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  1. #1

    forgive my father?

    Hey everyone, dont know if this is the right place, but i just want to ask some opinion about this.

    My father divorced my mom a couple of months before me and my brother were born (we are twins), he was an alcoholic and beat my older brother a lot (he is 13 years older), so since they divorced he left with another woman and my mom never heard of him again, i am 27 years old now and never knew who my father is except for a couple of pictures, the thing is, lately he is contacting us, we live in another town but of course he knows our names he found out our adress and home phone number, and also my older brother cellphone number, he called my brother saying how sorry he was, etc and my brother told him if he appears in front of him he will beat the shit out of him, he called my home a couple of times (i live with my mom and stepfather), my twin brother who lives in france will spend the new year with us, im going to pick him up at the airport on 28 december and im not sure how im going to tell him about this crazy nonsense.

    I am actualy very curious to meet him, i dont think i can ever forgive him, but i have some questions to ask him, my older brother has a very bitter personality and im sure he would beat the shit out of the old man if he had the chance, my mom says she dont even want to hear about him, so i know my twin brother very well and im sure he will be curious like me to meet him, im affraid of his intentions tho, maybe he never left the alcohol and has a lot of debts, i dont know... well i dont know anything about him, but it would be nice to hear his side of the story.

    would you guys meet your father in a situation like this?

  2. #2

    Re: forgive my father?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daetjo View Post
    Hey everyone, dont know if this is the right place, but i just want to ask some opinion about this.

    My father divorced my mom a couple of months before me and my brother were born (we are twins), he was an alcoholic and beat my older brother a lot (he is 13 years older), so since they divorced he left with another woman and my mom never heard of him again, i am 27 years old now and never knew who my father is except for a couple of pictures, the thing is, lately he is contacting us, we live in another town but of course he knows our names he found out our adress and home phone number, and also my older brother cellphone number, he called my brother saying how sorry he was, etc and my brother told him if he appears in front of him he will beat the shit out of him, he called my home a couple of times (i live with my mom and stepfather), my twin brother who lives in france will spend the new year with us, im going to pick him up at the airport on 28 december and im not sure how im going to tell him about this crazy nonsense.

    I am actualy very curious to meet him, i dont think i can ever forgive him, but i have some questions to ask him, my older brother has a very bitter personality and im sure he would beat the shit out of the old man if he had the chance, my mom says she dont even want to hear about him, so i know my twin brother very well and im sure he will be curious like me to meet him, im affraid of his intentions tho, maybe he never left the alcohol and has a lot of debts, i dont know... well i dont know anything about him, but it would be nice to hear his side of the story.

    would you guys meet your father in a situation like this?
    I think it depends on what you are looking for. If you're looking to develop a relationship w/ him then you may want to meet him. If you just want to confront him and ask him why he was such an ass, I wouldn't bother. It sounds like he did nothing for you guys or your mom when it came to raising and supporting you and your brothers. Personally, I'd follow the advice of your mom and your older brother. They have first hand knowledge of the guy. You owe your life to your mom and your step dad, not your "father".

  3. #3
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    Re: forgive my father?

    I think there is no harm in meeting your father. This will provide closure for you and members of your family (with the exception of your mother). Otherwise, you will always wonder why he did the things he did. You certainly don't need to forgive him. Like you said, just listen and help yourself to understand so you can move forward in your life.

    Keep us posted.
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  4. #4
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Conditionally, yes.

    If your father has stopped drinking and is a recovering alcoholic, part of the process is to apologize to the people that were hurt by your drinking. If he's stopped drinking and is trying to repair the damage he caused, then listen, accept his apology and decide whether you want a relationship in the future with the man that you do not know.

    On the other hand, if he's not offering apologies and hasn't fixed the problems in his life, then there's really no point in any of it.
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    Re: forgive my father?

    There's a very interesting thing about true forgiveness. It has much more to do with you than with the person you're forgiving. What true forgiveness does is free up the emotional space that resentment takes up and the feelings of hurt and anger. It leaves you feeling lighter and at peace. I know about this first hand. My dad was a rageaholic and an emotional abuser. I forgave him without denying or forgetting what happened. My six siblings have not. I see the difference between them and me and I know that I gave myself the gift of peace of mind. Now when I think of the past the shitty parts have no hold over me. Since few people are all bad or all good I can now also remember the things I appreciate about my dad. My siblings can't.

