Wife diovorces Bi husband

[4playdude]

I was married for five years. My wife had an affair with a woman a few years before we were married, something I never did with a guy. After being married a few years I told her I had been looking at gay porn. Then I told her I thought I was bi. I had shared with her many years before the fact that I slept with a man one night, though no intercourse occurred, nor did I perform oral on him. I told her I didn't have any desire to be with anyone besides her. We watched some gay porn one night, my request, and it was extremely hot...the fact that I was able to share that part of myself with her. Then she went and divorced me, no warning, no--can we talk. Way back when, she even was wanting to go back with that woman after they stopped seeing each other but the woman didn't have any interest. My ex insists she is not bi and she has no desire to be with a woman. Isn't this total b.s.?

How hard is it to find women that are into bi guys? Are they typically bi too? Is it common to find a woman that is o.k. with an open relationship, maybe goes both ways? What say you??

[Laufey]

I think it's safe to say at least 90% of women will never agree on being in a open relationship.

I also think a large majority of women would feel uncomfortable being with a bi man, even if he showed no signs of being unfaithful. It just seems to put them off.

[MatttheBruinsfan]

Too bad for them that only about 70% end up marrying guys who are actually straight.

[MattClaimer]

Women do not like competition. They're greedy, controlling creatures. That's all there is to it. You're not going to find many women who are willing to be involved in a relationship with a guy who fucks other guys and girls. TOO much competition there. That's just what I've experienced. If you do find one, I'd say it's more likely it's going to be a bi female who accepts.

[BiMike]

Agree with the above very difficult to find a woman who is happy to share a guy with some else ! Best bet is to try to find a Bi girl and be able to each have a bit on the side !

[innocentbychoice]

I think women tend to be too insecure to try an open relationship.

[Storybook_Man]

Years ago this would be absurd. Now its just general talk lol.. A bi woman would be more accepting just due to the fact that you both have that in common.

[Bi Married Male]

Women do not like competition. They're greedy, controlling creatures. That's all there is to it. You're not going to find many women who are willing to be involved in a relationship with a guy who fucks other guys and girls. TOO much competition there. That's just what I've experienced. If you do find one, I'd say it's more likely it's going to be a bi female who accepts.

I agree....men...stay in the closet as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

[Telstra]

Can bi guys marry or partner with a man instead?

[innocentbychoice]

Can bi guys marry or partner with a man instead?

I think most of the times they won't bother having to deal with the social pressure of being with a man etc when they can easily be with a woman and avoid all of that, so I'd say no.

[Laufey]

I agree....men...stay in the closet as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

Until you give your wife an STD and ruin her life, completely humiliating her.

[4playdude]

thanks for all your comments and feedback. do most women assume that if their husband is looking at gay porn then they are acting out? in my case, i believe it was as much a projection as anything. she had betrayed me, with another man, once when we were engaged. maybe the bigger question here for me is, why did i marry her? i never betrayed her, and I believe, betrayal has nothing to do with sexuality.

[Thrasher12]

I think most of the times they won't bother having to deal with the social pressure of being with a man etc when they can easily be with a woman and avoid all of that, so I'd say no.

Nonsense - If you love somebody you stick with them, regardless of their gender or social pressure.

[innocentbychoice]

Nonsense - If you love somebody you stick with them, regardless of their gender or social pressure.

How can you fall in love when you don't even contemplate the idea of dating, let alone loving, a man? That's the way a lot of bisexual men think, love with females, sex with males.

[deksman2]

You have to understand that women who behave in this fashion are doing it because they were conditioned from a young age to do so.
Environment is the underlying shaping factor of Human behavior, nothing 'hardwired' into ones brains.
Some men can be equal to women and vice verse in how they behave... depends on the environment (set of circumstances) they grew up in.
There are women who won't bat an eye on your sexuality, and others who might find the prospect too difficult to cope with.
Given the competitive behavior that is instilled into most Humans (because of the socio-economic system we live in) from a young age, some women apply this to their personal lives and don't know how to 'compete' with men in the sexual field (the notion of 'cooperation' is non-existent which could open up the possibility for at the very least rational thought and thus looking at the situation differently).

Also, betrayal doesn't have anything to do with sexuality (nor is it limited to gender).

