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  1. #1

    Open Relationship

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now and with him being my first serious relationship, I had no idea that I wanted an open relationship but I have thought about it for a while now and I can't see me being with anyone else. I love him with all of my heart but I want to have sex with other guys, he is afraid that I will find someone better than him and leave him but I have tried to assure him that won't happen. He also told me it makes him feel like he is not enough for me. I am at a standstill, I love him and don't want to break up but I want to open our relationship, any advice for me?

    -Toby

  2. #2
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Well, if he's not ok with it and you want to stay with him, you gotta abide by his wishes.

    I would suggest you offer a threesome? That way you are having sex with someone else, but with him being part of it.
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  3. #3

    Re: Open Relationship

    I think part of it is that we started dating when I was 18 he was 21 now when moved in with each other 4 months later, a week after I graduated high school and I just feel like I haven't experienced anything.

  4. #4
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Ah, your boyfriend should have known better than to date a newly out gay guy like you. This is what happens to every gay guy who dates a teen in a serious relationship. You want to experiment and sow your wild oats into multiple men as your boyfriend did when he was your age.

    Well, you have a choice. You can break up with your boyfriend and go experience the single life and plentiful sex with other guys, or you can stay with him and accept monogamy in a serious relationship that you initially agreed to. He has made it clear he is not interested in a open relationship. What will it be?
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  5. #5
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    You can't force him into anything without serious consequences. If he doesn't agree you may have to assess what you want more, a long term relationship with your boyfriend or sexual experimentation with multiple people.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Toby, when you're in a relationship with your guy, the point of being his boyfriend is to turn him on. He's not turned on by the idea of a threesome, and you have to deal with that. Some guys would find it incredibly hot to have a three-way with you, or watch you fuck someone else, or hear about it after, or just know it was going on. You are not dating one of those guys though. Your boyfriend thinks about it and gets weirded out, so I recommend you find a different fantasy to connect with your boyfriend that is actually hot for both of you.


    The interesting thing is, he doesn't actually seem to hate the idea in principle, he hates the consequences. He wants you to make your relationship better together, not find a better one.

    Maybe there is a way he could enjoy the idea if you dealt with his concerns, but if you want an open relationship it's your job to figure out how to handle his concerns and to find a way to see the erotic plus side the same way you do.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  7. #7
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Your relationship is over.

    Let's just hope you have no regrets later about him.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Open Relationship

    You are what is wrong with the gays. Why would you risk losing a nice guy over your unending thirst for random and anonymous rectums and penises?

  9. #9
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TobyWK View Post
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now and with him being my first serious relationship, I had no idea that I wanted an open relationship but I have thought about it for a while now and I can't see me being with anyone else. I love him with all of my heart but I want to have sex with other guys, he is afraid that I will find someone better than him and leave him but I have tried to assure him that won't happen. He also told me it makes him feel like he is not enough for me. I am at a standstill, I love him and don't want to break up but I want to open our relationship, any advice for me?

    -Toby
    OP... some of this is guesswork. But it sounds like what you're telling us here is that you are not ready to be settled down with one person. It sounds like the wonder about what else is out there and what it's like with other people is already making you stir-crazy, and over time that will probably turn into resentment. There isn't a way here to have your cake and eat it too... and I don't think you can force yourself to be satisfied/happy, so I think you owe it to your boyfriend to break up with him.

    That's my advice.

  10. #10
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TobyWK View Post
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now and with him being my first serious relationship, I had no idea that I wanted an open relationship but I have thought about it for a while now and I can't see me being with anyone else. I love him with all of my heart but I want to have sex with other guys, he is afraid that I will find someone better than him and leave him but I have tried to assure him that won't happen. He also told me it makes him feel like he is not enough for me. I am at a standstill, I love him and don't want to break up but I want to open our relationship, any advice for me?

    -Toby
    One thing I learned when I was young...keeping promises is a very serious matter for me. So...I don't make any that I cannot keep.

    So by the ripe old age of 25 I had figured out that fidelity is a promise no one should make. The reason...it isn't a bunch of liars and evil creatures from hell that cheat...they are humans who make mistakes. ...and since I am human and I have no idea what the future will hold or what twists and turns are in store for me...I decided instead of fidelity I would promise honesty becuase it is one thing I can give to someone esle....I ask the same in return.

    As it turns out...I have been faithful....for a really long time.....

    The moral of the story...you have to be true to yourself..so figure out the best you can what that means to you and bring it to the table. Maybe you are not ready for monogamy? The problem is when there are so many deep emotional feelings involved and there is a chance of someone feeling really hurt we sometimes forgo being true to ourselves to make someone else happy...

    You are young so you probably have to still figure all of that out. I wish you luck

  11. #11
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulSearcher View Post
    You are what is wrong with the gays. Why would you risk losing a nice guy over your unending thirst for random and anonymous rectums and penises?
    This is a no-flame zone. Please do not badger the OP who is merely asking for advice here. He is also only 18 and is very new to relationships and experiences. It is natural for young guys to feel this way in their first relationship.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  12. #12
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    Re: Open Relationship

    I think you should break up with your boyfriend and figure out who you are, what you are and what are the things that matter to you.
    This would allow him to find someone who suits him more in terms of lifestyle.
    It would also allow you to have sex with a lot of different people if this is what you want. (Always use condoms)

    Just keep in mind that sometimes you must make a choice between two very important things and sometimes you can't have them both.
    If you say YES to your BF you must say NO to sex with anyone other than him and vice versa.

    He is just not into open relationships. It is up to you uf you can live with that or not.

  13. #13
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Life is full of tough choices.

    So, the question for you is whether someday you'll regret not having sex with a lot of guys that you'll never see again... or whether you'll regret messing up a relationship with someone that you love and who loves you.
    Last edited by KaraBulut; January 19th, 2013 at 07:00 AM.
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  14. #14
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    Re: Open Relationship

    im all for open relationships and other non-monogamous relationship forms. they arent any less "real", loving, commited, or fulfilling than monogamous relationships. i think its totally normal for you to feel this way, dont let anybody shame you into believing otherwise (and people will try to shame you, either explicitely, or by implication.) maybe its because youre young and horny and hungry for new experiences; maybe youre just wired this way. it may change in the future or it may not. either way, there is nothing wrong about the way youre feeling now.

    you do, however, have something of a tough choice ahead of you. just like some guys just arent happy in monogamous relationships, other guys are only happy in monogamous relationships... and your boyfriend may be one of those.

    you can at least bring up the idea of a three-some... i guess its worth a try? but whether were talking three-somes or open relationships, they only work if all parties involved are truly and honestly ok with it - and not just being pressured into it. so you may very well have to decide whether you want to stay with your boyfriend and only him, or whether you want to break up and explore that side of your sexuality. it sounds like a really hard choice, i wish you all the best!

  15. #15
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Open Relationship

    Toby, your boyfriend has made it clear what he wants in a relationship. Since you're only 18 and haven't had much experience of the world, you're probably not quite ready for a monogamous long term relationship. I suggest you be honest with your boyfriend about where you are emotionally, with the understanding that this relationship is likely over, at least for now.

    Good luck.

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