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  1. #101

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Anders123 View Post
    Get out with your reason and logic, we're trying to justify banging married men here.
    What about women? They DO cheat you know. ...and the funny thing is so many people who will demonize a man "understand" a woman. Man bashing is a sport for some people.

  2. #102

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by ravenstar View Post
    Damned if I know why you'd want to play without someone else's toys. I refuse to sleep with a partnered or married guy.
    I don't think most married people announce they are married.

  3. #103
    Young at Heart ravenstar's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    You'd be surprised. I've had several guys in Sydney actually try it as a pick up line. That they're married, their wives don't satisfy them, they're drunk and horny. Give the propensity of Gay men who fantasise about sleeping with straight guys it's no wonder people think "I'm straight & married" works.

  4. #104
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    I think Eastofeden's position can be quite succinctly described as spinning around this question many people have asked of "why would someone sleep with someone married" into "why is someone married looking to sleep with someone else?"

    And it is interesting that collectively there seems to be a little discomfort with that change of angle.

  5. #105

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by ravenstar View Post
    You'd be surprised. I've had several guys in Sydney actually try it as a pick up line. That they're married, their wives don't satisfy them, they're drunk and horny. Give the propensity of Gay men who fantasise about sleeping with straight guys it's no wonder people think "I'm straight & married" works.
    I can believe that (I have heard it myself)...

    .........the thing for me...human relationships are complex and I get tired of hearing people point fingers at the other person when they should be using the time to have a better understanding of themselves.

    On a personal note....I won't even have sex with anyone who has ever been involved with a friend of mine much less when they are currently involved.

  6. #106

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbuzzerx View Post
    I think Eastofeden's position can be quite succinctly described as spinning around this question many people have asked of "why would someone sleep with someone married" into "why is someone married looking to sleep with someone else?"

    And it is interesting that collectively there seems to be a little discomfort with that change of angle.
    ^^^Very Good Observation^^^

  7. #107
    Young at Heart ravenstar's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I can believe that (I have heard it myself)...

    .........the thing for me...human relationships are complex and I get tired of hearing people point fingers at the other person when they should be using the time to have a better understanding of themselves.

    On a personal note....I won't even have sex with anyone who has ever been involved with a friend of mine much less when they are currently involved.
    I'm not pointing fingers, not playing with another person's toys is a personal decision. I've seen the damage cheating does to families and relationships.

  8. #108
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    I am glad to see Medusa has finally met her overdue end. It's so easy to spot the trolls. Some of them you already know to ban just weeks after they join. It spares the whole community the trouble of going through the same crap, time and time again, with these loathsome reprobates.


    pat_grimshaw, Broodmother of Despair and Trolldom, you've lost another spawn. I know you try so hard to defend them in their meltdowns, but you always fail. I only hope that someday, the rainbow justice of JUB will come for you too.
    Last edited by Just_Believe18; February 12th, 2013 at 01:39 AM.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  9. #109
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    there's no discomfort here. I see what he's saying...but there's a little something called communication.

    When a person decides to step out of their marriage to sleep with someone else (without their partner's knowledge)...that's not cool(using the terms in the thread title). And again...the person who "gives them what their partners won't" does not deserve any kind of positive recognition for doing so.

    this just isn't about sleeping with someone. It's about making choices/decisions for one's relationship without one half being privy to the plan.
    I totally agree with you that when someone is cheating, there's been a pretty serious breakdown of communication *somewhere.* How that blame falls will depend on the two individuals in question and the specifics of the circumstances. Also, I agree that someone isn't "doing people a favor" by sleeping with their spouse. I do agree with that. However, I think Eastofeden is saying that there's always two sides to a story, sometimes people are in suffocating or unhappy situations, or whatever the case might be, perhaps with a partner who doesn't listen or doesn't want to listen. And I do think that covers some of the situations where cheating occurs. In that case I think there's blame to go both ways in the relationship, and I think the third party had nothing to do with it.

