Why are gay guys so promiscuous?

[tigerfan482]

So I'm familiar with the general observance that many men have a high sex drive. It's amazing though how many people out there don't even seem to be interested in relationships. I've kind of re-entered the looking around market and am really looking for a relationship. I've never really had a whore phase and don't intend to. I'm the type that could easily be happy cuddling and kissing with a partner all day rather than having sex every 5 minutes.

However, it seems like everyone I talk to, whether it be from gay apps like Grindr or Growlr (granted promiscuity is almost a given on these things), in real life, or from dating websites, it seems like just about everyone just wants a hookup. I've even seen a surprisingly high number of people in open relationships looking to have random sex (something I can't even start to comprehend how it could possibly work in the long run.)

Is this representative of the majority of the gay community? Are committed relationships (or at least people out looking for them) just not commonplace? Am I on a hopeless mission to find someone to want to be in a monogamous relationship with? What are people's thoughts on this?

[Shepherd 2]

tigerfan,
There are exceptions like me partnered now 29 years or Iowaguy partnered nearly 40 years. My best and most educated guess is that there are so few times that a man to man courtship is encouraged or accepted. So we are left with the appearance of being promiscuous even that is not what we might prefer.

Personally, I wish you good luck in finding a man who wants a relationship, and most importantly YOU in that relationship with him.
Do not give up.
Shep+

[sixthson]

I love cuddling, kissing and the general affection of being in love, but I would say I have a high sex drive, too. But it is expressed only within my relationship with my man.

[SaskGuy]

Straight guys are on dating websites looking for the exact same thing, but they can't just flat out say it, because a lot of women wouldn't answer their ads.
Gay guys just cut the crap.

[Kiwils]

Yeah, it's definitely just guys in general. You're not alone though, so don't give up! Good relationships are hard to find, regardless of sexual orientation.

[JustMe5]

I've even seen a surprisingly high number of people in open relationships looking to have random sex (something I can't even start to comprehend how it could possibly work in the long run.)

Is this representative of the majority of the gay community? Are committed relationships (or at least people out looking for them) just not commonplace? Am I on a hopeless mission to find someone to want to be in a monogamous relationship with? What are people's thoughts on this?

I've never understood the whole point or purpose of an open relationship. What kind of a "relationship" is that where you just as easily have sex with a stranger as you would with your significant other? A relationship of that type seems like it's just a glorified companionship.

I wouldn't know what percentage of gays are promiscuous, though several of the gays that I personally know are promiscuous. I even know someone who currently cheats on his boyfriend.

I have a fairly high sex drive, but I would be satisfied within the confines of a relationship.

[loveguys72]

This. I, too, have long wanted a monogamous, lifetime relationship, but have never been fortunate enough to find the right guy. So, I take my comfort when and where I can find it.

I don't get open relationships, either. I just don't see the point.

Straight guys are on dating websites looking for the exact same thing, but they can't just flat out say it, because a lot of women wouldn't answer their ads.
Gay guys just cut the crap.

[crimsonpaine]

So I'm familiar with the general observance that many men have a high sex drive. It's amazing though how many people out there don't even seem to be interested in relationships. I've kind of re-entered the looking around market and am really looking for a relationship. I've never really had a whore phase and don't intend to. I'm the type that could easily be happy cuddling and kissing with a partner all day rather than having sex every 5 minutes.

However, it seems like everyone I talk to, whether it be from gay apps like Grindr or Growlr (granted promiscuity is almost a given on these things), in real life, or from dating websites, it seems like just about everyone just wants a hookup. I've even seen a surprisingly high number of people in open relationships looking to have random sex (something I can't even start to comprehend how it could possibly work in the long run.)

Is this representative of the majority of the gay community? Are committed relationships (or at least people out looking for them) just not commonplace? Am I on a hopeless mission to find someone to want to be in a monogamous relationship with? What are people's thoughts on this?

