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  1. #1

    Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Hey guys, first post so please forgive me if I'm doing something incorrectly here.

    29 year old white guy, been "curious" my whole life, recently within the last year began to explore my curiosities.
    managed to find 3 guys in the last year whom I felt comfortable enough with to be intimate.
    always very strict about safety and wanted to make sure these guys were as well, also talked to them for a couple weeks before we met up, wanted to be sure they were sane and had some common sense. had a handfull of experiences with all three, some as a top, some as a bottom, some verse stuff. REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
    with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
    am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.

    I'd love to hear from the JUB crowd.

  2. #2
    Porn Star Brian Smith's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    So you are "hetero-romantic."

    There is a difference between being gay and having sex with men. There are a lot of straight guys who identify as straight guys, many of whom are married, but they have sex with men, sometimes more often than they do with women. In some cases, it's abominable: there is no feeling in it, but it's just empty carnal gratification. In your case, it sounds like it's something that you do with some of your friends, and that's kind of nice.

    Anyway, your instinct to be wary of labels is dead-on. They can be useful for helping us understand ourselves, but for God sake, don't get pinned down under one to the point of losing your own identity. The label is intended to help you understand yourself. You don't try to fit yourself to any label.

    Therefore, if you use any terms to describe yourself to others, I would suggest "bisexual, hetero-romantic." That's not to define everything about your sexuality, but it does at least give people a rough idea of what you are into and what your boundaries are.

  3. #3

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Smith View Post
    So you are "hetero-romantic."

    There is a difference between being gay and having sex with men. There are a lot of straight guys who identify as straight guys, many of whom are married, but they have sex with men, sometimes more often than they do with women. In some cases, it's abominable: there is no feeling in it, but it's just empty carnal gratification. In your case, it sounds like it's something that you do with some of your friends, and that's kind of nice.

    Anyway, your instinct to be wary of labels is dead-on. They can be useful for helping us understand ourselves, but for God sake, don't get pinned down under one to the point of losing your own identity. The label is intended to help you understand yourself. You don't try to fit yourself to any label.

    Therefore, if you use any terms to describe yourself to others, I would suggest "bisexual, hetero-romantic." That's not to define everything about your sexuality, but it does at least give people a rough idea of what you are into and what your boundaries are.
    in reference to the bolded
    you make it sound like a really negative thing? I'm not challneging you I just wanted to hear more on that particular sentence.

  4. #4
    Porn Star Brian Smith's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    in reference to the bolded
    you make it sound like a really negative thing? I'm not challneging you I just wanted to hear more on that particular sentence.
    Okay, it's really mostly a comfort zone issue. I've never been comfortable with the idea of sex in which there is no connection at all between the partners. It just strikes me as cold and icky.

    I forget sometimes that other people don't have the same qualms that I do.

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Ok, let me just shed some light on some hard truths here.

    1. There is NO such thing as a "straight man who enjoys sex with men". If you enjoy sex with men, you are NOT straight. "Curious" is an idiotic nonsensical label, invented by homophobes to mask their fear of being considered gay. If you have a serious enough attraction to your own gender that you have to act on it, you are either bisexual, or gay, but you are not straight, and the ability to penetrate a woman, marry her and breed changes this fact not a single bit.

    2. Of course you would not be having romantic feelings for guys you hook up with. I don't have romantic feelings for my tricks, and I am as gay as it gets. But a LOT of guys who suffer from internalized homophobia (not to be mistaken with regular homophobia) can't deal with their own sexuality to a point where they have brainwashed themselves to strictly avoid any emotional connection with another man. Because, if you admit to that, all the "curiosity" crap goes out the window and one has to face the music.

    3. Avoiding labels is mostly another sign of internalized homophobia. Labels don't exist to BRAND us and DAMN us, they exist as anchors for us to find our identity. Just because you have sex with men, doesn't make you exclusively gay. But it also means you are not straight, and refusing to label yourself is meaningless, because everyone else will label you regardless of what your wishes on the subject are.