    That's (as far as I understood it) what Eastofeden was saying.

  10. #110

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    interesting choice of words.
    I will use my own example....most people don't really "get" personal responsibility...I learned that long ago...

    For three years I was with a true sadist. He did a number on me mentally. I was able to slowly overcome it...I am giving you the very short version of it.

    So...one day near the end he hated that he had lost the control over me that he once enjoyed so he did something to try and break me. There was a bartender who I hated with every fiber of my being. He used to get drunk and stir people's drinks with his cock. When I had to relieve him on his shift the entire bar was a disaster and I had to play bad cop. My lover knew I hated him and he also knew I kept my personal life out of the bar so he killed two birds with one stone and before I came to work one night he had sex on the bar in front of a huge crowd with the bartender I hated and he exposed my personal life to a bunch of people who I kept it from....

    I had to follow him on his shift that night and I was extremely humiliated and in a rage....I thought my life was over....

    ...and then I found out there was something even worse...people rallying around me to give me sympathy...UGH.

    Politely for maybe the next six months (I left him immediately BTW)...when anyone brought him up I did not trash him...I simply said that I would like to change the subject and not discuss it with them and if they couldn't respect that I would ignore them....and I did.

    Eventually...when I had time to think...I began to tell people not to feel sorry for me or to blame him because I had turned down tons of nice guys to be with him. I wasn't interested in nice guys at that point in my life....due to circumstances earlier in my life I recreated a situation and this time I survived and evolved. I thanked my ex. I was no victim...not then anyway. He did me a favor. End of story.

    Thanks to my attitude...I moved on and soon afterward met the man I am with now...WITHOUT THE BAGGAGE!...thanks to how I processed the previous guy. I have had a wonderful relationship for almost 27 years now. I know the value of taking responsibility for your part in ANY relationship.

  11. #111

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Coward92 View Post
    And I hate the self-righteous assholes who always have an excuse for what they did. Wow... aren't they the ones who victimize themselves? Should they not take responsibility?
    ..and you are free to hate them...ain't it grand?

    I have been here so many times before and I know how it ends ...I could give examples as well for pages if I must to prove my point but that is always a waste of time so I will redirect....

    Consider this.....

    I remember when Bobbit cut off her husband's penis and women (and many gay men) cheered her on because "he deserved it". OMG

    So I would say to them...what would you think if a man mutilated his wife's vagina or cut off her breast because SHE was cheating?

    MUCH different reaction...no cheering anymore.

    Cognitive Dissonance....or maybe watching too many Lifetime Movies. I don't care for a victim mentality. I don't have to since there are so many of you who do.

  12. #112

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Coward92 View Post
    And you are free to hate the real victims.
    Don't define "real victims" for me...

  13. #113

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Coward92 View Post
    Harsh judgement and words are enough, maybe a little public humiliation to the mix.
    That's what I'd do if someone cheated on me.
    ...and you would have alot of people cheering you on!

    We are very different people.

  14. #114
    Respira MissAnne's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post

    I remember when Bobbit cut off her husband's penis and women (and many gay men) cheered her on because "he deserved it". OMG

    So I would say to them...what would you think if a man mutilated his wife's vagina or cut off her breast because SHE was cheating?






    Lorena Bobbitt was a little different. She was being physically abused, sexually abused and she was cheated on.

    Im not saying that she should have cut her husband's penis off but I suspect that if this man had only (not down playing cheating) been cheating on her, she may not have chopped it off.
    Last edited by MissAnne; February 12th, 2013 at 07:40 AM.
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
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  15. #115

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    I love how you always give yourself a pat on the back for this each time this topic comes up.
    Not so much that as eager to accentuate the positive.

  16. #116
    The Mother of Loki Laufey's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    The only way you are doing them a favor is if you tell the person who was cheated on shortly after it happened.

