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  1. #1

    general questions from a niave bisexual guy

    Warning: I think I am kind of niave. I dont have many gay friends so I dont really have many people to ask questions to. I hope none of my questions aren't offensive - I am new here so I hope I followed all the rules.

    question of the first: I date men and women but more women than men. A lot of gay people say they have a 'gaydar' - why don't I have that?! or..... how do you get one?

    example: I was watching HGTV during the holiday season which has lots of hot guys on it and going through the threads here, lots of of people think that many of the guys of HGTV are gay. Do gay people really still marry straight people and pretend to be straight? Why? why would Scott McGillvary for example, marry a woman if he is gay? I live in Canada and being gay isn't really taboo so if he is doing it to be more likeable for the sake of his career .... well I dont know if that makes sense. Maybe he's bi.

    I dont' really know why I am concerned with this - I'm really just thinking out loud about the general nature of things and seeking opinions

    More HGTV examples: the Kitchen Cousins - some people on here seem sure they are lovers. Again, I lack a gaydar - what makes you think they are together (because I am curious about gaydars and am a curious and nosey person in general lol). For one thing, it is probably fairly rare for cousins to be lovers. Also Jon is getting married and Anthony is Dating that Guenevere designer from HVGVs Ask Guenevere. Strange tho - Anthony is hot and could probalby get a younger and hotter woman. Gwen is older than him and less attractive. Maybe they're just dating for PR - do people do that? It seems pretty shallow. But then again, maybe Anthony is a shallow person. Someone on here said they met John and he's apparently an asshole and assholes tend to be friends with assholes so maybe Anthony is an asshole as well. Too bad - they seem like some of those super nice and charismatic people. IT makes me sad when people are fake. Anyway, if they are gay lovers, do their parents know? Are they ok with it? Opinions?

    I know it appears that I am celeb obsessed. I think I just like to think about thinks and let them ruminate in my mind. I think way too much. I dont have many queer people in my life so I guess thats why I wonder about people on TV

  2. #2
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: general questions from a niave bisexual guy

    Gaydar is many things, not one particular skill that you can develop. It's being aware of little physical and verbal cues, and it's hard to teach.

    One thing is eye contact (and obviously, that doesn't work if you mean people on TV). If a guy gives you the elevator eyes, chances are he's gay, as straight people don't do that. Since it's an unconscious thing, a guy isn't aware of doing it and so it's an easy tell.

    As for marrying women - if the Kinsey Scale is to be believed, there are levels of sexuality. You can still prefer men and have relations with women. They wouldn't be truly fulfilling, but they're possible. I call that gay, others call it "bisexual". To me bisexual is only someone who likes both genders equally. Anyway, don't be fooled - even in Canada homosexuality is still far less preferable to any male than being straight. Especially in older generations. MANY gay men marry women and live a lie for decades. It's not being fake, it's being repressed.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3

    Re: general questions from a niave bisexual guy

    Quote Originally Posted by donaldthatsme
    For one thing, it is probably fairly rare for cousins to be lovers.
    You are really naive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85
    I call that gay, others call it "bisexual". To me bisexual is only someone who likes both genders equally.
    It is not up to you to redefine everything you dislike.

    You are free to mess around with your gay identity, but other sexual identities are non of your affairs. They are self definitions.

    It is obvious from your posts in this forum that you don't understand Kinsey; you better read "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" before you turn 30 or stop mentioning his name here.
    Last edited by winterkill; January 14th, 2013 at 03:41 AM.

  4. #4
    Oranje rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: general questions from a niave bisexual guy

    Quote Originally Posted by donaldthatsme123 View Post
    Warning: I think I am kind of niave. I dont have many gay friends so I dont really have many people to ask questions to. I hope none of my questions aren't offensive - I am new here so I hope I followed all the rules.

    question of the first: I date men and women but more women than men. A lot of gay people say they have a 'gaydar' - why don't I have that?! or..... how do you get one?

    example: I was watching HGTV during the holiday season which has lots of hot guys on it and going through the threads here, lots of of people think that many of the guys of HGTV are gay. Do gay people really still marry straight people and pretend to be straight? Why? why would Scott McGillvary for example, marry a woman if he is gay? I live in Canada and being gay isn't really taboo so if he is doing it to be more likeable for the sake of his career .... well I dont know if that makes sense. Maybe he's bi.

    I dont' really know why I am concerned with this - I'm really just thinking out loud about the general nature of things and seeking opinions

    More HGTV examples: the Kitchen Cousins - some people on here seem sure they are lovers. Again, I lack a gaydar - what makes you think they are together (because I am curious about gaydars and am a curious and nosey person in general lol). For one thing, it is probably fairly rare for cousins to be lovers. Also Jon is getting married and Anthony is Dating that Guenevere designer from HVGVs Ask Guenevere. Strange tho - Anthony is hot and could probalby get a younger and hotter woman. Gwen is older than him and less attractive. Maybe they're just dating for PR - do people do that? It seems pretty shallow. But then again, maybe Anthony is a shallow person. Someone on here said they met John and he's apparently an asshole and assholes tend to be friends with assholes so maybe Anthony is an asshole as well. Too bad - they seem like some of those super nice and charismatic people. IT makes me sad when people are fake. Anyway, if they are gay lovers, do their parents know? Are they ok with it? Opinions?

    I know it appears that I am celeb obsessed. I think I just like to think about thinks and let them ruminate in my mind. I think way too much. I dont have many queer people in my life so I guess thats why I wonder about people on TV
    This.

    Get more homos in your life. Stop obsessing about closeted homos on TV.

    Get out and live!

  5. #5
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: general questions from a niave bisexual guy

    Quote Originally Posted by donaldthatsme123 View Post
    Warning: I think I am kind of niave. I dont have many gay friends so I dont really have many people to ask questions to. I hope none of my questions aren't offensive - I am new here so I hope I followed all the rules.
    Well, perhaps are you naive or maybe you're someone who struggles with reading the subtle clues?

    The questions aren't offensive.

    "Gaydar" is part truth and part a joke. In reality, there's only one way to know if a person is gay- if they tell you "I'm gay", then they are gay. Anything else is an educated guess.

    If there are two attractive guys (on HGTV, especially) who live together, say "we" and "our", own a home together, are referred to as "partners", etc, you can assume that they are gay.

    But it's also confusing when you see guys like Blake Shelton and Adam Levine who have a "bromance" but really seem like they want to have hotsweatybuttsex together in the backroom if no one else would find out.

    So, in the end you have to ask yourself, "Does it really matter if they are gay?". It's one thing to speculate about someone that you know and who you might want to play hide the sausage with in real life. But for all the celebrities, strangers on reality shows and public figures, does it really matter?

    There's some of us who have pretty good gaydar. It's a skill that makes for lots of fun and speculation. But in the end, we're left with the same dilemma as you: the only way we know for sure is if someone says, "I'm gay".
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