So I recently visited Boystown in Chicago. UGH.. What a landfill of gay mess. It's overly commercialized. Overly priced. Gaudy as hell. Also, the boys aren't even cute. Also whats with the roving ghetto queens looking for someone to rob? Jesus.. It really is a gay hell. I much prefer ft lauderdale, or even the village, as tacky as it is.
My adventure started in a club/diner/lounge/shithole called kit kat... KIT KAT... as if there were no other names available for a gay establishment in the US. Also, it is supposed to be a Martini Bar, but the martinis are all sorts of idiotically mixed concoctions like the "Lady Gaga" or the "Dragrace" martini, all designed to reel in the culturally daft queens for their coins without actually producing a REAL MARTINI. So it gets worse.. They have dragshows, and on every table they have a written statement saying that it's common courtesy to tip the "show girls" when they perform. They actually need to remind people to tip, thats how shitty this place is. Halfway through my salad ( yes they have entrees and food because they want to seem like a drag cafe or something ) I hear the familiar sounds of what can be called as a drag song, and out comes the pleasantly plump dragon in a full body sequin leotard. Flaunting her god awful wig and costume jewelry covered teets. She was HOUNDING everyone for tips so shamelessly that I left my salad and told the waiter to let her have it.
My Next stop.. a staple club.. SPIN. So I waited with my friend who told me it was going to be amazing because some drag queen from television was going to dance and sing and cut off a chickens head or whatever the hell else they do. Once we got to the head of the line there was a cover, 7 dollars! 7 dollars to get into a club on a Thursday night. 7 dollars, it couldn't be 5, in some tweaked out gay managers head it occurred that 7 dollars would be just the right amount. Breaks perfectly out of a 20. So we enter to the usual gay cunty house music, rhianna shoutin about some shit to a dizzying array of synthesizers and cowbells while the queens flail their hips and limbs. I check my coat, and head to the bar where I spotted a jaded looking bartender. I ask for a shot of henny and a vodka tonic. He didnt know what henny was, I had to tell him. He was hot as hell, but smart as a dumbbell, a sign that the establishment wasn't going to provide quality beverages.
So I'm at SPIN trying to have a good time, but the whole experience with Kit Kat really left a bad taste in my mouth. Also there were some homeless queens asking for change around the corner, it just broke my heart. Amidst waves of eager queens waiting to see the show, I sighed, hoping It wasnt going to be completely disappointing. She arrived late, looking trashy, her name was something idiotic, she lipsynced to some stupid song by Beyonce and threw up some dance moves. It was what you would expect from someone kicked off a reality show.
The whole time I felt like I was in some strange perverted disneyland with all the signs that you are in an amusement park. Animated characters, people selling pointless shit everywhere, gay families walking their children, trannies eating elephant ears. It just felt like the most superficial place I'v ever been to, and I'v been to Paris.
So after a fun night in Boystown, I left to a club called Berlin. That was actually the best place I'v been to in Chicago. I actually met someone I liked, danced to decent music, and my drinks were on point. I even got fucked that night, thanks Berlin!