Despite of progressing with my internal coming out, I still seem not to be ready to come out externally. Yesterday evening, I was at a new year's eve party, it happened to me (like quite some times before with other girls) that the sister of one of my frieds obviously found me very attractive and approached me in an explicit way. Me on my side, I was completely defenseless, I could have told her that I was gay, but I just did not have the nerves to do that. At 34 I'm still in the closet, obviously I'm pretty good in suppressing my being gay. Only in the last two years I started to admit to myself and accept that I'm gay (I had suspicions starting at 16, when I lost my verginity, even though I dismissed this as a passing phase) and I met only once some gay people to whom I was open. After today's experience I felt totally miserable - my only escape was to covertly leave the party, which was totally frustrating.
Did you make similar experiences? How common is it to be still in the closet at 34? How did you feel before you made the big step and came out?
I think my family (mother and older brother, my dad died a few years ago) would be fairly accepting, despite of my mom's continuous expectation/request to become grandmother and the fairly conservative background. In addition, I'm financially totally independent, successful in my career - I'm an R&D line manager in a high tech company. On one hand I don't seem to have the nerves to make the first big step, on the other hand I start to feel like I don't give a sh... who could figure out I'm gay.
Sorry for the long post, I just had a strong need to explain my situation.