Please give me your honest opinion (dating related)

[Laufey]

If you went on a date with someone and he turned out to be on disability because of mental illness (Bipolar-II)... would it be a deal breaker?

That's the case with me so I'm curious to find out statistically how much harder it's gonna be for me to find someone.

I've noticed that careers and financial status seems to weigh a lot in the dating scene.

I won't be offended if that's something you wouldn't be open to. I'm looking for honest answers here... not people lying to me to make me feel better.

[justsimon]

I'd be reluctant to date someone who is bipolar, but it would really depend on how well it was managed and how it would affect a potential relationship. The financial issue wouldn't bother me.

[aaggii]

If he keeps or tries to keep it under control and doesn´t use it as an excuse to be an asshole, then no problem, as I see it. But you need to read your info and expect not so sweet times with your guy, it´s harder than they say on papers.

[Rolyo85]

I had a bipolar friend all through school - from grade one to senior year - and we've gone through the whole spectrum of hatred and friendship. What I learned from the experience is that I am not qualified to manage other people's mental issues if they get off meds, and that experience has made it a deal breaker for me. I don't judge anyone, but I know what I am capable of dealing with in a relationship, and it would not end well.

That said, unlike HIV, bipolarity isn't an immediate threat to anyone else, so I don't see why it would be first date topic of discussion.

Financial independence is important to me. I am not that stable yet myself, but even if I were, it would matter to me that the other guy isn't a deadbeat. Being unemployed is not a crime, but it would only be ok if the guy were actively seeking employment for example.

[Scealle]

I wouldn't rule him out just because he had a mental illness. I would try my best to help him through it as I am not perfect and I also have my problems.

I am pretty sure people have heard that artists are some very "odd" people and studying for almost four years (due to my lack of social time, I only have college/ art friends). Majority of them (whom I am friends with) have severe depression or really low self-esteem. My team leader used to be really emo and he just destroys his week long of hard work/drawing if he is not satisfied with it. I am quite close with him and he always shares his problems with me. I try to be by/advice him when he's depressed and throughout the years he's improved a lot and he seems more approachable (by others) these days. People used to bad mouth him all the time (due to the emo thing) but it's getting better these days.

Both my female housemates have odd mood swings, one slightly better than the other. I find them ok and usually they didn't bother me as much. One time one of them had a really bad/unnatural PMS and she was basically screaming and yelling at me randomly for the whole week. Later she can't handle the pain and I had to sent her to the hospital. She was screaming and swearing the whole hour drive (due to jam) to the hospital. Lol. She joked that I was lucky to be Gay as I don't need to deal with girls grumbling when in PMS. lol.

I really don't mind about the career thing. Though, I am just a video editor not sure If how well they are paid these days.

[Laufey]

Well I don't really have manic behavior it's more of a periods of deep depression and anxiety. I am managing it well though and don't plan to ever go off medication. Most people sense that I can be anxious but even people I've known for years are surprised when I tell them about my diagnose. So I guess I've been successful with limiting the effects my disorder has on the people around me.

It's kinda difficult to not go into it on a first date because you always discuss employment. If I tell them I'm on disability without telling them why it probably just makes it worse.

I've always been anxious about the whole formal dating scene anyway so my best option might be to get to know someone as friends first so they get to know me first. People tend to be more picky and shallow when meeting someone for the first time on a date. The labels seem to weigh more.

[Rolyo85]

I completely agree with that. I hate formal dating too. "Hanging out" with no labels or expectations is the way to go for me. It becomes pretty clear whether there is interest or not, either way.

[Seasoned]

Any diagnosis is a hurdle when meeting new people. What would be the difficulty with volunteering somewhere or even working part time in order to have something other than your disability to talk about?

We all have some issues, whether serious or not, whether diagnosed or not. Those of us that can put a name to our quirks or conditions are that much further ahead of those that can't or won't.

[Laufey]

Any diagnosis is a hurdle when meeting new people. What would be the difficulty with volunteering somewhere or even working part time in order to have something other than your disability to talk about?

Yeah it makes socializing with people easier when I have something to do and it also makes me less insecure.

I've had part time jobs before and I'm looking for one now but it's difficult to get one when unemployment is so high and I have very little experience or education. I'm gonna try for few months if it doesn't work out then I'll look into volunteering or maybe even taking some classes again.

