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  1. #1

    Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    Hey! I'm in USA, and my new boyfriend lives in Mexico. He works long hours, and helps care for a bedridden relative in the evenings. We've only spent time together twice in the last few months, and it comes with lots of planning and advance notice.

    I'm planning a surprise visit to see him for Valentine's Day week. I love the idea of showing up unexpected in another country, last minute, to share this special day with him... But I am not sure if it will be a wonderful surprise, or just stressful and inconvenient.

    The plan: Have his friends invite him to lunch or a "guys night out" on the day I arrive, to get him to a certain place at a certain time. He turns a corner and sees me, happy tears and hugs ensue, followed by a wonderful surprise week together. While he's at work, I get to explore the city. When he's needed at home, I can go with him, or take bubble baths in the hotel until he's free.

    The downside: It might be hard for him to schedule free time with me, with no notice. What if he declines his friends' invite, ruining the surprise? Or what if he happens to be swamped with work that week, or his family isn't able to help out much at home? Will he feel guilty and obligated to spend all his time with me, or stressed/distracted at work knowing I'm waiting to see him each evening?

    Looking for some advice... Is the romantic scurry to change plans and make time worth that wonderful moment when I surprise him in person? Or is it better to take the wind out of the sails and tell him NOW that I will get to see him in a month? Will our flowers, dinners, long walks and cuddling be as romantic if it's all planned out in advance?

  2. #2

    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    This wouldn't be a "first" impression, we've been dating for almost a year. And goodness no, I'm not planning to show up at his family's house. They have no room for me. I'll be in a hotel. My question isn't so much about accommodation, but more about the stress of knowing your boyfriend is suddenly in town for a week, hanging about the city because you're too busy to spend a lot of time with him.

    But I definitely understand what you are saying. There are a lot more opportunities for romantic activities that week if we take the time to plan it together, in advance. I guess I just love the fantasy of that magical moment when he sees me in person by surprise.
    Last edited by MVincent; January 13th, 2013 at 02:33 AM.

  3. #3
    Last Chance Jubber justsimon's Avatar
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    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    I'd tell him. I understand the romantic gesture, but as someone who doesn't really like surprises, I would want to know in advance. That way he'll have enough notice to make some time for you.

  4. #4
    In Loving Memory palbert's Avatar
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    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    The above are excellent comments. However your plan strikes me as unconsidered and selfish. Why not plan ahead for time together -- without stressors?

  5. #5
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    I would do as Palbert and the others have suggested.

    Surprise visits only work in novels and the movies.

  6. #6
    Respira MissAnne's Avatar
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    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    Quote Originally Posted by justsimon View Post
    I'd tell him. I understand the romantic gesture, but as someone who doesn't really like surprises, I would want to know in advance. That way he'll have enough notice to make some time for you.
    Yeah I agree. You should probably tell him.

    If he is as busy as you say he is, it will be difficult to find the time to spend together.
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
    ― Emeli Sande

  7. #7
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    Re: Valentine's Day Surprise Visit - Romantic, or Annoying?

    Your questions indicate (to me anyway) that you do not know him well enough to know if the surprise would be welcome or not.
    If this is true, plan it out with him ahead of time. While the look of delight you might see on his face when you surprise him would be wonderful, the rest of the week would pretty much be the same whether your surprise him or plan it out.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

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