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Thread: Friend help

  1. #1
    JUB Addict alphaxxx's Avatar
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    Friend help

    I don't know how to start this and *hope it doesn't sound shallow. I have recently had trouble with a housemate who I consider to be my best friend. It seems whenever we agree to do anything together like go to the cinema or for a meal he will be happy to do it but when the time comes he will cancel but I later find out he has made other plans with his other friends and it seems like he was lieing to me the whole time. This isn't just a one off thing, its happened a lot. It makes me feel useless and worse than his other friends.*

    It sometimes feels like he just agrees to do things with me until he gets a better option and that I'm a 'last resort'. I'm fed up of being treated like this but haven't had the courage to bring it up in conversation. I don't know how to go about telling him all this.*

    What should I do?
    I don't think he realises that he's doing this and is upsetting me so much

  2. #2
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    What you should do is stop considering him "your best friends". He's clearly not your friend, let alone a best one. At best, he's a flake who doesn't consider your feelings. At worst, he's just lying to you because he doesn't care enough to give you a more direct brush off.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: Friend help

    Talk to him about it!

    "Look, [friend's name], lately it has really been upsetting to me when I make plans with you and those plans fall through. It's starting to look like I'm your last resort and that really sucks for me."

    That's one way to start it basically just using what you wrote. The gist of it is to just let him know how you feel about it. If he's your best friend or even remotely close to being a best friend, he'll understand and hopefully do something about it.

    Good luck!
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

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    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Friend help

    Quote Originally Posted by justanothershyguy View Post
    Talk to him about it!

    "Look, [friend's name], lately it has really been upsetting to me when I make plans with you and those plans fall through. It's starting to look like I'm your last resort and that really sucks for me."

    That's one way to start it basically just using what you wrote. The gist of it is to just let him know how you feel about it. If he's your best friend or even remotely close to being a best friend, he'll understand and hopefully do something about it.

    Good luck!
    This right here. If he blows you off after you bring the issue to his attention, then you'll know for sure where you stand with him. Personally, I'd be looking for a new flatmate.

  5. #5
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Friend help

    Take the above advice. Watch your tone and be as matter of fact as possible. Don't come across as whiny or act like a scorned lover.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Friend help

    how can he not realise what hes doing?
    i dont even know whats worse, if he does it on purpose or not.
    he either treats you like shit because he thinks very little of you, or he just generally treats people like shit because thats how he treats people.
    i guess "talking about it" always works, but personally, i wouldnt be interested in talking it out with someone who treats me like that.

  7. #7

    Re: Friend help

    I agree with the others that you need to talk to him about it. He'll continue to treat you this way as long you let him, so stop being a doormat and tell him that it pisses you off.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

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