So - I live with a gay guy. We're both around 23-24, and started living together 4-5 months ago. We're both new to DC (I moved 8 months ago, he did right before we moved in together). We met on the housing section on craigslist, met up, everything checked out, found an apartment, etc.
In the time we've known each other, he's become my best friend and probably the closest relationship I've ever had. We spend a lot of time together, and did pretty much everything together especially in the first 2 months of our roommateship.
Anyway - we had sex the night we moved in together. Then again a week later. Then again a month after that. They were all very nice experiences (of which I have had very few). I've never been in a relationship, and he's had one particularly fucked up one. We're both complicated queers who share most details of our lives. All the insecurities. Most of the feelings. We both have lots of things that are good and bad about us. I embrace every part of him. He's changed my life in many ways in the short time we've known each other.
I've discovered that I have more than platonic feelings for him. Obviously the sex contributed to that, but I'm sure I would have developed them even in the absence of sex. We had sex again last week. After each time, we've had a conversation about "what does this mean" with the ultimate conclusion that "we should keep communication open and honest" etc. Of course I haven't been honest completely. He hasn't really expressed any feelings during those chats either, so I honestly have no idea where he's at.
I've been thinking about this for a very long time, and most recently, it's taking a real toll on me. I think about it and him all the time. I'm pretty sure that he won't reciprocate my feelings if I expressed them, and that's fine. I can accept that. And I don't think our relationship will get weird. We are both mature enough to deal with it once it's out in the open. But I'm still deathly afraid to talk about it. The thing is -- I don't think this would lead to one of us moving out or anything. I am very happy having him in my life every day - and I need him to be in my life. And that's my hesitation. I don't know. This is hard. I've never felt this way about anyone before. At all. I don't know what love is. I don't know what a relationship is. I know very few things. I realize the answer probably is to talk about it all. I don't know. Any insight would be helpful. Thank you.