    If I were you I'd meet with your birth dad. If nothing else you could learn something of his health history. Also, keep in mind that alcoholism is genetic.

    I wish you the best. Take good care of yourself.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: forgive my father?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daetjo View Post
    would you guys meet your father in a situation like this?
    My curiosity would be SO STRONG that it would be difficult to for me to NOT meet him...

    Having said that, I would keep the meeting private from the rest of the family -- as that appears to be THEIR wish...

    Keep us posted...

    "Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it..." Goethe

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    Re: forgive my father?

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    Conditionally, yes.

    If your father has stopped drinking and is a recovering alcoholic, part of the process is to apologize to the people that were hurt by your drinking. If he's stopped drinking and is trying to repair the damage he caused, then listen, accept his apology and decide whether you want a relationship in the future with the man that you do not know.

    On the other hand, if he's not offering apologies and hasn't fixed the problems in his life, then there's really no point in any of it.
    This.

  8. #8
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    Re: forgive my father?

    JUst cuz you are of his sperm, does not make him ur FATHER..What he made ur mom/brother go/suffer through is going to be hard enough. Maybe if you want some questions answered do it by mail first. It could bring up many old bad memories for mom/bro who don't want to deal with it any more. So a bit of respect for them is in need to.

    But being gone this long and not being a father is never a good sign. So I say do it by mail 1st, that way if you don't like the answers you can just walk away. Your stepdad is ur dad, be with him..
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  9. #9

    Re: forgive my father?

    thanks for the answers, i am very curious to meet him, know what he looks like, what he is been doing, if he has family, children, etc.
    for some reason my mom and my older brother dont even wanna hear about him, they dealed with him for years, i guess for myself i never really felt angry or mad at him maybe because i never met him and it was never a shock to me as it was to my mom and older brother to feel abandoned, my mom remarried when we were almost 3 years old and even tho i never called him dad he was more than a dad to me and my brothers, so my mom never really talked about my biological father and when the discussion came up she would change subject or avoit talking about it, as for my older brother we could see him angry if someone talked about our biological father, and also for respect of my stepfather me and my twin never really talked a lot about curiosity or anything about our father.

    the curious thing is last year around this time me and my twin brother had a deep talk about trying to track our father just to see what he is up to, his life, etc, we didnt even know if he was dead or in jail, or whatever, so for this im sure my brother is up to meet him too.

    ill keep you guys posted.
    Last edited by Daetjo; December 24th, 2012 at 11:22 AM. Reason: typo

  10. #10
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    Re: forgive my father?

    If you decide to meet him, make sure, somehow, that he won't kill you, possibly on sight.

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    Re: forgive my father?

    You owe him nothing. But the only way to ask the questions you have is to actually ask him. I say hear him out. But you owe him nothing. Not acceptance, not forgiveness. They are yours to give if he deserves it, but he has no rights to them just because he calls up and says hi.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  12. #12
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Your biological father had wronged you and your family by not being there for you all. However, from what I read, you mother and elder brother did not want or need him being there.

    As for you and your twin, you were fortunate on two fronts, the first being that your mother found a man who was willing to support your mother and three children who were not his; and second, you and your twin did not have to suffer the abuse from your biological father the way your elder brother did.

    If I were in your shoes, I would be curious as hell about my biological father and so I would meet him. If anything, I would want to hear his side of the story. But if he remains an alcoholic and/or wants money, I would not be forthcoming. Also, I would never mention this meeting to your mother and your elder brother to spare them of any anger or unhappiness this topic might bring. That would be what I would do if I were to be in your position.

    I wish you well, and I hope all goes well. Do keep us posted if you feel thus inclined.

    Finally, seeing how rational your thoughts are and how well you are able to express yourself, I think your stepfather has done a pretty descent job helping bring you up.

  13. #13

    Re: forgive my father?

    IMO, you owe him nothing but if you do decide to meet him, do it for yourself so you don't spend the rest of your life wondering "what if."

    Good luck.

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    Re: forgive my father?

    If you do meet him, do it for yourself. Get closure instead of wondering what if. If things turn out "bad" for your expectations, then at least you got closure and you never have to see him again.

    Good luck and keep us posted x.

  15. #15
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    Re: forgive my father?

