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  1. #1

    Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Where to start! Ah, the beginning.
    I'm 18, and have only now come to terms with being bisexual and due to teenage hormones and general horniness, I have a lot of pent up sexual frustration. The only means of frying this frustration, is, Grindr. I am aware of the potential dangers of AIDS and slit throats. I really am not scared of that as I like to trust people when they say they won't kill me.

    What really scares me is someone finding out, someone I know or someone who knows me, that I am on Grindr, thus outing me. I feel there is no need for me to out myself ever due to the fact I would never have a romantic-emotional relationship with a man (which is a whole other story for next time.)

    What should I do? Should I put a photo of myself up there? Is there a way to block myself from everyone on it until I am online and can see who else could be looking at my photos?
    Should I keep my profile pic blank and then hand it over when someone asks that always wrung sentence, "Face pic plz?". Or is it just very unlikely anyone I know would be on Grindr since I only know one gay person, and he's 16.

    If it matters at all in the slightest, I would describe myself as a 7/10, 8/10 when I'm feeling good. Thin body shape (not anorexic), short brown hair, generally hairless except for Pits, Pubes and obviously, hair. I'm also pale (I'm Irish lol).

    Thanks you for any answers at all. Hopefully it isn't that obvious that it's my first post.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict jensu846's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    you can put up a pic of an object or something and have your title be the name of the town you live in. Then when you get a "hit" you can trade (face) pics one on one. rather than publicly outing yourself. I know alot of DL guys that do it that way.

  3. #3
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Put a torso pic or some landscape, and make it clear you will send a face pic on your first message (because a LOT of people simply ignore faceless profiles).

    I would be curious as to why you've set those boundaries for your entire future life, frankly.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  4. #4

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    But I'm also terrified of rejection... Every girl I've ever gone out with asked me out.

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Well, there are no perfect circumstances. In order to get something - anything - you gotta put yourself out there. Rejection is a natural part of the learning process, it's not some horrifying divine judgment and you should learn to take it in stride.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Thanks man I think I might just do it, I'm 18, I'm not gonna waste it. Also, does anyone know if there are many catfish' on Grindr and how to spot one straight away?

  7. #7
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    I have no idea what that slang means...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  8. #8

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Oh sorry.. Ehm it means someone pretending to be someone else, so a fake profile.

  9. #9
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Of course, it's full of those, as is every other site and whore app ever.

    But it's easy to figure them out when you ask for pics and they keep sending just a very limited number and have all sorts of reasons for not taking new ones. Also, for younger guys, if the chat is going well enough, I'll ask to become friends on FB. Even though some people don't use FB, in your age group nearly 99% do, so if they say they deleted it or don't have one, it's a red flag in my book.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  10. #10

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Oh yeah but I wouldn't be telling them any of my pages incase they post a pic of my chat log to be evil!! I'd give them my kik though How old are you btw if you don't mind me asking

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    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    27.

    And I am very pro-being out, so I can't sympathize with your desire for secrecy at all
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  12. #12

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Oh ok, ha. Well, I'll probably never come out.. since I know I wouldn't be able to have that sort of boyfriend-boyfriend relationship.

  13. #13

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Geez why use a website at all? Are there no young guys having any social skills? Go somewhere and meet people. You really can do it without walking around with a rainbow flag wrapped around you.

  14. #14
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Yeah, closeted guys can't do that.

    Why would you never be able to have that sort of boyfriend-boyfriend relationship? And why do you need to be in a relationship with a dude in order to be yourself in front of other people? There is incredible strength in being out, even when you're single.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  15. #15

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Yes I could do that, but, I want to keep it down low! I can't just walk into a gaybar and someone who might see me who knows me!! Besides, I only want quick NSA fun.

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    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    ^ What makes you think people who know you go to gay bars? And if they do, do you think they want to be outed either?

    I think I get what you want, but be sure that others do too.
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    the only people ON grindr r gay guys who want to meet and maybe have sex with other gay guys

    so not sure how you would be "outed" which i see as str8 people finding out

    if you're gonna do it put a pic of yourself - face is best, torso perhaps 2nd

    good luck

  18. #18
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Well, there are some out gay guys who feel it's their duty to tell the whole world when they see a supposedly straight guy on Grindr or in a gay bar...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  19. #19

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    OK. Thanks everyone, I just need to build up the confidence I guess. Has anyone got any grindr experience? I just don't want to meet up with someone and feel pressured into doing something I don't want to do.. Do you think they'll get mad at me if I say all I'll do is a blow job? I'm sorry if I'm asking stupid questions but I am 18 which is sort of innocent..

  20. #20

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Yes exactly!

  21. #21
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    i havent used grindr, downloaded it but havent tried it. use adam4adam. working good for me so far. though there are a lot of creeps and flakes, but they are easy enough to get past.

