Exactly, what does 'curious' mean?

[Singularity]

Here and there, I see members who ticked the box 'curious'. I understand that one can be open-minded when it comes to sex and sexuality, but what exactly does the 'curious' bit entail? What's the temptation? Where are the limits?

I'd be "curious" about your thoughts and opinions.

[HunterM]

Well...curiosity killed the cat.

[JohannBessler]

I think I can answer.

I would call myself "straight-curious"; someone else--who I deem an expert in human sexuality--once termed me "hetero-curious".

That means, I don't very often think about having sex with a woman, but once in a while--once in a great while--I have an urge. "What does it feel like to have myself surrounded by a warm, inviting vagina?" I think.

I think "gay-curious" might be similar.

[ElmosToe]

I refer to myself as just sexual in real life. If someone honestly asks me and presses to give them some sort of valid answer in their eyes (rare), I say I am not entirely straight. As for this site, there wasn't an option for it, so I chose curious. I am sure to make it easier for others I could have selected bisexual but then that would be dishonest.

To me, just as with being gay or straight, I see bisexuality as it's own separate orientation. If you can have a sexual and romantic relationship with either a man or woman, then you're bi. I have never had a relationship with a dude, not looking for one and don't want one. Doesn't mean I can't mess around with a buddy. Also, my idea of messing around or sex is merely just going as far as an occasional blow job, mostly just mutual masturbation or frot, not into anal or kissing.

As for others, it can be used as a loose ambiguous term to encompass anything that doesn't fit into society's pretty little mold of labels and stereotypes. Like Johan's example, there are many members here who I was surprised to discover are gay but have a fascination or desire to be a woman on occasion.

[nycguydowntown]

It means you want a dick up your ass.

[Joe06877]

It means you want a dick up your ass.

LOL Well said!

[ElmosToe]

It means you want a dick up your ass.

I guess I'm not curious then.

[MatttheBruinsfan]

Also, my idea of messing around or sex is merely just going as far as an occasional blow job, mostly just mutual masturbation or frot, not into anal or kissing.

Yet this is true of me too except that I like kissing, and I'm gold-star gay. I don't think it's what exact sexual activities you prefer that make you gay or bi; it's the person you enjoy them with having the same plumbing as you.

[jwa007]

It means you want a dick up your ass.

Oh, in that case I guess I'm curious as well. And here all this time I thought I was decidedly Bi. Not curious, not confused, just Bi. heh heh. Oh, does it signify in any way that I also love a dick in my mouth? Just curious wonderin'.

[Str8Top14701]

It's change from meaning actually curious about bi sex to also include dabbling in it now and then, as in situational bisexuality of any kind.

[jmadaf]

You are thinking about gay sex, but haven't done it yet, need more information.

[blackbeltninja]

I think I can answer.

I would call myself "straight-curious"; someone else--who I deem an expert in human sexuality--once termed me "hetero-curious".

That means, I don't very often think about having sex with a woman, but once in a while--once in a great while--I have an urge. "What does it feel like to have myself surrounded by a warm, inviting vagina?" I think.

I think "gay-curious" might be similar.

Close, I reckon, but I think it's much more than once in a while and probably closer to the realm of quite often. Additionally, I would think that discussing it would feature quite prominently for a curious person.

I would also broaden the definition to include a higher likelihood of actually giving it a go if the situation arose and the circumstances were right, although I wouldn't like to guess exactly how far anyone might choose to go.

-d-

[JohannBessler]

^One of the nicest things about JUB is that it serves very well as a classroom, I think.

When I came to JUB, I had an old-fashioned idea of bisexuality (and bi-curious, gay-curious), but after discussing the topic in depth, I realize that the old definition of bisexuality was quite a stereotype.

I believe now that human sexuality really does follow a wide spectrum. I'm not even sure that the term "gay" is accurate, because what would happen to a gay man if he were to live in an all-female facility?

I can honestly say I think about bonking women only rarely. I get urges once or twice a year.
Do bisexuals think of sex with women half the time, and men half the time? Probably not. Probably, that definition, too, is simplistic.

I'd love to hear more people talk about it. You have a willing listener.

[jwa007]

^One of the nicest things about JUB is that it serves very well as a classroom, I think.

When I came to JUB, I had an old-fashioned idea of bisexuality (and bi-curious, gay-curious), but after discussing the topic in depth, I realize that the old definition of bisexuality was quite a stereotype.