    My guess is he's finally sober and wants to make amends. He probably wants to find out about the children he abandoned. A lot of times recovering addicts reach out to the children they left behind. It's quite possible he may have a terminal illness and wants to have some type of a relationship before he passes. I would probably meet with him but I'd make some stipulations with him first. He must be totally sober and agree that this may be a one time meeting. If you and your brother tell him you don't want to see him any more he needs to honor your wishes. I'd also make it very clear that you are not going to talk to your older brother or mother for him. They have chosen to not have any contact with him and he needs to respect their decision. I'd meet him in a public location. If he isn't sober or seems to have some type of agenda I'd tell him to never contact me again and walk away. Just like he did 27 years ago.

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  16. #16

    Re: forgive my father?

    hey guys, thanks for all the comments.

    as i told you i picked my brother and his fiancee at the aiport on 28 december, and i told him about our dad, and as i expected he said he wanted to meet him too, worst part of it was to get a way to contact my father, he called my home a couple of times but i had no way to see what number he used, our only solution was hope my older brother still had his number registered of that time he called him, that same night we had a family dinner and we made plans to "steal" his cellphone and check if he had the number, but he kept his phone on his pocket all the time, so my solution was to tell my nephew to ask his father to borrow him his iphone and i would install a great game i know, but he couldnt tell his father i was going to use the phone because if he knew what kind of game i was going to install he wouldnt let me (i really didnt want him to suspect anything because if he or my mom found out we want to meet our father there would be a big drama) so it worked, he handed me the phone so i could install the game, i checked for income calls history and found 3 numbers without a name and just had to write it down and one of them must be his.
    for the curious i didnt manage to install any game because it can only download with a password and i dont know the password, so it ended pretty well i think lol.

    in the morning of 29 december we decided to try the numbers to see if we were any lucky, the second one we tried was his, he picked up and yea it was weird to hear his voice for the first time, his voice sounded too much like my older brother so i knew it must be him, i told him i am his younger son, we are twins (i didnt even knew if he knew we were twins because when he left i dont think my mom already knew she was having twins) but he knew about that, i told him me and my brother would like to meet him and we made a deal that it could be one time meet and he must respect if we do not want to keep contact with him after the meet, he agreed, he lives about 3 hours drive from here and he said he couldnt come here because his wife dont know he tried to contact us, he could only manage to come after 7th january (when his wife is back to work, so his wife wont suspect if he is away for a while), so we decided we would go and meet him there, we agreed we would meet in a shopping center the next day (30 december), so thats what happened, we went there (me, my brother and his fiancee), we met in the restaurants area at around noon, when we arrived he was already there i could tell it was him because not only his voice is like my older brother, he really looks A LOT like him, its crazy.

    (to be continued)
    ps: i will finish this soon, this will be a long story and i have no time to finish before i leave, so i will continue as soon as possible

  17. #17

    Re: forgive my father?

    I'm just here to find out how this turns out.
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Looking forward to hearing the rest of what happened.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

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    Re: forgive my father?

    It sounds like you did a GREAT job keeping the meeting private from the rest of your family!!!

    I'm also eager to hear how it all turned out...

    "Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it..." Goethe

  20. #20
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Good job, Daetjo!

    I'm hoping to hear it was a good meet. However, no matter how it turned out, I'm also very eager to hear about it!

    All the more reasons to ... no matter what ...

    Keep smilin'!!
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  21. #21

    Re: forgive my father?

    I hope you get something out of this. You should tell him you want his medical history so that you and your brothers at least know if there are any medical issues you will have to face in years to come.

  22. #22

    Re: forgive my father?

    LIER.

    This world IS A MESS.

    This LIER is what he is--LIER.

