A question about Lesbians

[BreakTheIce]

I'm usually not one to stereotype, but why is that with most lesbian couples I see, one is like an attractive looking woman and the other isn't even remotely feminine at all?

My boyfriend brought it up in conversation and I had the same thoughts so I thought I'd ask.

[CupidBoy]

Idk, it's certainly true for every lesbian couple I've ever seen, I was neighbors with lesbians a few years back. One was very pretty and feminine and the other was big and manly.

[BENDERBOY]

The few that i know are really no different from each other, fems with fems, etc, etc,

Goodluck to them all.

[Paws]

Same for gays: one is older, one is younger. One is the bear, one is the cub. One is the top, one is the bottom.

[Hard-up1]

I've seen bookends and contrasts. They are variable, as are we.

[G-Lexington]

I only know three lesbian couples fairly well. I can't say as I'm the best judge of this, but in each case, I think both participants are roughly equally attractive. In short, I reject your hypothesis.

Lex

[youfiad]

These are typical stereotypes. As such, take it for what its worth. Stereotypes exist for a reason, but don't take it too much further than the surface.

[MissAnne]

[Scealle]

I noticed this as well. Usually one is butch and the other is more feminine. I ask my lesb sister about it, and she didn't know how to explain this as well. I guess it's like a top bottom / Ying Yang thing. I haven't really see 2 feminine lesbian couples.

[HunterM]

Yeah...I noticed this as well. One farts loudly...and the other farts silently...but deadly.

[The Fly]

I have a few lesbian friends and don't see this stereotype at all. Like any other segment of the population there are multiple variations, But if you look for re-enforcement of stereotypes you'll easily find it. One thing I have noticed about lesbian couples is, butch lesbians never (IMO) form long term romantic relationships with other butch lesbians.

[animalius]

If anything, my boyfriend and I are the embodiment of the gay couple stereotype. I'm 30, dominant, and kinda ugly. My boyfriend is 21, thin, beautiful, twink type, and very submissive.

[jaysizzles]

My sister and her wife kind of fall into this stereotype. I wouldn't really call my sister butch, however she does like power tools and is into sports, where her wife is into books, cooking, pinterest (ack!) and not into sports or handy at all. As for their attractiveness...eh, neither are more/less than the other....kind of plain.

I've met some of their lesbian couple friends...honestly, few are attractive No lipstick lesbians in their circle.

[hylas]

- butch is not the same thing as ugly, feminine is not the same thing as attractive! rephrase your question!

- opposites attract. sometimes.

- there are many fem-fem lesbian couples, but they dont read as lesbian couple. if they walk by, you just think theyre best friends. quoting a lesbian woman here.

[BreakTheIce]

I wasn't saying or implying that feminine = attractive. I generally like all women because they make awesome friends for me as a gay man.

I'm merely pointing out that one of them seems more feminine (wears makeup, dresses, high heels, all that) and the other isn't that feminine (probably most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, tennis shoes, etc.)

[hylas]

I wasn't saying or implying that feminine = attractive.

yes you were:

why is that with most lesbian couples I see, one is like an attractive looking woman and the other isn't even remotely feminine at all?

[BFizzle]

If anything, my boyfriend and I are the embodiment of the gay couple stereotype. I'm 30, dominant, and kinda ugly. My boyfriend is 21, thin, beautiful, twink type, and very submissive.

OMG me and my bf are the same way, cept we both cute.

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

lesbians secret agents fa
SSSSSSH*

oops

[jaysizzles]

yes you were:

oh..lay off him. He never used the word butch or ugly in his OP...but you did. Take him at his word that he didn't mean to imply anything. Maybe it was a poor choice of words to use as a comparison, but really not offensive or worth making a big deal about. I understood what he meant anyway...feminine women often go to extra lengths to make themselves more attractive...hair, makeup, clothes, etc., where many other lesbians keep themselves more natural and aren't as concerned with presenting themselves in a stereotypical feminine manner.

[hylas]

never used the word butch or ugly in his OP...

no, he uses "not remotely attractive" as a contrast to "feminine"

Maybe it was a poor choice of words to use as a comparison,

which is all i pointed out... before moving on to the actual topic, which i too understood just fine.

