I'm in my early twenties, have a wonderful long-term girlfriend of 1 year, currently studying medicine, have a number of enjoyable hobbies, and good friends. When I'm not in sex-mode I feel that my life is going well, that is I feel like I'm on my way to meeting my life goals. Yet there is also another side of me which says to go out and fuck random women, explore my bisexuality, to have fun with life and not to get caught up in the 'american dream'.
I feel like these two worlds are beginning to collide and it is causing me alot of distress. The last three times I've been out in the past month I've woken up ashamed of myself the next morning. The first time I ended up cuddling with a cute girl in the car whilst she sucked my fingers. I told the driver (a friend) to get me out of the situation which she fortunately did. The second time a girl came upto me in a bar, started talking to me, kissed me and bought me a number of drinks. I went along, kissed her back and took her home to my apt. When we got there we went through the pre-sex routine: champagne, jacuzi etc. Again, I realised what I was doing and got out of the jacuzi and went to bed. The third time, and I feel this is the worst, I was heavily flirting and cuddling with my girlfriend's best friend. She was saying things like 'you seem like you're the perfect man' - it was definitely crossing boundries.
I think at the heart of the issue is insecurity. Before I got with my girlfriend I was consistently working out, hanging out with friends, and flirting with women. I've recently lost a bit of motivation to go to the gym and to look after myself which I think has been a big cause of my recent deviance as I definitely more self concious and feel the need to be 'desired' by women. Also, these women that I've had the opportunities with have been a fair bit more attractive (8-9/10) than my girlfriend (7/10) which doesn't help. Yet my logical side looks at my relationship with my girlfriend and urges me to stay. She's young, sweet, foreign (Swedish), an excellent cook, great in bed (blows me twice a day ), sane, great to talk to, educated, and very intelligent. In other words, she's what I would consider to be wife material. I know I shouldn't be throwing this relationship away for a few cheap thrills yet my male urges are just so strong at times that I'm often lead to the dark side.
Further, I've been tempted by a number of young hot couples who have offered to let me join in for a MMF threesome. I'm definitely bi and would love to try this, but it seems like that after I've had sex with a man that I'll be opening up a can of worms which could seriously jeaprodise my ability to hold down a hetero relationship in the future and remain faithful to my future wife.
TLDR: Great girlfriend (wife material), but feel like I want to sleep with other people and explore bisex. Open relationship not an option but she is apparently open to FFM .
Any advice or personal experiences with similar issues? Really, at the moment I feel like I'd be better off cutting my dick off. It would save me from a hell of a lot of problems. lol