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Thread: Moving On

  1. #1

    Moving On

    Just came out, had my first out "relationship" and it ended poorly but it was the first time I was open and let my walls down. Now its been hard to move forward.....does time heal all wounds? Will I ever start talking to a new guy and be able to not think about him? I am delayed as I am 28 and had my first feeling of what "love" is or could be so any advice would be awesome!!

  2. #2
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Moving On

    the answers to your questions are yes and yes.
    gay dudes who come out at any age tend to make mistakes in matters of the heart that our straight friends were allowed to make (and learn from) in their early teens. so it can be a little rocky at first.
    listen to some sad music, have a good hard cry... then pick yourself up and move on. youll be alright.

  3. #3

    Re: Moving On

    See I agree with all of that...had some really hard cries...but still he is in the back of my head...Time seems like the answer just sucks being an educated established adult and feeling like a 15 year old when it comes to relationships, I usually have all the answers and this one bothers me the most...haha

  4. #4

    Re: Moving On

    Despite disappointment and broken hearts, we always move on. I'm reminded of a song that has some of the best lyrics about life I've heard:

    From "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor

    This is how it works
    You're young until you're not
    You love until you don't
    You try until you can't
    You laugh until you cry
    You cry until you laugh
    And everyone must breathe
    Until their dying breath

    No, this is how it works
    You peer inside yourself
    You take the things you like
    And try to love the things you took
    And then you take that love you made
    And stick it into some
    Someone else's heart
    Pumping someone else's blood
    And walking arm in arm
    You hope it don't get harmed
    But even if it does
    You'll just do it all again
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  5. #5
    🌈❤️ June26, 2015 ❤️🌈 JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Moving On

    Time, by itself, does not heal. Just ask Miss Haversham inGreat Expectations. You have to be willing to move on and willing to go through the motions of day to day living. It becomes less painful as long as you keep moving in healthy directions. Stay stuck or use people, places or things to distract yourself and you'll stay on an emotional roller coaster. Feel the feelings while staying close to friends and family and keep up your interests even when you don't feel like it.

    It will get better as long as you give your loss the space it needs without letting it take over your life. Best wishes.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6
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    eastofeden's Avatar
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    Re: Moving On

    I think taking the time to understand and accept what happened is the key to moving on and putting it behind you. If you ever find yourself feeling like a victim...you haven't really understood it yet. The reason behind that...if you feel as though you are/were a victim of any kind...you will be giving the other guy too much power over you and that makes it very hard to move on.

    Good Luck!

  7. #7
    cuidado com o mau-olhado JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Moving On

    Quote Originally Posted by blah834 View Post
    Just came out, had my first out "relationship" and it ended poorly but it was the first time I was open and let my walls down. Now its been hard to move forward.....does time heal all wounds? Will I ever start talking to a new guy and be able to not think about him? I am delayed as I am 28 and had my first feeling of what "love" is or could be so any advice would be awesome!!
    Ultimately, it's up to you.

    You can treat it like learning to ride a bike. You can focus on how fun it is to ride and accept that skinned knees and being thrown over the handlebars is part of learning to ride a bike.

    Or you can decide that the skinned knees and busted lips aren't worth it for the short periods fun while riding.
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  8. #8

    Re: Moving On

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    Ultimately, it's up to you.

    You can treat it like learning to ride a bike. You can focus on how fun it is to ride and accept that skinned knees and being thrown over the handlebars is part of learning to ride a bike.

    Or you can decide that the skinned knees and busted lips aren't worth it for the short periods fun while riding.

    wow this!!! Good way to put it. I have been dating again so its not like im completely shutting down but its hard to not compare to him etc. I am learning!!

  9. #9

    Re: Moving On

    Quote Originally Posted by hylas View Post
    the answers to your questions are yes and yes.
    gay dudes who come out at any age tend to make mistakes in matters of the heart that our straight friends were allowed to make (and learn from) in their early teens. so it can be a little rocky at first.
    listen to some sad music, have a good hard cry... then pick yourself up and move on. youll be alright.
    never thought of it like that. Nice words of wisdom.

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