  17. #117
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Cheaters cheat because they want to cheat. They are not driven to it by someone else. Many of them get all the sex they want at home and are not in stressful relationships. They just want sex with someone other than their spouses.
    This is not a gender issue, either. We are focusing on men as cheaters here because the OP opened it that way.
    The cheater is the one responsible for his/her infidelity, not the third party. That doesn't make him any less vile, however. Knowing the person hitting on them is married and going through with it anyway only shows their own selfish disregard for anyone else. The cheater and the third party are both indefensible in their actions. Cheating is a selfish. greedy act, like stealing. Try to justify it all you want, but you still end up the loser.

    If someone is unhappy in their relationship, they owe it to themselves and their partners to work it out. If they can't, then they have options other than cheating...like leaving, but doing it openly and honestly.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  18. #118
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I will use my own example....most people don't really "get" personal responsibility...I learned that long ago...

    For three years I was with a true sadist. He did a number on me mentally. I was able to slowly overcome it...I am giving you the very short version of it.

    So...one day near the end he hated that he had lost the control over me that he once enjoyed so he did something to try and break me. There was a bartender who I hated with every fiber of my being. He used to get drunk and stir people's drinks with his cock. When I had to relieve him on his shift the entire bar was a disaster and I had to play bad cop. My lover knew I hated him and he also knew I kept my personal life out of the bar so he killed two birds with one stone and before I came to work one night he had sex on the bar in front of a huge crowd with the bartender I hated and he exposed my personal life to a bunch of people who I kept it from....

    I had to follow him on his shift that night and I was extremely humiliated and in a rage....I thought my life was over....

    ...and then I found out there was something even worse...people rallying around me to give me sympathy...UGH.

    Politely for maybe the next six months (I left him immediately BTW)...when anyone brought him up I did not trash him...I simply said that I would like to change the subject and not discuss it with them and if they couldn't respect that I would ignore them....and I did.

    Eventually...when I had time to think...I began to tell people not to feel sorry for me or to blame him because I had turned down tons of nice guys to be with him. I wasn't interested in nice guys at that point in my life....due to circumstances earlier in my life I recreated a situation and this time I survived and evolved. I thanked my ex. I was no victim...not then anyway. He did me a favor. End of story.

    Thanks to my attitude...I moved on and soon afterward met the man I am with now...WITHOUT THE BAGGAGE!...thanks to how I processed the previous guy. I have had a wonderful relationship for almost 27 years now. I know the value of taking responsibility for your part in ANY relationship.
    Okay this whole story falls into the category of "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

    But that doesn't mean you're obliged to thank the asshole pelting you with lemons.

    It's one thing to accept responsibility for your own choices, to outgrow your own na´vetÚ and to admit "I picked him." But his behaviour is your business in any relationship, and if he can't or won't take accountability for it, there is no problem, no baggage, no "living in glass houses," just to point out to someone the extent of their own bullshit. It's also pretty effortless.

    And people keep forgetting we don't have to choose between blaming the ex or blaming the person he cheated with. I'd have enough time in the day to recognise the bullshit from each of them and call them on it before my breakfast mug of tea even gets cold.

  19. #119
    Respira MissAnne's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Im not saying that cheating is like commiting a murder but Ive often looked to a murder analogy when it comes to third party fault.

    I kind of see it like if a person were to knock on my door, wanting to borrow a knife in order to kill someone.

    I could give them the knife and say "Well, they were going to get the knife from somewhere, that person had their mind made up long before he/she came to me"

    But my usual stance is: They can do whatever they want to do, but they arent going to get the knife from my kitchen.
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
    ― Emeli Sande

  20. #120

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    east of eden... not everyone is able to process and deal with things the way you do.
    If so many people weren't so bent on being a victim maybe they could. Success is the best revenge. What I have seen instead...people meet a guy for the first time or go on a date and one goes on and on about how they have been hurt...don't trust...complain about the ex....OMG. I would sit there thinking to myself..."Put a cork in it honey". Then...when they chased another guy away...as the bartender I would have to listen to them whine about the lack of "good men". Jesus....you sucked the life out of them and now you are trying to do it to me is what I was thinking but I rarely wanted to open that can of worms so instead I would say "Awwww...ain't it awful?" so I could make a quick exit.