    Your experience is not unique at all, many guys go through that. It is part of the denial phase of coming out. I know most of what I wrote will do nothing but anger you, but still I hope that you would spend at least a minute to think about it. Wish you all the best in your process.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Ok, let me just shed some light on some hard truths here.

    1. There is NO such thing as a "straight man who enjoys sex with men". If you enjoy sex with men, you are NOT straight. "Curious" is an idiotic nonsensical label, invented by homophobes to mask their fear of being considered gay. If you have a serious enough attraction to your own gender that you have to act on it, you are either bisexual, or gay, but you are not straight, and the ability to penetrate a woman, marry her and breed changes this fact not a single bit.

    2. Of course you would not be having romantic feelings for guys you hook up with. I don't have romantic feelings for my tricks, and I am as gay as it gets. But a LOT of guys who suffer from internalized homophobia (not to be mistaken with regular homophobia) can't deal with their own sexuality to a point where they have brainwashed themselves to strictly avoid any emotional connection with another man. Because, if you admit to that, all the "curiosity" crap goes out the window and one has to face the music.

    3. Avoiding labels is mostly another sign of internalized homophobia. Labels don't exist to BRAND us and DAMN us, they exist as anchors for us to find our identity. Just because you have sex with men, doesn't make you exclusively gay. But it also means you are not straight, and refusing to label yourself is meaningless, because everyone else will label you regardless of what your wishes on the subject are.


    Your experience is not unique at all, many guys go through that. It is part of the denial phase of coming out. I know most of what I wrote will do nothing but anger you, but still I hope that you would spend at least a minute to think about it. Wish you all the best in your process.
    not angered, I honestly appreciate the feed back.

    here is where I have the conundrum. with these three (now two) guys I play with. I dont look at them and have any kind of feelings or emotions. I'm not "attracted" to them so much as I am "attracted" to the roll they fulfill in my mind when I think about this kind of sex. One is an older, taller, thicker more dominant top type whom I bottom with, and the other is a younger twinkish bottom type whom I top with. I'm not turned on by them so much as I'm turned on by the actions/primal response I get from the roll they play.
    I'm not trying to deny I enjoy the sex, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but I dont have any feelings for them in any kind of romantic way. I guess the only way to explain it is when I'm with a woman I'll smell her and her pheromones and I get a rush and a need to kiss and hug and touch and be with that person. even when its just a "hook up" with a girl and not some long winded pining relationship. when I'm with one of these men honestly the smells kind of turn me off. I really get into the roll I'm playing with either guy, but I'm really not emotional at all.
    Have I been pre-programmed to deny that type of feeling? yeah maybe, I wouldnt doubt it I grew up in a very masculine close minded environment. is there a possibility that I just like the physical experience and there is no emotion or feeling behind it, repressed or not? yeah thats a strong possibility too.

  7. #7
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    ^That's what you'll want to look at as time goes by. I don't subscribe to the notion that you can't be straight if you have gay sex, but you can be gay if you have straight sex. That thinking comes from a macho paternalistic framework that has huge social taboos against same sex, sex-play. If you fall in love with a woman you'll need to decide if the gay play is something you'll quit with no regrets or obsession, otherwise you'll need an open relationship if honesty is to be maintained. Best wishes.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  8. #8
    Porn Star Brian Smith's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    when I'm with one of these men honestly the smells kind of turn me off.
    Actually, male pheromones are odorless.

    They affect the sexes in different ways. What it does to a man is get him feeling distracted and anxious, but the weird thing is that it acts like a sedative on women (and, I can attest, gay men). When I'm snuggled up against a guy, I can get to feeling sleepy, stupid and loopy. It's not sexual excitement at all. I just want to lay my body against his, and I just get very limp. It's really an uncomfortable thing to feel around a straight guy I don't like, though, and it kind of makes me want to wring his nose between my knuckles. With a hot guy I'm dating, it's a feeling that he could do anything he wanted to me, and I'd probably like it.

