Trying Really Hard To Be "Just Friends" With The Guy That Led Me On/I Fell In Love With...

[Saybrooke]

Okay, so I've been seeing this guy for the past five months and he's always given me mixed signals...

Two weeks ago, we kissed four times in one night and I assumed that meant he liked me like that...

Then two nights ago, we went to a movie (he fed me popcorn and we shared a beverage) and afterward, I asked if he wanted to make things official, but he said we were just friends...

He then asked if I thought he led me on and I was honest with him and told him yes. Well, he doesn't think he did... Even though we would kiss all the time and do cute things together...

And he knew how I felt, but never dissuaded me...

Now he says he's afraid things will change between us and he doesn't understand why we can't be as close as we were before... He says we have such a great friendship and he doesn't want it to end...

I want us to be friends, but I'm feeling a little hurt... :/ I haven't really stopped crying since lol

Do y'all think I was led on? Any advise would be awesome

[EuroSoccer]

Lol enjoy the friendship mate, don't get too stressed about it
True friendship is harder to find than love.............
You can't force him to love you THAT way (although it might happen in the future), just roll with it and see what happens

[umjreon88]

Agree with EuroSoccer, go with the flow and see how it ends up...

[GiancarloC]

If he led me on... I won't be as forgiving as others. I would probably have to end it (even ending the friendship)... especially if I feel differently than just friends. It would be too difficult if I was in the love with the guy. But then again... that's just me.

[jaysizzles]

I do think you were led on...good friends don't generally kiss.

I'd trust him when he says he didn't think/mean to lead you on tho, but I don't see how he can think he didn't or at least acknowledge that he was perhaps thinking that the two of you could possibly be a couple.

Good friends are hard to come by tho, so if you think you can put your feelings aside (this is a must!) and accept the friendship, then do it. Tell him that the mixed signals bother you and that there'll be no more hanky panky.

[borg69unimatrix]

I've been in this situation a few times before, and I've learned that there are some guys out there who, while they like the attention you give them, it ends there. I agree with GiancarloC in that I wouldn't be very forgiving either, and I consider these kinds of guys parasites who like to feed on the emotions of others. It's their way of having their cake, and eat it too. They get all the relationship type benefits, and can just walk away when/if something better comes along.

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, I'd say kissing meant "you like me like that". You've got every right to feel "led on". He's basically told you where he is. You can agree to those terms - "we're just friends" - or pass. If you want to pass for now, go for it. Don't feel guilt-tripped into doing something you're not ready for or interested in.

Lex

[tomboytoy]

Yes you've clearly beenl ed on. I know how you feel, I've kinda been in the same situation a few years ago and yeah it hurts a bit for a little while cause things are a little blurry and you don't know how to feel, cause you want to remain close friends but at the same time it hurts to be close to him while you're "healing".
My advice is to simply tell him that you need a little time to "feel better", to sort your feelings out. I didn't say it when it happened to me and I just cut my friend off for a while, he took him the wrong way and it broke our friendship... I think that if I had told him that I needed time he would still be in my life today...
BUt this is just my 2 cents, every situation is different, do as you feel.

[EuroSoccer]

Right...........
Maybe I am from another planet but I really do not see the problem in staying friends with someone I love, or with someone who loves me.
Friendship is another type of Love anyway
The whole "It's all or nothing" attitude is not in my genes, I take what I can and I give what I can.
He just want to kiss me.......... fair enough, why not?
Let's cuddle a bit............ where is the problem?
If I get too upset and realize that I can't cope with the emotions then I might end the friendship but I generally can cope with this sort of stuff.
If I have a special bond with someone I tend to get as much as I can out of the relationship, even if it is just a friendship.
I generally don't get upset if people don't love me the way I'd like to be loved.............

[xbuzzerx]

OP-- yes, he led on you. Friends don't kiss and feed each other popcorn at the movies.

What you want to do about that is up to you, though.

[USEDCAR]

I agree with the others i would just either stop being his friend or take some time to clear your mind and figure out what you want with him. I think i would just stop being his friend because its going to get weird after

[HunterM]

He is not ready for an exclusive commitment. He still wants to play the field.

Continue to kiss, feed each other popcorn and share beverages. Continue your friendship the way it is. Meanwhile, don't put your life on hold for him. Start dating other people...so your focus wouldn't be just on him.

[G-Lexington]

He just want to kiss me.......... fair enough, why not?
Let's cuddle a bit............ where is the problem?

And some people fuck their friends, and it doesn't "mean" anything. But I think in absence of saying anything beforehand, the implication is that getting intimate (and yes, I'd call kissing "intimate) with somebody suggests something more than a friendship is in the cards.

Lex

[EuroSoccer]

And some people fuck their friends, and it doesn't "mean" anything. But I think in absence of saying anything beforehand, the implication is that getting intimate (and yes, I'd call kissing "intimate) with somebody suggests something more than a friendship is in the cards.