I'm not about the hook up, like you I could spend all day cuddling and kissing and be the happiest guy in the world.

But it does seem to me most just want a quick fuck and move along to cool off until the urge flares back up again.

[JockBoy87]

Don't slight your audience because of a personal failing.

You should ask why are some gays so promiscuous. Quite a few of of us, myself included, have been in mono relationships a long time.

[EuroSoccer]

Straight guys are on dating websites looking for the exact same thing, but they can't just flat out say it, because a lot of women wouldn't answer their ads.
Gay guys just cut the crap.

There is no lie there.
Straight dating looks more sophisticate, but just on the outside...............

Personally, I have an high sex drive, if I can't have sex with someone, I need to wank several times a day.
But I am not too promiscuous, I just cherry pick my fuck buddies........

[tigerfan482]

Don't slight your audience because of a personal failing.

I think you misunderstood my question. I'm not impugning anyone. I merely stated what I have noticed and asked for input on if this was the normal behavior that others have seen as well. If you feel somehow insulted by my post, I won't apologize, but I will say I maybe should have taken more considerations of some people's feelings into account and clarified I wasn't operating under the assumption that all gay guys are like this. Don't forget, I too fall into that category. I should have worded the thread title differently perhaps.

[armastus4all]

I have a high sex drive, but don't think of myself has promiscuous.

[star-warrior]

I think the perception that a gay man is sexually active and free to hook up with other single men, while heterosexuals are bound more to their partners is a misconception some folks would have you believe - not least the hell and brimstone brigade.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisf...omiscuous-myth

OkCupid, collated and published the results of their user "match" questions, which are designed to find out as much as they can about their 4 million members in order to help them find dates. The statistics are startling.

There is only a one percentage point difference between heterosexuals and homosexuals in their promiscuity: 98% of gay people have had 20 or fewer sexual partners; 99% of straight people have had the same number. Tellingly, OkCupid found that it is just 2% of gay people that are having 23% of the total reported gay sex.

[looseliam]

Because we can.

Straight men want to be just as promiscuous - they just can't because women are cunts and even if she wanted a random hookup she wouldn't because "zomg I'm not like that." Cunts, I tell you, the lot of them.

[tigerfan482]

I have a high sex drive, but don't think of myself has promiscuous.

Definitely understand and there is indeed a difference between the two. A person can have a high sex drive and still not be promiscuous.

[xbuzzerx]

So I'm familiar with the general observance that many men have a high sex drive. It's amazing though how many people out there don't even seem to be interested in relationships. I've kind of re-entered the looking around market and am really looking for a relationship. I've never really had a whore phase and don't intend to. I'm the type that could easily be happy cuddling and kissing with a partner all day rather than having sex every 5 minutes.

However, it seems like everyone I talk to, whether it be from gay apps like Grindr or Growlr (granted promiscuity is almost a given on these things), in real life, or from dating websites, it seems like just about everyone just wants a hookup. I've even seen a surprisingly high number of people in open relationships looking to have random sex (something I can't even start to comprehend how it could possibly work in the long run.)

Is this representative of the majority of the gay community? Are committed relationships (or at least people out looking for them) just not commonplace? Am I on a hopeless mission to find someone to want to be in a monogamous relationship with? What are people's thoughts on this?

Tigersfan, about a month back there was another similar discussion, and the most recent study that was in discussion showed that gay male promiscuity was higher than straight male on the whole, but it was on par with single heterosexual male promiscuity. There are other factors of course, but the fact that for the most part we can't settle down and marry is definitely a factor. It may give some gay men a more transient view of relationships and certainly ending long ones is a lot easier than in the case of long married couples. There's probably also a "role model" factor... imagine if none of us had married parents, how much would we prioritize one partner for life? It's hard to say. In the gay community, gay married couples in the U.S., while extant, are rare like unicorns. I've certainly never seen or known any off of TV or people like George Takei.

