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  1. #1

    Confused about my sexual role

    Okay I'm having some really contradicting sexual issues, mainly having to do with my sexual role in gay sex. Its like when ever I am jacking off I imagine myself as the bottom, I can barely even cum thinking about fucking another guy.

    Then I started having sex. I started bottoming but I never really enjoyed it. It hurt at first of course but even when I got used to it I never really liked being pounded by a guy. That being said I find I have the best jo sessions when I am fingering myself or using a toy.
    Then I tried topping which felt pretty good. Now these last couple times during sex in which I bottomed I had to just stop the guy and I told myself that I was done with that because I just don't enjoy it. So now I'm really confused about what I want sexually. To top it all off I have this huge fetish for being dominated. So when I go out looking for guys I tend to be drawn to kinky dom tops.

    All this sounds ridiculous to me as I am typing it out but its what Im going through. Can anyone offer up anything? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Boystown, Chicago

    Re: Confused about my sexual role

    You can still be the one getting dominated and "fucked" even when you top. If a guy ties you up and then rides your dick, he is in control. You can also experiment with having some toy action while topping, or having the other guy just do you with toys.

    And also, don't know how much experience you actually have with bottoming, but it's a much tougher skill to learn for some than topping. Often it takes a while - and a few different partners - until you figure out how you like it.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3

    Re: Confused about my sexual role

    so funny, my story is exactly the other way round. ive always fantasized about topping, but for most of my adult life, ive only enjoyed bottoming, and barely got anything out of topping. this changed about a year or so ago. since then, ive been a true versatile. its been great!

    i cant really tell what changed, or why i suddenly started enjoying topping. i think it has to do with generally becoming more relaxed about sex, and being comfortable with yourself, your body, and your sexuality. just generally growing up and coming into your own, sexually. not that i was ever that insecure or uptight, but still, we all grow as we get more experienced. i guess i may have had a mental "knot" about topping for some reason, which untied itself the more sexually confident i got. thats the closest thing to an explanation i have.

    so i wouldnt worry too much and do what feels right to you. top those fuckers. get yourself some kinky dom play that doesnt involve anal. just explore and enjoy. who knows where youll end up.

  4. #4

    Re: Confused about my sexual role

    To tell you the truth, my partner and I rarely bother with anal sex anymore. Frottage is really a lot better sex for us. I know that's just us, though, because I know some people go wild over having their colons pounded. I even understand why. There are times that I really dig it. Anal penetration is not necessary for good sex, though, and it's not always desirable.

    Anyway, if you were to try having someone top you just doing frottage and relatively limited anal play, you would probably get a lot more out of sex. Really, I think it would help gay guys a lot to try thinking outside the butthole more often. There is a wonderful world of passionate, intimate sex out there.

    On being "dominated," I understand that desire. There is a lot of intimacy involved in it. I really wish that we had better language for describing it because I don't think it's just "power" that's at work here. When you are giving your whole self to another person, there is a lot of magic in that. Or when another person is entrusting his vulnerability to you, and you have a soft, warm, tender, beautiful life right there in your arms, if it's truly good love-making, you aren't just "dominant," but you are the "Chosen One." There is nothing silly about it at all. We ought to write poetry about it. We ought to make music about it.

    But your problem is common. Some gay bottoms are like you. They don't really like getting fucked for the physical pleasure, and they can only derive pleasure by concentrating on the pleasure they can give to their lover. It's really a complicated thing. The reality of it is that everyone is slightly different, and we really do have to get creative in how we approach things.

    Anyway, good luck.

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