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  1. #1
    JUB Addict SaskGuy's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    I don't think this incident single handedly caused you to be gay, as I believe people are born gay. It certainly shaped your opinion about sex with women though.
    There's a lot of guys who were molested by women, and ended up straight, and a lot of guys who were molested by other guys, and turned out straight.
    Interestingly enough, I watched a documentary involving homosexuality when I was in my early teens, and there was a guy on there who was molested by a guy just before puberty, and he thinks that's what turned him gay.

  2. #2
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    It's nothing to be afraid of. It's an excellent source of calcium and if you get a skim or low-fat version then there is no problem with cholesterol either. It's great plain but honestly, who can argue with chocolate?
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  3. #3
    JUB Addict T-Rexx's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Quote Originally Posted by JP. View Post
    Ya, Im curious of sexuality outcome of molested victim

    If a guy molested by a man, will he turn gay/straight?
    If a guy molested by a woman, will he turn gay/straight?
    If a girl molested by a man, will she turn gay/straight?
    If a girl molested by a woman, will she turn gay/straight?
    Sexuality is present at birth. It is not determined by life experiences.

    Quote Originally Posted by JP. View Post
    I was 11 back then, I probably attracted to homoerotic- way before time
    I think you just answered your own question.

  4. #4

    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    JP. - I can understand why you might ask that question, and I applaud you for reaching out. You've explained it very well. I'm not a therapist, just someone who, as a teenager in the '70's, had a lot of questions but nobody to ask.

    To your question, Did she shape your orientation to be gay? I would say her actions affected your view of intimacy, authority, and sex as a part of the big picture of your life - but did not shape your orientation directly or indirectly. Many gay men have had sex with women. (Me included)

    I define orientation to mean the direction I have always been heading. In what direction do you feel you were heading before the incident? (Straight, Gay, Bi, Trans, Questioning) Is that different from how you feel now? Are you OK with that answer? (Is feeling the same OK? Is feeling different OK?)

    You answers may give you an idea of how you were affected by the incident. Follow up with a therapist or counselor to help you understand your answers, and more importantly help you understand what happened. You don't mention your age and how long ago this occurred. We all handle trauma in different ways. You may truly be unaffected and completely over it. You may, however, still be in a state of shock. I recommend counseling to help you discover the path to your answers.

    In 7th or 8th grade, an older high-school student attempted to molest me in a bathroom. I had similar self-doubting questions following the incident. I hit puberty before sixth grade, and long before this night I had already discovered what made me tingle "down there." But this felt somehow dirty. This dude wasn't taking "No" for an answer, so I quickly repositioned myself and made a dash out the bathroom door. I never told anyone. And although in my case the situation never got as involved as you and your teacher, I was none-the-less traumatized a little bit.

    Before that day - I knew I was gay. After that day - I still knew I was gay. So I think I understand your question.

    Be reassured that you're not the only person asking the question "Did this make me gay?" And please don't trivialize being molested by anyone - teacher, doctor, priest - MALE or FEMALE. (I'm a retired teacher) You may not think it's a big deal on the surface(what schoolboy wouldn't want to be having sex, period.) I hope you realize asking your question is a sign you were affected.(IMO) Maybe not in a significant manner, but enough to raise doubts and cause you to question your feelings - which can be worse than the actual molestation.


    Gay and straight are just labels. If you draw a half-circle and write "Completely Gay" at one end, and "Completely Straight" on the other end, you can see how much more space there is in the middle of those two absolute positions. Everyone fits in somewhere on that arc.

    The gist of my advice is don't let yourself be defined by one moment. If you continue to have questions about how this episode of abuse shaped your outlook you should seek the guidance of a professional. When my life seemingly went berserk, I was lucky enough to find a great therapist who helped me in many ways. He was straight but that didn't cloud his ability to understand.

    Bear Hugs

  5. #5
    Count Hedgecula freefall's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Off the topic, but Jos, I think you may have PTSD. It's natural to be anxious or having windups of what happened since you perceived what happened to you as something greatly traumatising. However, normally not to the extend of the chest pain or shortness of breath you experienced. You may benefit from seeing a psychiatrist.