[M10000]

It is wired into us. We are here to 'spread our seed' to ensure we are here to keep your genetics (I cant think of a better word) continuing on. And thats why men have high sex drives. For self preservation.

And because the object of our affection was genetically geared the same way (spread their seed), they go out and do the same thing. An anthropologist would tell you this.

Because neither has to be wined and dined to get into bed, it is easier for guys to have sex and be promiscuous. Women werent taught to go be sluts. They have to make the guy work if he wants 'some'. We dont have that because we are men and our purpose in life is to continue 'be fruitful and multiply'

[FlimFlam]

Because we can.

Straight men want to be just as promiscuous - they just can't because women are cunts and even if she wanted a random hookup she wouldn't because "zomg I'm not like that." Cunts, I tell you, the lot of them.

Even though I don't agree with the way you said it this is pretty much it. Grindr lets you hook up in seconds. Straight guys wish they could do that (although many of them do with sites and apps like plentyoffish, it's just harder).

[yhtang]

Because we can.

Straight men want to be just as promiscuous - they just can't because women are cunts and even if she wanted a random hookup she wouldn't because "zomg I'm not like that."

My sentiments exactly.

I would venture to guess that, given a chance, women would like to be promiscuous too - but a woman who practices the same intercourse frequency with the same diverse number of males as a gay man would be called a slut.

[refujiunderground]

no, the right question you should have asked is why are promiscuous people promiscuous? that should help you out.

[DigitalFudge]

no, the right question you should have asked is why are promiscuous people promiscuous? that should help you out.

Get him together, Refuji

[Huntneo(PT)]

Straight guys are on dating websites looking for the exact same thing, but they can't just flat out say it, because a lot of women wouldn't answer their ads.
Gay guys just cut the crap.

DAT TRUTH.

Because we can.

Straight men want to be just as promiscuous - they just can't because women are cunts and even if she wanted a random hookup she wouldn't because "zomg I'm not like that." Cunts, I tell you, the lot of them.

Again...DAT shade TRUTH!

[jmadaf]

When a man gets a hard-on he needs to fufill it, be it BJ or fucking, and he wants freedom to do it with whoever, and unless the partner is open to that, there is no relatioship. It's the same with st's, thats why they cheat on their GF's or wives.

[thatgirl]

Because we can.

Straight men want to be just as promiscuous - they just can't because women are cunts and even if she wanted a random hookup she wouldn't because "zomg I'm not like that." Cunts, I tell you, the lot of them.

Hm. So rage-y.

Men aren't entitled to have sexual access to women's bodies just because they want to 'get some.' You make it sound like these men are being denied something that is owed to them when they're not. If they choose to pursue a woman, they can either respect the terms she sets out or they can move on to someone who is more compatible. And vice versa. Choosing not to be promiscuous (or wanting a potential sexual partner to persuade you in some fashion) does not warrant being called derogatory names.

As for the women who are interested in NSA sex but show some reluctance, you might want to consider how the level of 'slut-shaming' that exists in our society plays in to this. Especially since women are the primary targets of it, even from the men they choose to sleep with in many cases.

Tigersfan, about a month back there was another similar discussion, and the most recent study that was in discussion showed that gay male promiscuity was higher than straight male on the whole, but it was on par with single heterosexual male promiscuity. There are other factors of course, but the fact that for the most part we can't settle down and marry is definitely a factor. It may give some gay men a more transient view of relationships and certainly ending long ones is a lot easier than in the case of long married couples. There's probably also a "role model" factor... imagine if none of us had married parents, how much would we prioritize one partner for life? It's hard to say. In the gay community, gay married couples in the U.S., while extant, are rare like unicorns. I've certainly never seen or known any off of TV or people like George Takei.

Interesting. I didn't know that...

As for the last bit, do you mean you rarely see married gay couples IRL or on TV? There seem to be a few celeb gay couples. Erm, mainly I just see Neil Patrick Harris and his husband. And Ellen and Portia.

