i just took a very unpredicted spiral downwards and thats often due to my appearance and obsessing over it. i know that sounds shallow but i just cant help it...
sometimes i really just feel ugly to the core. sometimes i hate who i am. different things cross my mind when im in the darkest places like just not eating or self harm. i realize this is obviously drastic but when i really feel like shit, it sounds right, no questions.
i like maintaing control in my life and one thing ive found i dont really have much control over is my appearance and that will at times, drive me MAD! some days i just dont want to get out of bed because i feel i look so deformed and ugly. for the longest time, ive felt i was different from everyone else, almost as if i was an alien. i even felt this way when i didnt obsess over my appearance. but now, its even worse and right now i just want to hide away from everyone.
anyways, basically sorry for pouring out my sob story here, i just have to tell someone else how i feel and that theres just so much wrong with me. comparison is a bitch.
do with that what you will. in the mean time, ill just be hiding over here in the corner lol.
end rant (about my horrid self).