Lex

Yes Lex I very much agree with you, if someone is intimate with you generally there is something else.
Sometimes relationships take longer to develop, that's why I do not understand all this people that are prepared to end a good friendship just because they don't get the whole package.
That's why I say people need to go with the fucking flow and shouldn't get too stressed about what might or might not happen.
As long as you are enjoying the moment..................enjoy it.

[borg69unimatrix]

If you decide to stay friends with him, here's what's going to happen:

He's going to keep being cutesy cuddly, and you're going to keep hanging on, hoping he'll come over to your way of thinking... all the while falling for him more, and more, and more. You're not going to go out and meet other guys who DOES want to be in a relationship, because he's got you hanging on being hopeful.

One day he's going to find that other guy and dump you like hot rocks and you're going to be 100x more devastated then you are today, wondering what it was that YOU did wrong.

... or you could dump him now, he realizes he can't life without you, and you live happily ever after.

... or you could dump him now, meet someone else who DOES want to be in a relationship with you, and you live happily ever after.

[G-Lexington]

Yes Lex I very much agree with you, if someone is intimate with you generally there is something else.
Sometimes relationships take longer to develop, that's why I do not understand all this people that are prepared to end a good friendship just because they don't get the whole package.
That's why I say people need to go with the fucking flow and shouldn't get too stressed about what might or might not happen.
As long as you are enjoying the moment..................enjoy it.

If you're expecting a relationship and end up with a friendship, you can have your feelings hurt...which obviously has happened here. And I think he's completely within his rights to withdraw for awhile to get his head back into the right spot, and decide if he's going to be friends with this guy or not.

Lex

[EuroSoccer]

If you're expecting a relationship and end up with a friendship, you can have your feelings hurt...which obviously has happened here. And I think he's completely within his rights to withdraw for awhile to get his head back into the right spot, and decide if he's going to be friends with this guy or not.

Lex

It is in his right to do what he feels like...........
What I am saying is that it is wrong to cut all ties as a "standard policy" if you don't get what you want, like many suggest here.
Of course if you are crying yourself to sleep every day, obviously it is not worth it.
But if you enjoy the time you spend with him why not enjoy it?
Who knows maybe in the future things will change for the better.
And if things change for the worse..............fuck him.

[fetaby]

When you say you've been seeing him for five months, how much of that time is spent together? Two weeks ago it was kissing, and two days ago it was the movies.

I'm asking because the timeline of intimate events is way slower than a typical hookup. It seems as if he wants to build a friends with benefits kind of relationship. In theory these things work out great. But in reality that isn't always the case.

The situation forces you to examine your ideas of what a relationship is and means. You have to decide if that's something you can handle.

I know that I'm the type of person that gets upset if what I'm thinking is going to happen doesn't turn out to be what happens. I often have to stop and think about what the difference is to regain some composure.



My advice. Take some time to adjust to the news of him not wanting the same thing as you. Ask yourself if you're willing to compromise your ideas of the two of you to fit in with what he wants to do.

[eastofeden]

OP-- yes, he led on you. Friends don't kiss and feed each other popcorn at the movies.

What you want to do about that is up to you, though.

I agree with this. Feeding you popcorn and kissing is not just friends and I don't think you were wrong to assume otherwise.

Maybe he doesn't even realize how he feels about you and if you cut it off he might figure it out.

[HunterM]

^ I also agree that friends don't kiss and feed each other popcorn. A few of my friends and I just suck each other off.

[eastofeden]

^ I also agree that friends don't kiss and feed each other popcorn. A few of my friends and I just suck each other off.

LOL...now that you mention it...I did fuck some of my friends...often...but NO KISSING...and definitely do not put popcorn in my mouth

[HunterM]

LOL...now that you mention it...I did fuck some of my friends...often...but NO KISSING...and definitely do not put popcorn in my mouth

That's right. Popcorn is a no no. Cock is a yes yes.

[rareboy]

dump his ass.

[JohannBessler]

Saybrooke, I see you as a sweet, gentle soul, a person who many people would find easy to take advantage of.

In this casea, it does appear that he led you on. "Just friends" don't kiss and feed each other popcorn at the movies.

He may have actually decided to reevaluate the relationship, and feel quite happy to stay "just friends", but I don't think you'll find it easy to accept your relationship with him on that level.

I think you will eventually have to let him go.

[animalius]

I can talk from his perspective, because I'm one of those that could have sex with friends and not feel weird or guilty afterward. To me, kissing is such trivial thing it shouldn't count and leading on.

I'm really sorry you got caught up with someone else like me. Took me a long time to understand "normal" people's mentality.

[loveguys72]

If you think you can be cuddlebuddies and be satisfied with that, cool, as long as you understand that's all it will ever be. Otherwise, wish him well and move on with your life.

Good luck.

[Huntneo(PT)]

Yes, you were definitely led on.

There's lots of great advice here. If you want--you can keep him as a friend, but tell him that you're going to have to chill out on the cutesy stuff. If he wants to be just friends...be "just friends".

If you feel you can't handle it at this point, take some time away from him and collect yourself. When (and if) you're ready to start over...go from there.

