"Mom, do you mind? I realize you're trying to sell the house, butt I don't appreciate you bringing people in here while I'm having sex with my mattress!"
"Butt son, every time I cum in here you're humping that mattress!"
"Well a man has to do what a man has to do."
"Why don't you get yourself a girlfriend so you can do it right?"
"Because mattresses don't get pregnant."
"Butt son, mattresses don't give blow jobs, either."
"Why do I need blow jobs when I can suck my own dick?"
"Oh, that's right...I forgot you had that, um, 'special' talent."
"As often as you use a mirror to peep under the crack of my door, I don't see how you could have forgotten."
"Don't get wise with me, son...you're not too old for me to give you a spanking, you know."
"How could I not know...you find some excuse to pull my pants down and spank my bare ass every day."
"Well, you must like it, because you're the one who dropped out of college."
"Oh yeah, that's got to be it, Mom."
"Well, what if I get you a good prostate massager, will you go back?"
"That's real funny, Mom."
"Butt I wasn't trying to be funny...I read that men liked to be spanked because it stimulates their prostate gland."
"Butt Mom, as often as you snoop through my stuff, you should know I bought a prostate massager last week."
"I didn't know that...are you gay?"
"No, Mom...I'm just horny. And straight men like to have their prostate gland stimulated just as much as gay men."
'Well, if you have a prostate massager, why do you want your butt to be spanked?"
"I don't want my butt to be spanked, Mom."
"Well then I suggest you get it back to college, otherwise it's going to continue being spanked every day. And since you've been rudely humping your mattress the entire time I've been standing here with these prospective buyers, you're going to get a spanking as soon as they leave."
"Well I can't stop humping, or I'll lose my erection. And I'm obviously not going to ejaculate with 5 strangers staring at me."
"If you didn't hump your mattress half a dozen times a day, you wouldn't have difficulty maintaining an erection."
"Well like I said, a man has to do what a man has to do."