Hey guys. I just wanted to spill my guts here. I am not sure what I am seeking in response, but I guess I just want to be told I am not the only one like this.
Ok so I know I have had a foot fetish from when I was young. I am repulsed by women's feet, but love men's feet and fanticised about male feet through my life.
Then comes the idea that, I am not sure if I am gay or bi. I don't find girls that great. The furthest I have gone with a girl is sucking her tits, but I had a raging boner with precum, but I am really not that excited to have sex with a girl. I do think I will try it when the opportunity arises.
I have sucked my friends dick, deep throated it and swallowed his cum, but I felt so guilty after it, and never spoke to him again (wtf is with that, he was one of my best friends)
But now I see myself at 18 and a half, and at university, where I find myself looking at guys majority of the time. The only time I find a girl sexy is if she is my perfect type, or something spectacular.
I feel I have such impossibly high standards. I was fat and pimply. (Lost 20kgs and am pretty average now). I don't think I am a great looking person, but I know people love me for my personality. I feel as if my standards are too high for the person I am (Like if I was a very attractive person).
I physically do not get turned on by feminine boys. Id say I am neither, probably more on the masculine side, and lately, going through YouTube and such, it is so rare to see a gay couple without a very feminine guy. This kind of worries me because I have such a niche criteria (not the right word I know)
a) semi good looking (It is shallow I know but what can I do about it)
b) good personality (the biggest factor to me)
c) not a fem boy
d) has to be into me, that with the other 3 points would be very rare.
I feel so weird about this because I know there could be more opportunities if I came out as bi. I think I am about 80% into guys, 20% into girls. I do not want to come out as gay and be pigeon holed into being only into men. So it goes both ways. If I did, there couldbe more opportunities, but it seems unnecessary coming out as bi unless I found a male love interest, but in doing so I may cripple my chances of ever being with a girl.
I feel as if people will think I am a real asshole for mentioning these points, but I really cannot help what I am attracted to. I wish my standards were lower and I could be so open about it but I am just going through a confusing time.
OKKKKKKK. So I know how scattered that was. That is just what is playing on my mind and I tried to sequence it in some form. I just felt I had to get it off my chest.
What the hell is wrong with me?