[thatgirl]

The lesbians I come across aren't like that, usually. Sometimes, one is more boyish in appearance than the other one but I don't often see extremes like... Ellen and Portia.

p.s. MissAnne's post reminds me of that post someone made a while back on JUB about many gay men preferring to date 'clones' of themselves.

[thatgirl]

no, he uses "not remotely attractive" as a contrast to "feminine"

I think it maybe just came out a bit wrong so that it implies that for a woman to be attractive she has to look feminine.

But I think he meant that the butch partner isn't attractive in the conventional sense because she isn't feminine.

At least that's how I understood it. :/

[sokker]

Well.. I'm a gay woman. I don't get it either. I'm as baffled as you are. I'm only turned on by femme women. Why would I be turned on by women who look like guys when I'm gay? I'm confused. Like if you like girls, you don't go for the most masculine looking woman you see. Doesn't that kinda defeat the purpose of being gay?

I only find lipstick lesbians attractive. I'm not interested in butches. And funnily enough, the lesbian community actually pushes out lipstick lesbians. They're so hated you have no idea. I think it's mostly out of jealousy, the butch women really want to look like the lipstick lesbians, and consider us competition. BTW, most lesbians really are butch, the stereotype is true.They hate lipstick lesbians almost as much as they hate men, and that says a lot. LOL. I don't feel part of the lesbian community at all. I'm not butch, I'm not a feminist and I don't hate men. The gay (male) community is so much better.

[MissAnne]

I think it's mostly out of jealousy, the butch women really want to look like the lipstick lesbians, and consider us competition. BTW, most lesbians really are butch, the stereotype is true.They hate lipstick lesbians almost as much as they hate men, and that says a lot. LOL. I don't feel part of the lesbian community at all. I'm not butch, I'm not a feminist and I don't hate men. The gay (male) community is so much better.

[PreTTy PeTe]

I love stereotypes.

keeps the world real or maybe unreal.

[thatgirl]

LMAO. sokker's post is riddled with fail.

All the butch ladies are jealous of me. I'm not a feminist. aksdjfk WHAT.



I'm still trying to wrap my head around her not watching American Horror Story since it features a lesbian storyline this season instead of a gay one. Then this post. She is not a fan of lesbians it seems.

[jmadaf]

I think alot of that is protection, so the st males don't intervene, and they like strong women, like smome of us gays like strong men.

[MissAnne]

LMAO. sokker's post is riddled with fail.

All the butch ladies are jealous of me. I'm not a feminist. aksdjfk WHAT.



I'm still trying to wrap my head around her not watching American Horror Story since it features a lesbian storyline this season instead of a gay one. Then this post. She is not a fan of lesbians it seems.

Some people have never met real life lesbians.

[hylas]

(ignore this)

[thatgirl]

Some people have never met real life lesbians.

I have. They all hated me cos I'm so femme.

[CupidBoy]

(ignore this)

I saw it.

I have. They all hated me cos I'm so femme.

[dereperez]

I'm usually not one to stereotype, but why is that with most lesbian couples I see, one is like an attractive looking woman and the other isn't even remotely feminine at all?

My boyfriend brought it up in conversation and I had the same thoughts so I thought I'd ask.

I don't know about "most"...more like just "some". You have your femme gay guys and the non-femme gay guys. Same with the lesbians...you have the femmes and the non-femmes.

[thatgirl]

Then I met a group of feminists and they kicked the shit of me because I don't hate men. They were like "say that you hate men, now, or we will cut you."

I'm really distrustful of lesbians and feminists, now. They all hate me cos I'm a feminine woman who does not hate men.

I can't hate men cos when I see them together, I think it's really hot. Gay boys are the best.

[BFizzle]

This really doesn't have anything to do with lesbians but sokker's post reminded me of a Facebook status a girl posted earlier today that started out with "I'm not a feminist, but..."

I just don't understand being a woman and not being a feminist. I even consider myself a feminist to an extent. That's like being gay and saying "I don't care about gay rights."

[thatgirl]

I don't know about "most"...more like just "some". You have your femme gay guys and the non-femme gay guys. Same with the lesbians...you have the femmes and the non-femmes.

I can't say that I'm very familiar with the terms but I've heard of certain classes of 'butch' and 'femme.' Like soft-butch/hard-butch. Soft-femme/hard-femme. Or am I just totally confused about these things? I don't know.