Your bisexual experience (from what you described) doesn't really differ from her own, except in the manner that during yours, there was no intercourse.
Were you married to her when you had slept with this guy? You hadn't said whether you were or weren't.
If you did... then the mere premise that you had ANY sort of intimate experience with another person (man or woman) could be seen as 'betrayal' on her part (even if there was no intercourse).
It depends on how she views the notion of 'betrayal'.
I will admit that her reaction was a bit extreme given the circumstances.

Perhaps there's a possibility that she felt like wanting to get out of the marriage for some time but didn't know how to go about it... hence the situation (and your bisexuality) served as means to an end - all theoretical of course.
In the end, you could only get a proper reply from her.

[palemale]

Total honesty in a relationship is very overrated. Indeed, it's not a good idea at all.

[4playdude]

Your bisexual experience (from what you described) doesn't really differ from her own, except in the manner that during yours, there was no intercourse.
Were you married to her when you had slept with this guy? You hadn't said whether you were or weren't.

I agree, by any token, mine was mere experimentation, hers was a full blown homosexual relationship. Yet, she discounts hers by saying she got it out of her system. I did state that I never betrayed her. And, I never did, whether we were dating, engaged, or married.

[MissAnne]

Yeah. I imagine that a bi female or perhaps even a straight woman would be open to this type of relationship. It depends on the person. All gay men cant be open to a open relationship either. This isnt just about women.

However, a bi female may be the best bet here.

I agree....men...stay in the closet as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

Horrible. This helps no one.

[borg69unimatrix]

thanks for all your comments and feedback. do most women assume that if their husband is looking at gay porn then they are acting out? in my case, i believe it was as much a projection as anything. she had betrayed me, with another man, once when we were engaged. maybe the bigger question here for me is, why did i marry her? i never betrayed her, and I believe, betrayal has nothing to do with sexuality.

If you want to sleep around with both sexes, WHY did you marry her?

It kind of seems like you want your cake, and eat it too / best of both worlds.

There's nothing wrong with wanting that, but usually getting it ends up betraying/hurting someone else.

IMO- if you wanna sleep around, do so - but stay single. Most people take commitments pretty seriously. It's hard to convince someone you're committed while sleeping around.

[MattClaimer]

My second post on this topic --

After reading your second post sharing the info that she cheated on you with another man while you were engaged, and the previous info that she had an affair with a female while you were married -- well, dude I can just sum it up simply:

Yes, to answer your first question, it IS bullshit.

Good question - WHY DID YOU marry her??

And now - you're definitely better off without the adulterous, two-timing garden implement! Now, she's gone, GOOD FOR YOU! So be done with her once and for all and get out there and live your life! Fuck who you wanna fuck and be with who you wanna be! Move forward and live!

[MatttheBruinsfan]

I think most of the times they won't bother having to deal with the social pressure of being with a man etc when they can easily be with a woman and avoid all of that, so I'd say no.

A bi friend of mine bucked the trend and settled down with a guy. Whom he'd laughingly horrify by describing sex with women.

[Thrasher12]

How can you fall in love when you don't even contemplate the idea of dating, let alone loving, a man? That's the way a lot of bisexual men think, love with females, sex with males.

What makes you think that bisexual men don't contemplate, date or fall in love with other men? Happens to me all the time. And if the person who I'm dating just happens to be the right one - then I'm sticking with them, regardless of their gender.

As for you OP - my thoughts on the matter? Your ex-wife might have done you a favor with the divorce. Yes it probably hurts like hell and it sucks not to get the closure we'd all like to get. But as far as I am able to tell; she had a lesbian relationship that she is in complete denial about, then she dumps you at the mere thought that you, might in some distant future, have a liaison. Trust me when I tell you that the marriage would probably not have stuck even she had stayed - it would have been a mess, with you questioning yourself and her stalking your ass in fits of paranoia.

It probably sounds harsh but you are better off without her. She pretty much made that clear with her actions.

[Ninjato]

How was everything else in the marriage? Was she only divorcing you because she knows your bisexual? Could she have wanted to get out of the marriage and used that as an excuse?

I think a lot of women hear about married men that come out as gay and that my stir them to think bisexual men might as well. I have a friend who was dating a guy who had jerked off another guy and she kept asking me if he was gay. He said he was just experimenting but she would always mention it. She probably hadn't heard stories about some straight guys doing that when they were younger. He did it when he was in college though. Anyway, they aren't together.