I believe now that human sexuality really does follow a wide spectrum. I'm not even sure that the term "gay" is accurate, because what would happen to a gay man if he were to live in an all-female facility?

I can honestly say I think about bonking women only rarely. I get urges once or twice a year.
Do bisexuals think of sex with women half the time, and men half the time? Probably not. Probably, that definition, too, is simplistic.

I'd love to hear more people talk about it. You have a willing listener.

I agree. Sexuality is very fluid and not just among different people, I think it is fluid through life stages and ages. I think everyone has a sliding scale of sexual preference. I am in a heterosexual long-term relationship but that does not mean that my urge for homosexual encounters does not grow strong from time to time. I've also come to realize that gender and gender identity is more fluid than binary. At one time I thought I was a bit of a cross dresser because I enjoyed wearing women's panties, but not bras or other things. But when I discovered the delightful world of frilly underwear for men I realized I wanted more feminine underwear, but I'm very happy that what I wear is designed for men. A lot of gender identity is derived from cultural, not biological, cues.

[ElmosToe]

It's change from meaning actually curious about bi sex to also include dabbling in it now and then, as in situational bisexuality of any kind.

^^ bingo...

[blackbeltninja]

I can honestly say I think about bonking women only rarely. I get urges once or twice a year.
Do bisexuals think of sex with women half the time, and men half the time? Probably not. Probably, that definition, too, is simplistic.

I'd love to hear more people talk about it. You have a willing listener.

On the strength of that in bold, I personally would not classify you as curious. Personally, I reckon the curious guys on here think about it a lot more than that, which is probably why there are here. At least, I assume you don't frequent many straight-porn discussion boards, JB?

-d-

[ElmosToe]

straight-porn discussion boards

Do they even exist?

[ButchMcLean]

It means exactly what it says!

I WANT TO SEE WHAT BEING WITH A MAN REALLY FEELS LIKE

[BiMike]

Do they even exist?

Yes jackinchat.com But a lot of 'curious' guys go there too

[JohannBessler]

On the strength of that in bold, I personally would not classify you as curious. Personally, I reckon the curious guys on here think about it a lot more than that, which is probably why there are here. At least, I assume you don't frequent many straight-porn discussion boards, JB?

-d-

haha I didn't even know those existed.

That being said, I do have dreams about having sex with women. This occurs more often than once or twice a year.

As I said before, I now believe that human sexuality is fluid and works on a spectrum, as opposed to my original belief that human sexuality is binary. I attribute this change of heart directly to my experience on JUB, mirrored by self-reflection of on my own experiences.

I think I can go even further. Maybe a person's sexuality doesn't stay in the same spot during his lifetime.

I wish scientists would spend more time studying it, but I think that even they cannot agree on a definition.

[JohannBessler]

^One thing I forgot to add is that when I was 17, I fell in love with a female Italian exchange student--and I mean in love.

I couldn't eat, or sleep very well at night. You know the feeling.

It was just like in the movies. I saw her from across a room, and was smitten immediately, and when I was away from her, I felt lovesick.

All of this makes me chuckle now. I was so young and naive.

[Scealle]

^ that's cute I think most guys all had that str8 moments before I believe.

[ElmosToe]

As I said before, I now believe that human sexuality is fluid and works on a spectrum,
I think I can go even further. Maybe a person's sexuality doesn't stay in the same spot during his lifetime.

I agree completely.

When you strip away all our social expectations and limitations, stereotypes, self-imposed conformities, and get down to just the core of human sexuality, anyone has the potential to be on any level of that spectrum at any point in their life. People often don't consider that the makeup of human sexuality is influenced by many factors that can attribute to changing perspectives, moods or tastes, it's not just black and white.

I've had way too many experiences with a wide array of people throughout my life so far to tell me otherwise.

[JohannBessler]

^One thing that has just occurred to me is that, if we're right--and human sexuality lies in a spectrum--then we have to face the fact that Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual rights may be based on a false premise.

We're treading in treacherous waters.

[jwa007]

^One thing that has just occurred to me is that, if we're right--and human sexuality lies in a spectrum--then we have to face the fact that Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual rights may be based on a false premise.

We're treading in treacherous waters.

