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  1. #1
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Never been in a relationship?

    So I just turned 18 and I've never been in a relationship I've made out with guys here and there that's about it. My friends always tell me that I need to find myself a man I'm not ugly I guess.. But is it just me or is it hard to talk to guys? I'm starting to feel lonely at times I'm still in high school but I'm more attracted to older men around 24ish. Is this normal?

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    We each make our own normal. You're going to have an easier time with guys in their 20s once you start college. Now that you're 18 you may want to explore the possibility of joining a LGBT organization as another way to meet people.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Very few gay men have been "in relationships" at 18. You are JUST beginning, don't fucking sweat it. Go out, have a good time, the rest will take care of itself.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  4. #4
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    I'll try maybe its just that I've been seeing a bunch of my close friends getting into relationships im just feeling left out

  5. #5
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    High school is when straight people start, gay people usually start in college - sucks I know - but there it is.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  6. #6
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    There ya go thanks haha thats what I was wondering 4 more months to go!

  7. #7
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    If it's any consolation for you, in high school I was still chasing twat trying to be someone else - YOU are ALREADY way farther than I was at your age.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  8. #8
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    I'm not too crazy about it I guess I'm still a virgin

  9. #9
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    better than twat - trust me on that.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  10. #10
    JUB Addict Maklaar13's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    At only 18 you should not rush into anything with anyone. If it happens, welcome it with open arms, otherwise, enjoy life and take your time to make sure that you are ready should the opportunity of a relationship arrives.

  11. #11
    youngoutlaw
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Best advice I can give is to find who you are first. At 18 you are still learning about yourself, I'm only a few years older than you and if I could speak to my 18 year old self I would probably tell him to take his time. I was that eager to be in a relationship I ended up being a 28 year old married guy's bit on the side for nearly a year. Don't get me wrong he was amazing to me and lavished me with the gifts but we were looking for different things.

    Just be careful what you do as there are people out there who will try to show you "how life is" but that is only their perception. Plus be careful who you lose your virginity to...once you lose that you can't get it back.

  12. #12
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Yeah thats true I tottally agree its just better to wait until the time is right.

  13. #13
    Lions&Tigers&Bears Oh My!
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    We are all different...there is no right or wrong way to go about it.

    I am originally from San Jose too. If you want to meet cool 24 ish guys...check out downtown Santa Cruz .

  14. #14
    The Mother of Loki Laufey's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    I didn't mind never being in a relationship until I turned 25.

    Now I fear it won't happen before turning 30

    You should play the field when you are 18. At the moment just have fun and focus on having a solid group of gay friends.

    Plus I hear when you aren't looking that's when someone comes out of nowhere. So that's kinda my tactic now

  15. #15
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    I hadn't done anything until I turned 25. It's been 2.5 years since then and I have had 3 relationships since then, and dating guy number 4 now. No such thing as too old.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  16. #16
    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    I am 22 this year and haven't been in any relationships. I have had a lot of crushes, the high schools ones didn't happen. And I had a huge crush on this guy when I turned 18.

    That time I was really desperate so he freaked out. A year later I was hit on by a bi-guy (he was just fooling around) I thought he liked me and I tried to like him back. I was quite desperate too that time and it turned out pretty badly.

    I haven't met any gay guy in real life yet so I would be very nervous too so i think that's normal.

  17. #17
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Why would gay guys make anyone nervous? And how are you 22 and never met any? O.o
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  18. #18

    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by youngoutlaw View Post
    Best advice I can give is to find who you are first.
    Please, don't try to do that. You could spend all your life sitting around trying to define yourself instead of picking up experience in the interaction with others.

    Just be careful what you do as there are people out there who will try to show you "how life is" but that is only their perception. Plus be careful who you lose your virginity to...once you lose that you can't get it back.
    Is there a new virginity movement I am not aware of? Do men have a hymen nowadays?



    Homosexuality without sexuality isn't homosexuality. Don't wast your time, hurry up dating and enjoy all the safer sex and all the relationships you are longing for.

  19. #19
    youngoutlaw
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by winterkill View Post
    Please, don't try to do that. You could spend all your life sitting around trying to define yourself instead of picking up experience in the interaction with others.

    Is there a new virginity movement I am not aware of? Do men have a hymen nowadays?

    Homosexuality without sexuality isn't homosexuality. Don't wast your time, hurry up dating and enjoy all the safer sex and all the relationships you are longing for.
    Winterkill, with all due respect as I don't know you or anything about you, your post implies he should let sex and relationships define him. All I meant was he shouldn't rush into anything just for the sake of it. Yes date and have sex but don't become someone who's life is all about that. Think about his career and what he wants from life and taking your time doesn't mean you spend your entire life trying to find yourself.

    My own experience in life has shown me that life is what you make of it. I have had some great relationships but also had one or two that I was being used by the other guy. When you are only growing up yourself then you can be easily manipulated by more confident and persuasive guys into becoming how they believe you should be.

    I respect your views it would be civilised if you respected mines.
    Last edited by youngoutlaw; January 6th, 2013 at 07:49 AM.

  20. #20
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Virginity is a burden to be shed as early as possible, under controlled comfortable circumstances. It holds no value whatsoever, other than for creeps and pedophiles, and there is nothing precious about it. Virgins are not hotter, more innocent or anything of the sort. They're just inexperienced and often annoying.

