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Thread: relationship advice!!

      
   
  1. #1

    relationship advice!!

    I will keep it real short! I have been seeing this guy for a month or so ...I thought we were exclusively dating (because I asked him if that's what he wanted..and he said yes)..anyway I was checking messagess on gaydar today and saw him on line..he said he couldn't see me today because he was going to see his son..anyway it wasn't a problem at all because something migh have come up and he didn't get to see his son or he forgot to turn off his computer before going out or something....also the fact he was on gaydar wasn't a problem either...because I was on too..
    but the thing is that when you are on gaydar, there is this section that you choose 'Right now I am....' thingy... like right now I am 'looking to hook up now',,,'chatting'..'.travelling in your area' etc...and if you don't choose, it just goes 'checking messages'... (mine is always 'checking messages')

    He was 'Looking to hook up now'....

    obviously we are not in a serious relationship yet and I haven't met anyone else since we've met because that's what we have agreed to do??
    ..
    so what now? should I ask him about this? in a very gentle and kind way? or don't ever contact him at all?....or just forget about this and act normal? or do I look for some fun as well? or asking him again about what we want and are looking for (relationship or casual fun)?


    Sorry about a rather long post and sounding like a nagging girlfriend.....and thank you all for your replies in advance!!
    Last edited by talmoode; March 13th, 2013 at 05:23 AM.

  2. #2

    Re: relationship advice!!

    I would act like nothing has happned. You guys have only been seeing each other for a month or so. Too soon to start worrying about stuff like that...lol. Wait til you hit the 7 year status in a relationship......then you can worry about every little thing....lol

  3. #3
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    Re: relationship advice!!

    I think you have a lot of feelings for this guy if you are concerned about his Im looking... Its like when I started dating my girlfriend which we have since broken up for about a month now, We aren't facebook official yet? Its like do you really need me to change it so its facebook official? I hate this day in age with all of the facebook official yada yada shit. It shouldn't matter. But your feelings do.

    Honestly, I'd drop it. But if you have strong feelings for him or are really bothered by this or really want it to be exclusive, then bring it up. If you are in a relationship where you BOTH committed to it, then communication is key. But you are at fault also for being on gaydar. However people take things a little too seriously and it could end up damaging your relationship. But you have to keep yourself and your feelings first.

  4. #4

    Re: relationship advice!!

    thank you, mt2286 and Storybook_Man for your advice! I think I will drop it and act normal. I was being overly senstive I guess ....I will try to keep this relationship casual and meet other guys as well to see what's more out there!!!
    Last edited by talmoode; March 13th, 2013 at 01:06 PM.

  5. #5

    Re: relationship advice!!

    oh..one more thing..if I was going to meet other guys, would I have to tell him that or just do it behind his back?.......maybe telling him the truth is better that I want it a casual relationship..after all honesty is the key in every relationship..
    Last edited by talmoode; March 13th, 2013 at 11:42 PM.

  6. #6

    Re: relationship advice!!

    I would ask him how his day went with his son. Did you do anything fun? etc etc. Depending on answer I would jokingly ask if him and his son like to do three ways with other guys because his gaydar status was looking to hook up. I have a sick sense of humor though, so you might want to skip that.
    It was either an honest mistake. Or he is lying to you and is not getting everything out of your relationship and has to go elsewhere. Yes it was only one month but depending on how many dates you have been on that could be a lot or a little.
    I would be honest, but that's me.
    T

  7. #7
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    Re: relationship advice!!

    Quote Originally Posted by talmoode View Post
    oh..one more thing..if I was going to meet other guys, would I have to tell him that or just do it behind his back?.......maybe telling him the truth is better that I want it a casual relationship..after all honesty is the key in every relationship..
    Honestly, I wouldn't try meeting up with other guys. Talk to him about the being exclusive part, if you want to be that way or not and how he feels on it. Communication is key in a relationship.

  8. #8

    Re: relationship advice!!

    Thank you, Taurox and Storybook_Man for your replies.

    We dinned out and went to the movies last night (watched 'Broken City'). It was kind of like our first official date. We normally hang out at his place and even when we first met, we had a coffee at the mall and went straight to his place!!!