[ElmosToe]

Men aren't entitled to have sexual access to women's bodies just because they want to 'get some.' You make it sound like these men are being denied something that is owed to them when they're not. If they choose to pursue a woman, they can either respect the terms she sets out or they can move on to someone who is more compatible. And vice versa. Choosing not to be promiscuous (or wanting a potential sexual partner to persuade you in some fashion) does not warrant being called derogatory names.

so sexy!

[xbuzzerx]

As for the last bit, do you mean you rarely see married gay couples IRL or on TV? There seem to be a few celeb gay couples. Erm, mainly I just see Neil Patrick Harris and his husband. And Ellen and Portia.

Well, I mean yeah, those are there, but I mean more people you'd see everyday/growing up/in real life. Outside of gay Meccas, it's rare.

[Str8Top14701]

Gays aren't any more promiscuous than anyone else. However, guys' sexuality being what it is, there's less game playing and dancing around the subject.

[bankside]

The question might better be: why does gay culture assume promiscuity is the norm when so many gay men are actually looking for stable relationships?

Tigersfan, about a month back there was another similar discussion, and the most recent study that was in discussion showed that gay male promiscuity was higher than straight male on the whole, but it was on par with single heterosexual male promiscuity. There are other factors of course, but the fact that for the most part we can't settle down and marry is definitely a factor. It may give some gay men a more transient view of relationships and certainly ending long ones is a lot easier than in the case of long married couples. There's probably also a "role model" factor... imagine if none of us had married parents, how much would we prioritize one partner for life? It's hard to say. In the gay community, gay married couples in the U.S., while extant, are rare like unicorns. I've certainly never seen or known any off of TV or people like George Takei.

The study actually showed that most gay men and most straight men have the same patterns of sexual activity, but that a small minority of gay men are hyper-promiscuous, and that brings up the average.

[Just_Believe18]

It's because we're men lacking a social structure of community and religion that encourages monogamy in the heterosexual culture.

Mainly because we're men, and there's nothing worse when you can put two or more men together who are horny and find each other attractive.

[tigerfan482]

The question might better be: why does gay culture assume promiscuity is the norm when so many gay men are actually looking for stable relationships?

Well then I guess a better question (and a better survey to see) would be how do gay men compare to straight men in their desire for a stable relationship, which is more along the lines of what I was originally going for.

[xbuzzerx]

Well then I guess a better question (and a better survey to see) would be how do gay men compare to straight men in their desire for a stable relationship, which is more along the lines of what I was originally going for.

Towards that question I believe that women more than men, on the whole, drive issues of hard commitment, marriage, and even having children. Generalization of course, but I see it all the time. It's almost never guys hard pushing either having kids or getting married.

[mbamike]

Because I stay horny as fuck all the time!

[M10000]

Two short clips: Monogomy; 'familar'

[Rolyo85]

[sixthson]

It's almost never guys hard pushing either having kids or getting married.

Then why the big push for marriage equality if gay men seldom want it?

[M10000]

[Rolyo85]

Then why the big push for marriage equality if gay men seldom want it?

Because a lot of gay men put themselves in female gender roles. Also, because it's something we're not allowed to do and so we want it more. And ALSO because buzzer is actually wrong - it's not that guys almost never push for kids or marriage, it's just that women get to that point way before us. I believe most guys WOULD actually arrive at the desire to get hitched or have kids if women were not making it an issue before us.

[Rolyo85]

Ehrmagerd! You made sad kitty even sadder!

[-Kane-]

Is this representative of the majority of the gay community?

Yes it is! And don't allow anyone to fill your head with any bullshit to the contrary!
The sooner you understand the nature of ALL men (both Straight and Gay) is a day you should look forward to..

Making yourself vulnerable to love with a gay man is like asking for pain. LITERALLY.

[Rolyo85]

Yes it is! And don't allow anyone to fill your head with any bullshit to the contrary!
The sooner you understand the nature of ALL men (both Straight and Gay) is a day you should look forward to..