I guess the whole "doing nothing right now" weighs more for a lot of people than the fact that I'm on disability.

[jensu846]

never. sorry.

[palbert]

I am a little out of the dating scene but work experience with several bi-bolars suggest that as long as the meds are appropriate, no problem.

[rareboy]

Any diagnosis is a hurdle when meeting new people. What would be the difficulty with volunteering somewhere or even working part time in order to have something other than your disability to talk about?

We all have some issues, whether serious or not, whether diagnosed or not. Those of us that can put a name to our quirks or conditions are that much further ahead of those that can't or won't.

I'm totally on the same page here with Seasoned.

I have dated and work(ed) with people with bi-polar disorders and depression.

It is seeing what the person makes of it that makes all the difference. Some of these people have become valuable volunters in the mental health care community and being up front about their condition and their commitment to maintaining optimal mental health is inspiring.

See what you can do to help others in your community and it will also help you stabilize your own life too, I think.

[BENDERBOY]

My mother is bi-polar, as long as she's taking her meds it's great, off them, hell's gates open up.

So as long as you had it under control, i'd have no problem dating you.

[aaggii]

Sorry for my first post, I understood that you were seeing someone who is bipolar. My bad!

You suffer from an illness, it´s not your fault. You can take care and take your meds, seek help etc etc. With this you do your part! Even if it´s harder than it already is for the others to find a partner, I´m sure that a good soul will come eventually. And then, he has to do HIS part -- what I said in my 1st post here. Be open about it, there´s good people out there too.

[hylas]

the information that my date is bipolar alone wouldnt put me off, but it would make me pay attention. i have friends who are mentally ill or unstable, and they tend to be very emotionally draining. and if id get that kind of "vibe" from my date, id break it off.

the fact that his disability would limit his career and income, however, would not bother me at all. to find love is so rare. id never make it conditional on things like money or status.

[Just_Believe18]

You have one life to live with one chance for happiness and fulfillment with a partner and family of your own. You don't need to be the martyr for someone else's life with their burdens and liabilities.

[hylas]

You have one life to live with one chance for happiness and fulfillment with a partner and family of your own. You don't need to be the martyr for someone else's life with their burdens and liabilities.

dude... i know he asked for honesty and maybe im just misreading you, but this seems really rude to me.

[Just_Believe18]

^ To clarify: If there's someone who has a problem with you being bipolar, then you move on and find someone who will accept you. If their uncertainty to date you is a liability, then find someone who has the patience and understanding to be with you. There is no reason to burden yourself over it.

[hylas]

oh ok. misunderstanding.

[Today4U1989]

I dated a man who was Schizophrenic. I was actually very into him. So, no; the disability/illness is not an immediate dealbreaker for me. The issue came when he first started mixing his meds with drugs and alcohol, and then ultimately stopped taking it all together. It caused a lot of problems in the relationship. So, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter whether or not someone has a condition, it matters whether or not they take care of themselves and take the appropriate measures to keep themselves healthy and functioning.

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I won't be offended if that's something you wouldn't be open to. I'm looking for honest answers here... not people lying to me to make me feel better.

Dating I would do. A relationship with some with mental issues seems a little taxing at this point in my life.

Unless they had a really big cock.

[TX-Beau]

I guess it would really depend on context. I don't have many hard and fast rules though, I care about stability. If you were on disability for Bi-Polar disorder (SOCIALISTS! We can't get disability for damn near anything around here) and you were aware and dealing, job or not you're not on the street or lilly-padding around town, I'd give it a shot, if I was interested.

But I would definitely be keeping my eyes open - I suppose that's not really fair, but I don't think I'd be able to help myself. There have always been Bi-Polar people, before we knew what it was, it was still there, and these people got into relationships, and out of them, they had families and lives, categorizing something doesn't make it somehow different than things always have been.

I'd probably try to treat that like every other guy I dated - try to make it work, leave if I can't.

[loosingyourmind]

mmmh, my man "tried" a relationship with a bipolar and in ended bad. It depends on how you handle it op.

[loveguys72]

My first boyfriend developed schizophrenia about 3 months after we met. He refused medication, became very paranoid, and ultimately dropped off the face of the earth. Prior to that, he had been a very sweet, sensitive, caring guy with a quirky sense of humor (which is why I first noticed him). If he'd been willing to take medication for his condition, I'd have been willing to stick by him. He wasn't, and I didn't get the chance.

