So I've been abstinent since July. I usually get my hookups through Craigslist. The guys I meet there are just that--hookups: The guy comes over, we have sex, and the guy leaves. Sometimes they text back for round 2, but sometimes I never hear from them again. This way, I have no emotional attachment. I've steeled my heart this way due to many heartbreaks and failed expectations in the past.
Lately, due to the stress of midterms, I've been wanting cock so bad. So I posted several ads on Craigslist. Since I live in a small town and Craigslist ads are not frequent, I decided to put different ages on my different ads just so the guys browsing wouldn't know they're all from the same person.
Anyway, lots of people replied. But lots of people also flaked. It was 11:30 at night on a Friday, I was just about to sleep, when my iPad beeped and received an e-mail from someone. He said he's "straight but curious" and that I should text him. So I did. Fast forward to 15 minutes later, he's in my house. GODDAMN he's cute. Tall, blondish/brown hair. Always smizing eyes. Just pure boyish quality.
My technique when hooking up is always to start off with a massage. This eases off the tension between me and the guy. So we talked and we talked while I straddled him.
For the record, I am actually 24 years old. This guy whom I was massaging replied to my ad saying that I am 19 years old. I wasn't bothered by this. He asked whom I lived with. I said my roommates--but again, this wasn't true. I live with my brother. He asked if I knew his best friend "Ben". When he said the last name, I KNEW who Ben but again, I lied. Every other question, I answered truthfully throughout the night.
I wasn't bothered by this string of lies because I passed him off as someone who's just going to be a one-night-stander. Someone whom I wasn't going to ever see again.
BUT he started sending feelers to me when we were cuddling, saying he wanted to invite me for supper with his friends the next day as his date. Or that I should hang out with his friends to see movies every week. I wasn't prepared for this at all. Usually I was always the clingy one--but due to failed expectations, I learned NOT to be clingy. But now I have this guy in my bed saying he wants to see me not only for round 2 of sex, but he was implying for something long-term!
Next day, we saw each other again. I kept delaying telling him the truth about my age, about how I know his best friend, and whom I actually lived with. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt so bad throughout the night. I promised myself to tell him in the morning but I didn't do it. Some part of me was afraid I was going to lose him. And in the back of my head, I was thinking a 5-year jump in age was just going to be too much for him to handle.
So my question is, when and where and how would be the best way to admit him I've been lying to him, without him being turned off? I'm so scared.
P.S.: He's also training to be a cop and said the other night (we met 2 nights in a row) that he has no tolerance for bullshit!