So I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. It's been pretty great despite a few moments where I've had some paranoid moments. But before I get into the topic at hand, Let me explain a few things: This is my first relationship. He is much more experienced with relationships than I am. That being said, I have a feeling that's where a lot of the paranoia comes from. I have a history of hooking up with random guys (before we started our relationship, of course) and I'm used to going from guy to guy and now I have someone in my life that I love.
So I have a couple of questions that I get paranoid about and I need someone to shed some light on the situation and just be real with me. I used to get paranoid about him talking about his exes. I used to feel that he had feelings for one in particular still (his most recent), but I got over that and it's not an uncomfortable subject anymore. It just took some time for me to realize that this is a more permanent relationship and I'm not just a rebound.
Second, I used to feel really uncomfortable with the fact that he watches porn. I even felt uncomfortable watching porn at first. I guess I really just don't like the feeling of him watching other guys, who are more attractive than I am, have sex. I feel like there's something that I can't give to him. It hurts a little bit. We don't have sex sometimes for a couple of weeks at a time. He's always busy with homework or just doesn't have time, but he seems to find time to masterbate. I have needs and I want to have more sex with my boyfriend, which I've explained to him on more than one occasion.
He explains to me that it's not that he's not sexually attracted to me, it's just that when he is stressed about school, his sex drive goes down a little bit, but it still bugs me that he'd rather masterbate by himself instead of having a quickie with me.
I want to get over this because he is a great guy, and I don't doubt that he loves me. It's just difficult to want more attention from him and not being able to get it. We had a recent blowup the other night because I thought he was checking other guys out when we went out to eat and it makes me frustrated because we already have very limited time together, I just want the focus to be on me when we DO have time together.
I don't know what's normal in relationship because I've never been in one before. I'm trying so hard to make things feel okay, but it's difficult sometimes. I'm trying to work on it and I'm trying to figure out the issue. Is it that I don't trust him? Is it that I feel like I'm not attractive enough for him? If I weren't attractive enough for him, then why is he still with me?