In your case, if your condition was stable, or you're willing to take the steps necessary to make and keep it stable, then it would not be a deal breaker for me.

[innocentbychoice]

To the OP:

I think it depends on how you handle it. If you are able to function like a normal person (which I'm pretty sure you can under medication) then I don't think you'll have issues dating. But if you don't take your treatment seriously and go on crisis that's when you might have issues.

[innocentbychoice]

My first boyfriend developed schizophrenia about 3 months after we met. He refused medication, became very paranoid, and ultimately dropped off the face of the earth. Prior to that, he had been a very sweet, sensitive, caring guy with a quirky sense of humor (which is why I first noticed him). If he'd been willing to take medication for his condition, I'd have been willing to stick by him. He wasn't, and I didn't get the chance.

In your case, if your condition was stable, or you're willing to take the steps necessary to make and keep it stable, then it would not be a deal breaker for me.

Exactly. Something similar happened to a friend of mine whose bipolar disorder activated during a relationship. He got worse with time because not only wasn't he willing to take his medication but he started drinking and taking drugs. He hasn't been able to have a normal life since.

[Laufey]

I'm not worried at all about my disorder being much of a problem with a future boyfriend. I handle it very well and have always managed to keep it from being a burden on my loved ones. Like I said it's more of the depression side of the disorder rather than the manic one. Nobody has ever been able to figure out I'm mentally ill without me telling them, even if they have known me for a long time.

So again I'm not really worried about how the disorder effects a relationship... I'm just worried about the status making it more difficult to get into one.

You have one life to live with one chance for happiness and fulfillment with a partner and family of your own. You don't need to be the martyr for someone else's life with their burdens and liabilities.

Good luck finding the perfect guy.

I'm sure there are plenty of men out there without mental disorders who would be more of a burden in a relationship. You can't assume things like that.

But thanx for confirming to me that there are people out there with this mindset.

[hylas]

I'm sure there are plenty of men out there without mental disorders who would be more of a burden in a relationship. You can't assume things like that.

But thanx for confirming to me that there are people out there with this mindset.

hon, i already called him out on that, and it turns out he didnt mean it like that at all. just poor phrasing.

^ To clarify: If there's someone who has a problem with you being bipolar, then you move on and find someone who will accept you. If their uncertainty to date you is a liability, then find someone who has the patience and understanding to be with you. There is no reason to burden yourself over it.

[Laufey]

Nowhere in that does he say he's not one of those who has a problem with it. Nothing in the second post goes against what he said in the first one.

But either way he's right. I won't try to win someone over who has a problem with it. I was just still curious how common it is.

[evanrick]

not that hard to find someone. gay guys are generally easy.

as far as dating, a guy that cant accept himself or be honest and have real issues with his sexuality can be a large obstacle. ive had very close friendships fail because of identity issues.

by no means am i perfect & i have a friend that is bipolar and so intolerant of dishonesty yet cant embrace his own identity to the point he is a homophobe and a hypocrite. its fucking infuriating because of their 'game', way more than anything else.

its also painful to watch them try and cope and know you cant really do anything without making them feel outed.

[Laufey]

[eastofeden]

I think it all depends on the individual and the chemistry....

I was a Bette Midler fan back in the 70s and 80s and this question reminds me of her story about fried eggs. ....or the line from the Joni Mitchell song 'People's Parites'......"weighing the beauty and the imperfection to see if I'm worthy".....

The point of reference...everyone has something...and I have personally never witnessed true beauty without a healthy dose of imperfection.

I dont' think bi-polar necessarily defines anyone. My lover has ADHD and he told me when I met him (except it was just called ADD then). It certainly hasn't affected how much I love him as I can truly say I love him unconditionally. When I have to tell him something that I know he will need to hear and retain I make a special effort to get his attention and make sure he is focused so he will have the information he needs. I definitely do not see his ADHD as having anything "wrong" with him. It is just a part of who he is. I would suspect the same of bi polar. I have friends who have told me they are bi polar and I worked with bartenders who were bi polar and to tell you the truth...I never really "got it". I didn't see much difference with them versus people who weren't bi polar.

I was far more concerned with the folks who had Donna Reed Syndrome...and there is no known treatment for that. I would never date anyone with Donna Reed Syndrome.