I'm guessing this is a soft-butch look :



And this is a hard-femme look:



Or maybe I'm just waaaaaaaaaaay off-base with all of this stuff.

[MissAnne]

I just don't understand being a woman and not being a feminist. I even consider myself a feminist to an extent. That's like being gay and saying "I don't care about gay rights."

Yes.....

[MissAnne]

I can't say that I'm very familiar with the terms but I've heard of certain classes of 'butch' and 'femme.' Like soft-butch/hard-butch. Soft-femme/hard-femme. Or am I just totally confused about these things? I don't know.

I'm guessing this is a soft-butch look :



And this is a hard-femme look:



Or maybe I'm just waaaaaaaaaaay off-base with all of this stuff.

That seems right. Ive also found rl hard femmes to look like pretty athletes. If they wanted to, they could easily look fem. Hard butches would have a difficult time doing that.

I would also call Ellen a soft butch.


This girl below is a Black stud. Studs can mean different things for White girls but usually in the Black community, studs look like this.

[LatimerRd]

I wonder what Lesbians think of Lesbian sex in straight porn: all of the women are sultry sex-bombs.

I only know one Lesbian and she's a super butch type and dresses like a truck driver but she has the most feminine sensibility. Not manner, but sensibility. Can't figure her out. Her outside is a charicature of masculinity and her inside feminine and delicate.

[youfiad]

I just don't understand being a woman and not being a feminist. I even consider myself a feminist to an extent. That's like being gay and saying "I don't care about gay rights."[/img]

*Not sure if thinks that being a feminist is linked to being a woman or if trying to make silly point*

[MissAnne]

*Not sure if thinks that being a feminist is linked to being a woman or if trying to make silly point*

It should be linked to feminism.

A woman not wanting women's rights is strange.

[BFizzle]

*Not sure if thinks that being a feminist is linked to being a woman or if trying to make silly point*

Do I know you.

[dereperez]

I can't say that I'm very familiar with the terms but I've heard of certain classes of 'butch' and 'femme.' Like soft-butch/hard-butch. Soft-femme/hard-femme. Or am I just totally confused about these things? I don't know.

I'm guessing this is a soft-butch look :



And this is a hard-femme look:



Or maybe I'm just waaaaaaaaaaay off-base with all of this stuff.

That's....way beyond my knowledge base in this area, lol.

[thatgirl]

That seems right. Ive also found rl hard femmes to look like pretty athletes. If they wanted to, they could easily look fem. Hard butches would have a difficult time doing that.

This girl below is a Black stud. Studs can mean different things for White girls but usually in the Black community, studs look like this.

^ Thanks MissAnne, for the info.

I personally love the Soft-Butch and Hard-Femme looks the best. But the Stud/Hard-Butch look is attractive to me sometimes, too.

I would also call Ellen a soft butch.

Yeah, I agree.

Although for many people I think that's about as butch as it gets for women. lol

[youfiad]

It should be linked to feminism.

A woman not wanting women's rights is strange.

Feminism isn't defined by women's rights.

[MissAnne]

^ Thanks MissAnne, for the info.

I personally love the Soft-Butch and Hard-Femme looks the best.

You're welcome

Im the same way. I dont really go for the really hard butch or stud look. Its just not for me.

I love femmes but I also dig soft butch.

Fell in love with Frankie from Lip Service

[MissAnne]

Definition of FEMINISM


1

: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes


2

: organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

[xbuzzerx]

Definition of FEMINISM


1

: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes


2

: organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

Much like political correctness, it has been redefined by people outside of its scope who consider it "intrusive" or "annoying" or whatever else... and turned into "something bad" in everyday speech.

Know what I mean, broad?

[MissAnne]

Much like political correctness, it has been redefined by people outside of its scope who consider it "intrusive" or "annoying" or whatever else... and turned into "something bad" in everyday speech.

Know what I mean, broad?

Got it, Guppy.

[hylas]

I saw it.

haha... after i posted i felt like it was a little too much like bashing.

I just don't understand being a woman and not being a feminist.

i guess the term "feminist" comes with some weird baggage... but i still think sane women are feminists.

OMG i want to be a lesbian now.

[Scealle]

There are a lot of girls in my college that has the soft butch look. Not sure if they are lesbians or not though.