That is one reason some homosexual groups and homosexual individuals shun and ostracize bi-sexuals. But I think Homosexual Rights are very important because it is an important step for our society to take. I dream of the day when no one is defined by the person(s) they have sex with. I want to see the labels abolished and people accept others for who we are. But that is a long way off and the Gay/Lesbian Rights movement is a good start on that.

[ElmosToe]

I want to see the labels abolished and people accept others for who we are.

Agreed.

For the sake of saving everyone from a long tangent I may ramble off on...

The thing that gets me is that because of our fucked up society and all it's bullshit, the fact that there has to be a gay rights movement at all, it's like fighting to be considered an equal of the person who is beating you. A better solution would be if the world woke the fuck up and removed the 'straight' WASP veil and be done with it all already. It's just a bunch of institutionalized hyped BS that below the very shallow surface is just a show of conformity and not a true, genuine representation of reality. I'll stop there but I could go on and on and on.

[Danhard]

I say I'm "curious" because I don't know what else to call myself. I don't think I can call myself "bisexual" until I've actually tried sex with other men and confirmed that I really like it, but I'm not sure the way I fantasize about cocks still counts as mere "curiosity". On the other hand, guys turn me on but I'm not remotely interested in sentimental relationships with them, that's something I can only feel for women, so I don't know if I'd count as bisexual anyway. There seem to be so many different and very specific labels these days that I don't know what "bisexual" is actually supposed to mean.

[ElmosToe]

I say I'm "curious" because I don't know what else to call myself. I don't think I can call myself "bisexual" until I've actually tried sex with other men and confirmed that I really like it, but I'm not sure the way I fantasize about cocks still counts as mere "curiosity". On the other hand, guys turn me on but I'm not remotely interested in sentimental relationships with them, that's something I can only feel for women, so I don't know if I'd count as bisexual anyway. There seem to be so many different and very specific labels these days that I don't know what "bisexual" is actually supposed to mean.

Same boat, to a degree.

I always refer to myself as just sexual, even in real life if someone asks me, I never say straight, I say something like mostly straight or just sexual. Many people just assume I'm bi to make it easier on themselves. Hence why labels are ridiculous. They really don't serve any purpose other than to marginalize people into some pretty little restrictive package so others can use pre-judgmental assumptions on how to interact with you.

[blackbeltninja]

^ and ^^

I was like you guys too, until I met my ex-bf. I'd only dated women before that and only had sex with no strings with guys and couldn't see it ever being more than just physical, but all that changed after I'd been hanging out with him for a couple of weeks.

Not saying it will change for you two as well, but it might... never say never.

-d-

[JohannBessler]

^Fascinating, Blackbelt.

Your experience supports the idea that our sexuality might not only be fluid, but might also shift positions during the course of our lives.

(It does beg the aforementioned political questions, but I don't want to muddy the conversation waters with more thorough examination on the matter.)

[sixthson]

Whenever someone says we need to do away with labels, I have to wonder if they are someone who is basically uncomfortable with who they are. "Gay" is a label and I have no trouble owning it.

It makes no sense to me that a guy can be having sex with both males and females and still call himself curious. Being called something other than straight is not the end of the world. Curious can only apply to the inexperienced, right?

[ElmosToe]

Whenever someone says we need to do away with labels, I have to wonder if they are someone who is basically uncomfortable with who they are. "Gay" is a label and I have no trouble owning it.

I am very comfortable with who I am. I simply don't see myself as a label, I'm a person not an orientation.

imo, labels can be divisive and destructive and create unnecessary expectations all in the name of conformity. They contribute and often form the basis for those who create negative stereotypes and assumptions about others that do nothing but marginalize and pigeonhole people. I don't like what I have seen happen to people I've known who have decided to "own a label." Ultimately, that label starts to dictate your actions and change how you relate to people and how others interact with you all based on something that's really not all that accurate to begin with and not a true representation of reality or human sexuality.

It makes no sense to me that a guy can be having sex with both males and females and still call himself curious. Being called something other than straight is not the end of the world. Curious can only apply to the inexperienced, right?

IRL, I don't use the term curious. It's just a generic inclusive term I picked on this site to cover all the bases since there wasn't an option for just 'sexual'. I suppose I could simply remove that portion of the profile to make it easier for others or I could change it to bisexual to make it easier for others...but then... oh, there goes that crap I just talked about regarding conformity, assumptions and blah, blah, blah.