Then I have another friend that has been with his girlfriend for at least 6 years. They have an open relationship I guess but only when the other is around. They go to sex parties and what not but those are mostly for her. He likes to cross dress and gets gang banged by a bunch of guys while his girlfriend watches. He shows me pics of some pretty hot guys but he only cares about one thing. The dick. After he finishes up with them, he screws his girlfriend for a few hours. There's no doubt in her mind that he's gay. I'm not sure how he first told her about his interest in guys. I guess people would consider him bisexual but I never have really. I take him with me to West Hollywood sometimes and he has no interest in any of the guys. He likes to go with me on the Halloween Costume Carnival so he can dress up in drag. Those fake boobs cost a lot.

[Just_Believe18]

I agree....men...stay in the closet as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

All these years, I have felt so sorry for your wife. That poor lady who trusts and believes in her husband who cheats behind her back and potentially will give her a horrible STD. You can't share with her the truth, but you're willing to share herpes or gonorrhea.


4Playdude, I know you're upset right now. You've been married to your wife for years and she suddenly divorces you without a chance for reconciliation. She was probably afraid the gay porn was going to lead to a open relationship. It wasn't right for her to just go and terminate the marriage based off of an assumption and fear; however, it certainly is a natural feeling for her to feel that way. Perhaps she even felt devalued, as if her body was suddenly less desirous than wanting to have sex with those men in the movie. Regardless, you're now a single man again. Take this unfortunate circumstance as an opportunity to at last pursue your bisexuality without any inhibitions. This is a blessing in disguise. Years from now, you may even thank her for doing it.

[blackbeltninja]

I agree....men...stay in the closet as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

I agree....men...stay in the closet single as long as you can tolerate it and have the best of both worlds.

Fixed.

-d-

[AlmondMilk]

Wait. I'm confused. Did you sleep with the guy when you were married or before?

Anyway, I think it's just that insecurity issue that some women may have. To watch gay porn does not mean you'll go off cheating... it may allow room for one party to ask to swing or something. But that's where you talk about it. I'm sorry she decided to divorce. It wasn't right. She should've talked about it.

But I supose all things happen for a reason. Maybe this is a good thing.

[sixthson]

I suspect there are a lot of gay guys who would not be interested in being in a relationship with a bi guy, either.

How many times have bisexual males posted here that they want men for sex and women for relationships?

[FanofFiction]

I think I would go out with a bi guy, if he was a good fit for me. It is shitty that more people won't give bi guys a chance.

[Medusa]

I was married for five years. My wife had an affair with a woman a few years before we were married, something I never did with a guy. After being married a few years I told her I had been looking at gay porn. Then I told her I thought I was bi. I had shared with her many years before the fact that I slept with a man one night, though no intercourse occurred, nor did I perform oral on him. I told her I didn't have any desire to be with anyone besides her. We watched some gay porn one night, my request, and it was extremely hot...the fact that I was able to share that part of myself with her. Then she went and divorced me, no warning, no--can we talk. Way back when, she even was wanting to go back with that woman after they stopped seeing each other but the woman didn't have any interest. My ex insists she is not bi and she has no desire to be with a woman. Isn't this total b.s.?

How hard is it to find women that are into bi guys? Are they typically bi too? Is it common to find a woman that is o.k. with an open relationship, maybe goes both ways? What say you??

I am sorry for your divorce. Hopefully now, you have the opportunity to be with a man,now. Anyways I agree with Laufey, even me as a bisexual woman,getting with a bisexual man scares the hell out of me,but I do believe there are women out there that will not mind being with a bi guy.You just have to look very hard for that woman, and settle with all the attributes she may have that usually turns you off.

[Medusa]

Women do not like competition. They're greedy, controlling creatures. That's all there is to it. You're not going to find many women who are willing to be involved in a relationship with a guy who fucks other guys and girls. TOO much competition there. That's just what I've experienced. If you do find one, I'd say it's more likely it's going to be a bi female who accepts.

The same thing,can be said for men.I have read many stories about men cheating on their wives/girlfriends, but would be pissed if they found out she did the same.

[Medusa]

Can bi guys marry or partner with a man instead?