  22. #22
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    OK. Thanks everyone, I just need to build up the confidence I guess. Has anyone got any grindr experience? I just don't want to meet up with someone and feel pressured into doing something I don't want to do.. Do you think they'll get mad at me if I say all I'll do is a blow job? I'm sorry if I'm asking stupid questions but I am 18 which is sort of innocent..
    chat a bit prior to meeting - try to get a vibe/sense prior to actually meeting

    both of u hopefully figure out what is expected - best to be in sync if possible - it isn't always unless u ask DIRECT questions

    great thing about grindr is if u get a bad vibe u can just block and not have to worry about it

  23. #23

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Thank you man, I honestly thought I was just gonna get trolls on this considering my age and the use of grindr hahaha

  24. #24
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    I've been using it for near two years now. I don't do anonymous hook ups, I like to get friendly with the guys I chat with. But there are some basic rules:

    1. You absolutely do not - ever - have to do anything you don't want to do. That applies for your entire sex life, not just Grindr hook ups. Even if you're in bed, with their dick in your mouth, you can STILL say "you know what, no" and walk away. Anything else is rape, and you can act accordingly.

    2. You should make clear what your goals are prior to meeting. Grindr is nowhere near as trashy as asshole4asshole or Manhunt, not everyone there is looking exclusively for sex, and even if that's what you're after, I strongly recommend you still chat with people, get some sense of who they are. You might even make some friends, and EVEN if you're closeted and stuff, that never hurts. But make sure people know what you're after before you meet.

    3. Nobody gets angry at you for not wanting what they want. Of course, it's good if they know in advance so that they can just drop it if they aren't interested. But ultimately, you're there to get off and while it is imperative that you're always decent with others, it's none of your concern whether they're disappointed or mad or anything of the sort.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  25. #25

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    ThanksI'll remember that I guess I just like to make people happy too much haha. I think I might try the other ones as well, but Grindr seems a lot safer, murder and AIDS wise.

  26. #26

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    I just hear too many horror stories about web hook-ups. Nobody wants to see you get hurt kiddo. I did it for a while and had no problems. Until the last one. You know when you get that feeling that something just isn't right. I was really creeped out the whole time the guy was there. Nothing happen fortunately. I always felt like it could have, though. I never did it again....ever. That was years ago.

  27. #27
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    ThanksI'll remember that I guess I just like to make people happy too much haha. I think I might try the other ones as well, but Grindr seems a lot safer, murder and AIDS wise.
    As far as HIV (not AIDS, that comes after you catch HIV, and hopefully decades after) goes, there is an absolute, unbreakable rule that you CAN NOT, under ANY circumstances, break: always use protection. Whatever they want, whatever they say, however much they try to beg you or pressure you into barebacking, you do not do it. For any reason. Many guys - on Grindr and everywhere else - have this idiotic notion that if they ask the other guy, the other guy will a) be honest about his status or b) even KNOW that he has anything. So you must absolutely always assume that they don't know or could be lying. You shouldn't freak out about it either of course, but as far as you should be concerned, a condom is as essential to a hook up as your dick is.

    Also, what others said - the vibe is everything. If a guy gives you a bad vibe, ignore everything else and just don't go for it. Make your friends, family and loved ones happy all you want, but with strangers, be smart
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  28. #28
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Not sure how you've ordained grindr being less sketchy than manhunt

    I just think its a better app

    Squares - faces - chat history - blocking - favorites

    And the best - gps

    Worst experiences have been guys not looking like their square

    Some guys use old photos

    Never had a problem other than that but I chalk that up to chat prior and getting the vibe

    Now if a guy is super hot all bets r off

  29. #29

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Thans I guess since Most people and their grannies use grindr, it's more socially accepted ahahah. I have no problem having my first time with an older guy, but he better be a gentleman And any holes a goal lol jk. Yeah, I know i'll guess when i meet up with someone, ill ask to meet up before the deed just for a coke or coffee (non alcoholic stuffs.)

  30. #30
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by chance1 View Post
    Not sure how you've ordained grindr being less sketchy than manhunt
    Manhunt's exclusive goal is sex. Same for a4a and others. Grindr, Hornet, Scruff and the like are more "social" in that they don't have an explicit goal. Of course, it's still used more for hook ups than for other stuff, but nowhere near as exclusively as the others.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  31. #31

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    I love how this is turning into a whore site war hahah i'm inexperienced with them though so the more info the better

  32. #32

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Oh sorry quick question: Should I mention that I'm a virgin? Like on my profile?

  33. #33
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    Oh sorry quick question: Should I mention that I'm a virgin? Like on my profile?
    NO !!!!

    TMI in my opinion

    teasing - u can do what u want but i wouldn't

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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Manhunt's exclusive goal is sex. Same for a4a and others. Grindr, Hornet, Scruff and the like are more "social" in that they don't have an explicit goal. Of course, it's still used more for hook ups than for other stuff, but nowhere near as exclusively as the others.
    grindr is manhunt with easier access plus a gps

    the website/app is what people make of it

    some people think it's just for hooking up
    others think its a way to meet guys for dates
    it depends on the individual

  35. #35
    JUB Addict jensu846's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    i guess i use it only for nsa hookups. as do most guys. If a guy is looking for a serious relationship on Grindr, that just seems odd and looks kinda desperate. there are real dating sites for that. dont mention youre a virgin. keep it simple. just say you want to do oral and nsa fun.