  23. #23

    Re: forgive my father?

    hey guys, thanks for reading and for supporting

    i meant to write this earlier but i took some days off on xmas/new year and now i have to work like crazy.

    anyway, as i was saying, we met at the mall, we recognized him from far away because of the similarity with my older brother, if he my brother shaved his beard they could be twins lol, we went to him and we shaked hands, first thing he says is something like "you seem like you turned like great guys, your mom should be proud", my brother said "she had a great help from our stepfather, he was more than a dad to us", then i gave my brother "the look" because in the car we said we wouldnt make dramas or turn against him, we wanted to keep cool and kind of proove we didnt really missed him at all or needed him in our life, we grew up fine without him, if you know what i mean, we werent there to recieve a big hug and cry together, it was more out of curiosity, then our father said "sorry im not good with words and im nervous", he asked about our lifes, what did we study, etc, you know that stuff, then we finaly asked why leave a son and a pregnant wife and just leave and all of a sudden contact us after 27 years, he said their marriage wasnt working, it was yelling and fighting 24/7, he realised the alcohol problem was too big and in that enviornment he would keep drinking and drinking, so eventualy at work he met another woman who was understanding and they started making plans together (this was before he knew my mom was pregnant of us), they ended up getting too involved with eachother, making big plans and when he asked for divorce thats when my mom told him she was pregnant but she told him he could just leave and never look back, everyone would be better without him (in our birth certificate we dont have a father btw), he said his first plans was to leave for a couple of years for rehab and when sober come back, but time passed by and his then new wife was already with a child and pregnant of another, they already had a steady life, he was sober and decided now thats his family and since he wasnt a good father before he wanted to raise these children properly. (to be honest with you, he is full of bullshit and he wasnt really sorry at all, he couldnt even look us in the eyes).

    he kept saying how sorry he was but his lack of "regret" and "decent excuses" and a lack of understanding that to grow up without meeting his biological father because he basicly abandoned us is terrible and should be a crime, in 27 years i never felt angry with him but in that moment when he was talking i felt like he is the worst person on earth, because who the hell just leave and raise 2 perfect girls (as he says they are) and is sober for like 25 or 26 years and still married to the same woman she left with, why during our childhood he didnt bother thinking about us, i suck it up and listened to everything he said, pretend i didnt care that he wasnt there in any moment of my life, but to be honest i felt like telling him the worst things and tell him he should be in jail, but that wasnt the reason i wanted to meet him, the reason i wanted to meet him wasnt to show how angry i was inside and to be honest i dont even have a big reason, it was just curiosity and what the hell, lets see what he looks like and what he does in his life.

    we didnt talk for long, half a hour probably, my brother was the first to say "we really have to go", we shaked hands and i told him i wish the best of luck in his life and if we want to meet again we will call and told him dont bother trying to contact my older brother because when he has something in his mind he wont change and he definitly wont meet or talk to you, we told him we were there without them knowing and we will keep it this way because we dont want trouble, we lived fine for 27 years we dont want to change that, he said he completely understands and said goodbye hope to see you guys soon.

    in our way home we talked a lot about this and we both agreed he didnt seemed to be sorry enough and he didnt really seem to regret, i didnt expect him to cry his eyes out, but i expected more, i dont know, i felt like the reason he tried to contact us was for my older brother, he was the one he tried to call and both times he called our home he said he wanted to talk to him, maybe the way he treated him, i dont know, but meeting us for him i dont think it was a big deal.

    it didnt end up very well but it wasnt bad either, life will continue the same for us (without him), and i dont think i will ever contact him again, for us it was just someone standing there, no emotional connection at all, good thing was when we arrived home i gave my stepdad a big hug lol.

  24. #24
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Sorry it didn't go as well as you had hoped.

    I can't help thinking it's odd your mother didn't have him listed on your birth certificate. That had to have been disconcerting. Whose last name did you grow up with?

    I can understand your brother's bitterness but I don't think your mother did you and you twin any favors by keeping a hatred of her first husband alive.

    If no repair is possible you would be better served by focusing on what you have rather than on what you don't. You are quite lucky to have a loving dad in the person of your stepdad. He sounds quite remarkable.

    Best wishes to you.
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    Re: forgive my father?

    Thank you for the update, and I feel that your meeting with your biological father went as well as it could. I think your feeling that your biological father was more interested in meeting your elder brother than you both is correct. After all, he has never seen the two of you before.

    I sense that your curiosity has been satisfied, and I believe things will fall back to the status quo. If your curiosity had been satisfied, I think it was a worthwhile adventure meeting the mystery man who happens to be your biological father.

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    Re: forgive my father?

    Thank you for updating us about the rest of your story. That was a very raw and defining experience for you. I'm glad you went through with it, and now you know.

    I want to elaborate more on the decisions your father made. Perhaps it will explain why you felt like he wasn't remorseful enough.