    Anyway, let me teach you a little Jedi mind trick, here. Avoid looking for feminine beauty in men, and try looking for charisma. It's a completely different sense from what you get from a woman. You want to look for feelings of respect, trust, perhaps admiration. You want a sense that you are with someone you can lean on and depend on. You want the feeling that, "when the chips are down, I can count on this guy." These are not the actual feelings, just the sophisticated interpretations we put on those feelings.

    You can feel these things whether you are gay or straight, actually, and what is really most different is how you interpret and respond to those sensations, depending on your sexuality and the situation you are in. Well, what you do is try to get your mind into a receptive state for these kinds of feelings. Instead of interpreting them in the way you normally do, try to wipe the above verbalizations from your mind. Instead, just try to get down to the raw sensory data, just like you are getting the sensation for the first time in your life. A twin brother with a completely different personality and life experience.

    You really have to turn away your usual interpretations of familiar feelings, and create a barrier in your mind between how you interpret them in situations with a purely straight guy in a working relationship, and how you interpret them with a bisexual or gay guy in a sexual situation. Treat them, cognitively, as two entirely separate sensations. What you want to do is build up the new mental structure from the ground-up, based on your sexual experiences with men, particularly "dominant tops."

    I don't KNOW that this would work, but it might make your sex with men somewhat more satisfying.

    Other than that, whatever Seasoned says.
    Last edited by Brian Smith; February 14th, 2013 at 01:48 PM.

  9. #9

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    I'm thinking you might need to examine this closer. Straight men do not have sex with other men unless there is some underlying issue. That is provided the two of you aren't in prison then it becomes an exercise in any port in a storm methodology and physical mechanics with a side of control and domination.

    I do agree with others the bi/curious label is a farce. Most of those I personally know that self identify as bi are in fact gay and cannot bear the idea of being called gay. That isn't meant as a flame-on statement. It is strictly personal observation.

    I am gay and have had sex with a lot of guys. I still have issues with certain gay behaviors and acts. So being squeamish about odors is not that big of a deal.

    Might I ask if the other guys are gay? I might have missed it but I don't think that was addressed.

    Now on a personal note, several years ago I did the whole bi/curious thing as a ruse to get with some guys. These guys were all uncomfortable with the gay label. A few were married. The rest of them had girlfriends. My line was that I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and didn't want to get into it with another woman until I was ready. That was a total lie. I haven't had sex with a female since I was 17. It was fun for a while until one of the guys started to get serious. I was doing it for casual NSA sex. The whole possibly straight thing was a real turn-on at the time too.
    Last edited by Durango95; February 14th, 2013 at 02:28 PM.

  10. #10
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Something has gone haywire with the world. I actually agree with what Rolyo posted. What's up with that?

    To the OP, you must now stop calling yourself curious. You've done the gay sex thing, you know what it is all about. You might be a lot of things, but curious is no longer one of them.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  11. #11

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Durango95 View Post
    I'm thinking you might need to examine this closer. Straight men do not have sex with other men unless there is some underlying issue. That is provided the two of you aren't in prison then it becomes an exercise in any port in a storm methodology and physical mechanics with a side of control and domination.

    I do agree with others the bi/curious label is a farce. Most of those I personally know that self identify as bi are in fact gay and cannot bear the idea of being called gay. That isn't meant as a flame-on statement. It is strictly personal observation.

    I am gay and have had sex with a lot of guys. I still have issues with certain gay behaviors and acts. So being squeamish about odors is not that big of a deal.

    Might I ask if the other guys are gay? I might have missed it but I don't think that was addressed.