Making yourself vulnerable to love with a gay man is like asking for pain. LITERALLY.

You're so cool with your cynicism, bro. Tell me more!

[M10000]

Ehrmagerd! You made sad kitty even sadder!

You almost gave me another segway except the song is called 'Soft Kitty' (not sad kitty)

What the hell . . .

[Huntneo(PT)]

I love how these kinds of topics always get people so pissy and defensive.

[sixthson]

Also, because it's something we're not allowed to do and so we want it more.

Oh, I thought it was because of love and commitment. My bad, I guess.

[Rolyo85]

Oh, I thought it was because of love and commitment. My bad, I guess.

Cut the condescending crap please. I am not in love with anyone at the moment and I'm not committed to anyone. I still want gay marriage for a thousand reasons, including the fact that I hope to be at some point. Plus, if all marriage was based on love and commitment, divorce wouldn't exist..

[bankside]

Hm. So rage-y.

Men aren't entitled to have sexual access to women's bodies just because they want to 'get some.' You make it sound like these men are being denied something that is owed to them when they're not. If they choose to pursue a woman, they can either respect the terms she sets out or they can move on to someone who is more compatible. And vice versa. Choosing not to be promiscuous (or wanting a potential sexual partner to persuade you in some fashion) does not warrant being called derogatory names.

As for the women who are interested in NSA sex but show some reluctance, you might want to consider how the level of 'slut-shaming' that exists in our society plays in to this. Especially since women are the primary targets of it, even from the men they choose to sleep with in many cases.

Yes, we live in a world where women are sometimes pathologised simply for exercising their right to autonomy and consent. Yes, we live in a world where the enthusiastic consent of women is sometimes stigmatised. No, women do not have a duty to "lie back and think of England."

But the post you were responding to was not at odds with any of that: that post is primarily a charge of hypocrisy.

We live in a world where sometimes women who want to have consensual sex shame men who want to have consensual sex by portraying them as out-of-control rape-y misogynists who can't manage their own sexuality.

And that charge is valid. It is the way in which slut-shaming of men is conducted.

[EJMichaels]

I've never understood the whole point or purpose of an open relationship. What kind of a "relationship" is that where you just as easily have sex with a stranger as you would with your significant other? A relationship of that type seems like it's just a glorified companionship...

I'm no expert on gay men, but I think I can address this partially. There are some serious, committed relationships that are "open" to sex with others, but they aren't open to a bunch of random sex with strangers. The partners can agree on the terms and the people. It requires honesty and other things you find a solid relationship. It does, of course, mean that love is not seen as a requirement for sex. Love can make the sex better, but it doesn't have to define it.

Straight guys are on dating websites looking for the exact same thing, but ...Gay guys just cut the crap.

I think there's some truth here.

EDIT: I posted this before seeing all the posts, but I'll just leave it...

[MissAnne]

Men aren't entitled to have sexual access to women's bodies just because they want to 'get some.' You make it sound like these men are being denied something that is owed to them when they're not.

YUP

[EJMichaels]

From that study mentioned earlier -

98% of gay people have had 20 or fewer sexual partners; 99% of straight people have had the same number

However, I saw another study of 5000 people that revealed an interesting twist on this. I'm sure the sample was biased, but you can see how the numbers sort out differently depending on the range used. It also shows that the majority of both groups have a small number of partners:

Straight men
0 - 10 partners 70.44%
11-50 partners 25.41%
51+ partners 4.15%

Gay men
0 - 10 partners 51.12%
11-50 partners 24.55%
51+ partners 24.33%

[FanofFiction]

I'm 28 and have only had three male partners in my life. I'm married to my first serious boyfriend; six years strong!

[franklinP]

Yeah, it's definitely just guys in general. You're not alone though, so don't give up! Good relationships are hard to find, regardless of sexual orientation.

I totally agree with you.