A little background:
My oldest brother is almost 70 now. When I was still in high school, he was in the Canadian army. He was always a 'tough guy' and a heavy smoker and heavier drinker. One Christmas Day, he got into a fight with my father, picked him up, and dropped him to the floor on his back. My father was a big man, but my brother was army trained. It took my other 3 older brothers and a brother-in-law to pull my eldest brother off Dad.
I was terrified for Dad and was crying. By brother actually broke free and came after me, picking me up easily and slamming me against the wall. He held me there with one hand while the other fist reared back, ready to smash my face in. My brothers came to me rescue and wrestled HIM to the floor. I don't remember anything after that. Selective amnesia, perhaps.
I was never close to my brother, and we were even less close after that. The only time he purposefully phoned me was to tell me that my father had died. That was 31 years ago. The last time I saw him and talked to him was almost 10 years ago at my mother's funeral.
We. . . 'tolerated' each other for our mother's sake. Not much more than that. We're brothers, but I wouldn't even consider us 'friends'. I don't hate him or anything. I just don't love him the way I should. I don't even like him the way I should. I'm quite certain the feelings are mutual.
Today I found out through my younger sister that he has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I'm not upset and I'm not saddened by the news. The fact that I'm not bothers me more than the news itself.
Does that make me a bad brother?