    Now on a personal note, several years ago I did the whole bi/curious thing as a ruse to get with some guys. These guys were all uncomfortable with the gay label. A few were married. The rest of them had girlfriends. My line was that I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and didn't want to get into it with another woman until I was ready. That was a total lie. I haven't had sex with a female since I was 17. It was fun for a while until one of the guys started to get serious. I was doing it for casual NSA sex. The whole possibly straight thing was a real turn-on at the time too.
    yeah the other guys are 100% gay, met them on manhunt

  12. #12
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    ^That's what you'll want to look at as time goes by. I don't subscribe to the notion that you can't be straight if you have gay sex, but you can be gay if you have straight sex. That thinking comes from a macho paternalistic framework that has huge social taboos against same sex, sex-play. If you fall in love with a woman you'll need to decide if the gay play is something you'll quit with no regrets or obsession, otherwise you'll need an open relationship if honesty is to be maintained. Best wishes.
    Since this is a response to me, I need to clarify my point, because it really wasn't meant in the way you have described it.

    Gay men having sex with women is NOT the same situation as straight men having sex with other men. But so that I don't really turn it into a discussion with you, I'll respond to OP, because my answer to him includes an answer to you as well:

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    not angered, I honestly appreciate the feed back.

    here is where I have the conundrum. with these three (now two) guys I play with. I dont look at them and have any kind of feelings or emotions. I'm not "attracted" to them so much as I am "attracted" to the roll they fulfill in my mind when I think about this kind of sex. One is an older, taller, thicker more dominant top type whom I bottom with, and the other is a younger twinkish bottom type whom I top with. I'm not turned on by them so much as I'm turned on by the actions/primal response I get from the roll they play.
    I'm not trying to deny I enjoy the sex, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but I dont have any feelings for them in any kind of romantic way. I guess the only way to explain it is when I'm with a woman I'll smell her and her pheromones and I get a rush and a need to kiss and hug and touch and be with that person. even when its just a "hook up" with a girl and not some long winded pining relationship. when I'm with one of these men honestly the smells kind of turn me off. I really get into the roll I'm playing with either guy, but I'm really not emotional at all.
    Have I been pre-programmed to deny that type of feeling? yeah maybe, I wouldnt doubt it I grew up in a very masculine close minded environment. is there a possibility that I just like the physical experience and there is no emotion or feeling behind it, repressed or not? yeah thats a strong possibility too.
    Even in 2013, still many places in the US are extremely homophobic, and in a homophobic environment, gay and bisexual people don't grow up with the right mindset to accept, embrace and explore their sexuality. In fact, the very term "sexuality" is misleading here, since it is not the sexuality that's the issue here, but the emotional connections that arise from it. Gay men crush and fall in love with other men. Straight men crush and fall in love with women. Bisexual men can do both. It is a natural fact that gay men CAN'T really fall in love with a girl, and straight men CAN'T really fall in love with another man. We develop feelings for the people we are physically attracted to - that's both undeniable and unalterable.

    We are taught that it heteronormativity is the law of the land, the "normal" (hetero-normative. Comes from "norm"). So to us, the motions of getting emotionally attached to a girl come if not naturally, then definitely with relative ease when we aren't at the far end of the Kinsey Scale (like I am). We can fake them to the extent, where if we are in denial of our own sexuality, we can even fool ourselves. But there is always something missing, something not quite in sync, something not really working.

    However, on the other end of that problem, are those guys who grow up in a very intolerant environment and whose alternative sexuality is mostly subdued until later in their life. They subconsciously make sure they never fall for a guy. Making up reasons like your "smell" thing, or any number of others, but those are nothing but code for "I can't fall in love with a dude, that would mean I'm not straight". Which is a problem, because that is what they ultimately need - even a bi guy isn't truly himself until he can freely admit to himself and express feelings for his own gender as well as the opposite. Like I said, it is part of the denial process, and it happens more times than you can imagine. The cliche "Girls are for dating, guys are for sex" is incredibly self-harming, and frankly - a joke.

