I know that I am gay, but?

[peeonme]

Ok, this is hard for me to tell, but I need some opinions.
As a boy(before puberty) I messed around with girls, they were my age and it was the typical
kid stuff, show me yours and etc.

When I hit puberty I was a mess, home life was abusive mentaly and emotionaly and I had to go to a new school because my dad had died and we moved, I got beat up daily.

My first erotic dream was of a girl who was my age (12) my mother woke me up as the girl was undressing, I never had another girl dream.

One year latter I was sent to what was really a reform school (I had commited no crime, it was just a place for the system to dump me)

At this school sex between boy was a daily thing, after being there for a few months I was in on it, I loved it. We did just about anything.

I was there for 18 months, upon leaving I thought that the "gay" stuff would just stay behind
and that I would go back to girls(if I was ever there)

The gay stayed, girls did little for me, I tried them and they were fine, but not like a guy. I guess the missing part was a penis, I love dick.

So, I have to ask, please be kind,
but, would I have been "more str8" if I had not been sent to that reform school? I guess I will never know, but the question is always on my mind.

I would love any opinions, thanks.

[Rolyo85]

No, you would not have. It might have awakened things earlier than they otherwise would have, but the gay was already there.

[jensu846]

if it was a phase, it would have left you, and you would have gone back to girls. I thought it was a phase for me too, but it stayed. then for some of my guy friends that I did play with, it really was just a phase for them and they are happy with girls now. If youre thinking that because you were so young and exposed to gay sex that made you gay. No. Your brain was already wired at birth to be gay. imo.

[Seasoned]

It's my understanding that some straight guys in an all male situation have situational gay sex. I think had you been straight and having gay sex you would have regarded it as a substitute until you had accessibility to females. You don't mention any trauma. If you have that as part of the activity, I'd suggest you sort it out with a therapist.

[hylas]

no, you wouldnt be "more str8" if you didnt go to that school.

if sexual orientation would be that easy to influence, there simply wouldnt be any gay people. after all, we all grew up surrounded by heterosexuality: heterosexual parents, heterosexual norms, heterosexual expectations, heterosexual values, heterosexual images, heterosexual role models, heterosexual stories, heterosexual advertisment, etc (the current generation less so than the former ones, but still). yet despite being immersed in all that heterosexuality, we all ended up sucking cock. because sexual orientation can not be influenced by circumstances.

i believe i detect a hint of regret that your life would be easier if only you werent queer (because of that school, or otherwise). and as you grow more comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, that feeling of regret will fade and you will feel very good about being gay. so good that you wouldnt change it if you could, and the question about why youre queer becomes irrelevant.*

from my own life: my first couple of crushes i remember were all on girls (kindergarten, primary school). today im as gay as they come. i think its because children model themselves after what they see around them (mostly or only mixed-gender relationships), and because children express sexuality in a different, less rigid way.

*edit: youre married to a woman? i imagined you to be in a different place in your life when i wrote this paragraph. i guess the essence of it is still true...

[peeonme]

Thanks for your input, greatly appriciated.