You're a great guy. Don't let someone toy around with you when there are guys out there that know what they want, and will do their best to make it happen without creating confusion.

[sixthson]

He did intimate, romantic things to you that lead you to believe he wanted more than friendship. You fell in love and now feel hurt.
You might want to remain his friend but that doesn't mean you will be able emotionally to do so. I think the ball is in your court and if you decide to remain friends, you will be the one who needs to set boundaries.

[GiancarloC]

Right...........
Maybe I am from another planet but I really do not see the problem in staying friends with someone I love, or with someone who loves me.
Friendship is another type of Love anyway
The whole "It's all or nothing" attitude is not in my genes, I take what I can and I give what I can..

If I was being led on or he was being dishonest about his intentions, how could I possibly trust him as a friend? Friendship for me is something I hold to high regard... friends don't make out and do naughty stuff with each other. At least not in my book.

For me friendship requires a bit of trust too... not on the relationship level... but at this point, if he was leading me on there would be no trust either way.

So yea, I agree with Rareboy. I'd dump his ass in every regard. I have very little tolerance for being led on... which happened here. I do have a somewhat rough and tough personality so I would have no problem kicking him to the curb... no time for lies really.

[FuryOfFirestorm]

Jesus, just dump the motherfucker already.

Who wants to be friends with an emotionally manipulative asshole?

[voyager1994]

Whether you think your were led on or not is really irrelevant at this stage - the question is can you still manage to continue seeing him knowing that he just wants to be friends?

[Saybrooke]

I really appreciate all the advise you guys have been giving me. It really does help. I've been coming on as angry and saying he's a jerk... When truth is, I can't sleep at night... I just keep thinking it has to be my fault somehow... Or somethings wrong with me :'(

[Laufey]

Walk away. Being someones friend and wanting more when he doesn't can be a torture.

[HunterM]

Don't think of it as something is wrong with you. Think of it as "What lessons did I learn from this experience?" Learn how to define your own boundaries. Learn how you would manage/handle this situation differently the next time around.

There were times when I was not interested in a relationship with anyone. I just wanted to have casual sex with no strings attached.

[borg69unimatrix]

I really appreciate all the advise you guys have been giving me. It really does help. I've been coming on as angry and saying he's a jerk... When truth is, I can't sleep at night... I just keep thinking it has to be my fault somehow... Or somethings wrong with me :'(

YOU didn't do anything wrong... other then blaming yourself for his poor behavior towards you. Don't waste your time with his games, and go find someone who does appreciate you for you, and wants to be with you. He's out there, waiting for you.

[Saybrooke]

Ugh... He's acting like nothings changed :/

[fetaby]

This would all be easier if you didn't like the guy, huh?

But you've got to learn that things that are out of your control do not reflect poorly on you. You're asking yourself what you did wrong when you never had control over the answer.

You should treat yourself better.

[Huntneo(PT)]

Ugh... He's acting like nothings changed :/

they always do.

Remember what I said. Guard your heart.

[rareboy]

Ugh... He's acting like nothings changed :/

DUMP his ASS.

[Nishin]

You have stronger feelings for him than he has for you.
When he will find someone he'll love and confide all the details to you as a "friend", you will be crushed.
Think of this when you consider carrying a relationship with him.

[GiancarloC]

DUMP his ASS.

Exactly this. Dump him as a potential partner or a friend. Acting as if nothing happened... yea that's not cool at all.

[borg69unimatrix]

Ugh... He's acting like nothings changed :/

're-read Post #15.

[MissAnne]

Sometimes its difficult to break up with friends. Most think that you should just accept people that cause you grief because you take the good and the bad when it comes to friendship. I used to believe this. I once had a friend that I had to "Breakup" with because he was manipulative and selfish. Once I did, it was like a load off of my back.

I think this guy led you on and he knows it. He just wants a cuddle buddy without the strings.

I once heard someone say that your friends should help you grow. If he isn't helping you grow and if you dont like the person you are around him. Id say that its time to let it go.

[HunterM]

Yeah... dump his ass on me.

[Saybrooke]

Thanks you guys it might be hard for a bit, but you guys make all the difference <3

[Laufey]

It will continue being hard though if you stay friends with him.

If it's hard being someones friend... well maybe you shouldn't be?

[cgymike]

Screw him...move on...he's being slimey ...5 MONTHS??? Holy crap...I would have been done with it months ago. He's not for you. He's not feeding you popcorn but a total line of bs. How can you be friends with that? Trust never was there. Maybe go back and think about your first meeting how you REALLY felt in all aspects. For me it's more and more about that first meeting and it's gotta be right the first time.

[TheSpectatingLoner]

This isn't a friendship. He's using you. He know that when he feels like it, he gets to have fun moments like kissing you and feeding you popcorn. But it's at his will, because you're really "just friends." He gets to be intimate with you pretty much on-demand, because you always want it. He doesn't.

And instead of pulling away like a good friend should, he sees your feelings and selfishly asks why you can't just be friends.