    Which is why I don't agree with the false equivalency of "if a gay men can have sex with women, then straight men can have sex with men". In an ideal world with no bigotry and societal brainwashing, that would be correct, but the biggest reason for gay men to have sex with women (and marry them and have children with them) is ultimately not curiosity or desire (those can be a reason, but I doubt if they make up more than 5%), but denial and being closeted. Societal pressure to be "straight" when you are not. On the other hand, straight men don't have that pressure to do anything with guys, and furthermore - society opposes it. So to equate one with the other is unreasonable to me.

    I can only get you this far though. For me, admitting my own sexuality to myself was enough - it was the switch that made me stop caring what others thought, and embrace who I was. But I am a Kinsey 6. There is no ambiguity where I stand. So I can't really give you an advice as to how to deal with your lack of emotional connection with men. I truly believe that it IS a problem, and one you need to work to resolve, because if you hook up with guys even on a semi-regular basis (ie "more than a one- or two-time incident), then you clearly have that need in yourself, and it comes with a corresponding need for a romantic potential. Maybe others can help you deal with this, but in the end, you are the one who has to make the steps. And they begin - as much as others will fervently tell you otherwise - with finding a label. You aren't married to it, you may choose to change it in the future. But pick one, because those help immeasurably.


    Just out of curiosity - have you been hooking up with girls as well lately?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  13. #13

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Actually I think I disagree with a lot of the other posters. I have a few friends who are sexually active with both sexes but feel like they can only love one, but still find sex with both sexes sexy (sorry, its like a tongue twister).

    Also I think you show good insight, there is only a problem if you feel there is a problem...? Do you...? You said you don't want to label yourself but you're curious as to what you feel? Well, you feel romance towards women and you like to have sex with men. That's what it means, it doesn't have to mean anything else unless you feel you need more definition to make you feel more comfortable with yourself? If not, then it's all okay!

    If this isn't causing you distress, then really don't stress man!

  14. #14
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Fortunate View Post
    Actually I think I disagree with a lot of the other posters. I have a few friends who are sexually active with both sexes but feel like they can only love one, but still find sex with both sexes sexy (sorry, its like a tongue twister).
    I have to ask - do those include male friends who are sexually active with both sexes but feel like they can only love other males? Because if not, I just talked a LOT about the reasons behind it in my previous post.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  15. #15
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    To rephrase my question - do you have gay friends who have sex with girls almost as much as with guys? Cause THAT would be the only relevant example in this situation.

    As for the rest - while the Kinsey scale measures attraction, I am yet to see a gay guy falling madly in love with a girl he has no attraction to, or a Kinsey 0 guy falling for a dude he's grossed out by the thought of doing something with. Emotional/romantic attachment is closely tied to physical attraction.

    As for situations - yes, they do happen, for sure. I've been in a threesome with two girls haha ^_^ But hooking up regularly with guys - both as a top and a bottom - is kind of further down the path than "situations".
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  16. #16

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    The women you picked, you picked off an emotional and physical response to, where as the men were just guys willing to sleep with you whom passed your mechanical check list of safe, sane, clean, ... it's no wonder you don't have feelings for them. You're choosing them with the same efficiency as you would buying a car.

    If you picked your men the same way you picked your women you would have feelings for them.

    There are hundreds of guys I could sleep with that would be willing, but that doesn't mean I'd have any emotional attachments to them. SEX does not equal LOVE. You yourself admitted that they could be anyone, and are just filling in a role of a sex partner.

    If you want to feel something for a guy, you have to be attracted to them, date them, and spend time with them romantically other then between the sheets.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  17. #17

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    yeah the other guys are 100% gay, met them on manhunt

    I think you just answered my question and probably a lot of other people here. Straight men don't even know what manhunt is, let alone have a membership.

