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  1. #1
    On the Prowl raskdog's Avatar
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    I am so confused right now.

    A guy and I have been seeing each other for six months. It has gotten to the stage that I am spending every night at his place. I think I am definitely in love with him. He treats me well and seems like he enjoys having me around. I only moved to this town a few weeks before I met him so don't have my own place. My mum lives here so am based there for now. My mum has met him and really likes him. I feel like I would like to move in with him on a permanent basis. However, I am getting the feeling from him that he doesn't want this and he is encouraging me to buy my own place. He is actually encouraging me to buy a house opposite his mother. This is giving me really mixed signals. On one hand he is saying that he wants me around, on the other he is telling me he doesn't, at least not as a partner. So the message I am reading is that he wants me around as a friend but that's it. He has mentioned that he wants me to come around occassionally when I have my own place. But that is not what I want. It seems to me that he wants me as a fuck buddy and to service him occassionally(he is a total starfish) and hasn't really reciprocated sexually for the last few months. Living opposite his mother would make it extremely difficult for me to visit him as she knows we are friends but not lovers. I actually feel that he wants he to live opposite his mother in order to stop me from coming around too regularly. He is a slut and so I know that I wouldn't be the only one he was having sex with. I really feel that as much as it would hurt it would be best for me not to see each other again. The problem with this is that, living in a small city, we have common friends and social circle, which means that we would still see each other regularly. I am so confused as to what to do right now and would appreciate some advice. I haven't really talk to him as he is not easy to talk to when it comes to things like this. I am tempted to pack up and go back to my previous city, even though it would mean leaving a job that I really love, and my family who are based here.
    Last edited by raskdog; January 30th, 2013 at 01:25 AM.

  2. #2
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    get your own place. keep your job. and for gods sake, stop involving your mothers in your sexual escapades.

    i dont get why you want to be with him. he isnt good in bed, he wants different things than you do, and it seems that you dont feel understood by him.

    hes probably trying to put some distance between you, because youre so clingy. he may or may not see a more serious relationship somewhere down the road, but not now, and not while your communication is still so undercooked.

    should you decide to end things with him, dont run to the other side of the country because "it hurts to see him". thats immature bullshit. even in the largest cities, you will always run into your exes. ideally, your break-ups should be amicable, so your subsequent encounters are painful and a little awkward, but manageable.

    I actually feel that he wants he to live opposite his mother in order to stop me from coming around too regularly.
    thats the craziest thing ive ever heard. if this is really his motivation - and thats a pretty big if - then hes bunnyboiler-crazy and you should get away from him immediately.

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    Even if you stop seeing each other you, my friend, have a life to live, and that life includes a job. Stay put and learn to live with this loss, should that come to pass.

    Healthy relationships are based upon communication, so even those who don't like communicating have got to find ways to do it. He seems unwilling to do so directly although he's given you clear indirect ones. Changes in sexual behavior mean something and it's time for you to stop guessing. My advice is to force the issue even if it means breaking up. Under no circumstances take his advice about buying a house. Find your own, if that's what you decide to do. If the relationship ends you don't want reminders every time you come home or look out the window.

    Surviving a breakup may not be easy, but it's a necessity of life. Things may be awkward in the beginning with a mutual circle of friends especially if one person is doing most of the hurting, but you'll soon be on to other things and another guy or guys.

    Prepare for the worst; have the talk; keep your job.

    Realize that it's no one's fault. It's just not working. Good luck to you.
    Last edited by Seasoned; January 30th, 2013 at 03:27 AM.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4
    Coward92
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    Maqybe 6 months is not enough time for him to move in together with you. Maybe he needs more time. Maybe he just wants you as a fuckbuddy. you must discuss all this with him and break the relationship off if your goals are not compatible.

    In your position I would have kicked his ass long ago. He is not even taking you seriously enough to fuck only you.
    Last edited by Coward92; January 30th, 2013 at 03:43 AM.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    Sounds like you and he need to sit down for a serious clarification session. Just from what you've posted, I'd have to say, get yourself a job, your own place wherever YOU want, and feel free to branch out socially. He clearly is.

  6. #6
    Ruminating
    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    Hi dog! If memory serves me correctly, you have had sexual problems with this guy before in that you are unable to cum when you have sex with him. Also, isn't he substantially older than you? If he is not ready to settle down at his present age, I think he never will be. Now your sex is even less frequent then before and you believe he is having sex with others. Are you cool with that?
    You are confused now because you have feelings for him, but if you were able to objectively step back and read what you just wrote, you would see that the relationship is not what you need.

    Keep us updated.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I am so confused right now.

    From your story, it does not sound like you guys communicate clearly on what both of you want out of this relationship. You are putting a lot of assumptions into this. Until you both verbally talk about what you both want out of this relationship, it will always be as clear as mud.

    Talk to him on what you want. Ask him what he wants out of this. Then make your decision to stay with him or break it up. It is possible to break up amicably if you two are not compatible with each other. Breakup does not have to be a cat fight.

    Good luck.

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