    As for your question, not so much. Sexuality is after all inborn. Sexual molestations/abuse/violence may play some part in sexual development, but more for deviancy instead of orientation.

    Actually, even for deviancy it's not even often.
    come now, my child. if we were planning to harm you, do you think
    we'd be lurking here beside the path in the darkest part of the forest?

  6. #6
    Sex God Str8Top14701's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    I don't know that it "made" you gay, but it clearly did cause you to have an aversion towards women, which understandable. The thing that strikes me about your statement is the way you phrased it: "consentual sex with woman[sic]".

  7. #7
    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    So sorry to hear what you have to go through JP Funny how male pedo/molesters always get treated way more seriously than female ones. Personally I think it might have affected how you feel towards women.

  8. #8
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    I have never been convinced that nurture does not play a role in our sexuality, at least to some degree.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  9. #9
    je suis charlie
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Jp.

    If you haven't had counselling by now, then get some.

    Her molesting you did not make you a homo, but it certainly may have scarred your psyche.

    Only a professional can help you with this process though.

    Good Luck.

    Oh. and remember for what it is worth. Lord Byron's nanny molested him as well.

  10. #10
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    JP,

    I agree with others that therapy would do you a world of good. This molestation didn't make you gay; you were born this way. But, it's clearly impacting your life and your ability to socialize, even in non-sexual situations. Best to address it sooner than later.

  11. #11
    je suis charlie
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Just one final note.

    I have no idea why you would use the term MILF in a title about sexual abuse.

    This, if nothing else, tells me that therapy is essential for you.

  12. #12
    Look, listen and rejoice oakpope's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    I think it is the other way around. You were already 'gay', and the improper conduct of the woman was all the more traumatic because you were gay and not attracted in any way to her.

    I remember vividly when I was 6 or 7yo, a 10yo girl with her girl friends forced a kiss on my mouth. I was disgusted and I remember it still at 43. But I know now that I was already gay. The repulsion was without a doubt more strong because of it. I'm convinced it is not the other way and she didn't turn me gay

    Hope it helps you understand yourself.
    Magna Veritas


  13. #13
    Count Hedgecula freefall's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    I have never been convinced that nurture does not play a role in our sexuality, at least to some degree.
    I believe it's more to sexual awakening and enlightenment and development of sexual behaviours. The environment will sharpen and help someone learn through and understand their sexuality, regardless of their final thoughts and choice about it.

    Not in shaping sexuality orientation though.

    Quote Originally Posted by JP. View Post
    Is really that bad? PTSD?
    The thing with PTSD is like someone who is afraid of tigers gets extremely freaked out by merely a shadow which resembles tigers - which may be something which is nowhere near or as harmful as the real tiger. It may be debilitating, since you cannot completely avoid dealing with the source of your anxiety - in this case, older women.

    Imagine if you have to take care of your college administration. The secretary is an older woman who fits your object of anxiety - and you have to wait for 10 minutes in her office, which is small and cramped that you have to be in close proximity with her. Imagine how this simple task, done by a potentially harmless woman, will be dreadful to you just because of your maladaption.

    The easiest way is asking any of your friends if they have chest pain/severe shortness of breath while dealing with any condition making them nervous. I'd guarantee 90% answers no - and the one answering yes may have struggles uphill.

    I really hope you try looking for help. It's not something you can carry on forever without causing trouble. Be well then
    come now, my child. if we were planning to harm you, do you think
    we'd be lurking here beside the path in the darkest part of the forest?

  14. #14
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    And I'm afraid of DILDO.

  15. #15
    Sex God Str8Top14701's Avatar
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    Re: Im afraid of MILF!

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    I have never been convinced that nurture does not play a role in our sexuality, at least to some degree.
    It can. I know women that were abused by male when young and I'd say chose to be with women more than any natural inclination.

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