  18. #18
    HA! ;-)
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    I believe that Labels, of any kind, are Far too confining! "Gay"? "Straight"? "Bi"? Who really gives a Rip? The important part is being the Best YOU that You can be! None of us are Exactly the same! And, when it cums to our sexuality, I don't think it's anyone's business except our Partners! If I'm not fucking around with you, as far as my sexuality is concerned, kindly fuck off! It's of NO concern of Yours! And, that also goes for my finances, and about a hundred other things about Me, that is not for Public consideration!

    That said ...

    I think I'm the opposite of the OP. I've always been Fascinated with SEX, of most kinds, and though I KNEW that I was Gay, being attracted to Males more than Females, from a very early age, that didn't stop me from having more than my "fair" share of Sex with Girls during my late teens, and through out my twenties. Heck! I ALMOST Married 5, or 6, of them! And, I did Love, and Cherish, my Gals! (Which is why I DIDN'T Marry any of them, because deep in my Heart I KNEW better.)

    Though I was deeply "In Love" with my almost wives, I felt I could never BOND with them as well as I could with Guys. There was always a "disconnect" with the chicks. I guess it was because I could UNDERSTAND Guys easier! And, once the socially expected lines were crossed, I could get closer to Dudes, no holds barred, a complete openness, a total relinquishing of individuality, almost a "Mind Meld". Not to mention that sex with Males was so much Stronger, with the muscles, and smells, and shared Urgency. SEX with Males was simply more Intense on a shared Personal level. And, the Socially Unacceptable aspect only added to the Risk which made it all even that much more Hotter!

    Yes, I can consider SEX as mere Sport! I can screw around with someone without having to fall for them. Sex can be quite Objective, and still be Lots of FUN! A Heart-to-Heart connection only makes it Better!

    In other words, do what YOU Want to do with whomever You want to do it with! What others might think doesn't matter one iota. What does count is what You, and They, think and feel!

    Of course ... no matter what ... and I do mean this Seriously ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  19. #19
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Viva Vega,
    first and foremost, welcome


    Some of the guys above are my respected friends, some are not.
    They ALL are offering opinions based on their thoughts , their
    experiences and the way they want it to be. Remember it is just THO.

    Read my old buddy CHAZ's (hi my Kev) post #20, twice. Parse and consider.

    JMHO,and personal experience. Sexercise is sexercise and is great to do with friends.
    Pick-up sex (any flavor or participant type) is just chemical nature in action. When you
    find your 'soulmate', gender, race age (legal or above please) will be irrelevant. Those
    labels the insecure or agenda fused won't mean a damn thing...
    Peel away the Social Dictates mankind has a sexual dictate that overrides even the
    reproduction program.

    You need a label pick the one YOU like best...

    again, JMHO

  20. #20
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    Hey guys, first post so please forgive me if I'm doing something incorrectly here.

    29 year old white guy, been "curious" my whole life, recently within the last year began to explore my curiosities.
    managed to find 3 guys in the last year whom I felt comfortable enough with to be intimate.
    always very strict about safety and wanted to make sure these guys were as well, also talked to them for a couple weeks before we met up, wanted to be sure they were sane and had some common sense. had a handfull of experiences with all three, some as a top, some as a bottom, some verse stuff. REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
    with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
    am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.

    I'd love to hear from the JUB crowd.
    Hmmmmm........

    First off Hi.

    OK so you have emotional attachments to every woman you've ever met? No? Why would you think that the opposite would be true?

    I've fucked a lot of guys, some were incredible, some were not, some I wish I hadn't - I've wanted "romance" with a tiny proportion of those guys. Such is life. Such is being a guy - any kind of "labeled" guy (if they can manage it) will fuck a lot of attractive people, and what is the number one complaint of women (and so inclined gay men) - that the guy wan't interested in "romance."

    Other than that - listen to Rolyo (Long time no see!) Issues with guys who like guys are ubiquitous and your issue is incredibly common. What do you do? You don't stress it, you give yourself the opportunity to follow your feelings and you keep telling yourself that if you fall in love with a guy - THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING WRONG WITH THAT!
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  21. #21
    JUB Addict bma1983's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    I have to ask the OP (and to other bi men who say they have no or can't form emotional attachements to men), why are you having sex with men? Why? What's the point? You say their smell turns you off and you don't even enjoy kissing them. Is it just to get your rocks off and that's it? Scenarios like this always leave me full of questions.

