Is it over?

[Manuel13]

I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost two years and have lately been questioning whether the relationship should continue. I feel like I haven't been sexually satisfied in this relationship in a long time, and I don't feel like that is likely to change anytime soon. Sexually I really prefer to bottom, and my boyfriend has problems staying hard, so that has been a common point of frustration. Unfortunately, I feel like being sexually unsatisfied over time has also in some ways led to me becoming emotionally unsatisfied and detached. I feel like I've been more irritable or quickly frustrated with him lately, and it's not been healthy for our relationship.

Part of me feels guilty for thinking about ending a relationship because of sex, like I'm being very shallow, but part of me doesn't. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is the only person I've had sex with. (He can't say the same.) It bothers me that I saved myself for this one guy who not only didn't do the same for me, but who, when the moment comes, can't even keep his dick hard. I admit that part of me wants to experience what it would be like to be with another guy and would be super turned on by that, but part me also feels that would be a mistake. In spite of all my frustrations, there are lots of great things about our relationship too. How can I figure out if this is a dead end relationship or of it can/should be salvaged?

[Brian Smith]

Hmm, well, my boyfriend and I both prefer being bottom, oddly enough. For a while, we played with a (monstrously large) double-headed dildo, and then we eventually took to frottage and never looked back.

Anyway, if you think the relationship is at risk of becoming abusive, you and he are better off without it. If it were an otherwise good relationship with less-than-satisfactory sex, I'd tell you to try to save it. I'd say try a few pills that might help, or see a counselor. That's not the case. You have admitted that you have been getting quick-tempered with him. I doubt either of you deserve to have that kind of dysfunction in your lives.

Either way, I suggest you talk to him. I suggest admitting to him that this is why you've been short with him, and admit that you feel embarrassed about it. To me, the most important thing is to keep both of you away from getting truly hurt, and the first step is communication. A lack of communication is the first step to true destruction. If you talk to him now, you can still end it on good terms, or just maybe he could figure out some way to satisfy you.

Good luck. It sounds like you're both good people.

[jensu846]

dont waste any more of your youth for a guy that doesnt fulfill your sexual needs. You will end up resenting him and kicking yourself later. You're young and really should be having the best sex of your life. just my opinion.

[Seasoned]

Healthy relationships depend on communication. You're irritable because you're sexually frustrated. He needs to know that.

[CupidBoy]

Healthy relationships depend on communication. You're irritable because you're sexually frustrated. He needs to know that.

Absolutely, if he is willing to talk to you about it and work on it he cares for you and is worth the effort. If not, he obviously doesn't. I hope it works out for the best, but don't limit yourself for the sake of another, or for the fact that you invested so much time, sometimes relationships run their course.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

[hylas]

sexual compatibility is an important factor in a relationship. if his dick is really the only problem here, he should get over his pride and put on a strap-on. but i feel, reading between the lines, that you want out of the relationship anyway. so break it off.

oh, and just as an aside, id drop the judgemental "i saved myself for him, he cant say the same" attitude if i were you. its bullshit.

[para0402]

My advice, try to work it out with him. If things still stay the same, then end the relationship by all means. But don't just end it without trying to iron things out. You'll probably regret it later if you don't. You're still young. So even if you break up a year later, it isn't too late to go out and find some other guy.

[jaysizzles]

I say break it off with him. You seem to want to experience more than what you have, and as long as you stay with him you'll always wonder what else is out there...it will fester! It was good while it lasted and you've gained great life experience with the time you've had with him, but there is so much more out there that you will never know unless you are free to do so.

[illgetbi]

In spite of all my frustrations, there are lots of great things about our relationship too.

Such as? Can you share a few with us?

What is it that keeps pulling you in despite the sexual issues that are pushing you out?

And are these 'great things' as great as they were earlier in the relationship, or have they been diminishing?