Am I ugly?

[palemale]

Don't let the values of someone else's culture define yours. Your are young, cute and sweet-looking (and probably self-aware enough that you flat out asked, Am I ugly?" That takes guts.

100% true. Indeed, this is advice everyone should learn. Remember, "every pot has its lid." Not a single one of us is attractive to everyone. Don't let someone else's cultural values define your own sense of self. The broader gay culture can be incredibly shallow when it comes to looks, or should I say for some the overwhelming obsession with looks. Take Mcbrion's advice broadly. Don't let anyone's values make you feel inferior.

I'm on a couple of hook-up sites, and I'm amazed at the number of guys who say they are not interested in one ethnic or racial group or another, or who say, "interested in whites only," or "black men only," or "no Asians." As mcbrion observed, Americans have bad manners (I would say appalling manners). Ultimately, none of us can help who were are attracted to, but we can refrain from being rude and ill mannered. Therefore, another lesson to learn is that those who would be rude to you, or make you feel unattractive, are the ugly ones.

The late, great Redd Foxx said, "beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone."

[borg69unimatrix]

As another black man, although much older than you, 62, let me tell you that objectively speaking, you are a cute brother. Now, remember that people assess based on their OWN cultural ideas of what's cute, and frankly, some guys will only find you cute if you project the (fucked up) Mandingo image.
So, discount that part right there. Black culture's idea of beauty from within the culture is different that what White guys may be looking for (not a slur, an objective observation from someone who was extremely popular in 70s and 80s San Francisco). To many guys, you will be a fantasy, not a person, so find out who you're dealing with first. If you were sticking with Black culture, you would be considered very cute and sweet, because Black culture is matriarchal and we look for sweetness, fairness, a good heart. Our values are not the values of other cultures, and therefore Beauty will be in the eye of the guy whose culture developed HIS psyche not your culture's valves. I notice that most of the responses here are from White guys, and our features will not always match what they were taught was "beautiful." Thick lips do not turn many guys (or women) on. And before anyone opens his mouth, I'm half white, so I got relatives on both sides (except they all like [and married] each other.
It's easy for some to say develop self-esteem and they're right. BUT. BUT. If the only culture you swim in is not your own, the answers will make you doubt yourself and it will take longer to find yourself. When I was among other brothers, I felt like the most handsome, sexy guy in the world. when I was in White clubs, I felt like a sexy THING, to be obtained - but not valued. Which culture are you mixing it up with most of the time? Other brothers? White guys? Asians? Australian guys will chase you to hell and back if you're Black: they find it hot, hot, HOT if you're a Black American. So, you must be aware of your environment and you must observe people's energy. Are you a 'person' to them or a 'hot, black thing'? Makes a BIG difference. Cultivate ONLY guys of quality, minimize - until you're more comfortable - just guys who want you for sex, especially if you have a big heart. It will only confuse you and make you wonder what you asked at the beginning of the thread: are you ugly? Take it from an older brother, my young brother, you are sweet and cute looking - and I say that without lust, just a fond poignant memory of being young and black (in the 60s - which was NOT the easiest time to be Black). Have at least two REALLY good Black friends if you are immersed, as Marlon Riggs declaimed in 'Tongues Untied' in 1988, ' a speck of chocolate in a sea of vanilla.' They will anchor you and affirm your beauty, while others will asses based only on what they would go to bed with (and the few guys who answered who sounded like brothers all said you were fine, an assessment I agree with). Its kind of what the Americans who traveled to Europe after world war II were called, "the UGLY Americans." But that was based on their (the Americans) poor manners (afer all, we'd saved the world. They should bow at our feet). Don't let the values of someone else's culture define yours. Your are young, cute and sweet-looking (and probably self-aware enough that you flat out asked, Am I ugly?" That takes guts.

This was an amazing post.

[hylas]

I'm on a couple of hook-up sites, and I'm amazed at the number of guys who say they are not interested in one ethnic or racial group or another, or who say, "interested in whites only," or "black men only," or "no Asians." As mcbrion observed, Americans have bad manners (...)

this has nothing to do with american manners, its no different across the pond. so... yay?