So, first off, apologies if I'm very grumpy/self-pitying in this thread. My eczema is bad, I haven't got enough sleep, and I'm in a quite depressed state of mind at the moment. So I thought it would be best to write this all down, and organise my thoughts, so I can figure out what the next step is, if even there is a next step. Feel free to input if you want, for some reason I have this internal logic which says that posting here is the most appropriate thing to do.
Enough avoiding the issue.
I've been going out with Gary (he is not actually called that) for more than a year now. He's kind, loving, always listens to me, we have a nice time together, I pretty much always enjoy his company. I really care about him a lot. I feel so happy when he holds me, and the romantic elements of the relationship are really good. But then there's the sexual side of the relationship. Or the lack thereof. Basically, it is got to the point where neither of us really try any more. When he makes sexual advances on me, it is just kind of awkward. For example, humping my leg or grabbing my hand and putting on his crotch, and expected me to respond.
So, list of sexual problems I guess:
1) I'm pretty sexually submissive. I'm really turned on by BDSM-related shenanigans and I do want to experience more of it. However, Gary isn't that into it. Our first meeting was actually through a kink site and I had a pretty good, kinky time with him. However, we kept meeting up and into the relationship we got more emotionally connected but less sexual interested, and he hasn't got out the wrist/ankle restraints.
2) Gary, well, he isn't very good in bed. His idea of sex is just lying there and expecting me to pleasure him. Don't get me wrong, I like sucking cock and much as the next guy, but there really isn't any feedback apart from the occasional moaning. It's just very dull.
3) I'm at the point where a big part of me wants to sexually experiment with other guys. Preferably multiple. With black boots. Ordering me to lick them. (Or something...)
So there's two conflicting trails of thought here. Part of me wants to be "free" and sexually experiment blah blah, while at the same I really care for Gary. I like cuddling with him, complaining about politics with him, he's really a special guy. I don't know if fundamentally the sexual problems in our relationship can be resolved, if they should, what exactly I want. I don't know if I want excitement or a relationship like the one I'm in.
I don't bloody know anymore. It's frustrating because I feel like I didn't make the effort early on in the relationship to really make our sexual life any good.
Feel free to comment if you wish.
And I got a job offer last Thursday in my local authority. I've done work experience there, and it's great, so I'm looking forward to starting that. So don't feel too sorry for me.