My friend's dad had a bypass surgery. I don't care.

[locksmithers]

So I have this friend whose dad just had a heart bypass surgery. He's doing better now. My friend is coming over later to talk about it and vent to me.

I am the least compassionate person in the world. To be honest, I don't care about this. I care about my friend's feelings but I don't care about his situation - nothing that will come out of my mouth will help him. I've never met his dad.

Anyway, I already told him, "I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to" and all other expected responses. How should I approach the situation later when he's talking about his dad or his feelings? I'm the type of person who just says "Oh ok" when someone talks to me and asks a question to perpetuate the conversation. So what should I do?

kthnx

[RazorzEdge88]

I'm less compassionate because I don't care that you don't care. Why'd you need to start a thread about this? Go away.

[looseliam]

I'm less compassionate because I don't care that you don't care. Why'd you need to start a thread about this? Go away.

Well, I don't care that you don't care that he doesn't care about not caring :P

Anyhoo, as a friend just listen. Or, if you want to speed things up, feed him shots - he'll be passed-out in no time.

[BENDERBOY]

Just get him drunk and take advantage of him.

[pat grimshaw]

…I'm the type of person who just says "Oh ok" when someone talks to me…

That sounds sensible to me, locksmithers.

[thatgirl]

How should I approach the situation later when he's talking about his dad or his feelings? I'm the type of person who just says "Oh ok" when someone talks to me and asks a question to perpetuate the conversation. So what should I do?

When someone comes to you for comfort, they just basically want you to be there for them.

Make sure your body language shows that you care and that you're are fully engaged in whatever it is they're telling you. In your case, just pretend since you said you don't care.

Don't give very short, abrupt replies like "oh ok" like you usually do. Ask somewhat probing questions like "so how does that make you feel?" so they can vent. Or pick up on something they've said and inquire about it to show you've been listening attentively-- "you said you haven't been eating or sleeping very well...when did you start noticing this change...?" etc etc

Good luck.

[SaskGuy]

Oh I hate that, when you want to comfort someone, but you just don't know what to say.

[Spiff]

You sorta sound like a dick. Are you really his friend? Would you want him to see what you told us here? Think about that.

[kevin23]

I declare Spiff the winner with the correct answer .............

[Kien]

Maybe you should care more.

[loveguys72]

On the off chance the OP isn't a total dick, the appropriate action is simply to listen and make the appropriate mouth noises. We all do this every day when people are prattling on at us about stuff that means less than nothing to us personally. Just be a comfort to him.

If, however, the OP is a total dick, well, I hope he never needs a friend!

You sorta sound like a dick. Are you really his friend? Would you want him to see what you told us here? Think about that.

[ElmosToe]

Would you care more if the conversation eventually involved your friend's penis?

[Beachguyj]

Don't say you are there for someone if they want to talk when you don't care.

[miguelfukt]

How about you act like a human it's not hard at all! And I pray that you always have someone to listen to you when u need to talk!

[Adrock-JD]

Would you care more if the conversation eventually involved your friend's penis?

Now I'm starting to care.

continue...

[Stoowii]

Since you've already told him an expected response, tell him more expected responses while he's talking about it. Since you've mentioned you care about your friend's feelings, tell him something he wants to hear, or something that makes him think you're engaged.

[BustinJeiber]

Just change the topic whenever he mentions his dad. He'll get the picture, hopefully. I don't understand why some people have to constantly talk about the negative things in their lives, I only want to hear good things.

[rareboy]

Frankly, I hate people who are false.

Why say that you'll be there for someone if your won't.

If you have no compassion or advice to give, then shut the fuck up and just be a good listener. It doesn't take compassion to just ask a few questions and listen to your acquaintance talk, if this is what will make him feel better.

[andyspete]

Frankly, I hate people who are false.

Why say that you'll be there for someone if your won't.

If you have no compassion or advice to give, then shut the fuck up and just be a good listener. It doesn't take compassion to just ask a few questions and listen to your acquaintance talk, if this is what will make him feel better.

I totally agree with everything you said. The OP sounds like a very self-centered person. I wouldn't want a "friend" like that.

[Charmine]

So I have this friend whose dad just had a heart bypass surgery. He's doing better now. My friend is coming over later to talk about it and vent to me.

I am the least compassionate person in the world. To be honest, I don't care about this. I care about my friend's feelings but I don't care about his situation - nothing that will come out of my mouth will help him. I've never met his dad.

Anyway, I already told him, "I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to" and all other expected responses. How should I approach the situation later when he's talking about his dad or his feelings? I'm the type of person who just says "Oh ok" when someone talks to me and asks a question to perpetuate the conversation. So what should I do?

kthnx

You are not telling the truth.

You do care, but you are frustrated by the patience required to listen to a friend. It may involve ego if you are oriented to being the center of attention, or simply your fear that you will become a crying towel if you encourage dependency.

But, you do care, or you would not have invited your friend over.

And, when men share their fears with a friend, it isn't known as venting, but confiding. Venting is finding an outlet when one needs to release anger.

You are the one who is venting. And it's OK. You'll grow into your shoes yet.

[freefall]

At least you can pretend you care. I mean, about 50% of those your friend(s) tell you usually need not extra care, and still either you actually show care for those unnecessary things or you pay effort to feign care - and death of a friend's father is more important than those tiny-bitty.

At least pretend you care, what's so hard about it?

[HunterM]

At least pretend you care, what's so hard about it?

What's so hard about it? He cannot stop his nose from growing when he lies.

[TheSpectatingLoner]

You don't care that your friends' dad is having serious health issues? You probably aren't a friend. But kudos on asking help on how to keep the charade.