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Thread: i must be going around in circles...

      
   
  1. #1
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    i must be going around in circles...

    i think ive said this previously a while back, but im really feeling ready to come out to my family. i know that theyd be fine with it and all (theyve even told me on multiple occasions) -- the hard part for me is actually finally like saying the words and having "the talk"

    i already totally suspect that they suspect that im gay but i think theyre letting me be the one to come forward with it, which i think is good on their part. i know these things cant be rushed and its different for everyone.

    anyways, im thinking about writing them a letter because honestly i cant think of any other way i could do it. as much as i know they love me and would accept me, i dont think i could sit them down and tell them, face to face. my anxiety would probably go through the roof and ive just never really been one to "spill my feelings" to others.

    i just felt like writing this here because i wanted to tell someone.

  2. #2
    Coward92
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    Write them a letter honey...
    It makes it much easier.

  3. #3
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    it seems they already know anyway. but you need to take that step.
    yeah, a letter is fine, if that helps you. good luck!

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    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    This seems to be more about your anxiety rather than about them. It appears they've given every indication of love and support. Do you have friends with whom you're out? If so, ask them for advice. The problem I'm sensing with the letter writing, which, by the way, is how I came out to some of my family, is the awkwardness of possible silence afterwards. That might be exactly what you are going for, but in the end, it may be speaking more to your coming out to yourself rather than coming out to others. Have you looked into a mirror and while maintaining eye contact said, "I'm gay?" If so, the letter is fine.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend".
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  6. #6
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    I think a letter is unnecessary. You HAVE to face them eventually, why not now? What DOES make things a helluva lot easier though, is doing it one parent at a time. Go with the easy one first, and ask them not to tell the other until you get the chance to. That way you don't feel like you're sitting in front of a jury.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    i think ive said this previously a while back, but im really feeling ready to come out to my family. i know that theyd be fine with it and all (theyve even told me on multiple occasions) -- the hard part for me is actually finally like saying the words and having "the talk"

    i already totally suspect that they suspect that im gay but i think theyre letting me be the one to come forward with it, which i think is good on their part. i know these things cant be rushed and its different for everyone.

    anyways, im thinking about writing them a letter because honestly i cant think of any other way i could do it. as much as i know they love me and would accept me, i dont think i could sit them down and tell them, face to face. my anxiety would probably go through the roof and ive just never really been one to "spill my feelings" to others.

    i just felt like writing this here because i wanted to tell someone.
    hi menRsexii,

    Great you have decided that you want to tell your parents / family that you are gay.

    I tend to think that its a good idea to write them a letter. During the process of composing this letter, you can arrange all your ideas and you can tell them all you want and also with the details you would like to share and with the kind of words you prefer to use. So its an easy way to arrange your thoughts and telling them all what you would like to tell them, without having the fear that you might forget important details when you would tell them face-by-face.

    I agree with others that you also need to talk about it with them. Do you have any idea how you such a talk would take place. Have you any idea how you would give this letter to your parents? Sending by surface mail (snailmail). Or maybe even write in your letter that you would like to talk about it during your next meeting with them? Likely, they will also need time to think about all what you want to tell them through this letter?

    Good luck with composing this letter, and feel free to ask for more advice.

    Best wishes & take care.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  8. #8
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    I like the idea of a letter but think you need to be prepared for the talk. I am sure they will come to you after reading it. That talk is very scary and nerve racking! But go over what you might have to say in the subsequent talk. Don't rehearse too much though. Just if your driving in your car by yourself say it aloud to yourself (this is what I did and it helped a lot.) .... I wish you the best of luck and strength! Please keep us informed!

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    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: i must be going around in circles...

    Do whatever you feel you need to do. You've got a great guy in your life right now, so why not be open about who you are so you can share your joy with your family? I'll bet they'll be happy to see you happy, which will make everything so much better.

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