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  1. #1

    Don't Tear Me Up

    So I know I haven't mentioned it before here yet, but I was actually a Navy Corpsman for five years (2006-2011). DADT was in full swing at the time and I saw a lot concerning it that I still really don't want to talk about.

    Anyway, about a month ago I came out to a really good friend of mine I made while I was in the Navy over Facebook where we still chat from time to time. His reaction? "I'm sorry, but you have to give me some time to process this." What did that even mean? What could you possibly have to "process" by knowing a friends is gay? Why is this such a big deal? I'm the one who has to deal with being gay. What are you dealing with?

    When I told my gay friends they all said that if he was worth my time he'd come around eventually, so I kept trying to check in with him just to see how he was "coping", or whatever and he wouldn't talk to me at all. He wouldn't even type a quick response to "how are you doing?" or anything. I even tried commenting on his irrelevant and pointless status updates. Still I got nothing but silence in return.

    Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. Your stupid reaction to me coming out is making me feel like I somehow hurt you by being gay. Don't poison my blood with your bitterness by trying to make me feel guilty. It's a weight on my shoulders. It's a fatal disease. I think of what we've been through together. I think of all the craziness. I think of all the tenderness, but life is a bitch, and it's way too short your shit. I don't ever want to see your picture again.



    Yeah, he's no longer on my Facebook, and is out of my life all together. Sayōnara, asshole.
    Don't do scat, kids. It means you're a Republican.

  2. #2
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    im sorry youre hurting.

    sometimes, its not unresonable for people to take some time to "process" a coming out. i mean, how long did it take you to come to terms with your sexuality? you have to give your friends and family some time, too.

    but it looks like this ones gone for good, so thats probably not whats going on here. im sorry that your friend failed you like this.

    i gotta ask though, are you crushing on him? because it kinda sounds like you are. and that would cast the situation in a slightly different light.

  3. #3

    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    Quote Originally Posted by hylas View Post
    im sorry youre hurting.

    sometimes, its not unresonable for people to take some time to "process" a coming out. i mean, how long did it take you to come to terms with your sexuality? you have to give your friends and family some time, too.

    but it looks like this ones gone for good, so thats probably not whats going on here. im sorry that your friend failed you like this.

    i gotta ask though, are you crushing on him? because it kinda sounds like you are. and that would cast the situation in a slightly different light.
    Not really on the last part. It's complicated.
    Don't do scat, kids. It means you're a Republican.

  4. #4
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    As hylas has already said , i am sorry that this was the outcome of coming out to someone that you clearly felt a bond with .

    You have nothing to feel guilty about "if anything coming out to a close friend take`s courage" especially if it was a complicated
    friendship .

    Life kinda sucks sometimes ,

  5. #5
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    You don't know and he is not telling you why, so there is no way for us to know. It could be as simple as him not liking gay guys. Did you ever know him to make anti-gay comments before? Maybe he felt you were not honest with him by not telling him before? Maybe he just lacks understanding? There could be lots of maybes.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  6. #6
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    trying to step carefully, what im trying to say is, from what little i know about you and this situation, you come across like a bit of an emotional mess, and perhaps a little needy. and its perhaps understandable that he took a step back from that. or maybe im way off.

    either way, its not fair of him to just let you hang like this, and again, im sorry youre hurting.

  7. #7
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    sounds like there's no place for him in your life. people come and go - we all experience it. it baffles me how your sexuality should affect him at all. it's not his business!

  8. #8
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    You just have to stop trying to interact with him completely. If he wants to be your friend, he'll come around, if not, poking him metaphorically isn't going to help anything.

    Some guys just are like that. I lost a few, most of us have. It sucks but there it is.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  9. #9
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    I'm sorry, but his friendship isn't worth much. Too bad he's not the friend you thought he was.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  10. #10
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Tear Me Up

    Quote Originally Posted by Vitamin View Post
    ...about a month ago I came out to a really good friend of mine I made while I was in the Navy over Facebook where we still chat from time to time. His reaction? "I'm sorry, but you have to give me some time to process this." What did that even mean? What could you possibly have to "process" by knowing a friends is gay? Why is this such a big deal? I'm the one who has to deal with being gay. What are you dealing with? ...
    Well, it sounds like you were his friend but he wasn't as much your friend, by comparison.

    That assumes that this was all about friendship and there wasn't any physical attraction to him on your part.

    These sorts of things weed out who is your friend and who is not. You can be angry and focus on the rejection from someone who wasn't a real friend. Or you can put your energy into being thankful for the friends who have remained your friend after you came out. That is your choice.
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