Okay, so I'm sure there has been millions of thread like this. But, I honestly have no one to talk to this about except you all. So here it goes.
I think I'm going through a small depression at the moment. My life sucks. I think the main reason why I'm starting to become depressed is because I wasn't able to go to school this year. Which really pisses me off. All of my friends, are in college. And I'm the only one at home doing almost jack shit. I had a plan when I was in high school, that I was for sure going to college. There was no doubt in my mind. But my plan turned to shit, when I found out I wasn't able to receive any financial aid, and my parents weren't going to help me out. Which is terrific.
And then there's another issue that I'm having with myself. I have this increasing feeling of loneliness. I'm 19 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend. Since I have so much time to kill now, I want someone I could be really close with and love. I've been on an app called Jack'd for over a year, almost a year and a half. I always get messages from guys. But most of them don't strike my attention. The last time a guy caught my attention was almost a year ago. I really liked him. He was my ideal man. But he wasn't really interested in dating, he just wanted to fuck, and that's it. I constantly think about him, and what it would be like if we actually did date. I sound crazy, but I can't help it. Most of the guys that are on there are incapable of holding a decent conversation. There was actually one guy one there who was around my age. He was pretty cool. I stated twice that I was only looking for friends at the moment. We were talking for a while, then we decided to meet up and hang out as friends. I asked what he wanted to do, and he said, "You can come over to my place, we can hangout and cuddle". That kind of throw me off. I told him that I wasn't really comfortable with that because I wanted to be friends with him. and he just said, "Oh...". But I gave him a second chance. Yesterday we were suppose to hangout after I got off of work. Honestly, I wasn't feeling it anymore. So, I cancelled on him.
I just have a hard time figuring out what's wrong with me. I can't find anyone even on a friendship basis. Most of them, I tell them I want friends. Then later in the conversation, they say to me that they want to do something sexual. I truly, want to find a boyfriend. But I guess there's no one out there for me.
I even go on craigslist for hookup, which I'm really not into. But I think I do it, because I do feel lonely. And at the moment I think that 15 or so of sex is better than nothing.
I just need some type of advise. I would really appreciate it, If you guys could help me with my little problem. I hate feeling like this. Thank you =)