    I am saying it in the coldest, most cynical possible way not because I'm a douchebag, but because the gay community is plagued by this over-romanticized idea of the perfect first time that I feel not even 14-year old girls hold anymore, and it leads to SO MANY problems in dating and relationships. Sex is a skill, and as such - it needs to be practiced for one to be good at it. 9 out of 10 times your first time will suck, simply because you won't know what you're doing. And that's ok.

    As for finding oneself, I also urge people to first figure out a bit about who they are, especially when it's about closeted gay boys. We hide our personality from the world for so long, that we have no idea who we actually are until we start coming out. And even after that it's months - and some times longer - until we settle into our new "self". Jumping into dating right away in that period doesn't end well.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  21. #21
    youngoutlaw
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Very well put Rolyo85.

  22. #22
    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Why would gay guys make anyone nervous? And how are you 22 and never met any? O.o
    I wouldn't be sure what should I say and what not to be honest.

    I need to correct about not meeting any gay guys. There are a few seniors in my college that are apparently gay, but they graduated before I can get to know them. The closest to friends I have is a few bisexual males. One that I had a fling with that turned out badly and the other one just doesn't seem to mix well with me for some reason.

  23. #23
    On the Prowl
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Don't stress about it. I didn't have my first kiss until i was 21. I know it makes me sound like a complete NUN but i really was not interested in getting intimate with strangers of who's name i would not remember in the morning. I had all my firsts with my boyfriend when i was 21. Although me and my boyfriend are not together any more at least i can say i loved the person (and still do) who i had all my firsts with. I was lucky in the sense that my boyfriend was 'straight' before we got together so we did share a few firsts equally.

    Your time will come. Don't rush it.

  24. #24
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Laufey View Post
    Now I fear it won't happen before turning 30

    ---

    Plus I hear when you aren't looking that's when someone comes out of nowhere. So that's kinda my tactic now
    While heterosexuals typically have their first relationship in their teens, for us gays it's different. When it comes to never having been in a relationship by a certain age, there are lots variables involved. The main one being that the gay dating pool is very small.

    I had a friend who once told me "Don't go looking for love, let it come to you". Personally, I think it's silly to think that way. If I just go about my business, doing the stuff I usually do in a given week, love is going to come into my life? Doubtful.

  25. #25
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Virginity is a burden to be shed as early as possible, under controlled comfortable circumstances. It holds no value whatsoever, other than for creeps and pedophiles, and there is nothing precious about it. Virgins are not hotter, more innocent or anything of the sort. They're just inexperienced and often annoying.

    I am saying it in the coldest, most cynical possible way not because I'm a douchebag, but because the gay community is plagued by this over-romanticized idea of the perfect first time that I feel not even 14-year old girls hold anymore, and it leads to SO MANY problems in dating and relationships. Sex is a skill, and as such - it needs to be practiced for one to be good at it. 9 out of 10 times your first time will suck, simply because you won't know what you're doing. And that's ok.

    As for finding oneself, I also urge people to first figure out a bit about who they are, especially when it's about closeted gay boys. We hide our personality from the world for so long, that we have no idea who we actually are until we start coming out. And even after that it's months - and some times longer - until we settle into our new "self". Jumping into dating right away in that period doesn't end well.
    I'm going to second this, virginity has only the value you put on it, and treating it as some kind of "treasure" comes out of old fashioned hetero culture that's about women and sluts, and slutty women with babies of questionable provenance.

    Fuck that. Sex is a natural and healthy drive you should be happy exploring. Love makes it better (sometimes - sometimes you crush on a guy you have absolutely NO sexual compatibility with, awkward) but don't discount the virtues of a hot, nubile sweaty go go boy, in the back seat of a car some night. Don't get precious ideas about sex - at it's best it's messy and sweaty, and that's why it's hot. IF your first time is actually all moonbeams and gauzy curtains and guys who don't perspire - you didn't get it right.


    About "finding yourself," what does that mean? In High School I ran around posturing with a bunch of adolescent tools, because I desperately did not want to be a gay guy. That wasn't me - my actual personality is this kinda geeky fag, who likes to read and can take or leave football.

    Rolyo is correct, when we have closet issues - not that you seem to have this problem - we aren't "ourselves," on a basic level, and we generally change quite a bit after we come out. Now if you are already there, "finding oneself," becomes something else entirely that I'm not sure anyone should waste time pursuing.

    You don't get youth back. DO NOT waste valuable youth on angst and indecision. Put yourself out there and have a life.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  26. #26
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    And I also don't buy the "don't go looking for love and it will come" crap. True, being a needy fuck who can't think of anything other than to get a boyfriend will push EVERYONE away, but on the other hand there is a certain "being on the market" attitude that should be cultivated. If you've been single all your life, clearly the way you live your life leads to you being single.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  27. #27
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Yup, I call that putting yourself in a target rich environment. College is a target rich environment.

    How you present yourself is just as important as making good decisions about other guys. If you never take a shower and reek to the heavens, don't come complaining to me that you can't get a date.

    Keep trying to be the best you, you can be, and leave the house and go find the gays, that's pretty much how love finds you, by being out, being available, and being willing to take a chance.

    Remember, you WANT the guys - just a hookup or not - to WANT to be around you.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  28. #28
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    Im fine with beng a virgin don't get me wrong. I've read stories of gay men being single and then it starts to settle in and they never find anyone

  29. #29
    On the Prowl vabirly's Avatar
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    Re: Never been in a relationship?

    In the end its just different for everyone you never know when it's going to happen I just don't need to think about it much. I already know what I want to be later on in life I want to be a chef and own my own little specialty food store.

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