    Your father made a choice to completely restart his life. I believe he was sincere in the beginning to get better and come back to some level of being a father to you. However, he got caught up in his new life with this new woman. As wrong as his infidelity was, it somehow gave him the motivation and strength to sober up. Unfortunately, these actions also started a new family for him, with new children of his own.

    I believe your father was scared. He was scared that if he went back and reconnected with your mother and you guys, that he would have relapsed. The drama and anger of her resentment would have brought back that psychological click in his brain to start drinking again just as he did before when he fought with your mother all the time. His old problems would have crept into his new life. So it was just easier for him to let go, and focus on his new family.

    It was wrong, and it is a sin your father will have to live with for the rest of his life. Yes, he is not that remorseful because he knows for his own limitations, abandoning you was the best he could do from falling apart. However, he still has to live with it. He did, after all, spend hours searching for you to find some kind of resolution to know you are okay. A man's children will always be part of him. Even if he never knew you, he knows you are his. Sons are special to a man, and he will never be whole from abandoning you.

    People are driven to make hurtful and difficult choices. You know it was right that he left you. You would have grown up in a household of yelling, screaming, abuse, and alcohol. Your childhood was saved because your father willingly took on the role of being the asshole. In return, your mother found a wonderful new husband who has been the best father to you and your brothers. Despite the pain and abandonment, life turned out for the better. Instead of that man you met at the mall, you had a good step-dad in his place, and peace in your mother's heart.

    So don't feel angry. Don't hold it against your father. The only thing he should have done differently was send your mother checks to financially support you and your brothers. I know that was hard on her to take care of all of you by herself for awhile. He should have at least done that. However, everything else was for the best. Your biological father filled his role. He made you, and you are special. For that, you must always be thankful for. For better or for worse, you live because of your father's past love for your mother.
    Last edited by Just_Believe18; January 4th, 2013 at 03:13 AM.
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  27. #27

    Re: forgive my father?

    How close are you with your older brother? I think he deserves to have full disclosure on all matters concerning your bio-father. He may not realize it but he needs closure on this matter, especially because of the abuse he endured. Tell him about your meeting and let him decide for himself if he wants to follow suit. Congrats on going through with the meeting, everyone deserves closure.

    On a side note. Call your father so that he can put you in touch with your sisters. If your father has a problem with coming clean to his wife, that's his problem. Your sisters are innocent in all of this and meeting them could be the one good thing you get from this.
    Blueboy369

  28. #28
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    Re: forgive my father?

    You will never regret giving him the chance to own up to his mistakes, and I think you will never regret ignoring him since he failed to do it. You didn't need to yell at him because a stranger has no business knowing your thoughts, and that is what he chose to be.

    I agree with you. If he could get sober and raise two girls all those years, he owed you the same and the fact that he got it together for them just adds insult to injury. After this long what could he possibly do to make it up to you? Especially if he still doesn't get it.

    But you know the answer to your question. And you know by showing the courage to reach out to him that you are your own man and not following in his footsteps by running away from a difficult situation.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  29. #29

    Re: forgive my father?

    Beautifully said. I agree with you 100%.
    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Believe18 View Post
    Thank you for updating us about the rest of your story. That was a very raw and defining experience for you. I'm glad you went through with it, and now you know.

    I want to elaborate more on the decisions your father made. Perhaps it will explain why you felt like he wasn't remorseful enough.


    Your father made a choice to completely restart his life. I believe he was sincere in the beginning to get better and come back to some level of being a father to you. However, he got caught up in his new life with this new woman. As wrong as his infidelity was, it somehow gave him the motivation and strength to sober up. Unfortunately, these actions also started a new family for him, with new children of his own.

    I believe your father was scared. He was scared that if he went back and reconnected with your mother and you guys, that he would have relapsed. The drama and anger of her resentment would have brought back that psychological click in his brain to start drinking again just as he did before when he fought with your mother all the time. His old problems would have crept into his new life. So it was just easier for him to let go, and focus on his new family.

    It was wrong, and it is a sin your father will have to live with for the rest of his life. Yes, he is not that remorseful because he knows for his own limitations, abandoning you was the best he could do from falling apart. However, he still has to live with it. He did, after all, spend hours searching for you to find some kind of resolution to know you are okay. A man's children will always be part of him. Even if he never knew you, he knows you are his. Sons are special to a man, and he will never be whole from abandoning you.

