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  1. #1
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    I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Hey guys so I wanted to get a consensus - and start a conversation about the differences in dating a potential boyfriend vs. seeing and hooking up with a fucking buddy.


    I've been having a really interesting time weeding out a fuck buddy type and it is proving equally as hard as finding a boyfriend. I find myself settling for the fuck buddy type because on a day to day basis less than 75% of the guys that I come across are not into dating or just aren't relationship material (and various other reasons). I'm starting to think that the reason I'm blurring the lines is because I haven't had either to any extent. All the guys that I talk to have qualities of either fuck buddy or potential boyfriend. Weeding through the two is getting hazy...


    I've also been feeling really angst(y) because of it. A surface level of angst - it hasn't been bothering my regular life but when I get around to thinking about dating it resurfaces.



    Any other guys under 25 been feeling this way?

  2. #2
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    im not exactly sure what youre asking here...

    the most successful relationship ive had so far started as a fuck-buddy thing. actually, my current main-fuck-buddy and i are starting to get a little more serious, were definitely crushing on each-other... its still a little early to tell, it may or may not happen. but it would be nice.

    dont know if that helps you in any way.

  3. #3
    Coward92
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    You have to understand that your perspective on relationships is not ideal at all.
    You can't FIND a relationship. You, however, can find a fuckbuddy.

    A relationship is something that you slowly develop over time. A friend can become a boyfriend over time, a fuckbuddy can become a a boyfriend over time. Saying that someone is not "boyfriend material" is just bullshit. Everyone is boyfriend material when allowed to react with the right person and there is enough time and honesty to make feelings develop.
    Only because you meet up with a guy and let's say after 1 week of dating and fucking you call him your boyfriend, he won't be your boyfriend. He will still be your fuckbuddy, because it is very likely that you have no serious feelings and commitment towards one another at 1 week.

  4. #4
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    I would definitely go into any situation with a guy with an open mind. Make sure that you aren't holding guys to an impossible standard as far as dating goes.

    I would try not to get angsty about this. I'm sure you'll find someone at some point. Just try to be patient.

    Good luck!

  5. #5
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Thinking too much and trying too hard? As long as you are putting yourself "out there" you are making yourself available to the possibility of finding what you are looking for. Perhaps a little patience would help especially if you are trying to force too much, too soon. It might be that guys are being scared off. A fuck buddy is more than a repeated hook up and a relationship is obviously more than that with some serendipity thrown in. Get to know the guys you are meeting over a longer period of time.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Quote Originally Posted by Coward92 View Post
    You have to understand that your perspective on relationships is not ideal at all.
    You can't FIND a relationship. You, however, can find a fuckbuddy.

    A relationship is something that you slowly develop over time. A friend can become a boyfriend over time, a fuckbuddy can become a a boyfriend over time. Saying that someone is not "boyfriend material" is just bullshit. Everyone is boyfriend material when allowed to react with the right person and there is enough time and honesty to make feelings develop.
    Only because you meet up with a guy and let's say after 1 week of dating and fucking you call him your boyfriend, he won't be your boyfriend. He will still be your fuckbuddy, because it is very likely that you have no serious feelings and commitment towards one another at 1 week.
    Couldn't have said it better myself.

  7. #7

    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Our society has reached a point where it thinks EVERYTHING is instant gratification. Want food? Drive up window. Want to see a movie or hear a song? Download it. Want to have sex? There's an app. for that too!

    But regardless of how "Wham Bamm" society has gotten, you just can't jump into, and force a relationship with someone. It takes TIME, and ENERGY... and they're NOT all Unicorns and Cotton Candy people always fantasize them being. They're a LOT of work, compromises, and aggravation (at times).

    While relationships CAN be wonderful (at times), don't for an instant think that your life is going to turn around and be 500% Fantastic one you're finally in one.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  8. #8
    Coward92
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    Our society has reached a point where it thinks EVERYTHING is instant gratification. Want food? Drive up window. Want to see a movie or hear a song? Download it. Want to have sex? There's an app. for that too!

    But regardless of how "Wham Bamm" society has gotten, you just can't jump into, and force a relationship with someone. It takes TIME, and ENERGY... and they're NOT all Unicorns and Cotton Candy people always fantasize them being. They're a LOT of work, compromises, and aggravation (at times).

    While relationships CAN be wonderful (at times), don't for an instant think that your life is going to turn around and be 500% Fantastic one you're finally in one.

    Indeed. relationships require a lot of effort, care time and work to work well, and if they do, they are wonderful. A loving bond of two people can get you to wonderful places. It is worth the effort IF you have someone worthy to begin a relationship with. However, to realize if someone is good for that, takes time, and good things usually take even more time. Be patient.

  9. #9
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    Re: I feel like I should have a serious relationship before I go out looking for a friends with benifit thing...

    Thanks Guys for the responses.

    So I' think I may have skewed my question a bit with bad wording. However I did spend some time reevaluating my definition of a relationship. I understand the amount of work and effort that must go into bonding and building trust with someone. I just find it hard to hook up with random guys because the guys I want to mess around with are you usually the types that I' am intensely attracted too. I also have been taking time out to work on myself - exploring my passions, interning, and free-lancing a bit. So I've been putting myself out there unconsciously and consciously for 2 years now. There was even a period where I stopped talking to a lot my friends to do this. BTW My friends are all strait. My best friend has dated and been in 4 pretty intimate and long termed relationships and I've been through all of them with her. My best guy friend is a man slut and he has had his way with a lot of girls in the city and has had a series of volatile long term relationships. I'm just ready to mature in that way and I find it so depressing that acquiring the relationships that strait men and women have is so hard. Even after busting your ass to prove your worth something.. You guys catch my drift.

    I think this is were the angst and envy seem to ruminate.

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