    On the way back home, we both admitted that it was nice but rather awkward. I haven't been in a relationship for the past 5 years and he's just broken up with his boyfriend like 6 months ago and we both didn't know what to talk about. There were a few moments of silence which felt slightly awkward and his ex boyfriend's name kept coming up during dinner and I got a bit uncomfortable with that.

    Anyway we got to talk about our relationship before movie started. I told him not to worry about what I said before (a couple of weeks back) about me liking him and us being exclusive. I told him that if he wanted it a casual relationship, that would be fine with me but we should be honest with each other so if he wanted to see other guys or got bored with me or someting, he should tell me so and so should I. He said that he would do that and that he was taking as it comes (what does this mean by taking as it comes? bad or good?)

    While we were watching the movie, I got a message from a son of my ex. My ex passed away from cancer 10 days ago and I sent a message the other day to his son to see if he was doing okay. On the way back, I told him about this and he misunderstood that I got a message from my other ex and he asked me if I was going to meet him. His face seemed tense a bit. It looked like he was a bit concerned about me seeing my ex again or something! jealous huh? But as you might already know, I tend to over think and over analyze things haha!

    I still like him a lot but this feeling is not as intense as before and I don't constantly think of him any more. Maybe his suspicious behaviour here and there and his indecisiveness have finally got to me and my heart has started to listen to my brain. I have been talking to a few guys way before I met him and they have wanted to meet me in person. I am not going to do anything bad behind his back. Am I a bad person for just even talking to these guys?
    Last edited by talmoode; March 14th, 2013 at 05:01 PM.

  9. #9
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    Re: relationship advice!!

    A lot of the times when a relationship first starts out, ex's will be brought up. Its a way of them telling you what they liked and disliked about their ex, seeing if you fit either of those descriptions or seeing how it effects you. Sometimes it could be that they just want to get it off of their chest or that they may still have feelings for them. After all, if you have loved someone, some feelings will never go away. The only thing you can do is show your feelings brighter. The awkward silences will happen in a new relationship until you grow accustomed to each other. It will be especially awkward after bringing up ex's lol..

    What you said to him about your relationship with him was perfect, I feel. And from what I believe he meant about taking as it comes, is that he wants to see where this relationship will go. You can't just jump into a relationship and expect things to kick off right away. You need to let feelings develop, don't rush into them, please don't rush into them. I just recently had an experience with this where I rushed into my feelings instead of letting them develop, in the long run, I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend.. So what he said is neither good nor bad, it is in the middle. However if you do get into a full blown relationship, being casual with other people during it, could hurt the relationship or it could help it. But that I wouldn't worry about right now.

    You may have over analyzed him about the way he reacted. But I honestly think he is jealous and that is a sign that shows he has feelings for you. If his face was tense, he definitely has feelings for you, he just doesn't know where to take them yet. Also my condolences about your ex.

    Honestly I think the reason why you don't have as intense feelings for him or constantly think of him is because of his behavior and his indecisiveness. It seems you want a relationship and it also seems that you think he isn't interested in one so your brain is tricking your heart. Its common for this to happen. You have feelings for him, but then you also don't want to get hurt. So you tend to lash out or have concerning thoughts. I know it is hard, but leave those thoughts alone. If you truly want to be with him then spend time with him without having these thoughts on your mind. However it can't be like this forever because you do have to account for your own feelings.

    You're not a bad person for talking to these people, especially if you met them before you met him. Its just he has a stronger bond to you then the others and recently you have been having thoughts that he may not be interested in a relationship. See where this goes. Spend time with him, see how you and him develop, but if you aren't happy, so as you said, be honest with him and communicate it.

  10. #10

    Re: relationship advice!!

    thank you again, Storybook_Man for your advice!~ it is very kind of you to spend your precious time on replying to my posts! Everything you have said is just spot on and I do think that he is interested in me but wants to take it slow.

  11. #11

    Re: relationship advice!!

    First date in a month?? Ok I gotta ask.

    What have you been doing at his house? Hanky panky or just hanging out as friends?

    How long was the previous relationship? The one that ended 6 months ago.

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