    [quoye]Also, It's like you're assuming that when someone cheats, it's ALWAYS because their spouse isn't doing something right at home.[/quote]

    Actually taking responsibility has nothing to do with "wrong"...or not doing something right. It is empowering and that is the point. If I haven't made that clear...my apologies. If the other person cheats...it is not even about the person who they are cheating on..

    As for communication...real communication begins with being honest with yourself. Alot of people forget this part and when that happens...communication can be a nightmare for both parties.

  21. #121
    JUB Addict DigitalFudge's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?




    Is all I have to say

  22. #122

    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    Okay this whole story falls into the category of "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

    But that doesn't mean you're obliged to thank the asshole pelting you with lemons.

    It's one thing to accept responsibility for your own choices, to outgrow your own na´vetÚ and to admit "I picked him." But his behaviour is your business in any relationship, and if he can't or won't take accountability for it, there is no problem, no baggage, no "living in glass houses," just to point out to someone the extent of their own bullshit. It's also pretty effortless.

    And people keep forgetting we don't have to choose between blaming the ex or blaming the person he cheated with. I'd have enough time in the day to recognise the bullshit from each of them and call them on it before my breakfast mug of tea even gets cold.
    On the contrary...I should have left him a few months after I knew him because I could see that he was an asshole. The truth was...I had low self esteem and was attracted to the asshole. Because I took responsibility for that...I am not bitter or chained to my past. I left it where it belongs...in the past...

    After I had sorted everything out...much later...I thanked him because due to the circumstances we both created...I walked away with a healthy self esteem after processing it and instead of being his victim...I chose to empower myself and own my shit. I told him that I was looking for an asshole and he did a AAA+++ job of giving me what I wanted so I want to thank him.....I was sincere when I said it to him and sincere when I forgave him and wished him well...he couldn't even speak...poor thing.

    I did go through all of the usual stages prior to that though...rage...feeling sorry for myself...feeling like a victim...crying...feeling sick to my stomach...plotting revenge...so much more...and then I decided he has had enough of my mental time and the answer to that was within me...not him.

    I did, however, do one really horrible thing to him a few years later. Well...one horrible thing and one sorta horrible thing. And it makes me smile when I think about it.

  23. #123
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Believe18 View Post
    I am glad to see Medusa has finally met her overdue end. It's so easy to spot the trolls. Some of them you already know to ban just weeks after they join. It spares the whole community the trouble of going through the same crap, time and time again, with these loathsome reprobates.


    pat_grimshaw, Broodmother of Despair and Trolldom, you've lost another spawn. I know you try so hard to defend them in their meltdowns, but you always fail. I only hope that someday, the rainbow justice of JUB will come for you too.
    It must be getting to be kind of depressing for Grimshaw actually.

    And for the other desperate black hearted souls who thrill to the ugly sentiments of the trolls and the damaged sociopaths.

  24. #124
    The Mother of Loki Laufey's Avatar
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    Re: So it's cool, and dandy to sleep with married men now?

    Quote Originally Posted by MissAnne View Post
    Im not saying that cheating is like commiting a murder but Ive often looked to a murder analogy when it comes to third party fault.

    I kind of see it like if a person were to knock on my door, wanting to borrow a knife in order to kill someone.

    I could give them the knife and say "Well, they were going to get the knife from somewhere, that person had their mind made up long before he/she came to me"

    But my usual stance is: They can do whatever they want to do, but they arent going to get the knife from my kitchen.
    The difference here is that when it comes to cheating the action isn't the main thing but rather the mindset.

    The moment you want to cheat, you have already cheated.

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