  22. #22
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas
    REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
    with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
    am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.
    You're still pretty new to this. You've probably had relationships (physical and emotional) with women for a decade. You've had casual encounters with guys for a year.

    This is where you are today. It could change tomorrow. You could meet a woman and fall in love. You could meet a guy and fall in love which will change the game again.

    Too much time and energy is wasted on labels. As long as you're happy, you're playing safe, you're open to the possibilities but being honest with partners about your current limitations, it's not unusual or a problem.
    JUB's full list of smilies can be found here.

  23. #23
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Too much time and energy is wasted on trying to convince oneself and other people that "labels," don't matter, when in fact it seems the only labels that don't matter are the ones requiring some guy to admit he wants to fuck other guys.

    Right.

    Seems to me that all that wasted time and energy starts going somewhere positive when the guy truly doesn't give a fuck about being called gay, 'cause he has no more issues with it.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  24. #24
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Being gay doesn't make you incapable of appreciating femininity or female beauty. It just means you don't have chemistry with women or the physical desire for them. I would also have sex with a girl just out of curiosity... If the middle management would cooperate. But it doesn't.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  25. #25
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Smith View Post
    Nanana, it's just that I wouldn't want to be disingenuous. I wouldn't want to tell someone I'm gay, then have that person notice me salivating over a pretty girl, then say, "hey, you lied to me. I thought you were gay." And then I would have to go into this long explanation about how I find girls visually stimulating, but I just don't feel anything when I'm actually talking to one.

    No, I don't really think I ought to have sex with one. I just actually find them, visually, very attractive. It's when I start talking to them that it seems...well, like I'd rather be friends with them. It's not that I stop thinking they are pretty, but I just don't get the, uh, heat. I feel like having sex with them would be like having sex with my sister, even though my sister might be more attractive than a guy I actually would have sex with.

    So I would say that I am, without a doubt, as gay as it's possible to be. However, I am sort of bi-curious. I have thoughts occasionally about what it might be like to actually sleep with a girl. I think a lot more gay guys have these kinds of thoughts than would admit it, too. I don't think it means I'm not gay, but I just have a sort of feline curiosity about the "what's on the other side." I doubt I'll ever act on it.
    Yes, you're clearly and undeniably gay. Just because you entertain thoughts of women doesn't make you not gay, and there is nothing disingenuous about calling yourself gay. Unless of course, that's not the problem at all
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  26. #26
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by TX-Beau View Post
    Well, I called myself straight until I admitted I was gay - THAT was deception, if you thought you were gay, and it turned out you were bi, I wouldn't call that the same thing.

    I slept with women to prove my heterosexuality - turns out that's as gay as it comes.
    Hmmm... I thought in CO&R, we addressed the OP's experience...?
    JUB's full list of smilies can be found here.

  27. #27
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    There are lots of straight guys who sleep with women using the "fuck and run" method. Some people don't feel any great emotional connection whether they're fucking a man or a woman.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  28. #28
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Why would you try to convince yourself it isn't happening?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  29. #29
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Even by dick?

    Ok, I'm gonna stop now ^_^
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  30. #30
    HA! ;-)
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    My own Fascination with SEX was because it was Naughty AND Fun! I was also Lucky enough to have my teens, and twenties, perfectly coincide with the 60s and 70s! "Free Love", "Flower Power", and all that other "Hippie" stuff!

    SEX, for the mere experience of SEX, was Awesome! And, it didn't matter, all that much, if I was Playing with a Guy, or a Girl, or any combination thereof!