I prefer not to use the term straight because I'm not and in the real world I get annoyed when people assume I am. I've seen and experienced enough with so-called straight people to know the term is nothing but smoke and mirrors anyway.

I just prefer not to limit myself on who I am and how I am suppose to act based on perceived notions of sexual orientation. As cliched as this may sound, I personally think the labels themselves should be reserved to describe the context of relationships as I see human sexuality as fluid throughout your life.

[jojobumpykins]

I think it just means you think about having a sexual encounter with another guy and wonder about how/if you'd like it.

[Danhard]

Whenever someone says we need to do away with labels, I have to wonder if they are someone who is basically uncomfortable with who they are. "Gay" is a label and I have no trouble owning it.

It makes no sense to me that a guy can be having sex with both males and females and still call himself curious. Being called something other than straight is not the end of the world. Curious can only apply to the inexperienced, right?

Well, I know what I like and how I like it. I just don't like labels because I think they tend to be confusing when one does not fall insdide an "absolute" (i.e. 100% straight or 100% gay) category. I'd rather use an extremely vague term like "curious" than having to find out what the Internet is calling my specific orientation this month.

[Kaigon]

The whole "I don't believe in labels" argument is so incredibly vexing.

These labels exist to categorise us. It's used in every level of life. It's human nature to identify groups of people that are similar to ourselves, as it's easier to socialise with them.

These "labels" are ways of indicating to others whether or not we are interested in having sex with other specific groups. It's all very well and good for bisexual (or curious or heteroflexible or whatever term we're using at the moment) people because they can live "without labels." They can choose whether they want to screw chicks or guys, and therefore don't need to inform one gender or the other that they are interested or not.

However, in a world without THOSE DREADFUL LABELS, how are we to indicate who we're interested in? The label "Gay" serves a wonderful function in indicating to women that I don't want to have sex with them, while indicating to gay men that I might want to have sex with them.

So no, I'm afraid I'm rather partial to my label.

As for the term "curious," I understand it to mean "bisexual but not a direct 50% either way." Typically, curious guys are 10/20% gay, and 90/80% straight, and feel less comfortable in committing to the term "bisexual."

[Danhard]

The whole "I don't believe in labels" argument is so incredibly vexing.

These labels exist to categorise us. It's used in every level of life. It's human nature to identify groups of people that are similar to ourselves, as it's easier to socialise with them.

These "labels" are ways of indicating to others whether or not we are interested in having sex with other specific groups. It's all very well and good for bisexual (or curious or heteroflexible or whatever term we're using at the moment) people because they can live "without labels." They can choose whether they want to screw chicks or guys, and therefore don't need to inform one gender or the other that they are interested or not.

However, in a world without THOSE DREADFUL LABELS, how are we to indicate who we're interested in? The label "Gay" serves a wonderful function in indicating to women that I don't want to have sex with them, while indicating to gay men that I might want to have sex with them.

So no, I'm afraid I'm rather partial to my label.

As for the term "curious," I understand it to mean "bisexual but not a direct 50% either way." Typically, curious guys are 10/20% gay, and 90/80% straight, and feel less comfortable in committing to the term "bisexual."

I'm not advocating a "world without labels", I just don't like to use them on myself. If they work for you and you feel proud of owning them, that's great, you have as much right to decide what to call yourself as anyone else. Also, being bisexual, curious or whatever is actually not a free "choose whom you want to screw without giving explanations" card.

[blackbeltninja]

Well, I know what I like and how I like it. I just don't like labels because I think they tend to be confusing when one does not fall insdide an "absolute" (i.e. 100% straight or 100% gay) category. I'd rather use an extremely vague term like "curious" than having to find out what the Internet is calling my specific orientation this month.

Well, the obvious question which springs to mind reading this is whether or not you believe that 'curious' and 'bisexual' are synonyms.

I think bisexual is a vague term, because it encompasses a dozen shades of grey in between the black and white representing straight and gay without recognising any difference in any of those shades from any other, but I think bisexual and curious are two very different concepts indeed. Curious suggests one does not know whether or not s/he is straight. Bisexual, on the other hand, acknowledges that one is not straight, and in no uncertain terms.

-d-

[ElmosToe]

Bisexual, on the other hand, acknowledges that one is not straight, and in no uncertain terms.