That would be ideal,since nine times out of ten that bi guy will cheat on his male partner with a woman.
And to that person who said women are insecure...All humans are insecure at one point or the other. I just think women are paranoid,not insecure. I mean let's be real, how many stories have you read where a woman finds out that her hubby is gay after years of marriage? Here's an episode of what would you do? that speaks volumes of why women might be paranoid:


Now just imagine if that lady was not an actress, and she was some poor woman blindly married that man. I am so glad people spoke up,and did something.

[blackbeltninja]

How many times have bisexual males posted here that they want men for sex and women for relationships?

There is this, but to be fair - how many gay JUBbers use men for sex only and not relationships? Plenty of extremely long-term single JUBbers out there, I reckon!

-d-

[Laufey]

Well bisexuality has such a big spectrum that it's unfair to look at them all the same.

There are bisexual men who like both genders equally both sexually and romantically. They might be a minority but still you should never assume anything.

[sixthson]

There is this, but to be fair - how many gay JUBbers use men for sex only and not relationships? Plenty of extremely long-term single JUBbers out there, I reckon!

-d-

This is the thing that has always puzzled me. Why are there so many gay men content to never settle down? It is their right, I know, but you would think at some point they would tire of the casual sex. Maybe some guys are incapable of love?

[innocentbychoice]

What makes you think that bisexual men don't contemplate, date or fall in love with other men? Happens to me all the time. And if the person who I'm dating just happens to be the right one - then I'm sticking with them, regardless of their gender.

This:

I suspect there are a lot of gay guys who would not be interested in being in a relationship with a bi guy, either.

How many times have bisexual males posted here that they want men for sex and women for relationships?

Not only have I read it here on multiple occasions, I have also heard it in real life. You might not be like that but there are a loooot of bisexual men who think like that.

[MatttheBruinsfan]

This is the thing that has always puzzled me. Why are there so many gay men content to never settle down? It is their right, I know, but you would think at some point they would tire of the casual sex. Maybe some guys are incapable of love?

For my part, I'm completely uninterested in having children, and don't feel the desperate need to be half of a couple (plus babies, babies, babies!) that society tries to drill into people. I'd certainly be happy to find the right guy and settle down if our goals and personalities meshed, but my life's not empty if that doesn't end up happening.

[Thrasher12]

Not only have I read it here on multiple occasions, I have also heard it in real life. You might not be like that but there are a loooot of bisexual men who think like that.

So? That obviously doesn't apply to me since I've never said it nor employed it. Odds are that it doesn't apply to a whole bunch of guys either - the downside when painting a whole group of people with the same brush is that you tend to screw over the normal ones because of a few extreme/fringe ones.

[youfiad]

I would love to date a bi guy.

[Laufey]

I would love to date a bi guy.

If I ever got pass the thought of his penis covered in pussy juice I'd look into it as well

[Laufey]

I would love to date a bi guy.

*double post*

[innocentbychoice]

So? That obviously doesn't apply to me since I've never said it nor employed it.

Good for you.

Odds are that it doesn't apply to a whole bunch of guys either - the downside when painting a whole group of people with the same brush is that you tend to screw over the normal ones because of a few extreme/fringe ones.

I said "a lot of guys" not all of them. Yeah there might be bisexual men who would get in a serious relationship with another man, of course. I just haven't encountered any.

[cuteandsmooth3]

So let me tell you all a story. My wife is very accepting of my bi nature and enjoys bi and gay porn with me leading to some hot sex. She has used a strap on to work me over with and has managed three fingers up my tight little ass. I have told 3 different women about my bi tendencies and not one objected. Of course I and these women are/were in their mid to late 40s. If any of them had objected to my bi side that would have been the end of them. So things get more open minded later on in life

[MelJea74]

Depends on the woman. I am Bi, I like Bi guys. I insist on emotional monogamy but I am open to occaisionally asking a man or woman to share with my man/woman. If I am in a relationship with a man, for the purpose of this conversation, It would be always together we play with the man or woman as a couple. NO playing alone, and always we discuss it before hand and some other rules of the road so to speak.

its supposed to be an every once in a while thing, I was in the swingers lifestyle for 10 years and dont want to be in a full on swinger lifestyle. I also like watching my man with another man or woman and of course joining in,

other women prefer different things. The point is to be sure of what you want, then as your dating being up front about it. You might get alot of no's but you will get some yes's.