    I was fortunate enough to get to find out what "stuff" was like on both sides of the fence. And, though I KNEW what I really preferred, ALL of that time, I am truly Grateful that I got to participate in all the ranges of Sexuality that I did!

    LIFE is not all "Black and White". In my view, Label restrictions are meant to be broken, and explored. You'll never really KNOW until you've Tried it!

    What you may finally decide on is Totally up to YOU! I eventually went Completely GAY, butt that doesn't mean that others will follow My choices.

    Don't let "Social Expectations" (Labels) define YOU! You're the only one that can figure out, and decide that, for YOU!

    Of course ... no matter what ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  31. #31
    JUB Addict MorrisseyX's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Does the OP have sexual fantasies about other men? Does the OP look at another man and have a sexual attraction? I think the OP only had sex with three guys so he should give himself more time before he labels himself. The OP enjoys having sex with men and that is good.


    I am not bisexual but I do believe bisexuality exists. Sexuality isn't black or white it is a shade of gray. I like looking at straight porn and lesbian porn and it is a turn on for me. But I haven't gotten to the point where I feel the urge to have sex with a woman.

    The OP has the urge to have sex with other men and he enjoys it. And I think especially in the gay male community there is a lot of biphobia. Society seems to accept female bisexuality and people say it is fluid. So why can't a man be bisexual? Seems to me the OP could potentially be bisexual. I have heard of men who have sex with other men but cannot form an emotional attachment to another man. Like for instance, those guys who go to the bathhouses to get a blow job by gay men but do not identify as gay. Or the married man that goes to gay websites and cruises but is never going to date another men those guys are bisexual I think.
    Last edited by MorrisseyX; February 18th, 2013 at 11:39 PM.

  32. #32
    Slut LemonMonk's Avatar
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    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Oh you're like me! I can sleep with guys, enjoy it a lot, but I have only had emotional relationships with women. You're not alone, I intend on being in a same-sex relationship soon, just to make sure of what I am. For me, almost all sexual fantasies are about men, but if I am imagining my ideal partner, I can see it's a her, not a him. I class myself as curious at the moment here, but I don't think there is a title around that does whatever I am justice. "hetero-romantice" was mentioned, but it goes further for me. With a woman I have feelings for I can perform sexually, for a man who I find attractive, I can perform regardless of emotions, right now I've never been with a guy romantically, think I need to give that a go before ruling anything out.

    Feel free to PM me or whatever if you want to assertain how similarly we see things.

  33. #33

    Re: Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVegas View Post
    Hey guys, first post so please forgive me if I'm doing something incorrectly here.

    29 year old white guy, been "curious" my whole life, recently within the last year began to explore my curiosities.
    managed to find 3 guys in the last year whom I felt comfortable enough with to be intimate.
    always very strict about safety and wanted to make sure these guys were as well, also talked to them for a couple weeks before we met up, wanted to be sure they were sane and had some common sense. had a handfull of experiences with all three, some as a top, some as a bottom, some verse stuff. REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
    with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
    am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.

    I'd love to hear from the JUB crowd.
    So, I'm late to this but I just wanna say how fucking great it is that there are some many people who refuse to label themselves. Labels can so so stupid and restricting. Human beings were not made to fit into labels. How refreshing to see people who really want to live their lives the way the fucking please to. Obviously, there will always be ideologues who will always judge, criticize and try to shame people over the life decisions they make, especially in a place like this. Too bad, but they just don't really matter.
    Last edited by newbored; February 19th, 2013 at 04:42 AM.

  34. #34
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by newbored View Post

    So, I'm late to this but I just wanna say how fucking great it is that there are some many people who refuse to label themselves. Labels can so so stupid and restricting. Human beings were not made to fit into labels. How refreshing to see people who really want to live their lives the way the fucking please to. Obviously, there will always be ideologues who will always judge, criticize and try to shame people over the life decisions they make, especially in a place like this. Too bad, but they just don't really matter.
    I am curious to learn how labels "restrict".
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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