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Thread: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

      
   
  1. #1
    JUB Addict LeicsDom's Avatar
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    Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    This, of course, has spawned a whole raft of jokes at their expense.

    I went to a Tesco café yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I wanted anything on it, and I said: ‘Yes — a fiver each way.’

    Does anyone have a tooth pick? I had a Tesco burger last night and there’s still a bit between my teeth.

    My daughter has always wanted a pony, so I’m buying her a Tesco Quarter Pounder for her birthday.

    I’ve got some Tesco burgers in the fridge. But . . . THEY’RE OFFFFFFFFF!

    My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National.

    If you think horse meat’s bad, wait until you try Tesco’s veggie burgers. They’re made of genuine uniQuorn.

    Scientist: ‘Sir, we’ve discovered horse meat in your burgers.’
    Tesco boss: ‘Why the long face?’

    I won’t eat Tesco burgers. They may be low in fat, but they have a very high Shergar content.

    Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal’s called Only Fuel and Horses.

    What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty.


    A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into a breathalyser. The machine beeps.
    ‘I’m sorry Sir,’ says the officer. ‘You’re over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?’
    ‘Nothing Officer,’ replies the man. ‘Just a burger from Tesco.’
    ‘That explains it,’ says the policeman. ‘I knew I could smell Red Rum.’

    They’ve found horse meat in Tesco burgers? It’s an unbridled disaster.

    A Tesco burger walks into a bar. ‘A pint please.’
    ‘I can’t hear you,’ says the barman.
    ‘Sorry’ replies the burger. ‘I’m a little bit horse.’

    I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked ‘Add to cart.’

    Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony.

    A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her condition is said to be stable.

    I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse.

    Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which had the best taste.
    Tesco won by a short head.

    I think someone may be sending me death threats. I woke up this morning with a Tesco burger in my bed.

    Have you heard? Now traces of zebra have been found in Tesco barcodes.

    I bought an ‘award-winning’ Tesco burger. I didn’t realise they meant it had won the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

    I used to work for Tesco, but I was fired. I got an email about a delivery of horse meat and I marked it as spam.

    Horse meat in Tesco burgers? What are the odds on that?

    I tried to take some burgers back to Tesco but they said they wouldn’t accept them. Looks like I’m saddled with them.

    Husband: ‘I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.’
    Wife: ‘Why don’t you go to Tesco?’

    Personally, I think people who don’t like eating horse meat are being a bit blinkered.

    Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable.

    Are you in favour of horse meat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh?

    I won’t be switching to Tesco Finest burgers. They’re so expensive that buying enough for a big family dinner won’t leave you much change from a pony.

    I was going to give up fast food for January, but I fell at the final hurdle and had a Tesco burger.

    Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb’s and some burgers. So that’s white rum, navy rum and Red Rum.

    Unused HMV vouchers are now being accepted at Tesco. Just tell them HMV means ‘Horse Meat Voucher’.

    Despite the recent scandal, Tesco insist they use only meat of the highest quality. A spokesman said: ‘Our meat has to clear several hurdles before it goes on sale.’


    What’s in this burger? It just jumped over my chips.
    I don’t know why there’s a fuss all of a sudden. There’s been horse meat in Tesco burgers for donkey’s years.

    I like my burgers with a side saddle and neighonnaise.

    I hope Tesco were selling those burgers at hoof price.

    So there’s horse meat in Tesco’s burgers. Don’t worry, it’s not the mane ingredient.

    Forget the Everyday Value burgers — I only eat those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the horse d’oeuvres.

    I bought some Tesco burgers — I wanted to get venison ones, but they were dead dear.

    I ordered a Tesco burger the other day — but asked them to hold the dressage.

    Tesco would’ve got away with it if it wasn’t for the DN Neigh test.

  2. #2

    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    1st world full a shit so not a worry
    * but da modern crap 1st world eat sure a power *
    dat a true

    ha
    esp

    extra special sawse

  3. #3

    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers


  4. #4
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
    palbert's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    Has anyone seen Camilla Duchess of Cornwall of late?

    Or Prince Charles for that matter?
    Last edited by palbert; January 21st, 2013 at 09:44 AM.

  5. #5
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    I really, REALLY wanted a "hold your horses" joke.

  6. #6
    no home ElmosToe's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    I'm guessing it's a good thing I have no idea what Tescos is.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict BiMike's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    ^ UKs largest super-market group. Great set of jokes !

  8. #8
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    Eh, I don't see what the big deal is outside of being mislabeled as beef.

    People eat ammonia-cured beef in the US and don't give a second thought of it.

  9. #9

    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    interesting that like discussions about cat meat and dog meat , this is addressing directly the common vestigial neo-Christian mediaeval dietary law feeling of "uncleanness " . No one would suggest for a minute there was the slightest measureable taint or a detectable difference in taste .

  10. #10
    Are you man enough? unloadonme's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    This horse has lost his mum:


  11. #11

    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    ^

  12. #12
    JUB Addict LeicsDom's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    Quote Originally Posted by ElmosToe View Post
    I'm guessing it's a good thing I have no idea what Tescos is.
    Our version of a downmarket Wal Mart

  13. #13
    JUB Addict EuroSoccer's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    Quote Originally Posted by palbert View Post
    Has anyone seen Camilla Duchess of Cornwall of late?

    Or Prince Charles for that matter?

  14. #14
    Count Hedgecula freefall's Avatar
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    Re: Tesco's have found traces of horse DNA in their very cheap burgers

    Next they will detect horse urine in the - I don't know - mustard or gravy or stuff
    come now, my child. if we were planning to harm you, do you think
    we'd be lurking here beside the path in the darkest part of the forest?

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