle I had to get past was realizing that just because I have 'blue black' dark skin, it doesn't make me less attractive than anyone else. In fact, I learned to embrace it...and realized that it makes me unique. Not to mention, I think I wear it well.

    Sometime around my late high school/early college years...I broke away from some of the crap thinking I had instilled on me regarding my appearance. It also helped that the more I "got out there" and started dating/expanding my circle, etc. I saw that there is a little bit of everything to be found appearance-wise when it comes to human beings.

    If we all looked the same...how freaking boring would that be?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    But, honestly, some people seem irrational about their looks because they may have body dysmorphic disorder and not even be aware. So, it may be frustrating to hear them go on and on about being ugly but their struggle is real. Whereas others complain just to fish for compliments but usually it's pretty easy to spot these types and, yeah, they are annoying. lol
    True...(regarding the dysmorphic deal) and I keep that in mind, but that's not the case with some people. They just have a very low opinion of themselves and won't accept otherwise. I actually don't mind the people fishing for compliments...because I know that at the end of the day, they at least appreciate being told they look good.

  47. #97
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    Two of my gay friends tonight, told me there is no chance in Hell they'd ever date/sleep with me... Kinda brought me down the way they put it :/

    What are some good things you do to make yourself feel better?
    They are not your friends.

    Watch documentaries about people less fortunate than you and ask, would you kiss professor Hawkins ?
    Bad joke again sorry.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  48. #98
    thatgirl
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    Just wanted to point out that you're so right about this bit. I don't necessarily know how definite a fit it is to SpectatingLoner's thought processes, but it definitely resonates with me.

    When I was growing up, I had relatives, friends, and random people say some of the nastiest things to me regarding my appearance. For some reason, people seemed to take pleasure in making a big deal about my mother being so much lighter-skinned than me. I was always very dark-skinned, so you can imagine what kinds of crazy things I must have heard. I also got made fun of because of my weight (but then again, a lot of us have been there before).

    I guess the biggest hurdle I had to get past was realizing that just because I have 'blue black' dark skin, it doesn't make me less attractive than anyone else. In fact, I learned to embrace it...and realized that it makes me unique. Not to mention, I think I wear it well.
    I didn't realize that you're blue-black. Maybe it was just the lighting of the photo I saw. On a scale of Wentworth Miller to Wesley Snipes*, I thought you were more like a Lance Gross complexion. Anyway, that shade you described is gorgeous, the way the light shines off of it and it pretty much hides all blemishes and stuff. Lucky! I'm glad you grew to love it and appreciate it, it's eye-catching. I've told you before that I'm dark-skinned, too (think Gabrielle Union type of shade)-- and I especially love it when my tone deepens during the summer despite being told to "stay in the shade, you don't want to get darker." I was once offered this body cream thing only to figure out it was bleaching lotion. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Haters will have to deal.

    I'm sure your mother's skin is beautiful complexion and so is yours. My family comes in different shades of brown, too, and we never feel that one is more superior another. People who feel the need to play in to the shadeism b.s. are ignorant. Unfortunately, they'll always be around, trying to keep the self-hate alive. And we'll stay ignoring them. ^_^


    *I saw someone use this "scale" before on another site but I thought it was cute so I'm gonna use it, too. I'm sure Wesley Snipes isn't the darkest shade out there but I couldn't think of anyone else. Maybe Djimon Hounsou. lol


    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    If we all looked the same...how freaking boring would that be?
    Very boring. That's what some people don't realize it. The variety is amazing to take in, it's beautiful. Unfortunately, some people just have an incredibly narrow definition of what's beautiful and they are just stuck on that... Oh well. Their loss. *shrug*

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    I actually don't mind the people fishing for compliments...because I know that at the end of the day, they at least appreciate being told they look good.
    LOL. Well if they fish for compliments in cute way and don't overdo it, it's endearing. Like "my hair is a mess and I haven't slept in 48hrs but here's a pic of me." Annoying = "this is probably the UGLIEST face you'll ever see, but here's a photo of me."

  49. #99
    thatgirl
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Everyone is bout dat 1D lyfe, some of y'all just don't know it yet tbqh.

    IDK, none of them appeal to me. I feel bad for that one everyone makes fun of, the blond one. I'd stan for him just for that reason alone. lol

    Anyway, I'm only about that Naomi Campbell life for the time being, CB. TYFYT.


  50. #100
    CupidBoy
    Guest

    Re: How's your self-esteem? What do you do to boost it?

    ^ gurl we gonna have problems then, I stan for Tyra, tbaft.


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