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  1. #1
    Fritz-the-Cat
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    Online Relationship Advice

    I've seen this subject brought up before, this thread is just for me.

    I'm want to have an online romance with someone, and while I am aware of the risks
    involved, I'm still going to try it. All I ask here is for tips on how to proceed with it.

    I am very introverted, but make plans to get out more often, but for the time being,
    I would like to satisfy my need of someone, maybe even find someone whose in the
    same situation as myself.

    Meeting is important, I understand that, however for now I only see a 100% internet
    based relationship, but if the subject of meeting comes up, I'll allow the possibility.

    I really don't know what I ought to know, no questions are formulating in my
    head, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, etc, I look forward to any
    possible help.

  2. #2
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    I don't know what advice you could get on this. Online relationships are incredibly unhealthy, so I don't know if there's a "right" way to do them...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Many, many years ago introverts had the option of finding pen pals so the concept of communicating by message is not new. What's new is the speed of how it is done and the ability to quickly become emotionally involved with someone who may not be truthful.

    You're finding out that no matter how introverted most of us have social needs. You're trying to satisfy yours in what you consider safe. The fact that you are reaching out is a good thing; the fact that you are looking for romance could lead to heartbreak and further introverted setbacks. There are people who are not able to function socially. I have a son with autism, for example, who is not able at this point in his life to have extended in person social contact. In order to change he would need to want something different and then find ways through therapy and/or coaching to make that happen.

    The fact that you want connection, albeit at a "safe" cyber distance, speaks to a need. You may wish to consider therapy to help you develop the necessary skill(s) to safely interact with people in person.

    While there is nothing wrong with cyber friendships, you run the risk of further isolation if they become your only social outlet. I'd suggest taking some very small social risks in order to meet people.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4
    loosingyourmind
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    well, if you wanna "experience" something new with someone there is really nothing wrong, but you'll have to meet someone in real life someday. I had a friend that cut his veins because of a cyber relationship via MSN a long time ago, be careful and do not fall into emotions, the guys you will meet will just want to j/o.... or meet you.

  5. #5
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    I am all for virtual "pen" palls and maintaining friendships online. But ROMANCE and RELATIONSHIPS belong in the real world. Even long-distance relationships have their roots in reality, and include meetings whenever possible. To seek an online romance is to seek delusion and fantasy, and those are not the way to progress in life and gain confidence.

    I urge you to reconsider. It might feel like a step forward, and safe, but it is neither, and many in the real world will show you so much kindness that you need not fear meeting them.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
    JUB Addict cgymike's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Well the screen will be there for you...but hardly romantic. It's a piece of technology but if you want to satisfy a need that way then fine. Call it what you want and have fun. But realise that 99% of screen realtionships don't go off-line. It juse becomes a habitual thing of sending messages etc. It will be enough for a while but one day and soon you may wake up to it all as an "empty" habit without any substance or quality and the reason for that is the screen. Eventually, the only way to progress is to go off line.

    On line isn't really a positive thing for realtionship building. And even if you do manage to meet him all those months or years of online persona building can be toppled like a house of cards as you realise there is no actual chemistry in person. Only takes a minute to find that out...
    Your post comments are forwarded to the CIA.

  7. #7
    CupidBoy
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Don't do it.

  8. #8
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    I am all for virtual "pen" palls and maintaining friendships online. But ROMANCE and RELATIONSHIPS belong in the real world. Even long-distance relationships have their roots in reality, and include meetings whenever possible. To seek an online romance is to seek delusion and fantasy, and those are not the way to progress in life and gain confidence.

    I urge you to reconsider. It might feel like a step forward, and safe, but it is neither, and many in the real world will show you so much kindness that you need not fear meeting them.
    What he said. Totally.

  9. #9

    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Online relationship still a contradictio in adjecto. Homosexuality requires two male bodies; neither can be replaced by a computer. At least in the year A. D. 2013. The same is true of relationships; they also require all the unfiltered information that our five senses provide:

    Sight Hearing Taste Smell Touch.

  10. #10

    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Don't do it.
    AGREE. You are loved in some impossible way.

    YOU WILL NOT FIND LOVE THIS WAY, in a personal, meaningful way.

    Your words say 'I am a lovable human being', and also say....

    monsterous, impossible openings for the predators.


    PLEASE do not live life blindly. We can not. We must not.
    Last edited by IAMTHATIAM; January 3rd, 2013 at 09:16 PM.

  11. #11
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    i dont think there is such a thing as a purely online romance.
    ive read how some people - actually, its never "people", its always "users" - so, ive read about how some users have "online relationships". and those relationships may be real from their perspective, but i honestly think they are deluding themselves.

    the internet is great to get to know people that you then meet in real life, or to keep in touch with people that you know from real life. even a platonic friendship is possible online. but not romantic love.

    romance is scary and dangerous and messy, and statistically speaking, it will most likely end in tears. you have to be healthy enough to put up with all of that, if you want to find love. id suggest you get out more often as a first step in that direction. i wish you all the best!

  12. #12
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    addendum: i dont recommend it, but should you decide to try and find "online romance" anyway, make sure that there is video-phone contact involved. not text, not pictures, but video-phone. its the only way for you to be sure that the person on the other end of the line is (more or less) who they profess to be. they can still lie, of course, but i think predators shy away from that kind of direct contact.

    but then again, if youre gonna video-phone with people, you might as well go out and meet them in real life, no?

  13. #13
    of the 99%
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    Re: Online Relationship Advice

    Online relationships should only happen if the situation is long-distance. If you have the capability of meeting this person who is local and available, then you should absolutely be pursuing them in person. To hold yourself back behind a computer screen goes beyond a self-description of being an introvert. If you are drawn and attracted towards a person, then there is no greater expression of that desire than to be with them physically.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

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