  36. #36
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by chance1 View Post
    grindr is manhunt with easier access plus a gps

    the website/app is what people make of it

    some people think it's just for hooking up
    others think its a way to meet guys for dates
    it depends on the individual
    Manhunt has sex stats = is for sex. Grindr has only social stats + relationship stats = for whatever. That's how I view it. I've met people on Grindr exclusively for friendship. I've never heard of anyone meeting someone on Manhunt without the explicit goal of sex. Otherwise yes, it is what you make of it. Grindr allows you to make anything of it. Manhunt, and a4a - not so much. Hard to make friends with a guy whose profile picture is his gaping butthole...


    Diligence - don't say it on your profile, unless your goal is the type of guy who gets off on deflowering virgins. You can insert it into the conversation if you feel it's necessary, but if your goal isn't explicitly to get fucked by an older dude, I'd recommend keeping it off your profile.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  37. #37
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Manhunt has sex stats = is for sex. Grindr has only social stats + relationship stats = for whatever. That's how I view it. I've met people on Grindr exclusively for friendship. I've never heard of anyone meeting someone on Manhunt without the explicit goal of sex. Otherwise yes, it is what you make of it. Grindr allows you to make anything of it. Manhunt, and a4a - not so much. Hard to make friends with a guy whose profile picture is his gaping butthole...


    Diligence - don't say it on your profile, unless your goal is the type of guy who gets off on deflowering virgins. You can insert it into the conversation if you feel it's necessary, but if your goal isn't explicitly to get fucked by an older dude, I'd recommend keeping it off your profile.
    you've never heard ? in your vast experience?

    there's a box for "dating" on MH

    u really should be more careful about your opinion vs. fact

    like i said - it's about the people on it - what each of THEM is looking for

    grindr has LESS info - it's an app - more immediate - GPS - since people can instantly chat and be mobile - they can ask questions give info, etc.

  38. #38

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Does anyone know what the most obscure site there is? Like a site that no one really knows so there is now way I could get caught? Strictly NSA so it doesn't matter if it's one of those A4A.

  39. #39
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    You will only get scum on the obscure sites. Adam4Adam is not "those", it's a specific site. Check it out. But if you fear getting caught that much, you should just scrap the idea and rethink where you are in life.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    Does anyone know what the most obscure site there is? Like a site that no one really knows so there is now way I could get caught? Strictly NSA so it doesn't matter if it's one of those A4A.
    you're WAY over-thinking it

    and the idea that "no way i can get caught" is a false and dangerous premise

    you can read your own post and see what a conundrum it is

    take a step back - perhaps go see someone

  41. #41

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    I just don't wanna come out before I need to.

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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Yeah, there's no such thing as no risk of being caught, when there's more than one person - you - involved. But also "being caught" implies you're doing something wrong. Do YOU think you're doing something wrong? Because you're kinda in the wrong place asking for advice if you do.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    The minute you hook up you are out to someone. Do you know exactly what you're afraid of? Some people think there is no greater self-destruction than living a lie. Do take good physical and mental care of yourself.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    dude, the more obscure the site, the fewer people there are. thats what makes it obscure. but fewer people means fewer options, and this is not a scenario where you want to be settling, dont hook up with anyone unless you feel safe with them and you are attracted to them.
    99.99999% of people will not out you, even if you seriously piss them off for some reason. since its understood how destructive it can be for someone to be forced out of the closet. and anyone who is also DL, cannot out you, since they would be outing themselves in the same act. "hey guys i saw john doe on this gay dating site, he is so gay" "...um why were you on a gay dating site, man?"

  45. #45
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    I just don't wanna come out before I need to.
    Rolyo pointed this out several times, but there's no 100% way to be screwing around with or meeting men and be absolutely sure no one finds out. The chances are astronomically unlikely that someone will recognize you or whatever, but if you at this afraid of it maybe you aren't ready for this.

  46. #46
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Just don't give a fuck.
    Works for me.

  47. #47
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Boystown, Chicago
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    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    The minute you hook up you are out to someone. Do you know exactly what you're afraid of? Some people think there is no greater self-destruction than living a lie. Do take good physical and mental care of yourself.
    This. Also, I'm one of those people.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  48. #48
    Coward92
    Guest

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    This. Also, I'm one of those people.
    Count me in.
    It leads to an empty life.

  49. #49

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    But, the question is, is there really any point coming out as bi sexual? :/

  50. #50
    Coward92
    Guest

    Re: Is it easy to be outed or found on Grindr? 18 year old closet bi virgin here. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Diligence View Post
    But, the question is, is there really any point coming out as bi sexual? :/
    Sure.
    1. Not having to explain yourself constantly for one.
    2. Cutting ties with idiots.

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