That would explain why some people assume i'm bi.

Personally though, I still get hung up on the whole sex and relationship aspect of it. Most would also assume that by identifying as bi you are automatically looking to date men, possibly be in a relationship with a dude and have anal sex and for the most part, those assumptions would be correct. I'm not really interested in any of that, quite the quandary.

[blackbeltninja]

^This is exactly why I describe bisexual as a vague term - it doesn't say tell the whole story. Some of us can do romance with both genders, some can only do romance with one. It is a very grey area.

Either way, I maintain that bisexual and curious are two very different mindsets.

-d-

[ElmosToe]

^yeah that does make sense and I would agree to an extent. I get the feeling not everybody sees it that way though, regarding Bisexuality. The term ambiguous would do nicely.

[countryboy2259]

I put "curious" as well. I consider myself straight in that I only date women and I could never see myself in love or in a relationship with another guy, but I do think the male body can be pretty hot and I love looking at it. I've never had sex with a guy but I've had sex with women hundreds of times. It's just a visual thing for me, it's hard to totally explain.

[skinIsIn]

So "curious" merely means a "confused, 'mostly-straight'
and/or immature bisexual," yes? Got it.

But seriously, regarding Bisexuals: Caveat copulare

et
sit vis vobiscum!

[ElmosToe]

^ cute.

As I mentioned before, for me, on this site specifically, it's just a generic catch-all term. To acknowledge that I' m not straight but more importantly to not be misleading other dudes into thinking I'm looking for something more serious like dating, relationships or anal. I agree with BBN, he makes sense, I just feel not everyone shares his perspective on bisexuality. Been down that road before in misleading others simply because they assume something that isn't true, it's just not pretty, it's not fair to others. That's all.

[ButchMcLean]

Its ironic that straight men can be "curious" when it comes to a gay men's website when I have no desire to be "curious" about a straight men's website.
they all seem to be curious about cock and I sure have had some pretty steamy chat sessions with a few of them

Butch

[dougmc92]

Some guys say they're curious for years....I feel you can only say it twice- on the third time- own it- you like it...I was curious about Curry, I tried it...wasn't sure- bad it was a bad batch, tried it again- better- enjoyed it- after that I couldn't claim 'curious' any more....

[andy12]

I find "curious" to be a misnomer. In a homophobic culture that steers men towards exclusive heterosexuality, even passing interest in the same-sex is indicative of much deeper desires. If culture drones on and on about how terrible chocolate ice cream is, the fact that many are merely "curious" about it but haven't tried it isn't the least bit surprising.

[umjreon88]

I love men more than women, I don't think I've ever been curious at all... Maybe when I was younger. But when you have tried it all, how can you be curious?

Also, JB, what if you do fall in love with someone who is female while in a relationship with your partner? Would that ever happen? Complications happen and we cannot ignore that if it happens. But I must say though that even if I have love for a woman, the touch of a man is often more than welcomed. I cannot go back to a woman, in my opinion.

Cocks cocks cocks cocks

[28josh7]

Interesting discussion. Out of all the above I see one clear fact - people have different needs during the stages of there lives. I'm sure that most straight men have some fantasies about cocks during their teenage years, do we then classify them as curious, or is it a passing phase. As one of my friends said: "I'm so horny I can fuck anything that moves."

No amount of classification of people can really pinpoint their personal preferences. Why classify them, let them be free.

If straight guys like to dabble on the "other" side - let them be. Men are born with a competitive streak in all of us, whether it is the nicest car, largest house or biggest cock. That's just the way we are constructed.

The human body is a work of art - both male & female.

[jwa007]

Interesting discussion. Out of all the above I see one clear fact - people have different needs during the stages of there lives. I'm sure that most straight men have some fantasies about cocks during their teenage years, do we then classify them as curious, or is it a passing phase. As one of my friends said: "I'm so horny I can fuck anything that moves."

No amount of classification of people can really pinpoint their personal preferences. Why classify them, let them be free.

If straight guys like to dabble on the "other" side - let them be. Men are born with a competitive streak in all of us, whether it is the nicest car, largest house or biggest cock. That's just the way we are constructed.

The human body is a work of art - both male & female.

Well said.

[coolfactor79]

Wonder what it would be like to be with a guy. How would it feel?

Then once you get a good piece of dick you're no longer curious