    People are driven to make hurtful and difficult choices. You know it was right that he left you. You would have grown up in a household of yelling, screaming, abuse, and alcohol. Your childhood was saved because your father willingly took on the role of being the asshole. In return, your mother found a wonderful new husband who has been the best father to you and your brothers. Despite the pain and abandonment, life turned out for the better. Instead of that man you met at the mall, you had a good step-dad in his place, and peace in your mother's heart.

    So don't feel angry. Don't hold it against your father. The only thing he should have done differently was send your mother checks to financially support you and your brothers. I know that was hard on her to take care of all of you by herself for awhile. He should have at least done that. However, everything else was for the best. Your biological father filled his role. He made you, and you are special. For that, you must always be thankful for. For better or for worse, you live because of your father's past love for your mother.

  30. #30
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    Re: forgive my father?

    This story would be sad, were it not a cautionary tale about the dangers of overestimating the value of family ties. The truth is that parents not only have the obligation of looking after the children they engendered, but they also must earn the love, trust and respect of these children by establishing a healthy and strong emotional connection from early on. Your father failed to do this and, while you are lucky that he was not a part of your childhood, it is outrageous that he would try to rebuild a bridge that he so selfishly and cruelly burned away years ago, when he left your mother's and older brother's lives in disarray, expecting them and his unborn children to deal with the pain and trauma of his violent tendencies and alcoholism. That individual doesn't deserve to call himself a man, in my opinion.

    But what is most infuriating is the fact that he has rebuilt a healthy and happy life with his former mistress, bringing up two daughters in a functional environment while not showing any concern for his other children. What if your mother hadn't been able to support you, and you had ended up homeless or in foster care? What if you had died in an accident? This person shouldn't have the opportunity to alleviate his conscience while portraying himself as a victim of the circumstances and your mother's temper. Your older brother is right, and so is your mother: he isn't worth the pain and aggravation of revisiting old wounds. God knows why he has come back, but you shouldn't allow such a monstrously selfish individual to enter your life. Your only link is biological, and that cannot compare to the respect, compassion, support and affection that your real family have shown to you, and each other.

    You are doing the right thing by not contacting him any more, and it's best if you just view this as a slightly strange, but ultimately life affirming experience.

  31. #31

    Re: forgive my father?

    thanks for the comments guys.

    I grew up with my mother last name unlike my older brother that has my biological father last name, she choose not to list him as the father so our certificates says unknown father, when they divorced, by law he would be obligated to send money every month to my older brother till he turned 18, but he didnt send any and my mom didnt complain with the authorities about it because she wanted him as far as possible and she didnt want to feel she "owe" him anything.
    I agree she should of gave us more information about our biological father, but you know, the age of the questions we already had our stepfather around, they started dating when we were like 2 and they married and he moved in when we were 3 and always was the best for us, even tho we never called him dad, because our mom always made it clear he wasnt (we always call him by his first name), he was like a dad and we never really asked a lot.

    Me and my older brother were never very connected, maybe because of our age gap (13 years) or our really different personalities, so i don't think i will tell him or my mother anything, he has our biological father number so if he wants he can reach him, but he will definitly not in my oppinion.

    I would like to meet my stepsisters, but i am pretty sure they dont even know that we exist, im sure to them his father life before they were born is all a lie, i dont know but that must be the story.

  32. #32
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    Re: forgive my father?

    It never hurts to meet in a public place for breakfast or dinner. You never know what you may find. It could very well be that his decisions have haunted him throughout his life and now he's getting old and wants to set things right. It could also very well be that he is looking for a hand-out and who better than his own flesh and blood. If this were me, I would want to know the person who helped bring me into th world. As you said, it has been a long time, people change.

  33. #33
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    Re: forgive my father?

    youfiad. It's important that you read through an entire thread before posting your own reply. Over time, events can change for the person originally posting this thread. For example, he actually did end up meeting his dad and finding closure and no longer needs advice if he should do it or not.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  34. #34

    Re: forgive my father?

    Thanks for the update. Well, at least you received the closure. Even though you were angry, it was a good thing you kept your composure. Some people will never understand how much hurt they made, but at least now you know. You asked what you wanted to. Now you can move on. Things are better now, and you have a very loving family

    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

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