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  1. #1

    feeling a bit lonely

    There isn't really much advice I'm expecting from this, it's just I need a place to vent if I'm being honest.

    First of all, I'm 19 and I came out at the start of June this year and everything went well, everyone that I've told so far has been supportive and I haven't lost any friends or anything along those lines. All of that aspect of my life has been great, I've never experienced change.

    However that's also the problem, after coming out I expected things to change a little bit, that I'd maybe be meeting guys, dating, meeting new gay people etc but that still hasn't happened.

    I'm on a UK based gay 'dating site', I use the term loosely because a) I don't really use it as such, it's more entertainment (there are forums) and b) it's pretty widely used as a hookup site. I don't want to seem like I'm big headed by saying this, but I consider myself an alright looking guy and I get a fair bit of attention both in person and on the mentioned website, but it's all very sexualised.

    No one even seems interested in me as a person. I find it hard to meet gays in person because I have no gay friends at all and I don't find it fair to ask my straight friends to come with me to gay clubs. This just makes me feel so alone, I've talked to people online but no one seems to be in a similar position completely.

    All I literally want is a gay friend if I'm being honest, I'm really not bothered about having a boyfriend I get by quite well on my own and love my own company, I just hate seeing all my friends with girlfriends and there's me the outsider with no one to go out with. In 6 months I've yet to even come across someone who I could just text and ask if they fancied a pint without a reply like "sorry I'm with my gf" or "I'm meeting so and so".

    I'm just wondering has anyone ever been in a similar position and how did they deal with it? Is it maybe just my age and in a few more years things will change?

    I just get down a lot over it, maybe my expectations when coming out were too high but I thought my life would have had a much bigger improvement than it has.

    Anyway thanks for reading, like I say I just needed a place to get stuff off my chest!

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: feeling a bit lonely

    It's good that you wrote. Take your coming out story for what it's worth and in reality is worth quite a lot. No one, including yourself, is going to freak when you start hanging with gay friends or date. That part is all done.

    I'm old and well settled in with my husband of almost 30 years, so I haven't had to do online meet ups, but most are hook up sites so the chance of finding guys looking for friends will not be great. Most will be looking for sex. What can you do regarding joining LGBT organizations or social clubs? That would be a start at making friends. You need to give yourself a chance to meet gay guys. And if you need moral support in going to a gay club the first couple of times your straight mates would probably oblige.

    A little social courage can go a long way. Best wishes and check in here as often as you like.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    JUB Addict innocentbychoice's Avatar
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    Re: feeling a bit lonely

    Quote Originally Posted by procrastinator View Post
    There isn't really much advice I'm expecting from this, it's just I need a place to vent if I'm being honest.

    First of all, I'm 19 and I came out at the start of June this year and everything went well, everyone that I've told so far has been supportive and I haven't lost any friends or anything along those lines. All of that aspect of my life has been great, I've never experienced change.

    However that's also the problem, after coming out I expected things to change a little bit, that I'd maybe be meeting guys, dating, meeting new gay people etc but that still hasn't happened.

    I'm on a UK based gay 'dating site', I use the term loosely because a) I don't really use it as such, it's more entertainment (there are forums) and b) it's pretty widely used as a hookup site. I don't want to seem like I'm big headed by saying this, but I consider myself an alright looking guy and I get a fair bit of attention both in person and on the mentioned website, but it's all very sexualised.

    No one even seems interested in me as a person. I find it hard to meet gays in person because I have no gay friends at all and I don't find it fair to ask my straight friends to come with me to gay clubs. This just makes me feel so alone, I've talked to people online but no one seems to be in a similar position completely.

    All I literally want is a gay friend if I'm being honest, I'm really not bothered about having a boyfriend I get by quite well on my own and love my own company, I just hate seeing all my friends with girlfriends and there's me the outsider with no one to go out with. In 6 months I've yet to even come across someone who I could just text and ask if they fancied a pint without a reply like "sorry I'm with my gf" or "I'm meeting so and so".

    I'm just wondering has anyone ever been in a similar position and how did they deal with it? Is it maybe just my age and in a few more years things will change?

    I just get down a lot over it, maybe my expectations when coming out were too high but I thought my life would have had a much bigger improvement than it has.

    Anyway thanks for reading, like I say I just needed a place to get stuff off my chest!
    Dating sites are always crap, you can't find a boyfriend and there are even less possibilities to find a friend because everybody's busy trying to hook up.

    I was in a similar position to yours once, I was 16 starting college my gay best friend had moved out of town and I cut off all my straight friends because I wanted to be around people who would accept me. In college I saw this gay guy and I was determined to become his friend, and I did. He was the one who took me under his gay wing lol and showed me the gay clubs and introduced me to people. So if you don't know any other gays and don't have any friends that would go with you to a gay club, I would suggest going by yourself, probably not to a club but a gay cafe or pub. I know going by yourself might seem boring and a little bit desperate but you will find other gay guys who also go by themselves because they want to meet people, and hey if you don't try it you will never know if that would be good for you.

  4. #4
    Oranje rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: feeling a bit lonely

    I also would suggest going by yourself.

    Get out there. Man up. There are a lot of young guys that want the same thing too and a lot of older guys who can help get you out in the world.

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